Pandastart
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Copyright © 2017 Julian Tre asure .
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How to be He ard: Se cre ts for Powe rful Spe aking and Liste ning Library of Congre ss Cataloging-in-
Publication numbe r: 2017953621
ISBN: (pape rback) 978-1-63353-671-5, (e book) 978-1-63353-672-2
BISAC cate gory code :
SEL040000 SELF-HELP / Communication & Social Skills
BUS007010 BUSINESS & ECONOMICS / Busine ss Communication / Me e tings & Pre se ntations
Printe d in the Unite d State s of Ame rica
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For Jane and Hol l y, who mi ssed me, supported me and l oved
me throughout the wri ti ng of thi s book.
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The website This book has a
companion website at
with a special area for you as a
book-owner, protected by the
password cons c1ous . Once you’ve
entered the password you’ll have
access to a treasure trove (pun
intended) of valuable assets that
will help you on your journey to
conscious speaking and listening.
You’ll be able to access the
fascinating interviews conducted
for this book in full: you can
listen to them in streaming
audio, or read the complete
transcripts. There are also audio
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blogs from me, covering many of
the topics in the book, often with
extra detail or information.
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Introduction
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ound has always be e n my primary conne ction with the world. In my
childhood in South We st London we live d by parks and late r a rive r,
S
and I re me mbe r liste ning with wonde r at night to the sound of ge ntle
summe r rain outside my window, or looking up in woodland walks and
be ing transporte d by the sound of wind rustling lush Spring le ave s
toge the r in rich, fascinating wave s. It was ine vitable that music be came a
passion from the start; I spe nt many hours in darke ne d rooms liste ning
studiously through che rishe d he adphone s to a fast-growing colle ction of
pre cious vinyl. Be coming a musician was the natural ne xt ste p, and my
pare nts we re tole rant e nough to buy my first drum kit and be ar the
pounding from my be droom as I trie d to e mulate he roe s like John
Bonham and Bill Bruford.
Many paradiddle s and many bands late r, I sold my magazine publishing
busine ss and at last had the chance to unify my work with my passion for
sound. I had spe nt more than 15 ye ars he lping brands to cre ate writte n
conte nt that would e ngage , e nlighte n and e nte rtain the ir custome rs – all
the while continuing to play and make music in my spare time . Now I
wante d to he lp those same organisations to make sound that was
appropriate , e ffe ctive and be autiful, both in the ir marke ting and in the
space s the y manage d, from office s to banks, shops, malls and airports.
And so The Sound Age ncy was born in 2003, its mission to prove that
good sound was good busine ss.
The Sound Age ncy was always about sound, not just music; in fact, we
have spe nt a lot of time re moving mindle ss music from place s whe re it
was playing inappropriate ly and upse tting pe ople . To de ve lop a robust
modus operandi that applie d not only art and ae sthe tics but also scie nce
and te chnology, I re ad pape rs, journals and books, initially about the
psychology of music, and the n about the gre ate r subje ct of sound and
how it affe cts human be ings. We starte d to ask the que stion “How doe s
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your brand sound?” with incre asing unde rstanding and e xpe rie nce , and
the n I cre ate d a se t of mode ls and tools that allowe d us to map the e ffe cts
of all sorts of sound on e mploye e s, custome rs and prospe cts.
In 2007 I pulle d all this thinking toge the r into a book, ine vitably e ntitle d
Sound Business , which be came a re spe cte d te xtbook for audio branding
age ncie s and the ir clie nts alike , he lping the m to e xplore this e xciting ne w
te rritory of inte ntional, de signe d sound. Two ye ars late r, I got the chance
to spe ak at the TEDGlobal confe re nce in Oxford, England, albe it with the
challe nge of conde nsing e ve rything I’d le arne d about sound into 6
minute s! That talk le d to 4 more in succe ssive ye ars, all of the m
subse que ntly publishe d as vide os on the TED we bsite . As I cre ate d the m,
my focus shifte d from sound in busine ss to sound in human inte raction –
in othe r words, to liste ning and spe aking.
For many ye ars, I had known that ve ry fe w pe ople liste ne d we ll. This was
cle ar from the blank face s we usually me t whe n trying to se ll The Sound
Age ncy’s se rvice s: e ve ry major brand has a book de fining it, many of
the m as thick as a Bible and e ve n re fe rre d to as ‘brand bible s’ – and none
of the m contain any page s at all about sound. Our socie ty is crashingly
ocular. The busine ss manage rs we me t didn’t think at all about the sound
the ir organisations made , so e ach time be fore we could start se lling our
ware s, we had to have a short, transformative conve rsation, e xplaining
how sound affe cts pe ople and why the manage me nt ne e d to be liste ning.
This conve rsation is what e ve ntually forme d the core of my first TED talk,
and it usually re sulte d in an astonishe d e xpre ssion and the phrase : “Now
you say it, this is so obvious, but we ’ve ne ve r thought about it be fore !”
You may we ll e ncounte r that little paradox yourse lf at points in this book,
and you will be in good company. Most of the top manage rs I’ve me t at
major companie s have had e xactly this e xpe rie nce . I re me mbe r
pre se nting to the CEO of British Airports Authority whe n London
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He athrow’s be autiful Te rminal 5 was in the e arly stage s of construction.
Like many succe ssful se nior manage rs, he was ope n to challe nge and
graspe d big ide as fast. About 5 minute s into my passionate de scription of
how sound affe cts pe ople , he stoppe d me and said: “I cannot be lie ve we ’re
about to spe nd 4 billion pounds on a ne w building, and we have ne ve r
aske d: ‘How will it sound?’”
I gradually re alise d that what’s true for pe ople running brands is just as
true of all of us in e ve ry aspe ct of our live s. Most pe ople do not liste n
much at all. And whe n I starte d thinking about human communication I
saw the full e xte nt of the tyranny of the e ye s: not only do we not liste n
we ll, we don’t spe ak we ll e ithe r. Some whe re along the way, our olde st,
most natural, powe rful and e ffe ctive mode of communication got take n
for grante d, de value d and the n le ft be hind as the world be came e ve r-
noisie r and te chnology be guile d our e ye s and appropriate d our finge rs
too.
Pe ople have always be e n scare d of public spe aking, but now it se e ms we
have a ge ne ration scare d of private spe aking too. Re se arch shows that
youngste rs would rathe r te xt or instant me ssage than talk to ask some one
out, or to bre ak up with some one . The ne xt olde st ge ne ration love s the
big social me dia platforms, and the one above that is lost in e mail
ove rload. Whe n we want to communicate , our first instinct is to re ach for
a pie ce of te chnology and type .
This is about to change , e ve n for the most te ch-savvy. Billions have be e n
inve ste d in spe e ch re cognition and voice synthe sis, and more importantly
in artificial inte llige nce (AI). Scary as this de ve lopme nt may be (che ck
TED to unde rstand why), it doe s me an that within the ne xt 5 ye ars we
will be having me aningful, natural conve rsations with machine s. Whe n
e ach of us has our own AI assistant, we will have no ne e d to de al with
doze ns of apps and our umbilical conne ction with scre e ns will be broke n.
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Unle ss we want to look at some thing, we will simply ask. Voice
communication will be back, as we que ry the Inte rne t, make trave l
re se rvations, carry out financial transactions, manage our house s and
cars, se nd me ssage s and e ve n (whispe r it) communicate with othe r
human be ings by spe aking and liste ning.
In paralle l, we saw in the ye ar 2016 what happe ns in politics if pe ople
can’t or won’t liste n. De mocracy de pe nds on civilise d disagre e me nt,
which re quire s liste ning to pe ople with whom we disagre e and
unde rstanding and re spe cting the ir pe rspe ctive . It also re quire s the skill
of oratory, the e le gant and skilful e xposition of an argume nt in a de bate
in orde r to pe rsuade othe rs or e xplain comple x issue s. Incre asingly,
political discourse is be ing carrie d out in soundbite s to journalists or e ve n
in 140 bombastic characte rs. Pe ople se e k out proof’ that the y are right on
the Inte rne t, colle cting vie ws that support the irs and ignoring antithe tical
one s. This is a re cipe for polarisation. The only antidote is skille d
conve rsation: conscious liste ning and powe rful spe aking working
toge the r.
The se 2 crucial abilitie s affe ct one anothe r in a circular re lationship: it’s
hard to be a gre at, powe rful spe ake r if you don’t liste n, or to be a gre at
liste ne r if you can’t articulate your own thoughts. This is the ce ntral
subje ct matte r of this book.
Te chnology is unstoppable , so time is short. We urge ntly ne e d to re claim
the art of conve rsation. Howe ve r, if we look to traditional e ducation,
the re is little or no infrastructure to he lp us. Ve ry fe w schools te ach
spe aking or liste ning in any se rious way, and no countrie s that I know of
have national curricula with e xams in the se vital life skills. This is the gap
that this book is de signe d to fill: we urge ntly ne e d to e ducate ourse lve s if
we are to maste r sound communication, pun inte nde d. My TED talk on
powe rful spe aking is the se ve nth most-vie we d TED talk of all time , with
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around 50 million vie ws on the Inte rne t at the time of this writing. It’s
wonde rful that so many pe ople have take n this in – but the talk is only a
fe w minute s long, and ne ce ssarily passe s ove r much of the de pth and
bre adth of the topic. It’s also worth noting that my TED talk on conscious
liste ning has only one quarte r as many vie ws, which says some thing
about our communication. We prioritise se nding ove r re ce iving, which is
itse lf a dange rous mistake .
For all the se re asons, I was de lighte d whe n Mango offe re d me the
opportunity to write a whole book about the skills of spe aking and
liste ning. At last, I can make publicly available the conte nt and the
le ssons I’ve le arne d from se minars and workshops on conscious
communication that I’ve give n to thousands of pe ople ove r the last fe w
ye ars. I hope the re sult will be inte re sting, e ngaging, transformative , –
and most of all a practical re source you can pick up and re fe r to again and
again.
If you want to make a diffe re nce in the world, or to be a gre at pare nt, or
to have a brilliant re lationship, or to le ad and inspire pe ople , or to be
some one that pe ople stop to liste n to, or to be a re al frie nd, or to be a star
sale spe rson, or e ve n to stand on the TED stage and change the way
pe ople think fore ve r… this book is for you.
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Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1:
Why this matters
Chapter 2:
The dark side
Chapter 3:
Exploring listening and speaking
Chapter 4:
How to listen consciously
Chapter 5:
How to achieve perfect content
Chapter 6:
Your vocal toolbox
Chapter 7:
Stagecraft
In closing
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Chapter 1:
Why this matters
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his book contains many e xe rcise s and sugge stions that will he lp you
to be come a conscious, atte ntive liste ne r, and a powe rful, e ffe ctive
T
spe ake r whe n you practice the m. That’s a lot of pote ntial work, so we
start in this chapte r with the why … re ve aling the 4 e ffe cts of sound; the
powe r of conscious liste ning and spe aking and what you can gain by
improving the se skills; and the issue that almost e ve ryone suffe rs from.
What’s at stake for you?
Working in 4 powe rful but large ly unnotice d ways, sound (e spe cially how
we spe ak and how we liste n) affe cts almost e ve rything we fe e l, think and
do. Ine vitably this proce ss shape s the full panoply of our re sults in life ,
both today and in the long-te rm.
Ove r the ye ars, I have distille d this proce ss down to 3 core outcome s:
happine ss, e ffe ctive ne ss and we llbe ing. If none of the se are important to
you, you ne e d re ad no furthe r! Howe ve r, I suspe ct the y do matte r a lot to
you, so le t me promise you that the information, e xe rcise s and re ve lations
in this book do, whe n practice d, have the powe r to transform your
outcome s in all 3 of the se critical are as.
Le t’s look at what you stand to gain from taking this path.
HA PPIN ESS
We all know what happine ss is, but achie ving it re mains the e te rnal
human challe nge . It ce rtainly isn’t about mate rial posse ssions or financial
we alth: once pe ople are above the pove rty le ve l and not stre ssing about
whe re the ir ne xt me al is coming from, psychologists find that the re is no
corre lation at all be twe e n mone y and happine ss. Nor do fame , re spe ct or
re putation cre ate happine ss: famous or gifte d pe ople are just as prone to
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mise ry as the re st of us (maybe more so if you be lie ve the gossip page s).
The only factors that do se e m to corre late with happine ss are
conne cte dne ss and se rvice . Pe ople who have strong family and social
conne ctions, or who se rve othe rs in me aningful ways, te nd to be happie r
than ave rage .
Both traits re quire we ll-de ve lope d spe aking and liste ning skills. Se rvice
can only be e ffe ctive if you liste n we ll so that you unde rstand what
some one re ally ne e ds; good functional re lationships are built on cle ar,
compassionate two-way communication. You’ll be le arning skills
throughout this book that will e nhance your re lationships at work, at
home and in your community, and that will ge ne rate gre ate r happine ss
for you as a re sult.
The sound around you also has an impact on your happine ss. Noise
cre ate s stre ss, and ofte n re al pain and mise ry. Ple asing sounds that me an
some thing to you may instantly make you fe e l good. We ’ll be le arning
how to manage sound for gre ate r happine ss throughout the book.
EFFEC TIV EN ESS
Many of the pe ople who have come to my trainings say that the y are the re
be cause the y have the fe e ling nobody liste ns to the m, or that the y can’t
se e m to ge t the ir passion or the ir vie ws across to othe rs. Without good
communication, it re ally is hard to have an impact in life . We can’t all
de ve lop the pote nt liste ning of a Mahatma Gandhi or the pe rsuasive
e loque nce of a Martin Luthe r King – but we can all make the most of the
gifts we ’ve be e n give n by le arning how to use our voice and our e ars to
maximum e ffe ct.
Spe aking and liste ning are critical skills if you want to make a diffe re nce
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in the world, to le ad and inspire pe ople or to be a gre at pare nt. The se
things all re ly on the powe r and e ffe ctive ne ss of your spe aking and your
liste ning. Eve rything in this book is aime d at giving you maste ry of the se
vital skills.
We ’ll also be conside ring the conte xt for communication throughout the
book. Ambie nt sound has a re al impact on how we ll we can conne ct, so
we ’ll be e xploring how this works and discove ring ways to de al with
de structive sound throughout this book.
Ambie nt sound also has a powe rful impact on how we ll we proce ss
information, so it can dramatically alte r how e fficie nt you are in your
work. Simply by liste ning to your e nvironme nt and paying atte ntion to its
e ffe cts on your communication and thinking, you be come able to take
ste ps to optimise your working conditions and transform your
productivity. This might me an moving away from, or blocking out,
unhe lpful, distracting or de bilitating sound; or, if you have control ove r
your space , it might me an ide ntifying the sound that is most productive
for you to work in – some thing that most pe ople ne ve r conside r.
Tip: I can’t predict what sound might be best for you to use in working, because we
are all different and your personal associations will be very significant in this
process. Nevertheless, I suggest that you start experimenting with nature sound
that is stochastic, which means composed of many small, random events that
combine to create a pleasing wash with no significant individual events to grab your
attention. Examples are moderate birdsong, gentle rainfall, gentle running water
like babbling streams and small waterfalls or fountains, mild wind in leaves or
grass. Probably best to avoid the soporific sound of soothing surf! If you try music,
then you may find the most productive genres are those with low density, which
means not too many changes in melody, rhythm or dynamics and no significant
major events. Those guidelines may lead you towards reflective styles like ambient
or gentle chamber music, or repetitive styles like trance, techno, chant or modal
music. Styles with strong dynamics and frequent changes are probably more
distracting; these might include full-blown orchestral music, jazz, pop, rock, dance
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or urban. Many people, especially youngsters, think they are more productive with
loud, high-density music playing, but in most cases that is true only in that they
are doing the work at all or that they continue to do it for longer: in terms of
output per minute, high-density sound is generally distracting. I do want to
emphasise that we are all different, and I expect that there are some for whom
thrash metal is a very productive backdrop, so please do experiment for yourself
and be open-minded and creative!
WELLBEIN G
In 1859, Flore nce Nightingale wrote : “Unne ce ssary noise is the most
crue l abse nce of care that can be inflicte d on sick or we ll.” Re ce nt
re se arch has shown how right she was. Sound can powe rfully affe ct our
he alth and we llbe ing, for good or for ill – and sadly in most case s it’s the
latte r. Liste ning consciously is the ke y to transforming what in many
case s is a ne gative e ffe ct into a positive one in your life .
The re are 3 le ve ls to the impact of sound on our we llbe ing.
Level 1
Loud sounds can damage your he aring. If we ’re not liste ning consciously,
it’s all too e asy to be e xpose d and damage d without be coming aware of it.
For many ye ars noise induce d he aring loss (NIHL) has be e n a major issue
for pe ople whose jobs e xpose the m to loud sounds, from soldie rs in battle
to those working in manufacturing and construction. Now it’s a
re cre ational hazard as we ll as an occupational one as a re sult of
he adphone abuse – some thing that bare ly e xiste d be fore the inve ntion of
mobile sound with the Walkman in 1979. De live ring music at high-
volume de e p into the e ar for hours a day is a re cipe for he aring damage ,
and possibly se ve re he aring loss late r in life . A 1998 scie ntific pape r
found that almost one in 6 Ame rican te e nage rs have pe rmane nt he aring
damage , while a 2010 surve y in London found that two thirds of the
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pe ople inte rvie we d we re e xce e ding the re comme nde d safe liste ning le ve l,
some of the m by massive amounts.
Of course , he adphone s can be a joyful and productive e xpe rie nce . Noise -
cance lling he adphone s are e xce lle nt on flights, and he adphone s can also
mask unple asant or distracting sounds whe n we are trying to work. The
trick is using the m he althily, and not be ing te mpte d to ke e p turning the
volume up.
Tip: If you or any of your family use headphones, here are 3 ways of making sure
that you don’t damage your hearing. First, invest in the best headphones you can
afford. Cheap, low performance headphones tempt people to turn up the volume in
search of the detail and bandwidth they miss at moderate listening levels due to
the poor quality of the components. Second, make sure the volume is not so loud
that you can’t hear someone speaking loudly to you from a metre (roughly 3 feet)
away. Third, do not listen for hours every day, especially at a level above the one
suggested here. Expert advice on safe listening times depends on volume so it’s
hard to give unequivocal guidance, but please be aware that most mobile devices
are capable of maximum volumes with recommended daily exposure times of just a
few minutes!
Level 2
Sound dire ctly affe cts your ove rall he alth as we ll as your he aring. Long-
te rm e xposure to noise has be e n shown to incre ase the risk of he art
dise ase and stroke , large ly be cause it incre ase s blood pre ssure and
cre ate s stre ss. This is not re stricte d to industrial-scale noise : with group
work in class, te ache rs are re gularly e xpose d to e nough noise to activate
this e ffe ct. It is probable that many te ache rs are shorte ning the ir live s by
working in noisy classrooms day afte r day.
Noise also re sults in massive global he alth issue s by causing sle e p
de privation. The World He alth Organisation e stimate s that around 8
million pe ople in We ste rn Europe are suffe ring nightly sle e p
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inte rruptions due to traffic noise that’s way above its re comme nde d
maximum le ve l; many more are affe cte d in the same way by ne arby
airports or railways. Long-te rm sle e p de privation has many se rious
he alth e ffe cts, from stre ss and de pre ssion to impaire d immune syste ms;
it also le ads to accide nts, impatie nce , irritability and viole nce . This
proble m has not be e n quantifie d in othe r te rritorie s, but I have no doubt
that it e xists all ove r the world, e spe cially in the fast-growing citie s whe re
more than half the world’s population live .
On a more positive note , sound can also he al and re store . The re is a large
and we ll e stablishe d tradition of music the rapy, now supporte d in the
USA by le arne d journals, a mass of scie ntific e vide nce and a major
organisation in the Ame rican Music The rapists Association. Care fully-
chose n music has be e n shown to aid re cove ry from stroke s and he art
attacks, as we ll as be ing powe rfully e ffe ctive for many with se ve re autism,
de me ntia and many othe r conditions. Re ce nt UK re se arch has shown that
birdsong can also be the rape utic, which backs up my long-he ld be lie f that
the sounds of ge ntle wind, wate r and birds are he althy for us.
Level 3
Our focus in this book is spe aking and liste ning. We llbe ing is e nhance d
by be ing able to e xpre ss one se lf cle arly and e ffe ctive ly, but it can be
compromise d by the frustrations that arise whe n we fe e l we are not
liste ne d to in life . At the same time , conscious liste ning is the ke y that
unlocks we llbe ing from all sound. If we be come conscious of the sound
we make and the sound we consume , we can start to manage our
e nvironme nt to avoid unhe althy sound and surround ourse lve s with
sound that works for, not against, our we llbe ing.
Context is key
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In this chapte r, we spe nd some time inve stigating sound in ge ne ral be fore
we dive de e p into the se cre ts of powe rful spe aking and conscious
liste ning. We do this be cause spe aking and liste ning always happe n in a
context . This conte xt is ofte n unhe lpful: noisy office s, badly de signe d
me e ting rooms, poor phone or VoIP conne ctions, low quality or badly
adjuste d public addre ss syste ms, stre e t corne rs with loud traffic noise , an
e le vator full of pe ople liste ning… the list goe s on. Whe n you re me mbe r to
conside r the conte xt for your communication, you can take me asure s to
improve it, maybe moving an important conve rsation in time or in space
to cre ate a more appropriate and supportive conte xt that will he lp it to
work be tte r.
So… le t’s e xplore sound!
Sound affects!
The first ste p on our journe y to maste r spe aking and liste ning is to
be come conscious about the powe r of sound.
Since be fore you we re born, sound has be e n affe cting you in 4 powe rful
ways, all e xplaine d and e xplore d in this chapte r. Eve ry day, sound
impacts your we llbe ing, e ffe ctive ne ss and happine ss – and ye t I doubt
you ofte n think about it.
Le t’s de fine sound as ‘vibration that humans can he ar’. That’s a ve ry small
subse t of all vibration. Eve rything in the unive rse is vibrating, from the
tiny strings that comprise subatomic particle s right up to huge
astronomical obje cts; as you re ad this, your e ntire body is vibrating!
We me asure the fre que ncy of vibrations in cycle s pe r se cond, known as
He rtz (Hz). For human be ings, the audible range is from around 20 Hz to
20,000 Hz (20 kHz). Animals have diffe re nt range s; for e xample , cats can
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de te ct far highe r fre que ncie s than we can, right up to about 85 kHz,
allowing the m to he ar the high-pitche d sque aks of mice , which are
inaudible to us.
We he ar a doubling of fre que ncy as an octave , so our 20-20,000 Hz
audible range spans just unde r 10 octave s. By contrast, the e ntire visible
light spe ctrum is just one octave . He aring de grade s with age and ge ts
damage d by e xposure to loud noise , so many pe ople can no longe r he ar
the full audible spe ctrum. I know this all too we ll: afte r ye ars of
drumming in bands, I can’t he ar anything above 12 kHz and I have
tinnitus, a ringing sound in the e ars that be come s quite e vide nt if I sit in
ve ry quie t place s. We ’ll look at he aring in more de tail in Chapte r 3.
Sound always re quire s a me dium to carry it. In most case s the me dium is
air, though you may be surprise d to le arn that sound trave ls almost 5
time s as fast, and much furthe r, in wate r. To unde rstand how sound
works in a me dium, imagine a de nse ly-packe d crowd standing in a room.
If you we re to barge into some one on one side , the domino e ffe ct will e nd
with some one on the othe r side of the crowd falling ove r. This is e xactly
how air carrie s sound wave s; the air mole cule s bump into one anothe r,
and the wave propagate s. Without a me dium, sound simply can’t trave l,
so it was pe rfe ctly accurate for the promote rs of the film Alien to say “In
space no-one can he ar you scre am.”
Most sounds we he ar are composite s of many fre que ncie s. Usually the re
is a fundame ntal, which in music we he ar as the pitch, plus ove rtone s,
which are what give the sound its particular timbre or colour. Ove rtone s
cre ate timbre : the y are how we distinguish a flute from a trumpe t playing
the same note , or how we instantly re cognise a familiar voice . Tune ful
ove rtone s with fre que ncie s that are pe rfe ct multiple s of the fundame ntal
are known as harmonics.
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Harmonics e xist in many of the sounds we e ncounte r, e ve n though we are
large ly unaware of the m. I once had a re ve latory e xpe rie nce with
harmonics during a we e k-long workshop with the gre at Ame rican
ove rtone singe r and te ache r David Hyke s. The practice of modulating and
filte ring the harmonics of my own singing voice (which is how ove rtone
singe rs are able to sing 2 note s at once ) had an e ffe ct on my e ars,
se nsitising the m to harmonics in ge ne ral. I got into the car at the e nd of
the third day of the workshop and turne d the ignition ke y – and was
astounde d to he ar all the harmonics of the e ngine noise . This was the
auditory e quivale nt of se e ing a rainbow, whe re all the constitue nt colours
of light be come visible , and it was just as be autiful. Sadly, as the we e ks
passe d, the ability fade d and now I no longe r he ar those harmonics,
though I know the y are all the re . This e xpe rie nce is what gave rise to my
liste ning e xe rcise of savouring, which you will le arn in Chapte r Four.
Many physical obje cts have a prope rty calle d re sonance , which me ans
the y are particularly re sponsive at one or more fre que ncie s. You may
have e xpe rie nce d some thing similar in some badly de signe d rooms,
whe re the re ’s a booming e ffe ct at particular fre que ncie s whe n pe ople
spe ak. A be ll is a pe rfe ct e xample : whe n struck, its re sonance e mphasise s
a ce rtain se t of fre que ncie s, which we he ar as the note of the be ll and its
harmonics, while it e ffe ctive ly filte rs out all the othe r possible pitche s.
Most musical instrume nts make use of this prope rty to cre ate note s, and
this natural physical e ffe ct may we ll have be e n what le d ancie nt humans
to cre ate music in the first place . Re sonance can be de structive too:
soldie rs bre ak ste p whe n crossing bridge s in case the te mpo of the ir
marching matche s the re sonant fre que ncy of the bridge , which can cre ate
oscillations powe rful e nough to de stroy the structure comple te ly. Whe n
the be autiful Mille nnium Bridge in London ope ne d in 2000 it had an
e ffe ct nobody had fore caste d: its re sonance cre ate d little vibrations that
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e ntraine d the pe ople walking across to fall in ste p, se tting up a fe e dback
loop that e nde d up with the whole structure wobbling alarmingly. The
bridge had to be close d and £5 million of spe cial damping e quipme nt
installe d be fore it could be re ope ne d.
Some sounds also have rhythm and te mpo. Music is the most obvious
e xample , but it’s also true of many e le ctrome chanical sounds, from
manufacturing machine ry and pile drive rs to air conditioning units and
photocopie rs. Sounds with rhythm and te mpo can e xe rt influe nce
through e ntrainme nt, which is the te nde ncy of oscillating bodie s to fall
into synchrony, with the most powe rful oscillators e stablishing the
te mpo. The Dutch scie ntist Huyge ns was the first to notice that pe ndulum
clocks hanging close r to one anothe r always e nd up in synchrony, with
pe ndulums swinging e xactly toge the r. This e ntrainme nt e ffe ct works on
us humans too, as we ’ll se e shortly.
All the e ffe cts of sound te nd to incre ase with its inte nsity. We me asure
sound in de cibe ls (dB), which are logarithmic. This me ans that we
pe rce ive an incre ase of 10 dB as a doubling of the volume le ve l – so 80 dB
of noise is not double the inte nsity of 40 dB; it’s 16 time s as loud!
Be fore we move on, le t’s de fine noise as ‘unwante d sound’. This is
ine vitably a moving targe t be cause it’s pe rsonal: my music might be your
noise , and vice ve rsa. Ne ve rthe le ss, we can all agre e on some sounds
be ing noise : the sounds of road traffic, aircraft, construction and he avy
industry are not going to top anyone ’s list of favourite s.
I hope you’re starting to se e how rich, comple x and fascinating sound is.
Now le t’s inve stigate the 4 powe rful ways in which it affe cts you e ve ry day
of your life .
PHY SIOLOGIC A L
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The human body is 70 pe r ce nt wate r, which make s us rathe r good
conductors of sound. It’s not surprising, the n, that sound can powe rfully
affe ct us physiologically, changing our he art rate , bre athing, hormone
se cre tions and e ve n our brain wave s. All our bodily rhythms can be
affe cte d by sound.
An age -old e xample of this is the fight/flight re fle x. Many thousands of
ye ars of sharing cave s with be ars or tige rs sharpe ne d this instinctual
re sponse to any sudde n or une xplaine d sound, and it still ope rate s in you
today. You may know inte lle ctually that a droppe d plate or backfiring car
is not actually a thre at – but long be fore you’ve proce sse d that thought or
any visual input, your autonomic ne rvous syste m, using much more
primitive parts of your brain and working far faste r than your conscious
corte x e ve r can, has alre ady acte d, re le asing hormone s that acce le rate
your he art rate and incre ase blood pre ssure and blood sugar le ve ls so that
you’re re ady for vigorous activity. Any sudde n, loud or une xplaine d sound
will have this e ffe ct.
Your he art rate and bre athing can both be e ntraine d by any loud e xte rnal
rhythm. The typical re sting human he art rate is be twe e n 50 and 80 be ats
pe r minute (bpm), so it’s no surprise that loud dance music at 140 bpm
will te nd to acce le rate your he art, e ve n if you don’t take that sound as a
thre at! Your bre athing will te nd to follow suit. The opposite e ffe ct
pe rtains in a spa or a me ditation se ssion, whe re slow-pace d, ge ntle sound
is ofte n use d to slow your he art and your bre athing, and cre ate
physiological calmne ss.
TIP: If you ever have problems sleeping, I suggest playing the sound of gentle surf
with about 6-10 cycles per minute in your bedroom. This rhythm and tempo is very
like the sound of the breathing of a sleeping person and will entrain your breathing
and promote rest; also, we tend to associate this sound with being carefree and
relaxed and with natural tranquility, so it works on many levels.
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From the mome nt you wake (pre fe rably to some thing much ge ntle r than
the traditional startling alarm clock be ll or be e p) to the mome nt you
re tire , sound plays a significant role in your physiology, affe cting your
he art, your bre athing, your hormone se cre tions and e ve n your brain
wave s.
PSY C HOLOGIC A L
The se cond way sound affe cts us is by changing our fe e lings, moods and
e motions.
The cle are st e xample of this is music. Take a mome nt to think of your
favourite song. I’m joining you by thinking of mine , which is River Man
by Nick Drake . As your song plays in your mind and you liste n with
imaginary e ars, you may notice a shift in your mood. Music is a ve ry
powe rful conve yor of e motion, and most pe ople know how to use it
de libe rate ly e ithe r to counte ract a fe e ling the y would rathe r not have , or
to e nhance one the y are e njoying. The proce ss may be intuitive , but it’s
also comple x be cause music involve s many factors: te mpo and rhythm;
timbre and dynamics; me lody and harmony; and for vocal music lyrics
and singing style too. Some of the se are cultural; for e xample , the
me lancholic association of minor ke ys is strong in the classic Europe an
and Ame rican tradition, but far we ake r in the Middle East, whe re some
ve ry happy music use s the minor mode .
On top of this, like all sound, music works powe rfully by association.
The se associations may be global, like those e vince d by the first 2 note s of
John Williams’s famous the me from the film Jaws (I be t you just
imagine d the m and thought of a shark!); the y may be local, like the social
re le vance of most folk music; or the y may be e ntire ly individual, cre ate d
by pe rsonal e motional e xpe rie nce s that are powe rfully tie d to a pie ce of
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music and re kindle d if it is he ard again, e ve n ye ars late r. Thus, pre dicting
the e xact e motional impact of a pie ce of music on any pe rson or group is
ve ry difficult.
What we do know is that human be ings have use d music for thousands of
ye ars to cre ate share d e motional e xpe rie nce s, from tribal rite s of passage
to re ligious worship or the mode rn dance sce ne . We e ve n use it in war, to
give our troops brave ry or to intimidate the e ne my; that’s what bagpipe s
we re inve nte d for. Ne ve r has a human socie ty be e n discove re d, no matte r
how re mote , that did not have music, so it cle arly is part of our nature ,
not spre ad or le arne d – though of course style s and songs trave l, coale sce
and collide constantly, e spe cially in the mode rn, conne cte d world of
YouTube , stre aming, downloads and public playlists.
While music is the most obvious type of sound that affe cts us
psychologically, it’s not the only one . My company, The Sound Age ncy,
ofte n installs birdsong-base d soundscape s, and for good re ason. The
birds have be e n singing for millions of ye ars, and we have le arne d
through the age s that normal birdsong me ans all is we ll. We can te ll if
some thing alarms the birds, or, e ve n worse , cause s the m to stop singing
altoge the r – a phe nome non that has ofte n be e n re porte d be fore volcanic
e ruptions or tsunamis. That’s why normal birdsong make s most pe ople
fe e l safe , e ve n if the y are not conscious of this e ffe ct. Birdsong is also
nature ’s alarm clock, te lling us that it’s time to be awake and thus
promoting ale rtne ss, so this combination of se curity and wake fulne ss
make s birdsong a ve ry use ful sound for working, along with many othe r
activitie s. Just re ce ntly, re se arch has shown that it’s also e ffe ctive in
aiding re cove ry from illne ss, so it se e ms that we instinctive ly like
birdsong for some ve ry good re asons.
The late st thinking about the multi-laye re d proce ss of sound affe cting
e motions come s from acade mics in a pape r from Lund Unive rsity in
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Swe de n. It propose s 6 compone nt pathways in the proce ss. In asce nding
orde r of comple xity and subtle ty, he re the y are .
Brain s tem reflex is the physiological e ffe ct discusse d above , most
importantly the fight/flight re fle x. Sounds that are sudde n, loud,
dissonant, or fe ature fast patte rns te nd to induce e motional arousal.
Evaluative conditioning is the associative re sponse we conside re d
above . You associate a sound or song with some thing, maybe a pe rson or
e ve nt, and that thing cre ate s the e motion.
Emotional contagion is whe re we re ce ive the e motion the compose r
poure d into a song be cause we pe rce ive it – in just the same way that
se e ing some one crying may make us sad. This puts me in mind of the
hilarious sce ne in the film Bridget Jones, whe re Bridge t is wallowing in
se lf-pity and singing along with Jamie O’Ne al’s ve rsion of Eric Carme n’s
classic All By Myself .
Vis ual imagery involve s conjuring up visual image s while liste ning to
the sound, so that e motions arise from the combination of the sound and
the imagine d sce ne . This is at le ast partly the proce ss in play if you use
ge ntle surf to re lax or lull yourse lf to sle e p.
Epis odic memory is whe re the sound e voke s a me mory of a particular
e ve nt in the liste ne r’s life and the e ve nt cre ate s the e motion (some time s
re fe rre d to as the “Darling, the y’re playing our tune ” phe nome non). Post-
traumatic stre ss disorde r suffe re rs may re act strongly to the sound of
thunde r or any sudde n bang for this re ason.
Mus ic expectancy happe ns whe re a fe ature of the musical structure
violate s, de lays, or confirms the liste ne r’s e xpe ctations base d on pre vious
e xpe rie nce s of the same style of music. Compose rs have use d this for
hundre ds of ye ars, playfully taking us down a path and the n catching us
out with an une xpe cte d twist that cause s surprise or de light.
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Re me mbe r, all sound can affe ct your fe e lings, not just music.
C OGN ITIV E
The third e ffe ct of sound is on our ability to think, with dramatic e ffe cts
on our productivity or e ffe ctive ne ss. This mainly be cause we have quite
limite d ne ural bandwidth whe n it come s to proce ssing sound.
I have ne ve r me t anyone who can unde rstand 2 pe ople spe aking at the
same time . Scouring the available scie ntific e vide nce , I have calculate d
that we have auditory bandwidth for around 1.6 human conve rsations.
This fe e ls about right intuitive ly; most of us know the fe e lings of
ove rwhe lm, frustration and maybe irritation that arise whe n 2 pe ople are
talking at us simultane ously, or whe n we ’re trying to work on a de adline
and some one ne ar us is talking loudly.
As you may have notice d, we have no e arlids, so unle ss you don
he adphone s the re is no way of shutting out distracting sound. In
addition, we are programme d to de code language so a ne arby
conve rsation take s up one of our pre cious 1.6 bandwidth, le aving us only
0.6 to liste n to the inte rnal voice we use whe n we ’re trying to work with
words, symbols or numbe rs. That’s why anothe r pe rson’s conve rsation is
the most distracting sound of all.
Re se arch on pe ople working in mode rn ope n-plan office s has re ve ale d
that variable or unpre dictable sounds are the most distracting, e spe cially
whe n we have no control ove r the m. Afte r unwante d conve rsation, the
most commonly cite d nuisance s are ringing phone s and office machine ry
like printe rs or othe r pe ople ’s compute rs. This kind of noise de grade s our
ability to think, ofte n dramatically: productivity can be re duce d by two
thirds in noisy ope n-plan office s! One surve y of 1,800 home and office
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worke rs in the UK found that the y we re losing up to 2 hours a day to
inte rruptions from noise , mainly from loud colle ague s and ringing
phone s. The e stimate d cost to the UK e conomy was £139 billion a ye ar!
Office e xpe rt Profe ssor Je re my Mye rson has writte n e xte nsive ly on this
issue . He points out that we have diffe re nt work mode s, and that ope n-
plan suits only one of the m – collaboration, or te am-base d working,
whe re the main obje ctive is fast communication so it’s acce ptable to
inte rrupt ne ighbours without warning. Whe n I inte rvie we d him for a BBC
Radio docume ntary on this topic, Mye rson note d that this kind of
working ope n-plan is like frontie r te rritory in its lack of social rule s. As he
said: “The postman doe sn’t e nte r your house unannounce d and dump the
post on your living room floor, but that’s e xactly what happe ns in ope n-
plan office s.”
Ale rt sounds in any e nvironme nt are particularly disturbing – afte r all,
be e ps and buzze s we re de signe d to grab our atte ntion. If an ale rt sounds
in communal space , it alarms not only the pe rson it was inte nde d for, but
also e ve ryone e lse in e arshot. This is a major proble m in hospitals, whe re
the constant racke t coming from be e ping machine ry has cre ate d a
phe nome non calle d ‘alarm fatigue ’: staff be come habituate d to the noise
and ce ase to re giste r the alarms. This doe sn’t me an the noise has no
e ffe ct: the unfortunate patie nts are also subje cte d to all the se warning
sounds, with se rious conse que nce s for sle e p and stre ss le ve ls, as we ’ll se e
late r in this chapte r.
So, noise can inte rrupt collaborative working, as we ll as be ing bad for the
he alth. A more profound issue , though, is that 4 critical work mode s are
simply not cate re d to at all in many ope n-plan office s.
The first is conce ntration, or individual working, which re quire s a space
more like a library. Noise distraction and lack of quie t working space are
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among the top complaints on the Le e sman Inde x, which has surve ye d
hundre ds of thousands of office worke rs about what factors affe ct the ir
productivity.
Tip: If you have an alert sound set for incoming email, your concentration will be
broken every time it chimes, which may be many times an hour. Try instead turning
off the alert sound and checking your email in batches at defined times, maybe on
the hour every hour for 5 or 10 minutes, or first and last thing each day. You may
find you become up to 3 times as productive!
The se cond is conte mplation, or not working, which might be
de compre ssing afte r some inte nse work or maybe ge ntly sharing ide as in
a social se tting. The first of the se is be st done in a calming, Ze n-type
room, while the se cond re quire s informal, social space s (isolate d, of
course from quie t working are as!).
The third is communication ove r distance , which ofte n re quire s privacy. I
have come across office s so quie t that the turning of a pie ce of pape r is a
major e ve nt. In the se place s the re is no privacy at all, so one pe rson
making a call disturbs e ve ryone e lse in the room – not to me ntion the
uncomfortable , intimidate d fe e ling that arise s whe n you re alise e ve ryone
is liste ning to your call!
The fourth is confe re ncing, or structure d me e tings in groups. Again,
privacy is a major issue he re : I have e xpe rie nce d many office s whe re
me e ting space s have no walls, or maybe a toke n fabric partition, which
me ans the sound of the me e ting distracts the pe ople working ne arby, who
can he ar e ve ry word - and of course the sound of a live ly ope n-plan office
make s the me e ting more challe nging to he ar. Me e ting rooms ne e d good
acoustics and e ffe ctive atte nuation to stop sound trave lling out to and in
from adjoining space s.
You have probably had many of the se e xpe rie nce s yourse lf in office s that
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we re de signe d pure ly for the e ye s. Now that you know the importance of
sound, you can take care to move to the most appropriate e nvironme nt
for the kind of work you want to do.
BEHA V IOU R A L
Noise has be e n shown to make pe ople le ss sociable , and le ss he lpful to
othe rs. Loud, fast-pace d music will affe ct the spe e d and driving style of a
car. Powe rful oratory can dramatically affe ct be haviour, inspiring te ams
to produce gre at work, conve rting pe ople to re ligious faith, radically
changing political and social landscape s or inciting mobs to viole nce .
Roaring crowds can inspire sports te ams to ste llar pe rformance s. In
martial arts, spe cial words shoute d with a strike incre ase focus and
powe r. Soothing words, mantras and ge ntle sounds can induce
pe ace fulne ss or e ve n trance state s.
This fourth e ffe ct of sound, changing human be haviour, is the most
important one in the work of The Sound Age ncy, and we ’ve prove d its
e fficacy many time s. One of the most dramatic e xample s was in the town
of Lancaste r, California, whe re the mayor, R. Re x Parris, wante d to
ge ne rate positive vibe s among downtown pe de strians in the town’s
signature BLVD are a, in orde r to e nhance the city’s top priority – safe ty.
We installe d a soundscape incorporating birdsong, lapping wate r and
care fully-chose n musical e le me nts, all de signe d to e ntrain he art rate s
downwards and produce calming moods. The sound plays from more
than 70 we athe rproof loudspe ake rs along the BLVD. Shopke e pe rs and
re staurant owne rs in the BLVD we re de lighte d with the sound. More
significantly, the Lancaste r She riff note d a 15% drop in crime afte r
installation, which ge ne rate d global me dia inte re st including the front
page of the Wall Street Journal , the Los Angeles Daily News , the UK’s
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Daily Mail , KTLA and KQED radio and NBC Ne twork Ne ws.
Re se arch has consiste ntly re ve ale d that the te mpo of a soundscape
e ntrains the pace of our be haviour. Multiple studie s have shown that fast-
pace d music cause s pe ople to walk faste r, which has a significant e ffe ct in
shops: if we spe e d up like that we ge ne rally spe nd le ss time and le ss
mone y in a shop. The jolly, up-te mpo music that most shops play may
we ll be costing the m mone y! We also che w and e at faste r in high-te mpo
sound, so it’s no surprise that fast food re staurants usually play fast music
to incre ase table turnaround.
We te nd to move away from unple asant sound if we can, albe it ofte n
unconsciously. If you draw a paralle l with fragrance this be come s
obvious: you would naturally avoid a bad sme ll, moving away if possible ,
and you might gravitate towards a wonde rful fragrance . The same
happe ns with sound. Unple asant noise is the auditory e quivale nt of a bad
odour, and it cause s avoidance be haviours or, if we can’t ge t away, stre ss
re actions. That’s why conte xt is so important for communication, as we ’ll
se e towards the e nd of this chapte r and the ne xt.
The circle
Most pe ople I me e t visualise spoke n communication as a simple line ar
re lationship be twe e n spe aking and liste ning rathe r like this:
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Some body se nds; some body e lse re ce ive s. But is it re ally that simple ?
Of course , the answe r is no. First, we ’re missing an important e le me nt. In
the last fe w page s we ’ve discove re d that the sound around us dire ctly
affe cts all our significant outcome s in life , and that it forms a powe rful
conte xt for all our spe aking and liste ning. Sadly, this conte xt is
pre dominantly ne gative : all too ofte n it damage s our be st e fforts to
communicate by drowning our signal in noise . Only rare ly are we in a
space that’s thoughtfully de signe d to he lp communication or liste ning, for
e xample a conce rt hall or the atre .
So, be cause all our spoke n communication e xists in a conte xt, we ne e d a
third e le me nt in our diagram:
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That’s be tte r, but it’s not right ye t. We ne e d to include one more aspe ct of
communication that not many pe ople appre ciate – some thing that can be
transformative if fully inte rnalise d.
Spe aking and liste ning are not line ar, but circular , the y inte ract.
The way you liste n affe cts the way I spe ak. And just as powe rfully, the
way I spe ak affe cts the way you liste n. This is ve ry far from one way
traffic, and some of the most profound le ssons you may le arn on this
journe y de rive from this one , powe rful re alisation. Le t’s try the
illustration again, this time with the circular re lationship be twe e n
spe aking and liste ning.
This is the mode l that unde rpins the re st of this book. It shows how
dynamic and inte ractive spe aking and liste ning are , and e xplains why
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be ing he ard paradoxically re quire s working on liste ning!
Le t’s take a look at the powe r of skilful liste ning and spe aking.
The power of listening
Liste ning may be a sile nt skill, but it has e normous powe r, as we ’ll se e in
the ne xt fe w page s. The quality of our liste ning affe cts our re lationships,
he alth, influe nce , productivity and growth, but in our ocular socie ty we
virtually ignore this crucial skill – which is why the re ’s a ne e d for this
book.
So, what is the powe r of liste ning?
LISTENING CREATES UNDERSTANDING
In 2014, I gave a TEDx talk in Athe ns (the cradle of de mocracy) and also
at London’s House s of Parliame nt e ntitle d ‘The Sound of De mocracy’. I
starte d the talk by walking on stage and saying one word: “Liste n!”.
Sile nce fe ll in those 2 impre ssive the atre s full of hundre ds of pe ople . Afte r
a while I said: “That is the wonde rful sound of se ve ral hundre d pe ople
consciously liste ning. It’s also The Sound of De mocracy, be cause
de mocracy de pe nds on civilise d disagre e me nt – and that is only possible
if we unde rstand othe r pe ople ’s points of vie w, e ve n if we disagre e with
the m. Conscious listening always creates understanding .”
This is a crucial point, and one that is incre asingly thre ate ne d in the
world we are cre ating. Post-truth politics, fake ne ws, se le ctive we b
browsing that only confirms our pre conce ptions, attack journalism that
constantly inte rrupts or mingle s opinion with fact, sound bite s, pe rsonal
broadcasting on social me dia platforms, 140-characte r diplomacy… the se
are all unde rmining the quality of our liste ning and e roding our ability to
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coe xist in pe ace e ve n whe n we disagre e . Not liste ning make s it possible to
caricature , de pe rsonalise and de monise pe ople , and that is a long, dark,
slippe ry slope that le ads to horrors that we se e all too ofte n in totalitarian
socie tie s.
I passionate ly be lie ve that liste ning is ne ce ssary for pe ace , and for civil
socie ty to e xist. That alone is a good e nough re ason to te ach liste ning in
our schools, and to de fe nd it as a crucial bastion of the fre e world.
Politicians always me e t for talks: I suspe ct it might be be tte r if the y me t
for liste ns inste ad.
Afte r all, what use is fre e spe e ch is nobody is liste ning?
LISTENING PROMOTES INTIMACY
Truly liste ning to some one re quire s all of your atte ntion. Ask yourse lf
now, whe n is the last time you truly liste ne d to some one ? This is a rare
and most ge ne rous gift and one that, in our inte nse , conne cte d,
multime dia e xiste nce , we are be coming unwilling or e ve n unable to give .
What, stop che cking my e mail, Twitte r, Face book and go offline ? You
may be familiar with FOMO – fe ar of missing out – which te mpts us to
live a multi-stre am, always-on e xiste nce , che cking e mail whilst lying in
be d and not talking to our partne r, or having conve rsations with one e ye
on a scre e n and the othe r on a phone . In that twilight world of se mi-
atte ntion, liste ning is a tatte re d ve stige of its full se lf.
Eve n be fore te chnology inte rve ne d, true liste ning was the e xce ption, not
the rule . I be lie ve that the re are lite rally billions of pe ople on this plane t
who have ne ve r known what it is to be truly liste ne d to, so scarce is that
e xpe rie nce .
Intimacy re quire s hone sty and de e p knowle dge of anothe r, which can
only come through liste ning. I have he ard it said that we se e k 3 things in
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a re lationship: to be he ard, to be unde rstood, and to be value d. It’s tragic
the n that one of the most common complaints in re lationships is: “He /
she ne ve r liste ns to me !”, be cause not liste ning e rode d all 3 of those
ne e ds.
Liste ning is an act of love , and like all acts of love it re quire s some work
or it can succumb to atrophy.
In this book you’ll be le arning some structure s and e xe rcise s to he lp
re vitalise your liste ning in re lationships, re building and re ne wing
intimacy.
LISTENING PERSUADES AND INSPIRES
Whe n I starte d my first busine ss in magazine publishing, our original
adve rtising sale spe rson, John, was the polar opposite of the ste re otype d
loud, brash sale s e xe cutive . He was so quie t that you could ne ve r he ar his
side of the phone conve rsation. He ne ve r stood on his chair, or did a
countdown at the start of the day, or slappe d himse lf in the face be fore a
call. He had a ge ntle , quie t and polite nature ; whe n he liste ne d, you re ally
fe lt he ard. De spite the lack of fizz and buzz going down the phone line ,
pe ople just se e me d to love buying from him; his sale s figure s we re
amazing. He we nt on to launch a division, buy it out from us, and se ll it
for a large sum – all, I am sure , at we ll-modulate d volume le ve ls and with
ve ry atte ntive liste ning.
Ask any top-class sale spe rson what the most important part of a sale s call
is and the y will almost ce rtainly say: “Liste ning!”. We all know how
irritating it is to have some one se ll without liste ning. We fe e l disre spe cte d
be cause our ne e ds are not be ing discove re d or me t. Liste ning is how a
good se lle r can ide ntify the proble m, and tailor a solution to match it
e xactly; a call like that can come across as caring, he lpful and kind, to the
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point whe re we fe e l grate ful afte r buying whate ve r it is. That is a re cipe
for long-te rm re pe at busine ss.
As any pare nt knows, the ne e d for pe rsuasion is not re stricte d to se lling.
Whe the r the issue is a tantrum-throwing toddle r or a re calcitrant
te e nage r e xpe rime nting with booze or drugs, liste ning can be a
transformative first ste p in pe rsuading a child towards more productive
be haviours. If we want our childre n to liste n, we ne e d to show the m how,
by liste ning to the m.
Liste ning is the oil in the e ngine of inspiration. We can inspire pe ople
only whe n we know what the y want – which me ans liste ning.
LISTENING IMPROVES HEALTH
We ’ve se e n how dramatically sound can affe ct our he alth and we llbe ing.
De ve loping a practice of consciously liste ning to the world around us is
the only way to disce rn which sounds are he alth-giving, and which will
make us sick. If we are conscious, we are in a position to take action,
whe the r that’s moving our location or blocking the noise . Some of the
e xe rcise s late r in this book will he lp you to de ve lop e xactly the se skills.
LISTENING EDUCATES
It’s said that the Gre e k philosophe r and mathe matician Pythagoras
e re cte d a scre e n in front of the te ache r so that first-ye ar stude nts we re
not distracte d by visual input and could liste n prope rly to what the y we re
be ing taught. Gradually ove r the ye ars, the table s have be e n turne d, and
the writte n word has re place d aural te aching at the top of the table , to the
point whe re we now spe ak of ‘book le arning’.
Conscious liste ning is a wonde rful tool for le arning and for growth. As
you’ll discove r, we liste n through a se t of filte rs. Once you gain maste ry of
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that proce ss and control of your filte rs, you too can e mpty yourse lf of
what you know (or pe rhaps what you think you know) and make room for
ple nty of fre sh le ssons!
The power of speaking
The human voice is the instrume nt we all play, but ve ry fe w pe ople have
e ve r had any training in how to use it e ffe ctive ly. This is a comple x,
ve rsatile and powe rful skill and it is e xtraordinary that we don’t te ach or
te st it in schools.
To paraphrase the old song, it is what you say and the way that you say it.
Your voice is your bre ath proje cte d into the world; it’s the only part of you
that you can se nd forth outside of your own body
SPEAKING AND INSPIRATION
I live in Orkne y, a se t of islands off the north coast of Scotland that are
libe rally scatte re d with antiquitie s from pre history. Possibly the most
famous is Ring of Brodgar, a stone circle dating back to around 3,000 BC.
Each of the 60 huge stone s that originally forme d the ring (27 are still
standing) had to be dragge d mile s to the site be fore be ing e re cte d, which
must have take n incre dible organisation and de te rmination, not to
me ntion te amwork, for the se Ne olithic pe ople . Eve n with mode rn
e quipme nt this would be a major ope ration. The se pe ople had no powe r
othe r than the ir own muscle s; the y worke d of the ir own volition, unlike
the slave laboure rs who built the pyramids. The y must have be e n ve ry
highly motivate d.
I ofte n wonde r who had the ide a to cre ate this se minal structure , which
some scie ntists be lie ve inspire d all the stone circle s in the UK,
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culminating in Stone he nge . Whoe ve r it was must have be e n a pote nt
spe ake r inde e d, to inspire thousands to commit so much time and e ne rgy
ove r many ye ars to such a huge proje ct.
Throughout human history, powe rful spe ake rs have inspire d pe ople to
change the ir be lie fs, cre ate or de stroy social syste ms, adopt pe rsonal
life style s, follow re ligious or philosophical paths, take up arms and fight,
form move me nts, work in te ams – and build monume nts. Innume rable
gre at sporting pe rformance s have be e n trigge re d by an inspirational talk
from a coach or captain.
If you want to make a diffe re nce in the world, you will most like ly ne e d to
inspire othe rs, and you may ne e d to be a le ade r. Your voice is the most
powe rful tool you have for the se things.
SPEAKING AND PERSUASION
Possibly the most famous and stronge st form of vocal pe rsuasion is
hypnosis. You may have se e n high-spe e d onstage hypnotism, whe re the
hypnotist instantly induce s trance state s and the use s spoke n sugge stions
to have pe ople change the ir be haviour e ve n afte r the trance e nds. Strong
sugge stions made to the subconscious are not confine d to the
e nte rtainme nt industry; hypnosis is now a wide ly acknowle dge d and
re lative ly mainstre am the rape utic tool, able (subje ct to an individual’s
le ve l of sugge stibility) to re duce pain, he lp stop smoking and cle ar skin
complaints, among othe r use s.
Pe rsuasion in its wide st conte xt is critical in life . Many achie ve me nts are
be yond the scope of one pe rson acting alone , which me ans we ve ry ofte n
ne e d to pe rsuade othe rs to he lp us or join our te am in orde r to achie ve
our goals.
The voice plays a ke y role in the proce ss of pe rsuasion – not only what we
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say but also how we say it. Some pe ople struggle to have the ir voice
he ard, while othe rs se e m to carry natural authority. Stature and body
language play a role , but the large st part of this authority de rive s from
spe aking, in which both conte nt and de live ry play the ir parts. We will
cove r both of the se aspe cts of spe aking inte nsive ly in this book with
e xe rcise s and tips to he lp you gain powe r and authority in your spe aking,
allowing you to be more pe rsuasive and achie ve more of your goals by
e nrolling pe ople in your passions.
SPEAKING AND HEALTH
If you’ve e ve r had the e xpe rie nce of not be ing liste ne d to, not be ing able
to make a de nt in an argume nt, be ing disre spe cte d, fe e ling invisible in a
group, not be ing take n se riously, be ing talke d ove r, be ing continually
inte rrupte d, or se cre tly crying out to be he ard, the n you know that the
inability to e xpre ss one se lf cle arly and powe rfully is bad for you. It’s
de bilitating and frustrating to be ignore d. It cre ate s stre ss and anxie ty if it
continue s or re pe ats in re lationships – and it can e ve ntually cause
sickne ss or e ve n viole nce . I suspe ct that at le ast some of the antisocial
be haviour from young pe ople in urban e nvironme nts arise s from this
fe e ling of frustration: “Nobody’s liste ning to me , nobody care s, so why
should I?”
If only we taught our childre n how to e xpre ss the mse lve s cle arly and
powe rfully, how much le ss ill he alth, stre ss and viole nce would we se e in
the world?
SPEAKING STORIES
One of the most pote nt style s of spe aking is storyte lling. We all love a
story: as soon as we he ar the words, “Once upon a time …” our inne r child
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wake s up; we me taphorically curl up and look forward to the wonde rs to
come . For as long as language has e xiste d, I’m willing to be t that pe ople
have told storie s to share the ir day, ke e p alive the e xploits of le ge ndary
he roe s, pass on cultural traditions, or simply to soothe the ir childre n to
sle e p.
For many mille nnia, storie s have be e n among the most powe rful tools in
the e sse ntial task of passing knowle dge and history on from one
ge ne ration to the ne xt, or from one group to anothe r. Writing has be e n
available only for around 5 thousand ye ars, so from the de ve lopme nt of
comple x language (e stimate d at up to 100,000 ye ars ago) all human
knowle dge was spre ad simply by spe aking and liste ning. Throughout
those many ye ars, countle ss groups of humans have sat around fire s at
night liste ning with wonde r and rapt atte ntion to a local sage or
storyte lle r pass on tale s that carrie d wisdom from the past.
In some socie tie s, this powe rful oral tradition still e xists. Indian classical
music has no writte n form at all: all the comple x, le ngthy ragas are
le arne d by rote , transmitte d from guru to shishya by word of mouth and
de monstration. The same applie s in many surviving folk music culture s,
including that of Orkne y, my home , whe re it se e ms almost e ve ry child
plays an instrume nt, but not many play from she e t music. Traditional
folk music ofte n e ncapsulate s old storie s in its lyrics, e ve n if we don’t
unde rstand the re fe re nce s now; the same is true of many nurse ry rhyme s.
The indige nous pe ople s of Australia can safe ly navigate the vast e xpanse s
of the outback on ‘song line s’, paths that the y follow by re citing the words
of songs that list landmarks, wate rhole s and othe r way finde rs. Eve n in
the te xt-obse sse d We st, the re are still many profe ssional storyte lle rs
plying the ir trade , and storyte lling fe stivals e xist in the US, UK, India,
Dubai and many othe r countrie s. Storie s still have powe r!
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The problem
Spe aking and liste ning are natural, fast, e fficie nt, powe rful, nuance d and
rich ways to communicate , and ye t we bare ly give the m a thought; we
ce rtainly don’t ge ne rally te ach the m with the same de votion we award to
re ading, writing, mathe matics or motor skills. Ye s, we joyfully ce le brate
our child’s first words, but as soon as conve rsation is flowing we take it
for grante d – me anwhile , we have many mile stone s spre ad ove r ye ars in
re ading, writing and mathe matics (we call the m e xams) and in motor
skills (from walking to riding a bike to driving a car to athle tic or sporting
achie ve me nts).
Wonde ring why this was so was the re ason I got into the sound busine ss
in the first place : it se e me d so cle ar to me that we we re missing out on
some thing re ally important by taking for grante d liste ning and spe aking.
I have thought a lot about this and ove r the ne xt fe w page s I will try to
unpack the ke y force s that are working against the e ars.
SPEAKING VERSUS WRITING
Spe aking is ancie nt: e xpe rt opinion on the dawn of comple x language
varie s from 60,000 to 100,000 ye ars ago. Writing is much more re ce nt,
de ve loping around 4,000 ye ars ago. For most of human history, all
knowle dge has be e n hande d down orally – but writing has sprinte d past
spe aking in its short e xiste nce and it now dominate s communication in
our ocular world.
I absolute ly acce pt the be ne fits of writing. It can be propagate d, copie d
and publishe d, and many of the world’s gre ate st re volutions in thought or
be lie f re sult from this. It is fixe d and can be re fe rre d to, as with a
contract. It can be asynchronous, so I can e mail you while you sle e p in
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anothe r time zone and you can re ad my me ssage the ne xt day whe n you
wake .
Howe ve r, I do be lie ve the pe ndulum has swung too far, which is why
many organisations are now training pe ople in liste ning and spe aking
skills – though mainly the se cond. It’s inte re sting to note that my TED
talk on spe aking has be e n vie we d more than 3 time s as many time s as my
TED talk on liste ning. We prioritise se nding ove r re ce iving, just as we
prioritise writte n communication ove r spoke n.
I think the re are se ve ral re asons for the dominance of the e ye s ove r the
e ars in the mode rn world.
N OISE
The world is noisy, and ge tting noisie r. Since the Industrial Re volution,
we ’ve be e n surrounding ourse lve s with me chanical, and now e le ctronic,
noise s, some of the m ve ry loud inde e d. Transport has always be e n noisy
– the Romans had to introduce ordnance s to control the clatte r of carts in
the stre e ts of the ir capital 2 thousand ye ars ago – but now we have
pe rvasive je t e ngine s and tyre noise to conte nd with. My frie nd Be rnie
Krause , the world’s most e mine nt nature sound re cordist, re late s that it
once took 20 hours to ge t 15 minute s of usable re corde d mate rial. “Now it
take s 200 hours,” he says.
Once we ne e de d to liste n care fully, be cause sound was me aningful: if you
we re sharing a cave with some be ars or tige rs, you’d be tte r be liste ning
care fully! Now most noise is me aningle ss, so we have de ve lope d the habit
of suppre ssing it, and we move around the world simply not liste ning.
The re sult of this of course is more noise , to the point whe re the World
He alth Organisation (WHO) rate s noise pollution as the se cond-large st
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global thre at to he alth, just be hind air pollution. The WHO e stimate s that
in Europe ove r one million ye ars of he althy life are lost e ve ry to traffic
noise pollution. As we ’ve se e n, 8 million Europe ans are having the ir sle e p
disrupte d night afte r night by traffic noise , with drastic e ffe cts on the ir
he alth, as we ll as huge re sulting costs – up to 2 pe rce nt of GDP according
to official e stimate s, which amounts to ove r 300 billion e uros a ye ar.
Noise pe rvade s many vital space s be cause we de sign the m with e ye s, not
e ars.
In classrooms, acoustics are ofte n so bad that spe e ch inte lligibility is le ss
than 50 pe rce nt for pupils more than a fe w fe e t from the te ache r, while
noise le ve ls during groupwork are e xce e ding le ve ls dange rous for the
he alth of te ache rs and childre n.
In hospitals, noise le ve ls are up to 12 time s the WHO re comme nde d
maximum, which me ans patie nts struggle to sle e p – and sle e ping is how
we ge t we ll. It’s no surprise that noise is the numbe r one complaint of
patie nts in US hospitals. Studie s have shown that simply se nsitising staff
to the sounds the y are making can cut noise le ve ls by up to 3 quarte rs, so
just liste ning can make a massive diffe re nce .
In office s, noise is again the numbe r one complaint, with millions fe e ling
the frustration of trying to conce ntrate in ope n-plan space s that are
de signe d to support only one kind of work: collaboration. We cle arly ne e d
much more quie t working space .
The story goe s on, in hote ls, in shops, in re staurants, in airports and train
stations, and e ve n in our home s. Noise is all around us. We ne e d to start
liste ning in orde r to control it and stop the se ne gative e ffe cts on he alth,
e ffe ctive ne ss and happine ss.
TEC HN OLOGY
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The bre akthroughs in communication of the last se ve ral de cade s have
almost all be e n te xt-base d: e mail, SMS, instant me ssaging and social
me dia all re ly on e ye s and finge rs. The re sult is that millions of pe ople
would rathe r have a conve rsation in writing than in sound.
The Sound Age ncy did some re se arch with our frie nds at Edinburgh
Ste rling Unive rsity into pre fe rre d channe ls and me ssage s and it yie lde d
some fascinating insights. Olde r pe ople we re we dde d to e mail, while the
middle ge ne rations love d SMS and the younge st pre fe rre d IM or social
me dia platforms. This brings a whole ne w dime nsion to the ge ne ration
gap: not only do the ge ne rations have diffe re nt attitude s and
vocabularie s, but also e ntire ly diffe re nt channe ls of communication. All
the sample s agre e d on one thing: the y pre fe rre d to ask some one out, or
bre ak up with some one , in writing – possibly be cause in a scary
conve rsation like that, it’s safe r not to be around to e xpe rie nce the
re sponse in pe rson!
MIT profe ssor and TED spe ake r She rry Turkle wrote an e xce lle nt book
calle d Alone Together on the e ffe cts of te chnology on our re lationships.
She sugge ste d that, far from bringing us toge the r in a global village ,
te chnology is incre asing alie nation and pushing pe ople apart as we move
from a fe w de e p re lationships to many shallow one s. I agre e with he r. In
my workshops, I some time s ask for a show of hands if pe ople do e mail in
be d at night while lying ne xt to the ir love d one . Incre asingly the majority
of the pe ople in the room own up to this ve ry de structive be haviour,
which I se e as anothe r nail in the coffin of spoke n communication, drive n
in by the irre sistible hamme r of te chnology. Profe ssor Turkle ’s follow-up
book, Reclaiming Conversation , is a wonde rful, passionate ple a, base d
on 5 ye ars of re se arch, for us all to re discove r the critical humanizing art
of conve rsation. Highly re comme nde d, and absolute ly in tune with
e ve rything you will re ad in this book.
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ED U C A TION
We have 4 communication channe ls: re ading, writing, spe aking and
liste ning. Two se nd; 2 re ce ive . Two are for the e ye s; 2 for the e ars.
Re ading and writing are conside re d core skills in e ve ry curriculum in the
world, while spe aking is bare ly taught in schools – liste ning, e ve n le ss so,
maybe be cause it’s a sile nt skill. Sadly, millions of childre n le ave school
e ve ry ye ar having ne ve r be e n taught how to use the ir voice to its full, to
spe ak powe rfully and we ll, to look afte r the ir pre cious he aring, or to liste n
consciously.
Tip: Take some time now to ask yourself, what sounds stop you from working?
From resting? From relating to your family, friends and colleagues? From
exercising? From sleeping? From enjoying yourself?
Once you have that list, try the exercises again but this time ask yourself, what
sounds do/could help you in all these things?
Liste ning is the doorway to unde rstanding, and spe aking is the stronge st
e xpre ssion of ourse lve s in the world. We ne e d to re -le arn how to spe ak
and how to liste n. He lping you to achie ve that is the mission of this book.
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Chapter 2:
The dark side
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n this chapte r, we start the he aling proce ss by re ve aling some habits
that rob powe r from spe aking and liste ning, and some force s in the
I
mode rn world that are unde rmining or e ve n thre ate ning our spoke n
communication.
THE 4 LEECHES
Ove r the ye ars, I’ve ide ntifie d a se t of ve ry common e motional drive rs
that te nd to suck powe r out of communication. I call the m the 4 Le e che s.
Most pe ople (me include d!) have most, or all, of the m in some form. I’m
not sugge sting the y are bad, wrong or to be conde mne d outright; whilst it
may ne ve r be possible to surgically re move the m, the trick is to be
conscious of the m and not le t the m run the show. That, sadly, is what
happe ns much of the time for many pe ople . The re sult is simply loss of
powe r and e ffe ctive ne ss. The de gre e of loss de pe nds on the powe r the se
le e che s have ove r you. If the y re main in the dark, ope rating be low the
le ve l of consciousne ss, the y can be come dominant characte r traits,
se ve re ly compromising the ability to liste n we ll and spe ak e ffe ctive ly.
The main re ason for the ne gative impact of the le e che s is that the
unde rlying e motion giving rise to all 4 of the m is fear .
Ove r the ne xt fe w page s we ’ll ge t to know all 4 le e che s. Some may be
minor or e ve n non-e xiste nt for you, but I’m willing to be t you’ll ide ntify at
le ast one that has affe cte d (or is curre ntly affe cting) your outcome s in life .
As you conside r the le e che s and be come conscious of the ir e xiste nce
within you, the ir powe r will be le sse ne d. Simply shining the light of
mindfulne ss on the m cause s the m to withe r and lose the ir powe r. The y
grow and stre ngthe n in the dark, and the y hate that light!
LOOKING GOOD
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We all like to look good. Howe ve r, this basic human de sire can ofte n ge t
in the way of our liste ning and our spe aking.
“ I know.”
Some time s, looking good e vince s itse lf in 2 simple words. The ve ry first
story in Paul Re ps’s Zen Flesh, Zen Bones (a gre at compe ndium of Ze n
tale s) is a salutary one for anyone who te nds to use those words
ove rmuch. He re it is as re counte d in that book:
Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university
professor who came to inquire about Zen. Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s
cup full, and then kept on pouring.
The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. “It is
overfull. No more will go in! ”
“Like this cup, ” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How
can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”
If I know e ve rything, what can I le arn? Absolute ly nothing. A Ze n prove rb
sums up this proposition nice ly: “Knowle dge is le arning some thing e ve ry
day. Wisdom is le tting go of some thing e ve ry day.”
Eve n without the use of the actual words, it can be ve ry de flating to be
around some one who is profe ssionally impossible to impre ss. I re me mbe r
a conve rsation at TEDGlobal in 2012 with communication e xpe rt Trisha
Bauman that illustrate s this ve ry we ll. She move d to Paris and for a while
thought that she had be come ine pt at communicating he r e xcite me nt at
the sights she was e ncounte ring all ove r the city: e ve ry time she e xtolle d
the be auty of some landmark, he r ne w frie nds re sponde d with a shrug
and words to the e ffe ct of “Of course .” It took some time for he r to re alise
the issue was not with he r; in that circle of pe ople , if not in Paris
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ge ne rally, it was conside re d a loss of face to be se e n to be impre sse d by
anything at all. Be ing insouciant was be ing cool. That’s all ve ry we ll, but it
doe s dampe n the fire of childlike e xcite me nt, so it cle arly acts as a joy-
kill. Joy is such a rare commodity in this world that it se e ms tragic to go
around killing it.
Maybe you can re late to this aspe ct of looking good: stomping, or e ve n
de licate ly tre ading, on the naive de light of othe rs in orde r to appe ar
wise r, coole r or more e xpe rie nce d than the y are .
Speechwriting
We may have othe r, more subtle ways of looking good that tarnish
communication. In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
Powerful Lessons in Personal Change , Ste phe n R. Cove y wrote : “Most
pe ople do not liste n with the inte nt to unde rstand; the y liste n with the
inte nt to re ply.” I call this ‘spe e chwriting’: while that irre le vant noise (you
spe aking) is going on in front of me , I’m conce ntrating on composing my
ne xt brilliant monologue . This practice ofte n produce s the “anyway…”
non-se quitur that blatantly ignore s what was just said (but not he ard)
and move s the topic to a comple te ly diffe re nt place . This is a trait that
ofte n afflicts pe ople in powe r, e ve n though it is de finite ly not a good style
of le ade rship: it de moralise s the ignore d party and can e ve n be
humiliating if othe rs are pre se nt.
If you te nd to do this, try de voting yourse lf to re ally liste ning, and trust
that your voice will find the right re sponse without you ne e ding to
compose , e dit and approve your script in advance .
Competitive speaking
One ste p up from spe e chwriting is compe titive spe aking. You may know
some one who practice s this ve ry pote nt form of joy-killing that’s all about
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looking good. I might e nthuse : “We ’re so e xcite d to be going to Gre e ce on
holiday this ye ar,” and the compe titive spe ake r will jump in with: “Oh
ye s, I’ve be e n to Gre e ce 6 time s and I love it!” My fe e ling? De flation. My
little pie ce of joy has be e n made to look se cond-rate .
If you e ve r fe e l the te mptation to indulge in spe aking as a compe titive
e ve nt, re me mbe r the words of Lao Tzu, the author of the Tao Te Ching :
“Avoid putting yourse lf be fore othe rs and you can be come a le ade r among
me n.”
Embellishment
The word hype rbole come s from ancie nt Gre e k, combining 2 words:
hyper (be yond) and bole (a throw). We ‘throw be yond’ re ality to
e xagge rate for e ffe ct, as in “I’ve be e n waiting age s for you!” In the main,
this is be nign and both partie s know what’s be ing done , but the habit of
hype rbole can take hold of us and make right-size d words fe e l
insufficie nt; this can in turn le ad to a habit of e xagge rating, which can
itse lf be progre ssive and turn into lying (about which we will be talking
more late r in this chapte r).
Language ge ts de grade d if we fre que ntly use words that are ove r-strong
in orde r to impre ss. ‘Fantastic’ once me ant strange or e xotic, re late d to
fantasy. ‘Amazing’ once me ant causing wonde r or astonishme nt. The se
words have long since be e n downgrade d and are now almost e xclusive ly
use d as synonyms for ‘e xce lle nt’; the ir diffe re ntiate d me anings have all
but disappe are d. I ofte n spe ak in the USA, whe re the habit of de scribing
e ve rything from a pair of traine rs to a hamburge r as ‘awe some ’ is ve ry
wide spre ad. But if a pizza is awe some , how do you de scribe a stunning
sunse t? The word has be e n de value d and its powe r lost. In anothe r
e xample , the pre fix ‘supe r’ has starte d cropping up e ve rywhe re : it se e ms
that be ing e xcite d is no longe r sufficie nt: we must be ‘supe r-e xcite d’ now.
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This diluting of pe rfe ctly appropriate words is a te nde ncy to be re siste d, I
think; it’s a kind of ve rbal inflation that le ave s us all impove rishe d as
words lose the ir powe r and the ir me aning. Pe rhaps the fast-cut, multi-
channe l world is cre ating an addiction to inte nsity that drive s us to use
e ve r-more hype rbolic language . The cost is that many pe rfe ctly e ffe ctive
words are be ing dilute d and our ability to e xpre ss ourse lve s with
pre cision is be ing diminishe d.
Exerci se: Say what you mean
This is a tough one. Take on the challenge of saying exactly what you mean and no
more – no hyperbole, which means cutting out the intensifiers like ‘really’, ‘very’,
‘super’ unless they are genuinely required, and right-sizing your adjectives. You may
want to give yourself a short time limit on this at first, maybe an hour or at most a
day. It’s a challenging discipline, but its benefit is a degree of recalibration: you may
find you have more capacity to express strong feelings by giving back the strength to
extreme words.
BEING RIGHT
Most of our censure of others i s onl y obl i que prai se of sel f,
uttered to show the wi sdom and superi ori ty of the speaker.
- Tyron Ed ward s
If the re is one thing we like more than looking good, it’s be ing right,
usually in a conve rsational ze ro-sum game – in othe r words, I am right
and you are wrong, which make s me fe e l I am be tte r than you. The de sire
to be right ofte n drive s us to make othe r pe ople wrong, which can be ve ry
de structive in re lationships. As the Ame rican author, e ducator and
the rapist Harville He ndrix said: “Do you want to be right, or do you want
to be in a re lationship? Be cause you can’t always have both. You can’t
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cuddle up and re lax with ‘be ing right’ afte r a long day.”
The ne e d to be right arise s from a fe ar of be ing disre spe cte d, or simply of
be ing se e n as we re ally are – flawe d human be ings, pe rfe ctly impe rfe ct,
full of contradictions and confusions. We ye arn to fe e l justifie d and
re spe cte d, and be ing right (or making othe rs wrong) is the route we ofte n
choose to achie ve the se de sire s, be cause it se ts us above othe r pe ople .
It’s not e asy to be around some one who has to be right the whole time .
Interrupting
One common habit that springs from the de sire to be right is
inte rrupting. This may re sult from spe e chwriting, as de scribe d e arlie r,
but it can, and ofte n doe s, arise with no planning at all – simply an
ove rbe aring de sire to disagre e , de mand an answe r or make a point now ,
without waiting for the othe r pe rson to finish.
This is be coming more common in our impatie nt world, particularly in
the me dia, whe re ‘attack journalism’ is rife : politicians have le arne d that
the y do not ge t time to de ve lop argume nts or to give nuance d answe rs
be fore the y are inte rrupte d, a trait that has acce le rate d the de sce nt of
political de bate into soundbite s, as we ll as be ing a ve ry poor role mode l
for de bate in ge ne ral.
It’s not just me dia inte rvie we rs who inte rrupt: the habit is wide spre ad
e ve n in situations whe re liste ning can me an the diffe re nce be twe e n life
and de ath. A surve y of physicians in the US and Canada found that
patie nts we re inte rrupte d an ave rage of 18 se conds into the ir ope ning
state me nts; le ss than a quarte r we re allowe d to comple te what the y
wante d to say.
Inte rrupting has 2 unfortunate conse que nce s. First, we don’t ge t to he ar
what the othe r pe rson was going to say, which might have be e n use ful or
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e nlighte ning, and not what we e xpe cte d. Se cond, it most like ly damage s
the re st of the conve rsation by changing the dynamics – no longe r e qual,
as the inte rrupte r has e xe rcise d dominance – as we ll as the e motional
conte xt; the inte rrupte d pe rson may we ll fe e l be little d and offe nde d,
giving rise to ange r, re se ntme nt and unwillingne ss to be ope n from that
point.
Re me mbe r, as with all the se obse rvations, I am not saying the thing is
always bad and wrong. Some time s we do have to inte rrupt pe ople ! We
may be wildly e xcite d; the y may have misunde rstood; the re may be time
pre ssure or e ve n dange r; some pe ople are just ve ry long-winde d. What
am I saying is that, if it be come s a habit, it will re duce the powe r and
e ffe ctive ne ss of your communication.
Exerci se: Breathe!
Are you an interrupter? Do you know someone who is? If so, here’s a simple exercise
to try. Breathe.
Before you speak, develop the habit of taking a deep breath. This is much easier and
more natural than the old-fashioned advice to count to 3 (or even 10! ) before
speaking, which itself distracts you from listening to the other person.
As you take your lovely big in-breath, you may just notice that the other person is still
speaking!
PEOPLE-PLEA SIN G
Most pe ople like to be like d, but whe n that turns into a gre at fe ar of be ing
re je cte d or of failing, the re sult can be pe ople -ple asing, a be haviour
patte rn that e quate s one ’s own worth with the pe rce ive d happine ss or
approval of othe rs. This is ofte n (though not always) due to e xpe rie nce s of
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wounding re je ction or harsh criticism e arly in life .
Pe ople ple ase rs may say ye s whe n the y me an no, for e xample going out
whe n the y would much rathe r stay in. The y may agre e in conve rsation
with opinions that the y fundame ntally disagre e with inte rnally. The y may
de ny the ir own truth in how the y dre ss, be have and inte ract with othe rs
in orde r to be like d.
We all have this in us to some de gre e , e spe cially in the formative and
e motionally vulne rable te e nage ye ars whe n we try on ide ntitie s, join
tribe s and e ve n adopt uniforms to fe e l ‘part of’. Who wants to be a social
re je ct? Also in totalitarian socie tie s pe ople -ple asing can be a life or de ath
affair: not many pe ople in North Kore a are inte re ste d in standing in the ir
own truth and fe arle ssly e xpre ssing the ir re al opinions, and quite
unde rstandably so whe n the conse que nce is almost ce rtain de ath. The
same force s can be in play in any social group founde d on bullying and
intimidation, and whe n such a group dominate s a country the re sulting
pe ople -ple asing be haviour from millions has de vastating conse que nce s,
as the Nazis de monstrate d in the 1930s and 40s.
In fre e socie tie s, we do have a choice , and as with all the le e che s, it’s a
que stion of de gre e . If some one is (and is pe rce ive d to be ) ve ry drive n by
pe ople -ple asing, it will rob the ir communication of powe r. Agre e ing with
pe ople all the time can be pe rce ive d as we akne ss, invalidating the vie ws
e xpre sse d. Hone sty and authe nticity are abse nt, and as we ’ll se e late r,
the y are ke y foundations of powe rful communication.
Exerci se: Val ues
If you find yourself people-pleasing overmuch, try taking some time to think about
your own values. These are probably best expressed as single nouns, for example
loyalty, passion, generosity, curiosity or fairness. Ask yourself: what do I stand for?
What is important in life? What are my principles? What’s not negotiable? Write down
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everything that comes to you… take your time, come back from time to time until you
are sure you’ve captured every possibility. Then whittle them down to a manageable
number, maybe 4 or 5 at most. If you can make a mnemonic out of them that helps to
make them more memorable! (As an example, my values are faith, love, acceptance
and gratitude, which spell FLAG – easy for me to hold on to even with my patchy
memory! )
When you have your core values clear, it becomes much easier to stand in them and
not be blown around by other people’s opinions or needs. You also gain a litmus test
you can use from now on to make decisions easier: is this course of action in line with
my values?
FIX IN G
For some pe ople , it’s not acce ptable for othe rs to be upse t. This may
de rive from pe ople -ple asing, or it may be that strong ne gative e motion is
itse lf some thing to be fe are d, e ithe r be cause of too much of it in a viole nt
or e xplosive family of origin, or pe rhaps be cause of comple te lack of
e xpe rie nce of it, with a cool, re se rve d family of origin whe re e motional
e xpre ssion was unacce ptable .
Eithe r way, fixing is trying to make it all right. “Don’t cry” or “Don’t be
upse t” will be the primary re sponse to pain.
Some time s pe ople ne e d to be upse t, and to e xpre ss that in grie f, sadne ss,
ange r or othe r strong ne gative e motions. If re pre sse d inste ad of
e xpre sse d, the se e motions can go de e p and dark and corrupt pe ople as
the y fe ste r.
My aunt told me a story that illustrate d how e ve n we ll-inte ntione d fixing
can cause damage . She was born in Cardiff, Wale s in the 1920s. Whe n she
was a little girl, he r pare nts told he r that she was going to have a baby
brothe r or siste r. She was so e xcite d! The spare room was de corate d as a
nurse ry and as she watche d he r mothe r’s bump grow she imagine d
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playing with he r ne w sibling. Eve ntually the day came and he r pare nts
we nt off to hospital. She waite d at home with a ne ighbour, watching
through the ne t curtains… but whe n he r pare nts re turne d, the y we re
alone . Nothing was said; she was se nt to stay with re lative s. Whe n she
re turne d, the nurse ry had be e n re de corate d. She did e ve ntually ge t 2 little
brothe rs, and much, much late r she le arne d that he r first brothe r had
be e n stillborn – but she ne ve r forgot the confusion and lone line ss she fe lt
that day. Doubtle ss my grandpare nts de cide d not to discuss it so as not to
upse t he r, but the e ffe ct on he r was that a bond was broke n and she found
it harde r to trust pe ople from that day on.
Fixing, whe the r by withholding like that or by distracting or obscuring
with e xtravagant affe ction, can de ny pe ople the fe e lings the y ne e d to fe e l
and thus obstruct he aling. Not only that, but many fixe rs habitually de ny
themselves strong fe e lings.
Whe n communication is drive n by the ne e d to fix, it will lose powe r and
e ffe ctive ne ss be cause the re is a hidde n age nda at work – one that is all
about the fixe r’s ne e ds, e ve n though it may be disguise d as love .
Exerci se: Expressi ng
Many fixers grew up in reserved families and learned that it is not ok to express, so if
you are generally very reserved and avoid strong emotion, a great first step to allowing
other people to express strong emotions is to practice doing it yourself. The best
access to letting go like this may vary widely from person to person. Some might try
watching a few very emotional films and letting themselves have a good cry! More
direct and beneficial for others might be to take up a martial art, as long as the
teaching emphasises the spiritual aspects of the art and not just the physical:
paradoxically, punching things in a spiritual way can put you in touch with the gentler,
feeling side of yourself. For yet others, strong experiences like bungee jumping or
parachuting or even extreme sports might be very liberating. At the very extreme,
there’s primal therapy!
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Try a few tentative steps and see what works for you. This is all about balance: we are
not our feelings, and we don’t have to express every emotion to the max – but equally
it is not healthy to repress our own strong feelings, or to stop others from having
theirs.
THE 7 DEADLY SINS
In my fifth TED talk, I liste d 7 de adly sins of spe aking. Of course , this is
an arbitrary list, but since the talk we nt up on TED.com in 2015 I have n’t
had anyone sugge st anything major that’s missing, and many pe ople have
communicate d how use ful the y find it.
Again, I want to stre ss that I am not saying the se 7 things are inhe re ntly
wrong, and to be banne d or de plore d. Most of the m can be use ful or
e njoyable in mode ration, e ve n if as guilty ple asure s. Howe ve r, as with the
4 le e che s, I am sugge sting that pe ople who habitually (ofte n
unconsciously) indulge in any of the se traits be come harde r to liste n to,
as we ll as le ss good at liste ning.
Pe ople some time s ask me to e xplain the re lationship be twe e n the 4
le e che s and the 7 de adly sins. The answe r is that the le e che s lurk be hind
and ge ne rate all 7 sins – and be hind all of the le e che s, as we know, is fe ar.
Le t’s me e t the 7 de adly sins.
GOSSIP
Non-mal e l oquare absenti ami co (Speak no evi l of an
absent fri end).
- Titus Maccius Plautus, Trinummus IV, c. 190 BC
My de finition of gossip is spe aking ill of some one who’s not pre se nt. It’s
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not gossip to praise some one who’s not the re , nor is it gossip to criticise
some one to the ir face .
Gossip is probably the most common form of triangulate d
communication, which is usually a re cipe for trouble . In triangulate d
communication, pe rson A spe aks to pe rson C about an issue he or she has
with pe rson B inste ad of trying to solve the matte r dire ctly with pe rson B,
thus cre ating a triangle . Usually pe rson A is se e king validation and/or
sympathy. You can he ar this going on any day if you sit on a bus or train
and liste n to the phone conve rsations around you: in my e xpe rie nce , the
vast majority involve gossip in this fashion.
Gossip is se ductive , and so common that we te nd to be come de se nsitise d
to it; it has be come normal and acce ptable . It’s a multi-million-dollar
busine ss too, from the obvious spe cialists like ce le brity magazine s, TV
shows, blogs and YouTube channe ls to the subtle r instance s in many
quality me dia.
Gossips are supe rficially popular and it’s te mpting to liste n in, e spe cially
if we ’re in a group who are all indulging. Ne ve rthe le ss, e ve ryone knows
that the mome nt we le ave , a gossip is like ly to be spe aking about us in
e xactly the same lurid, critical te rms that we re just be ing applie d to
some one e lse . Gossips are not cre dible ; much of what the y say is
unsubstantiate d and e ve n malicious; ofte n it is twiste d or e xagge rate d for
gre ate r e ffe ct, producing a ‘Chine se whispe rs’ e ffe ct that amplifie s storie s
whilst insisting that e ve ry de tail is true .
Exerci se: Gossi p absti nence
If you indulge in gossiping, try abstaining, initially for a short period. It may be that
you can commit to do this for a day, or even a week, to start with. Be conscientious:
this may involve not reading magazines, watching your usual TV, accessing your
favourite blogs or website, and even not seeing certain friends or colleagues or
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walking away from some conversations. You can usually make an excuse to do so
without letting people know what you’re doing – or you could enrol some of your
associates in the game and make it easier by holding one another accountable.
This is non-trivial and may even be impossible for you, but even if you don’t achieve
100 percent abstinence you will give yourself a chance to break the habit and set a
new baseline.
C ON D EMN IN G
There are no 2 words i n the Engl i sh l anguage more harmful
than ‘good job.’
- Terence Fletcher in Whip lash
Do you know anyone who habitually conde mns or finds fault, for whom
nothing is e ve r good e nough, like the monstrous characte r Te re nce
Fle tche r as brilliantly portraye d by JK Simmons in the film Whiplash ?
I fe e l for anyone who gre w up with such a pare nt – the kind who, whe n
the ir child score s 95 pe r ce nt in a te st, de mands to know what happe ne d
to the othe r 5. It be come s we aring to be around some one whose liste ning
is always for de fe cts and failure , and whose spe aking is e ndle ss
castigation and conde mnation.
Of course , we must conde mn e vil. As John Stuart Mill said in 1867: “Bad
me n ne e d nothing more to compass the ir e nds, than that good me n
should look on and do nothing.”
Howe ve r, like the othe r 6 sins, this is a habit we can fall into if our de fault
position be come s critical and conde mnatory. It pays to che ck-in and ask
the que stion: am I ove r-critical? Do I give praise whe re it’s due ? Do I
naturally give complime nts? Whe n is the last time I praise d my family?
My te am or dire ct re ports at work? My frie nds?
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If your hone st che ck-in re ve als that you te nd to be critical rathe r than
e ncouraging by de fault, try this e xe rcise .
Exerci se: Prai si ng
Buy a notebook or use a spreadsheet or notes app. Make a page or sheet for each of
the people closest to you – family, friends and workmates could all be included – and
then set a routine at the end of each day to log in one column instances when you
condemn or criticise them and in another column instances when you praise,
encourage or compliment them.
After a few weeks, your behaviour will change as this feedback reveals the weight of
your interactions. You may then wish to set yourself targets for praising until it
becomes more and more natural and the condemning habit has been replaced by a
more neutral stance where you give praise and criticism when they are appropriate,
rather than condemning by rote.
N EGA TIV ITY
Ne xt door to habitual conde mnation is constant ne gativity. I told a true
pe rsonal story to illustrate this in my TED talk. My mothe r suffe re d from
de me ntia in the last ye ars of he r life , and this inte nsifie d an alre ady
some what pe ssimistic outlook. He r world vie w be came e ntire ly ne gative ,
e ve n on days whe n she was comple te ly lucid. I we nt to visit he r in
hospital one -day whe n she was re cove ring from a small fracture , bringing
with me he r favourite ne wspape r. As I hande d it to he r, I said “Oh look,
it’s Octobe r the first today.” She re plie d: “I know, isn’t it awful?” If the
date is awful, what hope is the re ? I trie d to make a joke of it, but I kne w
inside that she was se rious; as time passe d, it be came harde r and harde r
to bring he r out of the dark into any sort of light, and it made be ing in he r
company e motionally draining.
It is simply de bilitating to stay around some one who is highly ne gative .
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We might say brightly: “What a love ly morning!” only to be dampe ne d
with “It’s going to rain late r.” Whe n this dynamic is re pe ate d e ndle ssly,
it’s like trying to push wate r uphill: our positive e ne rgy be come s sappe d
and we e nd up fe e ling low as we ll. The only solution is to le ave for a while
to re charge .
Exerci se: watch NOT
Check-in and ask yourself if the word NOT crops up regularly in your speaking. Any
sentence including that word is likely to be negative: some people I have met
unconsciously inject the word in almost every utterance. If in doubt, ask a friend or
record some of your conversations to check. Encouraging people are easier to listen to!
C OMPLA IN IN G
Do not l i sten to those who weep and compl ai n, for thei r
di sease i s contagi ous.
- Og Mand ino
I’m a Brit so I know this one ve ry we ll! Complaining is our national
pastime , although fairne ss compe ls me to add that this habit doe s
ge ne rally ove rlay a bulldog spirit that still e xists today: we may complain,
but we do te nd to knuckle down whe n re quire d.
Not all complaining is a sin. If a re staurant se rve s you a bad dish or if a
pe rson or institution fails to de live r on a promise , complain! If you can
change anything you don’t like , it’s right and prope r to take action and
that ofte n starts with complaining.
The kind of complaining I’m sugge sting you pay atte ntion to is the use le ss
kind: complaining about the we athe r, the gove rnme nt, your ne ighbour,
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your sports te am… anything that’s be yond your capacity or your
willingne ss to change . If you can change it, act. If you can’t change it or
you won’t act, complaining is simply viral mise ry, infe cting the pe rson
you are complaining to with your own ne gative e motion.
This kind of complaining can be come an unconscious habit. Do you know
an inve te rate complaine r – some one who moans about just about
e ve rything; some one for whom nothing se e ms to be right? It’s hard to be
around such a pe rson, and hard to liste n to the m for any e xte nde d pe riod.
Exerci se: Grati tude
If you have fallen into the habit of complaining, sit down with a piece of paper and
write a gratitude list. Write down everything you can think of that you can be grateful
for. This may include any positive aspects of your health, your relationships, your
possessions, your achievements, your service for others, your legacy, your
surroundings, your experiences. Write until you can’t think of anything else. Keep the
list by you and reflect on it for a few minutes every day. Add to it every time you think
of something new to be grateful for. Gratitude is the most powerful antidote to self-
pity and a complaining habit.
EX C U SES
An inve rse e xpre ssion of the Looking Good le e ch is de spe rate ly trying to
avoid looking bad. We all make mistake s, and some time s those mistake s
upse t othe rs by cre ating cost or othe r ne gative conse que nce s for the m. In
the face of ange r or pain, it’s te mpting to re move ourse lve s from the line
of fire by blaming some thing or some one e lse for what happe ne d. “It
wasn’t my fault – what could I do?” Some time s that re ally is true , but
ve ry ofte n if we look close ly, we will find that we did have a major part to
play in what happe ne d.
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I’m sure you’ve made e xcuse s at some point in your life , and you’ve
probably had it done to you many time s. It is common human be haviour,
but as with the othe r de adly sins of communication, the proble m arise s if
it be come s a habit. Some pe ople are blame -throwe rs, casting the mse lve s
as e te rnal victims with the fault be ing e ve rywhe re but he re . This kind of
be haviour cre ate s 2 costs.
First, it’s dishone st, or at be st disse mbling, so it unde rmine s trust. Pe ople
don’t give cre de nce to some one who blithe ly be nds or bre aks the truth
simply to look good or justify the mse lve s.
Se cond, it obstructs growth. If we re fuse to take re sponsibility for an
e rror or failing, it is ve ry like ly to re cur: you can’t fix some thing that you
swe ar is not broke n. This kind of de nial can be ve ry de structive ,
obscuring se lf-aware ne ss to the point whe re we think we are othe r than
what we re ally are . The first step in transforming anything is to become
aware of it. Re pe ate d e xcuse s de ny us the chance to improve , be cause we
be lie ve the re ’s nothing wrong with us.
EXAGGERATION AND LYING
We talke d about e mbe llishme nt e arlie r in the conte xt of the Looking
Good le e ch. Howe ve r, e mbe llishme nt is not re stricte d to hype rbole ; it can
e xpre ss itse lf in e mbroide ry of the truth. I wonde r if you’ve e ve r claime d
to have re ad a book you have n’t re ad, or to have watche d a movie you’ve
ne ve r se e n, or to have known some one you re ally don’t know? I suspe ct
we ’ve all done this kind of thing at some point. Mild e mbroide ry like this
is re lative ly harmle ss, and some time s it can be a form of rapport-building
to warp our re ality just a little to fit more comfortably with some one e lse ’s
– but be ware , lying is just around the corne r.
As with all the 7 sins, this be haviour can be come habitual and
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progre ssive : lie s te nd to be ge t more lie s, which can le ad to
e mbarrassme nt, pain and e ve n trage dy. This is a common the me in
fiction, from Shake spe are ’s plays, many of which re volve around lie s
re sulting in e ithe r laughte r or te ars, to the disturbing book and film The
Talented Mr. Ripley which brilliantly de picts how lie s can e scalate and
trap the pe rpe trator in pain. The re are re asons for this lite rary fascination
with lying: it is ve ry common, and it can be dramatically de structive .
The e ffe ct of lying on communication e ffe ctive ne ss can be se ismic. If
anyone is re cognise d as a habitual liar, the ir words are at be st suspe ct,
and at worst comple te ly disre garde d.
Exerci se: Ri gorous honesty
Pay attention for a few days to your honesty level. We all like to think we’re totally
honest, but few people are: white lies pop out to make people feel better or avoid
criticism or punishment; maybe exaggerations become habitual to curry favour and be
more respected. If you spot any pattern, take stock and consider instituting a rule of
absolute honesty in the area of concern. In my experience, settling for near-honesty is
not as effective as an absolute commitment where the line is clear and you do not
cross it. Be careful not to hurt people around you with rigorous honesty: it is always
possible to say nothing, or if compliments are demanded and you cannot honestly give
one, you can use double-edged praise, like one actor passionately (and honestly)
telling another that his performance was ‘unforgettable’!
D OGMA TISM
I wi l l l i sten to you, especi al l y when we di sagree.
- Barack Ob ama
The Be ing Right le e ch is foursquare be hind this sin. Most of the time , the
she lls fire d in the conve rsational battle to be right are opinions. I gre w up
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in a house hold whe re opinions and facts we re rare ly diffe re ntiate d, which
gave rise to a lot of table thumping and raise d voice s. The se days, I
be lie ve this distinction is critical for harmony so I offe r a ge ntle
sugge stion in my talks and I’ll make it to you now. Try using the phrase :
“Would you like my opinion about that?” You do have to be re ady for the
answe r no! Sadly, all ove r the world in billions of conve rsations e ve ry day,
opinions are give n without se e king any pe rmission, ofte n force fully or
e ve n viole ntly.
Inte rnalising this distinction be twe e n opinions and facts is a crucial
foundation of humility, and a ne ce ssary condition for pe ace ful
coe xiste nce . It’s We dne sday. The sun will rise tomorrow morning. My
name is Julian. This book is calle d How To Be Heard . The se are facts and
the re is no point disputing the m. Howe ve r, much of daily conve rsation
involve s opinions – about sport, politics, socie ty, othe r pe ople ’s
be haviour, the be st course of action in a busine ss or in a te am, like ly
outcome s in the future , or e ffe cts of past actions (e ve n historians love to
disagre e !). The proble m lie s in attachme nt. Whe n we ide ntify our own
worth with our opinions, we be come upse t or angry whe n the y are
challe nge d; this is the fe ar-base d e ne rgy that drive s many argume nts and
confrontations.
Of course , we ne e d to stay true to our value s and our be lie fs without
be ing blown about by e ve ryone e lse ’s, but we also ne e d to have the
capacity to le arn and grow. We are not our opinions: we cre ate or colle ct
the m.
If you can practice be ing conscious of the diffe re nce be twe e n you and
your opinions, you may find life be coming much more se re ne – and more
inte re sting too, as you may be more ope n to ne w thoughts and
pe rspe ctive s.
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TEC HN OLOGY
Most pe ople vie w te chnology as inhe re ntly be nign, which is a rathe r
dange rous ge ne ralisation. Ce rtainly, nobody in the world can stop the
march of te chnology, and its be ne fits are cle ar: we augme nt our own
capabilitie s (or e ve n our re ality) with a tidal wave of de vice s and apps; we
e njoy che ap food, clothe s and e ne rgy; we move around the world on
faste r che ape r, more powe rful transport syste ms. It’s se ductive and e ve n
addictive , which make s it e asy to be oblivious to what e conomists call the
e xte rnalitie s – the costs we don’t e xplicitly pay. Pollution, climate change
and de ge ne rative dise ase s like cance r and de me ntia may be the most
wide ly re porte d conse que nce s of our te chnological life style , but I be lie ve
communication is anothe r significant casualty. Le t’s look at how.
R EC OR D IN G
Some whe re around 4 thousand ye ars ago, comple x writing was inve nte d.
This was transformative : for the first time , it was possible to re cord
human discourse and thought – or maybe just a shopping list! Initially
hand-crafte d and slow to re produce , this inve ntion ne ve rthe le ss shape d
the world as books like the Bible , the Koran, the I Ching and Plato’s The
Republic (all hand-copie d at first) influe nce d millions. The ability to
publish the writte n word acce le rate d by orde rs of magnitude with
Gute nbe rg’s inve ntion of the printing pre ss in 1440. A little ove r 4
hundre d ye ars late r, Thomas Edison pate nte d the phonograph and we
be came able to re cord sound as we ll as words. Within 40 ye ars, the movie
came ra e xiste d and the toolkit was comple te . Now, millions of pe ople
consult YouTube by de fault to find instructions for anything from baking
a cake to building a house . As TED’s Curator Chris Ande rson said in his
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TED talk on this subje ct, online vide o is the ne w de facto e ducational
syste m for many millions, e spe cially in place s that don’t have traditional
e ducational infrastructure .
Once , all human knowle dge was hande d down aurally. You sat at the fe e t
of your te ache r and if you misse d it, you misse d it. Pythagoras conside re d
liste ning to be so much more important than looking that his
probationary pupils, or akousmatikoi , we re re quire d to sit sile ntly and
liste n to the ir te ache r de live r the le cture s from be hind a scre e n so that
the ir e ye s did not distract the m from the most fundame ntal channe l of
communication: sound.
But today, the pre mium on care ful liste ning is gre atly diminishe d. We can
che ck the book, liste n to the re cording or watch the vide o. The re is
growing de bate about the value of te aching any facts at all to childre n,
since almost anything can be discove re d or che cke d on the Inte rne t. We
simply don’t have to liste n as care fully as we once did, be cause the cost of
not liste ning is far le ss than it once was.
As we discusse d in Chapte r One , writing is the hare to the tortoise of
spoke n communication: this re lative ne wcome r has quickly ove rtake n
spe aking, to the point that millions pre fe r to te xt, e mail or me ssage than
to spe ak. As the skills of spe aking and liste ning are unde rvalue d, the y are
not taught or te ste d in school; as the y are unde ruse d in social, busine ss
and political inte raction, the y fall into disre pair. The re sult is the e rosion
of accurate e xpre ssion and re asone d de bate , and the rise of soundbite s,
bombast and polarisation.
HEA D PHON ES
Like most pie ce s of te chnology, he adphone s can be use d for good or for
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ill. Le t’s conside r the upside s first, of which I think the re are 4.
I use noise -cance lling he adphone s on flights and the y do an e xce lle nt job
of e liminating the de bilitating sound of wind rushing ove r the fuse lage at
600 mph.
At home , I ve ry much e njoy liste ning to music through high-quality
he adphone s, which do give wonde rful value : you have to spe nd
some whe re be twe e n 20 and 100 time s as much to achie ve the same
quality of sound through a physical hi-fi syste m, so audiophile s with a
limite d budge t are we ll advise d to choose he adphone s, as long as the ir
liste ning is always individual.
In place s with ne gative or distracting sound, he adphone s can be the only
way to ge t some pe ace if you are trying to conce ntrate or re lax. The Sound
Age ncy and Ecophon re le ase d a fre e app calle d Study some ye ars ago for
e xactly this purpose , and it has prove d ve ry popular. It plays a
soundscape spe cifically de signe d to he lp you work and mask any
irritating noise without itse lf distracting you. It stops afte r 45 minute s to
re mind you to take a short bre ak.
Finally, the re is the the sis of Profe ssor Michae l Bull, aka “Profe ssor iPod”,
that many pe ople we ar he adphone s whe n moving around in orde r to gain
more control ove r the ir pe rsonal e nvironme nt. The re is so much
intrusion in the mode rn world, whe the r from pointle ss noise , from othe r
pe ople or from marke te rs, that it’s a natural and unde rstandable re sponse
to disconne ct by se tting an aural no-go zone with he adphone s – the
grown-up e quivale nt of putting your finge rs in your e ars and humming
loudly in orde r not to he ar some one .
Howe ve r, the re are 2 major downside s with he adphone use and the y both
affe ct communication ne gative ly.
First, millions of pe ople are pe rmane ntly damaging the ir he aring by
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liste ning too loud, for too long. Most mobile s are capable of de live ring at
le ast 100 dB through typical he adphone s; e ve n whe re mandatory de fault
volume limits are in force , use rs can and ofte n do ove rride the m. The
re comme nde d maximum daily e xposure time to 100 dB of sound is just
15 minute s. It bre aks my he art to think of the millions of young pe ople
who are liste ning at this le ve l for hours a day. Noise induce d he aring loss
(NIHL) is se t to be come an e pide mic; a 1998 study found that alre ady
around one in 7 Ame rican te e nage rs had pe rmane nt he aring damage , and
I have no doubt the situation is much worse today. He aring de grade s with
age , so we are storing up a massive issue whe re in a de cade or 2 large
portions of the population will be at be st hard of he aring, and at worst
profoundly de af.
TIP: A simple rule of thumb for safe listening is: if you can’t hear someone speaking
loudly to you from 3 feet away, it’s too loud. Also, buy the best headphones you can
possibly afford. Poor quality headphones tempt you to turn up the volume in order
to get that visceral buzz from the music.
Se cond, schizophonia. This is a te rm coine d by the Canadian compose r
and write r Murray Schafe r, who also inve nte d the word ‘soundscape ’.
Schizophonia re fe rs to a disconne ct be twe e n what we ’re se e ing and what
we ’re he aring, which is absolute ly what happe ns whe n you put on
he adphone s for commuting, shopping or working. We ’ve note d the
be ne ficial, noise -blocking aspe ct of this above , but the re are 2 common
costs.
First, he aring is our primary warning se nse and whe n we disconne ct it we
can put ourse lve s in harm’s way. The re is a ne w bre e d walking the stre e ts
that insurance companie s are calling ‘pode strians’, and it se e ms the y are
causing nume rous accide nts by ste pping out in front of cars the y don’t
he ar, which cause s the drive r to brake sudde nly and ge t hit by the car
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be hind.
Se cond, schizophonia de stroys social inte raction. Board any bus, subway
or train and you will se e a good proportion, possibly the majority, of the
passe nge rs we aring he adphone s. We may not spe ak much whe n
commuting but we are at le ast sharing an e xpe rie nce and conscious of
one anothe r. With he adphone s on, that link is broke n and our social
space s are fracture d into millions of individual sound bubble s. In that
situation, nobody is liste ning to anybody.
Think about your own he adphone use . Make sure you are liste ning safe ly
and that you have the ve ry be st he adphone s you can afford, e spe cially if
you liste n for long pe riods or fre que ntly. And be conscious also of the
e ffe cts on your conne ctions with humanity and e spe cially your family,
frie nds and workmate s.
ALONE TOGETHER
This se ction is name d afte r an e xce lle nt book by MIT’s Profe ssor She rry
Turkle , a fe llow TED spe ake r whom I me t whe n she gave he r TED talk on
this topic. She rry was originally a major propone nt of te chnology, and in
particular its capacity to bring us toge the r in the fable d global village ,
whe re all of humanity is conne cte d and unde rstanding is naturally
e nhance d. Howe ve r, he r re se arch has cause d a comple te shift in he r
pe rspe ctive and she now be lie ve s that te chnology is disconne cting us and
loose ning traditional social tie s, a position e le gantly e xpre sse d in this
book and he r more re ce nt one , Reclaiming Conversation .
Se duce d by te chnology and e spe cially social me dia, we have move d from
a fe w de e p face -to-face re lationships to a large numbe r of shallow, distant
one s: the words ‘frie nd’ and ‘like ’ have a rathe r diffe re nt me aning today
compare d to 20 ye ars ago. Much of our inte raction has be come te xt-
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base d, and youngste rs are cle arly not de ve loping the social skills to
manage face -to-face communication we ll, or to de ve lop the e mpathy that
arise s from practicing be ing re ce ptive to the subtle tie s of voice and body
language . Much of the time we are now distracte d, our atte ntion and
consciousne ss some whe re e lse . I am ofte n struck on train journe ys by the
paradox of a carriage that at first se e ms full of convivial conve rsation –
until it be come s cle ar that all the conve rsation is with pe ople who are not
in the carriage at all. The re is a cove rt rude ne ss, I think, in some one
turning fe llow trave lle rs into non-pe ople so that he or she can have an
intimate phone conve rsation without any se nse of e mbarrassme nt or
awkwardne ss.
I call the syndrome of constant te xt-base d communication through
mobile de vice s and social me dia ‘pe rsonal broadcasting’. Twitte r,
Face book and the re st are e ntrancing millions of pe ople to be lie ve that
the world constantly ne e ds to know the ir ‘status’. The balance be twe e n
se nding and re ce iving is tipping furthe r away from liste ning, and it’s a
vicious circle as the skills of face -to-face conve rsation withe r, making it
e ve r-more challe nging to actually spe ak to some one and e ve r-more
te mpting to se nd the m a te xt.
We may e ve n be come drive n by a ne w social fe ar calle d FOMO, or fe ar of
missing out – a de spe rate urge to che ck and re che ck social me dia in case
some one has tagge d or me ssage d us, or twe e te d about us. FOMO can
be come obse ssive and e ve n pathological, and it probably plays a role in
the de pre ssing picture of a family sitting around the dinne r table , all
looking at the ir phone s. Re se arch among te e ns indicate s that much of
the ir conve rsation (whe n it occurs in pe rson) is about what the y are
se e ing on the ir phone s. This le ve l of conne cte dne ss paradoxically
we ake ns our links with those around us.
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Exerci se: Tech check
This is an extensive enquiry that I ask people to start in my workshops on
communication. Take a few minutes to start yours now: consider carefully how
technology affects your communication – both speaking and listening, at home, at
work and with your friends or important social groups. Keep this one at the front of
your consciousness, because technology changes fast, and its effects are not
immediately obvious as we rush to adopt the latest gadget. Before TV, families used to
talk, read, make music together, eat at the table, play games… aim to look afresh at
least once a year at your use of tech and its effects on your social behavior.
IMPA TIEN C E
How poor are they that have not pati ence! What wound di d
ever heal but by degrees?
- William Shakesp eare, Othello
The re is little doubt that te chnology is e roding our ability to focus and
conce ntrate for an e xte nde d time on one task or obje ct, be it a book, a
pie ce of music or a conve rsation. A 2015 study of more than 2,000 pe ople
by Microsoft found that the ave rage atte ntion span had falle n from 12
se conds in the ye ar 2000 to just 8 se conds, which is le ss than the
e stimate d atte ntion span of a goldfish. The study also found that pe ople
we re be tte r at multitasking than pre viously, but the influe nce of
te chnology was cle arly dividing the ge ne rations: 77 pe r ce nt of pe ople
age d 18 to 24 re sponde d “ye s” whe n aske d, “Whe n nothing is occupying
my atte ntion, the first thing I do is re ach for my phone ,” compare d with
only 10 pe r ce nt of those ove r the age of 65. Incre asingly, we liste n to
tracks, not albums; we channe l-hop rathe r than watching e ntire shows;
we browse the we b, spe nding on ave rage le ss than a minute on any page ;
and many young pe ople fe e l unde r-stimulate d if the y are not consuming
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2 or e ve n 3 stre ams of input at the same time .
Impatie nce has had a major e ffe ct in political discourse , whe re we have
little time for oratory. The adve nt of instant, 24-hour ne ws me ans that
most political e xpre ssion happe ns not in de bating chambe rs but in front
of TV came ras or e ve n on social me dia. Fue lle d by the ne e d to cre ate
some thing to say all day, e ve n in the abse nce of any re al e ve nts, a
mainstay of the me dia re sponse has be come ‘attack journalism’, which is
obse sse d with scandal. De manding an answe r to the que stion “Who is to
blame ?” has be come the primary purpose of much inte rvie wing and
e ditorial de cision-making. This springs from the Be ing Right le e ch, of
course : we all fe e l a little be tte r if we can be outrage d and judgme ntal
about some one or some organisation doing te rrible things, so we
implicitly e ncourage this kind of me dia se nsationalism and witch-
hunting. The same le e ch, e xpre sse d in constant impatie nce , fue ls an
e pide mic of inte rrupting in me dia de bate (and in millions of private
conve rsations too).
The re sult is that the soundbite has be come the prime ve hicle for
e xplaining political policy or opinion; ge t your proposition across in 20
se conds, or you will be inte rrupte d. Politicians have le arne d to be ‘on-
me ssage ’ at all time s, e mploying large me dia te ams to brie f the m and
buffe r the m from aggre ssive que stioning; the y now avoid e xpre ssing
strong opinions if at all possible , in case the y are calle d to account late r
for changing the ir mind (which is now a he inous crime for some re ason).
The conve rsation that arise s in this fast-cut, short atte ntion span,
confrontational, blaming world is ine vitably impove rishe d. This is true
not only for politics but also for day-to-day discourse . Re al liste ning take s
time and e ffort; it is not compatible with multitasking or an e ight-se cond
atte ntion span. Effe ctive spe aking re quire s be ing fully pre se nt and
conscious. It’s not surprising that so many conve rsations e nd with a
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dismissive “whate ve r!”
DESENSITISATION AND POLARISATION
Impatie nce has a close re lative that’s e qually dramatically affe cting our
ability to communicate : it’s de se nsitisation, which re sults from
se nsationalism and the pursuit of inte nsity. De se nsitisation powe rs
polarisation in socie ty.
Se nsationalism is the large , public ve rsion of the hype rbole we discusse d
in our disse ction of the Looking Good le e ch. For e xample , in the UK, it
se e ms that the re are only 2 e motional state s the popular me dia are
inte re ste d in: pe ople are e ithe r fine or the y are furious. Any time some one
is upse t in any way, e spe cially ce le britie s, the he adline is: XYZ FURY AT…
Whe n the me dia constantly dumb language down like this, e xagge rating
e motions to make things se e m more dramatic and collapsing a whole
range of e motions into one catch-all state , the e ffe ct is that we lose the
subtle tie s; shade s of gre y disappe ar and we e nd up with black and white .
You are probably alre ady thinking that this kind of re porting combine s
just about all the de adly sins in one , and you are right.
Sadly, though the te mpe rature of ne ws re porting and political de bate has
gradually rise n we , like the prove rbial frog in the cooking pot, have not
notice d; we have be come de se nsitise d to the point whe re more accurate ,
te mpe rate language would se e m we ak and lame . We are be coming
addicte d to inte nsity and numb to nice ty and nuance . The cre e p is visible
across traditional me dia, whe re ne ws is lace d with opinion, broadcast
inte rvie ws are confrontational, inte rrupting kills diale ctic and the game is
to be outrage d and find the guilty party. Extre me ne ws me dia outle ts are
way more ove rt in pe ddling undilute d journalism of hate . We saw the
re sults of this in re fe re nda and e le ctions in 2015 and 2016: ange r and
accusation displace d re ason and compromise , with cle arly divisive
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conse que nce s.
Of course , all of this re quire s the conse nt of all of us, be cause if we don’t
buy, watch or vote the n the polarise rs are marginal and powe rle ss. But
the de sire to be right is so strong that we are e asily se duce d to move down
a long and slippe ry slope . First come s caricature , which make s it e asie r to
dismiss those we disagre e with. Ne xt is conde mnation, pre judice and
bigotry. Ultimate ly the slope le ads to hatre d or diffe re nce , which has no
place in de mocracy, which re lie s e ntire ly on tole rance and civilise d
disagre e me nt.
We ne e d more liste ning in politics, and we ne e d it urge ntly. Politicians
me e t ofte n for ‘talks’. Wouldn’t it be a be tte r world if the y me t for ‘liste ns’
inste ad?
Exerci se: Engage
Think about your levels of tolerance for people whose views are not your own. If they
have been affected by the trend towards polarisation in the recent past, set yourself a
goal of reading things you are going to disagree with. We tend to surf the web to
validate our point of view. Do the opposite: seek challenge and see if there is
something to learn from those who disagree with you.
V OC A BU LA R Y
It’s hard to be e xpre ssive if you can’t find the right words. English is ve ry
rich in its vocabulary: the re are ove r 470,000 words in We bste r’s and the
Oxford English Dictionary, though the re al total is probably ove r a
million according to Inte rne t scans by Google and Harvard Unive rsity. Of
the se , some thing around 170,000 are in curre nt use , and the ave rage
pe rson use s be twe e n 20,000 and 50,000 of the m.
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Re ce nt re se arch has shown that we may have a proble m bre wing:
according to a surve y in the UK in 2010, te e nage rs are using only about
800 words a day, and the top 20 words account for one third of the ir
spe e ch. I would gue ss that ‘like ’ is ve ry high up that list!
Inarticulacy le ads to frustration. If we can’t accurate ly de scribe what we
want, what we ne e d or what’s wrong, we can fe e l disconne cte d and
misunde rstood. This, sure ly, is at the root of many confrontations and
viole nt acts. Education is a high priority partly for this re ason: to he lp
pe ople to unde rstand and e xpre ss the mse lve s.
DANGER WORDS
While we ’re on the dark side and talking about vocabulary, I’d like to
sugge st 5 words or word groups that you might like to watch out for. The y
can have significant ne gative e ffe cts on the way your spe aking is re ce ive d,
e spe cially if the y be come habits for you.
As with the le e che s and sins, I am not saying the se things are always bad
(though in some case s it’s hard to se e the positive s!). I am saying that it’s
we ll worth analysing your own spe aking and asking yourse lf if you use
the se words ofte n. If so, it may se rve you to se t up a little inte rnal alarm
be ll to ale rt you whe n you de ploy the m, to make sure you are not le tting
the m le ak powe r and authority from your spe aking.
Le t’s take a look at the 5 Dange r Words.
SHOU LD
I have banne d this word altoge the r from my vocabulary be cause I can’t
think of a single positive use for it. It ge ne rally de live rs implicit judgme nt,
guilt or re gre t. Whe n we te ll ourse lve s that we ‘should’ be doing
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some thing, we ’re acknowle dging that the thing would be be ne ficial and
implicitly be ating ourse lve s up for not doing it. “I shouldn’t ge t so upse t
whe n pe ople criticise me .” “I should have close d that sale .” “I should have
gone to the gym this we e k.”
Whe n we use it on othe r pe ople , it can be judgme ntal, re se ntful and e ve n
confrontational, be cause it se ts us up as supe rior and ofte n involve s
unsolicite d advice – back to the Be ing Right le e ch again. “He should have
give n me that promotion.” “You should lose some we ight.” “The y should
ne ve r have marrie d.”
JU ST
As an adje ctive , this is a good and ofte n noble word, as in “He was a just
man” or “It’s a just socie ty”. As an adve rb whe n use d as a minimise r, it
can be a major hole in the bucke t whe n it come s to powe rful spe aking,
and also a pe rnicious little blighte r that can ge t us into trouble by making
conse que nce s se e m manage able . Have you e ve r re gre tte d agre e ing or
de ciding to “just have one ”? Many re gre ttable actions have starte d with
the word just!
Also, the word can be de me aning, as in “she ’s just a se cre tary” or “he ’s
just a kid,” and it can trivialise re al issue s, as with the “Just say no” anti-
drug campaign in the 1980s.
Howe ve r, it’s the apologe tic use of the word in spe aking that we can
monitor for gre at gain. Conside r the se common state me nts and imagine
some one saying the m:
“I just want to say…”
“I’d just like to start with some house ke e ping announce me nts.”
“I just want you to know that…”
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Now try the se :
“I want to say…”
“I’d like to start with some house ke e ping announce me nts.”
“I want you to know that…”
Do you he ar how the minimise r is a hidde n apology, almost be gging for
the liste ne r to allow this small, insignificant thing to be said? How much
dire ct and asse rtive the se cond batch are than the first?
In my e xpe rie nce this word can be a little like bindwe e d, ve ry hard to
re move and ve ry pe rsiste nt in re asse rting itse lf, but the garde ne r’s job is
patie ntly to continue with the simple practice of spotting the invade r and
re moving it. I hope that practice se rve s you as we ll as it has me .
BU T
This word ofte n acts as a road block, for e xample : “I like you, but…” Are
you going to pay any atte ntion at all to what come s be fore the ‘but’ in that
se nte nce ?
It is almost always possible to re place ‘but’ with ‘and’ to the be ne fit of
your spoke n or writte n communication. Se nte nce s flow be tte r, difficult
ide as pre se nt the mse lve s without appe aring as major stumbling blocks,
and the whole tone be come s more positive . Try it and se e !
YOU MADE ME…
This formulation te nds to come out whe n we ’re fe e ling sorry for
ourse lve s. “You made me angry/sad/upse t” give s all the powe r away to
some one e lse . It puts us in the position of a victim, powe rle ss and of
course justifie d in be ing upse t. Again, the Be ing Right le e ch is lurking in
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the background. This is not ofte n a succe ssful formulation, be cause it
casts us as he lple ss to do anything about the issue , which is ofte n
(although of course not always) incorre ct.
Who make s your e motions? You do. Othe r pe ople do things; you have
fe e lings about the m. It can ofte n be ve ry powe rful to re cognise this
distinction and take re sponsibility for the fe e ling part, re placing the “you
made me ” formulation with some thing like : “Whe n you did x, I fe lt
angry/sad/upse t.” In that ve rsion, the 2 e le me nts are cle arly se parate d
along with the role s and re sponsibilitie s.
I am not sugge sting that we are re sponsible for all our own pain, or that
it’s simple to ge ne rate positive e motions in the face of trage dy or crue l
mistre atme nt. The world is unfortunate ly full of e xample s of disaste r,
barbarism and inhumanity, and those suffe ring the se things naturally fe e l
pain, fe ar, grie f and e ve n hate . Howe ve r, in le ss e xtre me situations it can
be e normously e mpowe ring to avoid giving our powe r away, e spe cially if
it’s a habit we have falle n into.
MA X IMISER S
The se are the words that imme diate ly e scalate an argume nt, like
throwing gasoline on a fire . I e xpe ct you have use d the m in ange r yourse lf
– almost e ve ryone has. In spe aking, the y are usually e xagge rations that
can alie nate the liste ne r.
He re the y are :
• Always
• Ne ve r
• Eve ryone
• Nobody
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In argume nts, the se words are usually inflammatory, e ithe r be cause the y
ove r-accuse , as in “You ne ve r liste n to me !” or “You always le ave your
dishe s in the sink!”, or be cause the y allow us to wallow in se lf-pity, as in
“Nobody care s about me !” or “Eve rybody hate s me !”
Re ally?
In spe aking, the y unde rmine pote ncy be cause the y are usually untrue , as
in “Eve ryone wants a be tte r car” or “We ne ve r ge t our marke ting right.”
The y can also le ave you looking a little foolish, like the British Ministe r of
War, Lord Haldane , who said in 1907: “The ae roplane will ne ve r fly.”
THE AGENTS OF MISCOMMUNICATION
You will re alise as we work toge the r in this book that I love acronyms,
pe rhaps be cause my me mory is far from flawle ss. He re ’s the first,
cove ring 6 common adve rsarie s of e ffe ctive spe aking and liste ning and
spe lling out the word AGENTS. The se 6 e ne mie s of e ffe ctive
communication are :
• Assumptions
• Ge ne ralisations
• Emotions
• Noise
• Time
• Se mantics
By be coming aware of the m, and by spe nding some time asking if the y
e xist and have any e ffe cts in your life , you can manage the m, ofte n with
dramatic e ffe cts on your powe r and e ffe ctive ne ss in communication.
A SSU MPTION S
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As we ’ll se e in the chapte rs on liste ning, our e xpe rie nce s shape our
pe rce ptions, and one of the ways that happe ns is whe n we form
assumptions about the way the world works and e spe cially the way
pe ople re late to us.
An e xample is the be st way to e xplain the way assumptions change
communication. Le t’s start with a simple sce nario: a pe rson e nte rs a hote l
with a he avy bag and the be llman says: “Le t me he lp you with that.”
We ’ll conside r 2 case s. In the first, the pe rson has forme d an assumption
base d on a tough childhood and many failure s in life . The assumption is
‘Pe ople think I’m we ak’. Give n this assumption, the be llman’s offe r is
tantamount to an insult, and the re sponse is an irritate d: “No thank you
I’m pe rfe ctly capable of carrying my own bag!”
In the se cond case , base d on a ve ry diffe re nt life e xpe rie nce , the pe rson
has forme d the assumption that ‘Pe ople are kind’. As a re sult, the
be llman’s offe r is graciously acce pte d with a smile .
One input; 2 comple te ly diffe re nt outcome s, all be cause of assumptions.
We all have assumptions about the world: it’s far too comple x to
unde rstand fully, and so are the pe ople around us. We cre ate mode ls,
the orise motivations, pre dict re actions and cre ate me anings e ndle ssly,
and the unde rlying assumptions fashion our re sponse s to the world and
the pe ople around us.
Be coming aware of your assumptions is a ve ry powe rful accomplishme nt.
Most pe ople think the world the y pe rce ive is re ality. If you start to
unde rstand that much of it is in fact your own mode l – the map, not the
te rritory – the n you can start to ask the que stion: is this or that
assumption use ful to me ?
GEN ER A LISA TION S
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“General i sati ons are sel dom i f ever true and are usual l y
utterl y i naccurate.”
- Agatha Christie, Murd er at the Vicarage
We ’ve alre ady e ncounte re d some of the most commonly use d
ge ne ralisations: the maximise rs always, ne ve r, e ve ryone and nobody.
Howe ve r, the se are far from the only e xample s, and if you are in the habit
of ge ne ralising it may we ll be transformative to be come conscious of this
and to te mpe r it – e spe cially whe n it come s to argume nts with love d one s.
Big and ne gative ge ne ralisations (BANGs) are ve ry dange rous, whe the r
we say the m to and about ourse lve s (“I can’t dance ”) or to and about
othe rs (“You just don’t care ”). If we re pe at the m e nough we can start to
be lie ve the m, and the y can e ve n be come re al.
Exerci se: Be speci fi c
Review your use of generalisations. Ask your friends and loved ones to help you. If
they are a problem for you, set yourself the goal of being specific – of saying exactly
what’s so, without absolutes and maximisers, keeping the conversation limited to this
specific situation or a well-defined set of experiences. Using phrases like “I feel as
though…” can help to moderate those BANGs and reduce their impact dramatically.
Discuss with your significant other (with careful framing and a commitment not to get
upset) any BANGs each of you tend to deploy. Make an agreement to be conscious and
avoid them, and have a code word one can use when the other deploys a banned
BANG.
EMOTION S
The re is an inve rse re lationship be twe e n liste ning and upse t e motions.
The more upse t you be come , the harde r it ge ts to liste n to some one :
strong ne gative e motions like ange r, se lf-pity or sadne ss turn our focus
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inward, re moving it from the proce ss of liste ning, which re quire s full
atte ntion to be e ffe ctive . And if some one is upse t, re ally liste ning to the m
will almost always calm the m down. If you want to de fuse an argume nt,
the be st way is to stop spe aking and start liste ning.
This is worth knowing be cause we all e xpe rie nce strong e motions
some time s. Ne gative e motions such as sadne ss, ange r, or pe rsonal dislike
filte r what you he ar so that it matche s your mood. The y can e ve n distract
you from liste ning at all. Othe r pe ople may re ad or se nse your state and
ce nsor the mse lve s, or struggle to communicate . At the same time , good
fe e lings can ge ne rate care le ssne ss: be ing optimistic, e xcite d or liking a
spe ake r can make you go along with whate ve r you he ar. You may lose
focus, ne gle ct de tails, or stop thinking analytically. In short, you may stop
liste ning e ffe ctive ly. Eve n staying ne utral can de sce nd into apathy and
partial liste ning. Whe n you stop putting e ne rgy into liste ning, you no
longe r do it atte ntive ly.
The ke y is to be aware of your state . If you know that you can’t liste n so
we ll be cause of your curre nt e motional state , you can take action, for
e xample to move important conve rsations to a be tte r time or to
compe nsate by making gre ate r e ffort than you naturally would. In the
case of argume nts at home , it can be ve ry he lpful to agre e on a syste m of
calling time -outs that allow all partie s to take a bre ak and calm down so
that, whe n conve rsation re sume s, liste ning can take the place of shouting.
All partie s must agre e in advance that, whe n a time -out is calle d, the re is
no ne gotiation or carrying on; also, calling a time -out must include
agre e ing a time to re sume the conve rsation within a pre -agre e d
maximum limit.
N OISE
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Now that you’re conscious about sound and its e ffe cts – and about noise
and damage it can cause – you will be taking control of the conte xt for
your conve rsations much more than e ve r be fore . Noise make s
communication more difficult, obscuring the signal we want to pay
atte ntion to. In hospitals, re se arch shows that high noise le ve ls incre ase
dispe nsing e rrors, probably be cause pe ople mishe ar instructions. Noise is
all around us, so it pays to have a simple syste m to de al with it whe n you
want to have an important conve rsation or ge t some work done . He re ’s
my sugge stion: if noise is an issue , take an MBA.
The M is MOVE. Whe ne ve r I se e pe ople in the stre e t shouting at e ach
othe r ne xt to a building site or a jack hamme r, I think: “Why don’t you
just move ?” It’s not he lpful to go unconscious, ignoring noise and
carrying on re gardle ss, in a be llow. If we re me mbe r the communication
mode l that unde rpins this whole book (the circular re lationship be twe e n
spe aking and liste ning, inside of the conte xt of background noise ) the n it
make s se nse to plan the conte xt for significant conve rsations, avoiding
unhe lpful noise . It might not be the be st ide a to try and make a comple x
sale s pre se ntation in a coffe e bar, or to propose marriage in a nightclub –
although I’m sure both the se things happe n! Whe n you know what you
want to say, how and to whom, the ne xt que stion is: whe re ?
The B is BLOCK. If you can’t move , try to block the noise . Close doors or
windows. If you’re trying to work or make phone calls, he adphone s can
be your frie nds he re , blocking the background noise . For conce ntration in
noisy space s, non-distracting masking sound like the Study app or some
birdsong can he lp too.
The A is ACCEPT. If you can’t move and you can’t block, the n it pays to
have an inte rnal conve rsation and choose to be the re . If we fight the
ine vitable , ge tting upse t about the noise , the upse t itse lf be come s the
proble m and adve rse ly affe cts our conve rsation or our work. If, inste ad,
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you de cide to acce pt the noise and the suboptimal conte xt, and adjust
your e xpe ctations accordingly, the n the upse t doe sn’t occur and you make
the be st of a bad job. As my fathe r use d to say: “The be st is the e ne my of
the good.” Some time s good is the be st we can do.
TIME
“You cannot trul y l i sten to anyone and do anythi ng el se at
the same ti me.”
- M. Scott Peck
It take s time to liste n prope rly, which is an issue in our incre asingly time -
poor world. For de cade s, marke te rs have be e n se lling time -saving: faste r,
e asie r, quicke r. The pace of life se e ms to acce le rate ye ar by ye ar as we try
to cram more and more into e ve ry day, multitasking in orde r to ge t things
done and stay on top of life with all its comple xitie s and calls on our time .
We are always-on, doing e mail in be d, te xting as we walk in the stre e t,
and having phone or e ve n face -to-face conve rsations as we do 2 or 3 othe r
things simultane ously.
I be lie ve that the re are billions of pe ople on this plane t who have ne ve r
had the e xpe rie nce of be ing prope rly liste ne d to – that is, whe n the othe r
pe rson stops the ir world for a while and de vote s 100 pe rce nt of the ir time
and atte ntion to the act of liste ning.
The re is a cost to this of course … but the re is such a be ne fit too. True
liste ning like this is one of the most ge ne rous gifts you can give to anyone .
You may not have done it for ye ars. Try it today and se e what happe ns!
(Se e the e xe rcise be low.)
By the same toke n, we can gain e normously by be ing conscious of time
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whe n spe aking. Face -to-face , it’s ofte n (though not always) possible to se e
if some one is ope n for a conve rsation. Re mote ly, e spe cially in voice -only
communication, we don’t have that data. We are not like ly to achie ve a
good outcome if we spe ak to some one while the y are focusing e lse whe re ,
e spe cially if that focus involve s e motions. By making a polite re que st (“Is
now a good time for you to talk for 5 minute s?”) we can e nsure that the y
do give us the ir full atte ntion for the agre e d pe riod.
Exerci se: ti mi ng
1. Listening
Make a list of the most important people to whom you listen. Choose one at a time
and decide that, next time they speak, you will stop everything else and give them
your full, undivided attention. Do this for a week for that one person and make a note
on your list against their name of any changes you detect in your relationship or how
they are with you. After a week, add the next person, and so on. When your list is
complete, sit and read through the notes to see the transformations you have effected
simply by giving people your time.
2. Speaking
Unless nonverbal information makes it clear there is an opening, always ask: “Do you
have a few minutes?” (or however long you know you need). Or you might say: “I want
to discuss x; is now a good time?” You are making a contract to buy their attention.
Not doing this and butting in without permission often lands as arrogant or selfish,
and yields far less returns than this explicit agreement.
3. Meetings
In meetings, always confirm a start time AND a finish time. I have lost count of the
number of meetings I have attended where only the start time was agreed and very
different expectations existed (unspoken) about the finish time. At the start of the
meeting, confirm that everyone agrees on the finish time and is clear to be present for
the whole meeting.
SEMA N TIC S
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The S of AGENTS is about me anings. Se mantics is anothe r word that
come s to us from Ancie nt Gre e ce , whe re semantikós me ant ‘significant’;
it is the study of me aning. It focuse s on the re lation be twe e n ‘signifie rs’
like words, phrase s, signs, and symbols and what the y stand for – the ir
‘de notation’ and ‘connotation’.
De notation of a word is its e sse ntial, ce ntral me aning: for e xample , dog, a
dome sticate d carnivorous mammal that typically has a long snout, an
acute se nse of sme ll, non-re tractile claws, and a barking, howling, or
whining voice .
Connotation de scribe s the word’s implications and e motional
associations – the additional laye rs of me aning that we ascribe to it.
The re was an adve rtising campaign in the UK re ce ntly that use d the
slogan “Be more dog,” me aning be more e nthusiastic, playful and e xcite d
about life . This is a pe rfe ct e xample of connotation.
As we will discove r in the ne xt chapte r, conte xt and liste ning are critical
whe n it come s to connotations. We are me aning-making machine s, and
we ofte n collapse what happe ne d with what we made it me an. It can be
ve ry libe rating to be come conscious of the me anings you make , of your
ability to change the m at will, and of the fact that othe rs may construe
things ve ry diffe re ntly!
Se mantics impair communication clarity more obviously whe n language s
ge t involve d. Eve n English ve rsions vary wide ly, as I found re ce ntly whe n
I was talking about the proble m of noise from trolle ys to a group from a
US hospital. Face s we re blank until I showe d a picture and the lightbulb
came on: “Oh, you me an carts !”
If we can re tain humility and re alise that othe rs may not make the same
me anings we do, communication is le ss like ly to be de raile d by
pote ntially de structive misunde rstandings.
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BUTTONS, TRIGGERS, BARBS AND BOMBS
As we saw in the discussion off the AGENTS that affe ct our spe aking and
liste ning, e ach of us de ve lops a mode l of the world base d on assumptions
that in turn de rive from our e xpe rie nce s; we mature with an e motional
landscape and our own habits and syste ms for me aning-making. We also
de ve lop our own se nsitivitie s, and in re lationship we be come aware of the
se nsitivitie s of our love d one s, familie s, frie nds and colle ague s.
As a re sult, most pe ople have buttons and trigge rs. I diffe re ntiate the se 2
by the ir re sults. A button produce s an e motional re sponse – for e xample
say that thing to me , and I imme diate ly be come incande sce nt with rage . A
trigge r produce s a be haviour – for e xample , re mind me of this me mory or
put me in that situation and I will be have in a ce rtain way.
Whe n we de libe rate ly, or pe rhaps instinctive ly, aim for othe r pe ople ’s
buttons or try to trigge r the m, we may use barbs or bombs. A barb is a
niggling, pointe d re mark that te nds to hook the re cipie nt be cause it’s
unkindly me ant. A bomb is that phrase we de ploy in extremis – the one
that’s going to cause a nucle ar e xplosion in the othe r pe rson.
Involuntary e motions or be haviours can be ve ry de structive , so it’s
ge ne rally wise to avoid pre ssing buttons, pulling trigge rs, casting barbs or
dropping bombs.
Exerci se: Map the mi nefi el d
As usual, consciousness is key. Take some time to reflect on your own buttons and
triggers. What sets you off? When did you last lose it, or behave in a way you later
regretted? Start a notebook on this and collect examples. In time, you will have a very
clear idea of your own sensitivities, and you can do the same for the important people
in your life. Life is not always a walk in a minefield, but it definitely helps to know
where the danger areas are so that you can avoid them.
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Chapter 3:
Expl oring l istening and speaking
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e don’t te ach the skills of liste ning and spe aking much, if at all, in
formal e ducation. That le ads many pe ople to take the m for
W
grante d, assuming that it’s natural to have the se abilitie s – but in fact
the y are both skills that can be le arne d, practice d and improve d. In this
chapte r, we unpack the m to e xplore e xactly what liste ning and spe aking
re ally involve .
THE MIRACLE OF HEARING
Heari ng i s a form of touch. You feel i t through your body,
and someti mes i t al most hi ts your face.
- Evelyn Glennie
He aring is a miracle , and far too comple x and e xtraordinary to be take n
for grante d the way we do. As you re ad this, you are he aring the sound
around you with your whole body. You we re doing this from as e arly as 12
we e ks afte r conce ption in your mothe r’s womb, until your e ars de ve lope d
e nough to start working prope rly at around 20 we e ks. What you we re
liste ning to back the n was mainly your mothe r’s he artbe at, which was in
thre e -time , like a waltz (lub-dub-pause , lub-dub-pause ). Pe rhaps this is
why music in thre e -time te nds to be happy, while four-time (which is
more associate d with walking or marching fe e t) can be much more
aggre ssive .
In the womb, you could also he ar muffle d sounds from the outside world:
re me mbe r, sound trave ls e ve n more e ffe ctive ly through fluids than it doe s
through air. The se sounds shape d you as you liste ne d. Re se arch shows
that pre -birth babie s le arn to re cognise the ir pare nts’ voice s and be come
familiar with the cade nce s and sounds of what will be the ir native
language ; the y e ve n ge t to appre ciate the ir pare nts’ favourite music.
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Although the re is absolute ly no e vide nce to support the popular ide a that
playing classical music make s a baby more inte llige nt, ne ve rthe le ss it’s
probably a ve ry ple asant e xpe rie nce !
The mome nt of birth transforme d your he aring e xpe rie nce . Sudde nly, the
high fre que ncie s that had be e n blocke d by your mothe r’s body assaile d
you all at once . I ofte n think this must be one of the most startling aspe cts
of coming into the world, e qual with se e ing bright light and starting to
bre athe air inste ad of fluid. It must take some time to ge t use to sharp,
high-pitche d sounds.
Although your e ye s don’t le arn how to focus for some time afte r birth,
your e ars are alre ady working pe rfe ctly whe n you e nte r the world.
Unfortunate ly, many babie s’ first e xpe rie nce is ve ry noisy. Hospitals are
chronically loud: as alre ady me ntione d e arlie r in this book, a study of US
hospitals found that noise le ve ls we re up to 12 time s the WHO
re comme nde d maximum by day, and 8 time s as loud by night.
Ne onatal units are no e xce ption, as I re me mbe r ve ry we ll from the birth
of my son Be n, who came 6 we e ks e arly by e me rge ncy C-se ction. Long
be fore I was working in sound and unde rstood its e ffe cts on human
be ings, I intuitive ly fe lt ve ry distre sse d by his surroundings as he lay in an
incubator, surrounde d by hissing sounds, be e ps and inte rmitte nt alarms.
I’m glad to re port that Be n has grown-up a fine young man, but re ce nt
re se arch shows that this kind of e nvironme nt can affe ct de ve lopme nt.
This is be cause the se nse s affe ct one anothe r in a proce ss scie ntists call
cross-modal e ffe cts. The powe r of the se e ffe cts is be coming cle are r with
re se arch by scie ntists like Profe ssor Charle s Spe nce at Oxford Unive rsity;
for e xample , one pape r found that we taste food le ss we ll in noisy
re staurants, probably be cause ove rloading any one se nse displace s our
se nsitivity in othe rs.
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Re staurate urs ne e d to take note of this be cause re staurant noise is
be coming a ubiquitous hazard. I’m sure you’ve had the e xpe rie nce of
going home with a sore throat and a sore he ad afte r be llowing across the
table at your dinne r companion for hours. A fe w ye ars ago, I took my
fiancé e Jane to the world-famous Manhattan re staurant P.J. Clarke ’s, the
bar whe re Johnny Me rce r wrote One for My Baby (and One More for the
Road) . I’d first be e n the re with my fathe r at the age of 15, and was
looking forward to a romantic and atmosphe ric e ve ning. We got
atmosphe re all right, but the romance all we nt out of the window the
mome nt we walke d in. The din inside was unbe lie vable (I me asure d it at
a consiste nt 90 dB) and the only way to communicate was to shout at the
top of your voice . Sadly, many pe ople now confuse buzz with noise . I wish
re staurate urs would re alise that you can have a quie t buzz!
Tip: If you want to speak to someone in a noisy bar, restaurant, club or gig, teach
them first to press firmly with a finger on their tragus (the solid flap of skin and
cartilage in front of their ear canal) then speak normally very close to their ear. It
works like magic and you can speak rather than shout whilst being heard perfectly;
you also don’t damage their hearing by shouting straight into their ear. I wish I’d
known that in P. J. Clarke’s!
We te nd to take our he aring for grante d, but it is a comple x and, to me ,
rathe r a wondrous proce ss. Sound wave s trave l through the air and e nte r
your e ar canal, colle cte d by the brilliantly de signe d pinna, the comple x
folds of skin on the side of your he ad that we ge ne rally think of as the e ar.
The y e nte r your he ad and vibrate your tympanic me mbrane , an 8 by 10
millime tre (roughly quarte r-inch) oval be tte r known as the e ar drum.
This is an amazing proce ss: we manufacture loudspe ake rs with 3 or more
vibrating cone s in orde r to re produce all the fre que ncie s of sound, and ye t
in your e ar this one little me mbrane manage s the whole thing pe rfe ctly.
Thre e tiny, linke d bone s (the smalle st one s in your body) transfe r this
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vibration to an e ve n smalle r me mbrane calle d the oval window. The
e ngine e ring is rathe r re markable whe n you conside r it: those 3 tiny bone s
vibrate thousands of time s a se cond for many de cade s, and the y ve ry
rare ly fail.
The oval window in turn vibrate s fluid in your inne r e ar, a she ll-shape d
structure calle d the cochle a, containing tiny hair ce lls, e ach of which
re sponds to spe cific fre que ncie s; whe n trigge re d, the se cause the re le ase
of ne urotransmitte r.
The auditory ne rve take s all the information from the e ar’s hair ce lls to
your brainste m, whe re its first task is to trigge r subconscious re fle xe s in
the midbrain, starting with fight/flight be cause your life may de pe nd on
it. A little afte r the subconscious re sponse s, the auditory information
re ache s many othe r parts of your brain, whe re it be come s consciously
pe rce ive d and may furthe r affe ct your physiology, as we ll as impacting on
your e motions, cognition and be haviour.
He aring goe s ve ry de e p, ve ry fast, as we discusse d in the se ction on the 4
e ffe cts of sound. Vision is a cone in front of you, while he aring is a sphe re
all around you; you can he ar, but not se e , dange r coming from be hind,
which is why he aring is your primary warning se nse .
The human he aring range is 10 octave s, from 20 to 20,000 He rtz; by
comparison, we se e le ss than one octave , from roughly 430 to 770
te raHe rtz. Also, your e ars are always-on: you may have notice d that you
have no e arlids! A strange noise in your house at night will probably wake
you, be cause your e ars are working e ve n while you sle e p.
He aring is vulne rable to damage , as we ’ve se e n with the troubling
phe nome non of youngste rs abusing he adphone s. Industrial and
construction noise , loud music and e ve n working for e xte nde d pe riods in
noisy re staurants or clubs, can cre ate pe rmane nt he aring damage . Many
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famous musicians are now suffe ring from ye ars of e xposure , among the m
Sting, Bono, Ne il Young and Pe te Townshe nd, who is an active
campaigne r for raising aware ne ss of the dange rs of loud music among
young musicians and fans alike . Townshe nd wrote : “I have te rrible
he aring trouble . I have unwittingly he lpe d to inve nt and re fine a type of
music that make s its principle propone nts de af.” He blame s his he aring
loss not only on high-volume gigs, but also de cade s of he adphone use
during re cording. The se days he has to take 36-hour bre aks be twe e n
se ssions to le t his e ars re cove r. He re fle cts: “He aring loss is a te rrible
thing be cause it can’t be re paire d. Music is a calling for life . You can write
it whe n you’re de af, but you can’t he ar it or pe rform it.”
Dr. Se th Horowitz wrote a te rrific book calle d The Universal Sense: How
Hearing Shapes the Mind. A forme r ne uroscie nce profe ssor at Brown
Unive rsity, he curre ntly works on ways of improving we llbe ing through
applie d sound: for e xample , he cre ate d some e ffe ctive sle e p-inducing
sonic products that I can vouch for, as the y worke d ve ry we ll whe n my
daughte r Alice was suffe ring from insomnia. I spoke to Se th about
he aring, and the full inte rvie w is on this book’s we bsite in both audio and
transcript forms. Che ck the pane l for an e xce rpt and for instructions for
acce ssing the full inte rvie w online .
He aring is a powe rful and rathe r miraculous se nse . It place s us in the
world as we be come aware of the sounds all around us, warns us of
dange r and pe rmits us all the joys of music and spoke n communication.
We ne e d to look afte r it.
Hearing – the universal sense: Seth
Horowitz
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This is an excerpt from the transcript of a conversation with Seth Horowitz. For the
full transcript, and the audio recording, visit www. howtobeheardbook. com and use
the password consc1ous .
Dr. Se th Horowitz is a forme r profe ssor in the De partme nt of
Ne uroscie nce at Brown Unive rsity. His work cove rs comparative and
human he aring, balance and sle e p re se arch, brain de ve lopme nt, the
biology of he aring, the musical mind and ne uroe thology (the e volutionary
and comparative approach to the study of animal be haviour and its
unde rlying me chanistic control by the ne rvous syste m). He has applie d
his re se arch skills to re al world applications of de signe d sound, ranging
from sle e p e nhance me nt to combating motion sickne ss. His work has
be e n cove re d in popular me dia including NPR’s Hear and Now and All
Things Considered , the Boston Globe , Wire d.com and nume rous othe r
online and print publications. His book The Universal Sense: How
Hearing Shapes the Mind has re ce ive d critical acclaim by Publisher’s
Weekly and Nature . His Ne w York Time s article The Science and Art of
Listening was one of the most e maile d article s in 2012.
Julian Tre asure : Se th, your book was calle d “The Unive rsal Se nse ” and
I’m fascinate d by how you came to that title – why you fe e l that he aring is
the unive rsal se nse . Pe rhaps you could say a word about that.
Se th Horowitz: We ll, it was re ally my first que st give n to me as a graduate
stude nt whe re my advisor was doing a se rie s of le cture s on animal se nse s
and said, “Go find some animal that doe sn’t he ar.” The re are ple nty of
animals that don’t se e ve ry we ll or don’t se e at all, like blind cave fish.
The re are ple nty of animals with limite d se nse of touch, taste , sme ll, but
it turns out that the re are no ve rte brate s, cre ature s with backbone s, that
do not have a functional se nse of he aring and vibration. Once I re alise d
that, it made comple te se nse be cause vibration is one of those forms of
e ne rgy that you’re going to find anywhe re . Che mical se nse s ne e d to be
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close to the body, light will be de pe nde nt on time of day and
e nvironme nt, but no matte r whe re you go, the re are always vibrations. A
truism about life forms is that if the re is a source of information,
some body will e volve to use it.
Julian Tre asure : And of course , vibration ultimate ly is life . It’s
e ve rything. Eve rything is vibrating at subatomic le ve l right up to ce llular
le ve l. Vibration is all around and, I imagine , just se lf-pre se rvation for
most spe cie s would dictate that the y ne e d to be ve ry se nsitive to
vibration.
Se th Horowitz: Of course , be cause e ve n if you’re a visual spe cie s, like
humans, the re ’s going to be a time whe n you’re going to want to he ar
some thing e ve n if it’s be hind you or it’s dark out. So, vibration and sound
act as our alarm syste m. What that has grown out of is the fact that
he aring and vibration de te ction are ve ry fast se nsory syste ms. We think
about some thing be ing as fast as sight or the spe e d of light be ing ve ry
quick, but in biological te rms he aring can be 20 to 100 time s faste r than
vision. This is be cause vision has to be proce sse d through multiple stage s.
It has to be synthe sise d to cre ate an image ; whe re as, he aring is a ve ry
me chanical se nse . Our e ar actually carrie s out many of the re ally critical
analyse s e ve n be fore it ge ts to our brain. Within the first .0051 of a
se cond you can te ll whe re some thing is, what it is to some de gre e ,
whe the r you should be afraid of it or whe the r you should be possibly
running towards it. Long be fore you can ge t any kind of conscious
re sponse , your e ars have alre ady se t up the ve ry basic survival
parame te rs…
It hits the pre conscious re gions of the brain ve ry e arly. That’s why sound
colours all othe r se nsory and pe rce ptual and e motional phe nome na,
be cause it’s gotte n in the re long be fore anything e lse has drive n. By the
time some one has said, “I want you to liste n to me .” You have he ard that
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pe rson’s voice , ide ntifie d the ir ge nde r, whe re the y’re talking from, might
have some ide a about the ir culture , the ir age , how important what the y’re
saying is and the ir e motional status. That colours long be fore you actually
he ar and unde rstand the words that the y’re saying.
Julian Tre asure : Can you say a word about the diffe re nce be twe e n
he aring and liste ning?
Se th Horowitz: He aring is a se nsation. It goe s on all the time , whe the r
you’re paying atte ntion or not. Liste ning is he aring plus atte ntion. Paying
atte ntion is some thing that we do to incre ase our re solution on a task, but
what atte ntion re ally is, is a way of filte ring out e ve rything but one
particular thing. All your frie nds who say the y’re multitasking be cause
the y’re so busy – no, the y’re not. You can only re ally focus on one thing at
a time . Pe ople who claim the y’re multitasking just have a de ce nt me ntal
transmission and are shifting be twe e n things ve ry quickly and ofte n just
not spe nding any de pth on any one thing. Liste ning re quire s taking all
that auditory information, finding e le me nts that are similar and aligning
the m in your brain.
Atte ntion is about signals that synchronise in time . If a whole orche stra is
just doing that tune up thing whe re e ve ryone is making it up, the re ’s no
me lody, the re ’s nothing you’re tracking, you just he ar this wall of sound –
but if during the tune up, a ce llo and a flute start playing a similar line ,
the same scale , you’ll pay atte ntion to that scale . It’s like the y’re both
playing the C major scale or the y’re both playing the ope ning from some
song you know: your e ar has locke d on the same fre que ncy conte nt ove r
time .
THREE KINDS OF LISTENING
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Nature hath gi ven men one tongue but 2 ears, that we may
hear from others twi ce as much as we speak.
- Ep ictetus
Dame Eve lyn Gle nnie is the world’s only full-time solo orche stral
pe rcussionist – and she is profoundly de af. Whe n Eve lyn lost he r he aring
age d 12, he r e nlighte ne d music te ache r had he r fe e l the diffe re nt
vibrations in timpani skins as he struck the m. Gradually she be came so
se nsitise d that she could disce rn diffe re nt note s through touch, and as
time passe d she le arne d to he ar with he r e ntire body. Today, she plays
with symphony orche stras, liste ning with e ve ry ce ll. Naturally, Eve lyn has
some strong vie ws on he aring and liste ning, as e xpre sse d in he r e xce lle nt
2007 TED talk, and also in my inte rvie w with he r, an e xce rpt from which
is in the pane l, along with instructions for acce ssing the comple te
inte rvie w online in both audio and transcript forms.
If the y think about liste ning at all, most pe ople think that he aring and
liste ning are one and the same , a natural proce ss we don’t have to think
about. That may be why we do not te ach liste ning in schools.
In fact, he aring and liste ning are not the same thing at all. Liste ning is a
skill, one that can be le arne d and improve d. It’s also a lot more comple x
than it may initially appe ar.
I distinguish 3 kinds of liste ning, e ach of which we will e xplore in this
chapte r.
First is outer lis tening . This is the liste ning you imme diate ly think of
whe n you conside r the topic – liste ning to sounds from around you. I
de fine this kind of liste ning as ‘making me aning from sound’.
Se cond is inner lis tening . We all have an inne r voice that spe aks to us
inside our he ads. You know the one : it may have just said to you: “What
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inne r voice is he talking about?” The way we liste n to that voice can shape
our whole life e xpe rie nce .
Third is created lis tening . Our actions and words fashion a liste ning
for us in othe r pe ople , and this joins with the unique liste nings the y bring
from the ir life e xpe rie nce s to cre ate a listening into which we always
speak . This may be individual if we ’re spe aking to one pe rson or it may be
a compound liste ning from a group or an audie nce .
Dame Evelyn Glennie
This is an excerpt from the transcript of a conversation with Evelyn Glennie. For the
full transcript, and the audio recording, visit www. howtobeheardbook. com and use
the password consc1ous .
Eve lyn Gle nnie is the first pe rson in history to succe ssfully cre ate and
sustain a full-time care e r as a solo pe rcussionist, pe rforming worldwide
with the gre ate st conductors, orche stras, and artists. She fondly re calls
having playe d the first pe rcussion conce rto in the history of The Proms at
the Albe rt Hall in 1992, which pave d the way for orche stras around the
world to fe ature pe rcussion conce rti. She had the honour of a le ading role
in the Ope ning Ce re mony of the London 2012 Olympic Game s.
Eve lyn re gularly provide s maste rclasse s and consultations de signe d to
guide the ne xt ge ne ration. With ove r 80 inte rnational awards to date ,
including the Polar Music Prize and the Companion of Honour, Eve lyn is
also a le ading commissione r of ne w works for solo pe rcussion, with more
than 200 pie ce s to he r name from many of the world’s most e mine nt
compose rs. The film ‘Touch the Sound’ and he r e nlighte ning TED spe e ch
re main ke y te stimonie s to he r approach to sound-cre ation.
To this day, Eve lyn continue s to inve st in re alising he r vision – to Te ach
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the World to Liste n – while looking to ope n a ce ntre that e mbodie s he r
mission: “to improve communication and social cohe sion by e ncouraging
e ve ryone to discove r ne w ways of liste ning. We want to inspire , to cre ate ,
to e ngage and to e mpowe r”.
Eve lyn Gle nnie : I kne w I wante d to play in pe rcussion and participate
in music making, but I thought that sound came through the e ars. The re
was this huge build-up of sound. It wasn’t that I wasn’t he aring sound. It
was actually that I was he aring too much of it and I couldn’t the n se parate
the sounds and de ciphe r whe re the y we re coming from. So that actually
the n affe cte d my balance . And the se nse of touch was just comple te ly out
of the door, e ve n though I kne w what ne e de d to happe n, I couldn’t make
that happe n be cause I was be ing dire cte d by what was happe ning he re .
Until one -day, one le sson … He happe ne d to be striking a timpani. The re
we re 2 timpani in the room, or ke ttle drums. He struck the drum and he
just sort of pause d for a mome nt. He said, “Eve lyn, can you fe e l that
drum?” He said, “That drum is re ally re sonating. Can you fe e l it?” And he
struck it and I said, “We ll actually I think I can. I think I do. I think I do
fe e l this.” And he said, “Okay, right. Whe re are you fe e ling it?” And I
liste ne d and liste ne d and I said, “We ll I think I’m fe e ling it in part of my
hand,” or whe re ve r I was fe e ling it. He the n said, “Eve lyn, put your hands
on the wall of the room.” The se we re thin, just thin music rooms. Sure
e nough, the amount of vibration that came through the wall and through
my hand was e normous. The n, he change d the pitch and the n said,
“Right. Whe re are you fe e ling that?” And I said, “Ooh, from the re to
the re .” The n he change d the pitch again. “Ooh, that’s now le ss.” It was
ge tting highe r and highe r.
That comple te ly change d the way I saw sound. I kne w that I ne e de d the
patie nce to liste n to the sound afte r the drum had be e n struck. I kne w
that, he ave ns above , this body was pe rce iving sound in many diffe re nt
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parts. What I don’t do and can’t do is de ciphe r the pitch. So I can’t say,
“Oh ye s, if I fe e l it from the re to the re , that’s a B-flat.” That’s not going to
happe n, be cause what you’re playing is just simply too fast. It’s too much.
It’s too many note s. If you’re playing with an orche stra, the re ’s just
simply too much going on to just kind of pick the se things out. And e ve n
with tuning, you ne e d to be comple te ly alone , comple te ly that’s the only
thing happe ning, as it we re , in your e nvironme nt.
So that was a huge ly important turning point for me , be cause from the n I
had the confide nce to take the aids out, actually he ar le ss through the
e ars, but more through the body. It also me ant that, sudde nly, I kne w
that the se nse of touch was the most important se nse for me . Also the
se nse of sight, just be ing aware of how othe r pe ople we re playing, re ally
using the e ye s to se e if some thing was aggre ssive , if some thing was
loving, if some thing was ge ntle , if some thing was che e ky, whate ve r it was.
Sudde nly, all of the se nse s be came de ve lope d and e ach one couldn’t do
without the othe r, actually. So in a way, all of the se se nse s sort of form
this, what I think is the sixth se nse , frankly. But that’s always fluid in the
kind of situation that you’re in. It’s not a case of “This is how I always do
it”. It’s your launch pad, and it de pe nds on the room you’re in. It de pe nds
on the pie ce you’re playing, the instrume nt you’re playing. It de pe nds on
all sorts of things.
What we do as musicians, is that 9 time s out of 10 we re he arse in an
e mpty hall, and that has a ce rtain fe e l to it. But the n sudde nly the
audie nce come s in and it’s a comple te ly diffe re nt fe e l. So in my mind,
whe n I’m in my own home I make a diffe re nce be twe e n practice ,
re he arsing, and pe rformance . So practice is, for me , the me chanics of
playing. How can I ge t this more howe ve r I want it to be ? But re he arsing,
which is what I do most of the time , is re ally imagining the audie nce the re
and thinking to yourse lf, “Today I’m going to imagine myse lf in a
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cathe dral, so what is that sound pale tte going to be ? How am I going to
inte rpre t what I want to play?” Could be an e xe rcise , but how am I going
to play that e xe rcise in a cathe dral, or in a re ally dry acoustic, or in a
small room, or in a drawing-type room, or whe re ve r it may be , in an
outdoor ve nue ? How am I going to proje ct that sound? It make s me
de cide which malle ts I may want to use be cause the y’ll be diffe re nt
according to those situations.
That’s he lpe d me broade n the sound pale tte that I use as a playe r so that
I’m not hostage to, “We ll, this is how I always play it, and this is how it
worke d in my practice room, so why doe sn’t it work now whe n I’m in this
particular room?”
Julian Tre asure : Are the re any sounds that you particularly love
liste ning to, Eve lyn?
Eve lyn Gle nnie : We ll, it’s whate ve r sound is around, that’s my
favourite sound. It’s a little bit like an instrume nt, whate ve r is in front of
me , if it’s a triangle or a marimba or snare drum, that’s my favourite
instrume nt. Whiche ve r pie ce of music is in front of me , that’s my
favourite instrume nt. But it is inte re sting what you said, be cause you can
play any kind of music to youngste rs, to infants re ally and if you play
those in ce rtain conce rts pe ople might say, “Goodne ss, what on e arth was
that? That was just nonse nse ,” or, “That was just awful,” or whate ve r. But
for kids it may be , “We ll that sounds like my dad’s lawnmowe r,” or, “Ooh,
that sounds like the fridge door,” or some thing. The y’re re lating it to
things, and I find that re ally quite inte re sting be cause the re is that
imagination not to be a hostage to sound re ally; the y’re re ally thinking
about the ir e nvironme nt.
I e njoy the e xploration of sound, so it is hard for me to pick out what my
favourite sound is. Be cause re ally, if I’m participating in sound, the n I
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have to pay atte ntion to that 100%, so that’s my favourite one . It has to
be , ye s.
OUTER LISTENING
You he ar e ve ry sound around you, but you don’t liste n to the m all. During
the comple x proce ss of distributing the mass of sonic information to
various parts of your brain, you se le ct what to pay atte ntion to. This is the
first stage of liste ning: filte ring. As we ’ll se e shortly, this filte ring shape s
your whole e xpe rie nce of life .
The se cond stage of liste ning give s rise to my de finition of oute r liste ning:
‘ making meaning from sound’ . As you filte r, you also inte rpre t and cre ate
me aning. Language is the most obvious e xample : we le arn how to de code
a stre am of sounds as words with me anings. If you liste n to a language
you don’t unde rstand at all, you will he ar a wall of incompre he nsible
vocal stylings, and you may ge t a fre sh se nse of how amazing this proce ss
is. We te nd to take for grante d that our own language me ans some thing,
but the re is nothing inhe re nt in this: de coding language is a le arne d
proce ss with e normous comple xity.
We ascribe me aning to all sound, not just language . Instinctive ly, we
re cognise pote ntial dange r in sudde n or une xplaine d sounds. Consciously
and subconsciously, we cre ate and acce ss a huge me ntal library of sounds
and what the y me an, to he lp us unde rstand the world around us: the
sound of a car, train or plane ; the ale rt sounds of our phone s and
compute rs; our doorbe ll; all the richne ss of music; fe e dback sounds from
house hold de vice s and public stre e t furniture ; nature sounds; the
nuance s of our baby’s vocalisations or the subtle infle xions in our love d
one ’s voice .
The proble m is that most pe ople do not liste n consciously at all. The y are
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not aware that the y are doing some thing, de ploying a skill that can be
worke d on, improve d, re fine d and maste re d. Whe n you start to liste n
consciously, you move to a whole ne w le ve l of life e xpe rie nce and you
gain unpre ce de nte d le ve ls of control ove r your happine ss, we llbe ing and
e ffe ctive ne ss. We will be le arning how to liste n consciously in the ne xt
chapte r.
THE LISTENING FILTERS
He re ’s a pote ntially transformative conce pt: your liste ning is unique ! It’s
as individual as your finge rprints, your irise s, your voice print or your
face .
A common, pe rsiste nt and ve ry damaging assumption is that e ve ryone
liste ns the same way. We do not. This is be cause we all liste n through a
se t of filte rs, and the se filte rs are not the same for any 2 pe ople be cause
the y are shape d by our life e xpe rie nce and by our characte r. Take n
toge the r, our filte rs cre ate a de fault liste ning that can be come a little like
a bunke r with a small slit ope n to the world outside : only ce rtain things
ge t in, and much simply bounce s off. If we are unconscious of this
proce ss, we can firmly be lie ve that what we pe rce ive through that small
ope ning is re ality, whe re as it is in fact a small, se le cte d part of re ality that
we inte rpre t in our little bunke r. Of course , what we think of as re ality
actually happe ns be twe e n our e ars: it is just our pe rce ption and thus
ne ve r comple te . The trick is to be come aware that we are vie wing the map
and not the te rritory, in which case we can start to manage , and e ve n
change , the limitations.
Le t’s e xplore the liste ning filte rs.
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Culture
You we re born into a comple x of culture s, e ach influe ncing the way you
liste n. The se may have include d your nucle ar and e xte nde d family; your
e thnicity; your ne ighbourhood; and your city, state and country. Any or
all of the se e nvironme nts may fashion your liste ning as you grow up.
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Language
The language or language s that you le arn to spe ak will furthe r forge your
liste ning. Language s diffe r wide ly, not only in how the y work but in the
words the y have , or don’t have .
Tonal language s like those use d in China, Vie tnam and Thailand
distinguish ide ntical words by using diffe re nt pitche s or infle xions, giving
the m comple te ly diffe re nt me anings. Some of the se language s cre ate 7
diffe re nt me anings for the same syllable , de pe nding on whe the r it is said
high, low, with or without a croak and so on. Spe ake rs of some African
tonal language s can communicate across long distance s playing the tone s
on drums, and the re are hundre ds of whistle d language s whe re pe ople in
place s as dive rse as France , We st Africa, Made ira and Me xico can have
e ntire conve rsations with nothing but whistling, de live ring the tone s of
the language without the words.
Some language s tre at time ve ry diffe re ntly to the way Indo-Europe an
language s conce ptualise it with the future in front of us and the past
be hind, and te nse s of ve rbs to indicate te mporality. The re are te nse le ss
language s, such as Hopi, and the Amazonian Amondawa language has no
words for time pe riods such as month or ye ar. The Amondawa pe ople do
not re fe r to the ir age s, but rathe r assume diffe re nt name s in diffe re nt
stage s of the ir live s or as the y achie ve diffe re nt status within the
community.
Language s also e mphasise the importance of things in the words the y
use , or don’t use . The urban le ge nd about Eskimos and words for snow
and ice is true . Ce ntral Sibe rian Yupik has 40 such te rms, while the Inuit
diale ct spoke n in Canada’s Nunavik re gion has at le ast 53, including
matsaaruti for we t snow that can be use d to ice a sle igh’s runne rs, and
pukak for the crystalline powde r snow that looks like salt. In the Inupiaq
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diale ct of Alaska, the re are about 70 quite poe tic te rms for ice , including
utuqaq (ice that lasts ye ar afte r ye ar), siguliaksraq (the patchwork laye r
of crystals that forms as the se a be gins to fre e ze ) and auniq (ice that is
fille d with hole s, like Swiss che e se ).
Equally, language s can miss words, e ithe r be cause the y are not re le vant
to the e xpe rie nce of the pe ople spe aking that tongue , or simply be cause
nobody e ve r bothe re d to make one . In Cze ch, vybafnout is a single word
me aning to jump out and shout boo, a word lacking in English. The
re ason is uncle ar: Cze ch childre n are probably no more playful than
English-spe ake rs. In Brazilian, cafune is the act of te nde rly running your
finge rs through your love d one ’s hair. Pe rhaps Brazilians are more
romantic than most!
One of my favourite books is The Meaning of Liff by Douglas Adams and
John Lloyd, whe re the brilliantly witty authors sugge st hundre ds of
things that re ally ought to have words but don’t (in English, anyway) and
give the m words take n from obscure place name s. So, a be rriwillock is an
unknown workmate who write s ‘All the be st’ on your le aving card; a
grimbiste r is a body of cars on a motorway all moving at e xactly the spe e d
limit be cause one of the m is a police car; and to dinde r is to nod
thoughtfully while some one give s you a long and comple x se t of
dire ctions which you know you’re ne ve r going to re me mbe r.
Our language shape s our pe rce ption, some thing that may be be hind
many diffe re nce s and conflicts.
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Values
As you gre w, you accre te d value s from pare nts, frie nds, te ache rs, role
mode ls and authority figure s. You se le cte d some and discarde d othe rs,
probably large ly in your te e nage ye ars whe re most pe ople try on a range
of ide ntitie s be fore se ttling on the one the y choose to make the ir own.
As we saw in our discussion of the Pe ople -Ple asing le e ch, most pe ople
ne ve r make the ir value s e xplicit and many don’t know what the y are at
all. The value s e xe rcise in that se ction can be ve ry valuable to ide ntify and
be conscious of the value s that drive you and unde rpin your be haviour,
and your liste ning.
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Attitudes
Le ss formal and grand than value s, attitude s also shape liste ning. You
will have accumulate d attitude s about many things from your individual
path through life . Some will be base d on fact or first-hand e xpe rie nce ,
while othe rs may be arbitrary and e ve n simply pre judice or bias. Most
pe ople find it hard to liste n to some one who has highly oppose d attitude s
to the ir own, e spe cially if the y appe ar capricious or unjustifie d. Attitude s
such as re ligious bigotry, racism and se xism absolute ly affe ct the way
pe ople liste n and re spond to othe rs, with se rious and some time s fatal
conse que nce s that appe ar all too fre que ntly in the ne ws me dia
worldwide .
Beliefs/Assumptions
We saw e arlie r in the se ction on AGENTS how assumptions can colour
our liste ning to othe r pe ople . Be lie fs can do the same , whe the r the y are
re ligious, philosophical or scie ntific. So much of human conflict and
crue lty has come from pe ople re fusing to tole rate those with opposing
be lie fs, to the point whe re viole nce be come s justifie d in the ir minds. We
have se e n this in the 21st ce ntury in vicious, uncompromising groups like
ISIS, who continue a long and tragic history of pogroms and ‘e thnic
cle ansing’. Pe ace de pe nds on the ability to tole rate those with opposing
be lie fs. That re quire s trying to unde rstand the m, which is only possible if
we work hard at liste ning de spite our filte rs.
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Expectations
I try ve ry hard not to form too many e xpe ctations, be cause e xpe ctation is
ofte n the mothe r of re se ntme nt. Of course , we ne e d to plan, and it’s gre at
to look forward to things, but if we se t e xpe ctations too firmly – e spe cially
of othe r pe ople , and e spe cially if we ke e p the m se cre t – the n we se t
ourse lve s up for a fall, probably into pain and ange r. Expe ctations can
affe ct our liste ning profoundly if things don’t turn out as we wante d the m
to. As usual, the ke y is consciousne ss: if we are aware of having an
e xpe ctation, we can challe nge it or be willing to le t it go if life turns out
diffe re ntly (and some time s for the be st!).
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Intentions
We e nte r most conve rsations with some sort of inte ntion. This will
ine vitably shape our liste ning as we liste n out for things that will he lp us
achie ve our goal or that will ge t in our way, and ignore or discard things
we de e m e ntire ly irre le vant to the inte ntion. Inte ntions can cause
confusion, e mbarrassme nt or conflict if we ’re not cle ar and e xplicit about
the m, for e xample if a spe ake r and a liste ne r have diffe re nt inte ntions for
a conve rsation. I re me mbe r at the TED confe re nce in Monte re y in 1988
the sound syste m faile d. My inte ntion to liste n and le arn from what was
on the stage was unwave ring, so whe n some one a fe w se ats to my le ft
starte d shouting I fe lt annoye d and disapproving – until I re alise d that it
was the late and much misse d Robin Williams, who the n proce e de d to
amuse and e nte rtain the audie nce with brilliant improv come dy until the
te chnology was fixe d and the show could go on.
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Emotions
As we saw in the AGENTS se ction, e motions ofte n colour and affe ct our
liste ning. Whe n we ’re upse t, we don’t liste n so we ll, while we can de fuse
anothe r’s upse t by re ally making the m fe e l liste ne d to. Anothe r e xample
is romance : whe n we ’re in the first flush of love , our liste ning for the
obje ct of our affe ction is both ove rwhe lming and unconditionally
positive : the ve ry sound of the ir voice can make our he art skip a be at, and
nothing the y say is wrong. That usually change s as romantic passion
mature s into a more sustainable , long-te rm loving re lationship, whe re we
acce pt that nobody, not e ve n the love of our life , is pe rfe ct. We ’ll be
e xamining loving liste ning late r in this book.
The se , the n, are the filte rs. Yours are diffe re nt from mine , be cause we ’ve
walke d a diffe re nt road. This obse rvation chime s with re ce nt ne urological
re se arch, which indicate s that individual e xpe rie nce s shape our brains
through a proce ss calle d hippocampal ne uroge ne sis. In a 2013 Ge rman
lab e xpe rime nt, 40 ge ne tically ide ntical mice we re raise d in a close d
e nvironme nt. What transpire d was fascinating: the mice dive rge d in the ir
be haviour, with some be coming more adve nturous and othe rs be ing ve ry
conse rvative . The diffe re nce s gre w ove r time , de spite ide ntical
e nvironme nt, die t and ge ne s. The re ason was that e ve ry individual
e xpe rie nce le d to the growth of ne w ne urons, cre ating individuality
through a sort of ne urological butte rfly e ffe ct. The same proce ss ope rate s
in human be ings, which may be why twins with ne ar-ide ntical ge ne s and
upbringings ofte n le ad ve ry diffe re nt live s and de ve lop diffe re nt
pe rsonalitie s, stre ngths and we akne sse s. If individual e xpe rie nce s can
have such a strong e ffe ct, it is no surprise that one twin might be a gre at
liste ne r and the othe r ve ry poor.
I suspe ct this brain plasticity is part of the proce ss of de ve loping unique
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liste ning filte rs. No 2 pe ople have ide ntical e xpe rie nce s, so the se tting of
e ach individual’s filte rs is unique to that pe rson – in othe r words, e ve ry
pe rson’s liste ning is unique , which is a transformative re alisation that we
will work through in de tail in the se ction on cre ate d liste nings late r in this
chapte r.
Take n toge the r, the liste ning filte rs cre ate our re ality – the things we pay
atte ntion to, and what we make the m me an. It also me ans that, by
be coming aware of your own filte rs, you cre ate the possibility of changing
the m – of using the m like the control surface s on a plane to change your
re ality for the be tte r. Now that’s an e xciting prospe ct! We ’ll le arn how to
do it in Chapte r Four.
INNER LISTENING
It’s ge ne rally acce pte d by ne uroscie ntists that most of the activity in our
brains is unconscious. We are rare ly aware of the manage me nt of our
bodily functions, e ve n though the y all are cle arly re gulate d. It’s a little like
be ing the CEO of a huge organisation: you have a good ge ne ral se nse of
what’s going on, but as far as the de tails are conce rne d, all you ge t to
know about is the odd pie ce of important information re laye d to you by
those who choose what’s significant and what it me ans.
Howe ve r, we do also think consciously, in imagine d words, picture s and
sounds. The we ight of e ach varie s from pe rson to pe rson, but note that 2
of the m are sound-base d. Eve n if you would de scribe your thinking as
primarily visual, your mind’s e ar is probably quite active , whe the r it’s
liste ning to the voice in your he ad, e njoying re me mbe re d music or
imagining the voice of a love d one saying some thing to you.
It’s the little inte rnal voice that we ne e d to focus on he re . Our inne r
liste ning to that voice plays a major role in our re lationship with
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ourse lve s, which is to say our opinion of ourse lve s and our e motional
re sponse to ourse lve s, whe the r that’s e xpre sse d in se lf-love and high se lf-
worth, or in se lf-loathing and/or se lf-pity.
Most of us have an inne r critic, and for some it’s a ve ry strong voice ,
possibly carrying on the de structive work of an ove r-critical pare nt or
te ache r. If you’ve e ve r he ard the words “You idiot!”, or worse , in your
he ad, you know what I me an. Many pe ople suffe r gre atly from ne gative
se lf-talk.
Eve n if your inne r critic doe sn’t run the inte rnal show, you will almost
ce rtainly re ce ive ne gative me ssage s from time to time . Me ssage s like
the se …
“Don’t you dare ge t up to dance , pe ople will laugh at you!”
“If you go and spe ak to him/he r you will only make a fool of yourse lf!”
“Don’t put your hand up, pe ople might notice you!”
“Don’t try that, you’ll fail!”
It’s e asy to think that the inne r voice is you, the boss, te lling you the truth
all the time . If that’s so, the n the ne gative comme nts hit home hard and
cramp your style , stopping you from doing things and from e xpre ssing
yourse lf, causing low se lf-e ste e m and e ve n se lf-hatre d.
Le t me offe r you a pote ntially transformative pe rspe ctive : you are not
your inner voice .
But if that’s true , the n who are you?
You are the one who’s listening
The voice you he ar is not all of you; it’s probably a part of you that got
hurt once , or has le arne d to fe ar or be cautious about some thing. It may
be doing its be st to prote ct you, or it may be carrying on ne gative
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fe e dback you be came familiar with in your childhood. (Sadly, ve ry ofte n
we pre fe r familiar pain to the scary unknown, e ve n if that route might
le ad to happine ss.)
The fathe r of be havioural e conomics, Danie l Kahne man, distinguishe s 2
se lve s in his gre at book Thinking, Fast and Slow. The e xpe rie ncing se lf
doe s our living, e xpe rie ncing e ve rything in the mome nt. The
re me mbe ring se lf summarise s all this e xpe rie nce , inte rpre ts it and
assigns me aning; it also ove rstate s pe aks and valle ys and e ndings in its
ve rsion of our life e xpe rie nce . The re me mbe ring se lf is what dominate s
our vie w of the world. This is why we te nd to assume that the future will
mirror the past, and form biase d judge me nts about the like ly outcome s of
our curre nt choice s.
Whe the r your inte rnal voice is a damage d fragme nt or your re me mbe ring
se lf, and whate ve r its motive s, if you acce pt that it isn’t the whole of you,
you put yourse lf in a comple te ly diffe re nt mindse t whe n he aring it. Think
of yourse lf as the king or que e n on a throne with the little voice coming to
offe r you counse l base d on a ve ry incomple te se t of data. If you don’t like
what it says, dismiss it! Alte rnative ly, think of the little voice as an unruly
youngste r who doe sn’t unde rstand the world ye t and can’t stop blurting
things out as the y e nte r his/he r he ad; you can liste n, tousle its he ad and
se nd it packing!
Exerci se: retrai n your i nner voi ce
1 That’s interesting!
Practice using this phrase. It helps to distance you from the negative self-talk if you
immediately think: “That’s interesting! Why did my inner voice just say that?” I
learned this one on the golf course! It’s far more productive than diving into anger,
frustration our despair to coolly ask: “That’s interesting! Why did I hit that
shank/slice/hook?”
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2 True, kind, helpful
Ask yourself: was that comment true? Was it kind? Was it helpful? If the answer to any
of these is no, say thanks for sharing and send the little voice on its way.
3 Transforming your self-talk
Take some time to write down the things you hear most from your inner voice. Some
may be positive; many are probably negative. Many of them might be in the first
person, like “I’m so useless! ”
First, if your voice uses the first person (I this, I that), translate everything into the
second person. Research shows that positive self-talk using the word ‘you’ or even the
third person, using your name, is more effective, possibly because it makes us feel
that someone else is talking.
For each of the negative comments, write a positive counter. So, for example, if you
often hear “I’m so stupid”, you might write “You are intelligent and perceptive. ” Or to
counter “I have nothing interesting to say”, you might write “John is a complex and
fascinating human being. ” Or for “My stomach is so fat” try “Your stomach is round
and you are going to take steps to slim. ”
You can write the positive statements on Post-It notes and put them on the mirror
you see in the morning. If there are a lot of them, take them one at a time. Repeat
them to yourself enough times and they will gradually replace your negative tapes.
CREATED LISTENING
Just as you are a liste ning for othe rs due to your filte rs, so othe rs are a
liste ning for you. This ‘cre ate d’ liste ning is a combination of the ir own
unique , individual liste nings and any e xpe rie nce the y have of you. In
othe r words, it is co-cre ate d.
Your part
Your contribution is your be haviour and way of be ing. How you are , and
what you do and say, cre ate a liste ning for you, e spe cially in those who
know you we ll. If you are always late for appointme nts, pe ople may start
te lling you the me e ting is e arlie r than it re ally is, be cause the ir liste ning
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for you is that you are a late pe rson. This is whe re the 7 De adly Sins re ally
play out: any of those be haviours that be come s habitual will impair the
way pe ople liste n to you and make it harde r for you to be he ard and ge t
your point across.
Howe ve r, it doe sn’t take re pe ate d be haviours to change pe ople ’s liste ning
for you. Some time s that can happe n instantly, e ithe r for be tte r or for
worse . In a world whe re re putation is be coming more and more
important in busine ss and in pe rsonal re lationships, it is now vital to be
aware of this proce ss, as a salutary e xample shows.
In the 1980s, the UK’s le ading je we lle r was a nationwide chain calle d
Ratne rs, which was the de fault de stination for any young couple planning
to ge t marrie d. It looke d unassailable until, in April 1991, its Managing
Dire ctor, Ge rald Ratne r, gave a spe e ch to the Institute of Dire ctors
confe re nce at the Royal Albe rt Hall. He de cide d to be humorous and se lf-
de pre catory, but he badly misjudge d the pote ntial conse que nce s. In his
spe e ch, he joke d that some of his company’s products we re so che ap
be cause the y we re ‘crap’ and that the ir e arrings we re che ape r than a
prawn sandwich, but probably wouldn’t last as long.
He did not anticipate the backlash. The popular national daily
ne wspape rs ran he adline s that scre ame d ‘Rotne rs’. Custome rs (who
ge ne rally re se nt be ing de picte d as mugs) boycotte d Ratne rs store s. The
value of the group plumme te d by £500 million and the company almost
collapse d comple te ly. Ge rald Ratne r re signe d and the company
re launche d with a ne w name , though it ne ve r re gaine d its forme r marke t
position.
Instant change s in liste ning can also occur due to spoke n or printe d
gossip, which is why we have laws against libe l and slande r. Howe ve r, the
law doe sn’t prote ct individuals from having the ir re putation de stroye d in
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the ir own social circle s, and damage d liste nings can ge ne rate ve ry
de structive be haviour, as De sde mona finds with tragic conse que nce s in
Othello . On the othe r hand, a single action can transform the liste ning for
a pe rson from de risory to re spe ctful, as T. E. Lawre nce finds afte r the
taking of Aqaba in David Le an’s wonde rful e pic film Lawrence of Arabia .
The le sson from this is: take res pons ibility for the lis tening you
create through your actions and your words . The liste ning you
ge ne rate – public, profe ssional, within your organisation, among your
community, or among your frie nds and family – de te rmine s how you are
re ce ive d whe n you spe ak, and to a large de gre e what you can accomplish
in your life . Take care of it.
Their part
Othe r pe ople ’s contribution to the co-cre ate d liste ning for you is that the y
bring the ir own filte rs. As we ’ve alre ady note d, it is a grave mistake , and
one that many pe ople make , to assume that e ve ryone liste ns like you do.
Each human be ing brings his or he r unique liste ning to e ve ry
conve rsation. Be coming se nsitive to this is a ke y skill in spe aking
e ffe ctive ly. We will look at this in more de tail in Chapte r 5.
EXPLORING SPEAKING
We ’ve be e n communicating with spoke n language for some whe re
be twe e n 60,000 and 100,000 ye ars. Nobody knows e xactly how long
be cause the re are of course no re cordings and writing only came into
e xiste nce some 4,000 ye ars ago. I ofte n wonde r what it sounde d like
whe n Palae olithic pe ople we re spe aking to e ach othe r te ns of thousands
of ye ars ago. Living in Orkne y as I do, the abundance of Ne olithic
antiquitie s such as the famous village of Skara Brae se rve s as a constant
re minde r that 95 pe r ce nt of human history is undocume nte d, including
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the words and ways of spe aking our ance stors use d and the music the y
made .
The anthropologist Ste ve n Mithe n postulate s in his book The Singing
Neanderthals that music came be fore language . Backe d by an impre ssive ,
swe e ping surve y of the available data and scie ntific thinking, he sugge sts
that e arly humans communicate d using ‘proto-hum’, a nonve rbal and
quite musical form of vocal e xpre ssion not unlike the wordle ss tonal
language s of today that we discusse d in the se ction on liste ning filte rs.
I do an e xe rcise in my se minars that shows the powe r and unive rsality of
nonve rbal vocal communication. I have the group pair off and the n ask
the m to e xpre ss to one anothe r joy, ange r, sadne ss, saying sorry, and
asking for some thing – all in sound but without using any words. It is
re markable how e ve ryone use s almost ide ntical sounds for e ach of the se
tasks: ange r is a low growl; sadne ss is a high, ge ntle tone that de sce nds by
about a minor third (could this be the re ason minor ke ys sound sad to
most pe ople ?); saying sorry is a ge ntle sound that goe s quickly from high
to low and back up again; and asking for some thing is pure que stioning
intonation whe re the tone rise s as the obje ct is indicate d.
Mithe n argue s that infant-dire cte d spe e ch (IDS) – the sounds mothe rs
make to the ir babie s – may go back 500,000 ye ars, and ce rtainly this is
the first form of ve rbal communication most of us re ce ive , with its
e xagge rate d prosody and simple , re pe ating vocabulary. Howe ve r, from
this simple and age -old starting point, mode rn babie s the n se t out on the
journe y to le arn an e ntire , comple x language with up to 50,000 words
the y may use , along with all the comple xitie s of intonation, ge sture , facial
e xpre ssion and timbre that combine to form comple te vocal
communication.
Spe aking is ve ry simple : you force air through your vocal cords, which are
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folds of tissue stre tche d horizontally across the larynx from the front of
the throat to the back, forming a slit, the e dge of which vibrate to produce
the sounds of your voice . The proce ss is controlle d by the Vagus ne rve ,
the large st ne rve in your body that also carrie s information to and from
your e ars, and re ache s all the way down into your dige stive syste m,
passing by most of your vital organs on the way.
At the same time , spe aking is ve ry complicate d: you have to cre ate a wide
range of tone s, timbre s, dynamics, sounds, vowe ls, consonants, words,
phrase s and se nte nce s, instantane ously se le cting from your working
vocabulary in orde r to communicate . The issue is that ve ry little of this is
active ly taught or formalise d. Ye s, good pare nts know to re ad to the ir
infants and conve rse as ofte n possible in orde r to transfe r the se skills.
Ye s, kinde rgarte ns and schools know how to te ach and de ve lop
vocabulary. But the ubiquity of low-value childre n’s TV (e spe cially
cartoons) and scre e n-base d game s is a re al challe nge – and in any case
maste ring basic vocabulary is only a small part of the skillse t re quire d for
re ally e ffe ctive se lf-e xpre ssion. Pe rhaps that’s why my TED talk How to
speak so that people want to listen is (at the time of writing) in the top 10
of all time : pe ople know that the y don’t know how to play this
e xtraordinary instrume nt we have all be e n born with like a virtuoso, and
the y re alise how powe rful that skill can be .
Le t’s e xplore some of the hidde n de pths of spe aking.
BR EA TH
Your voice is simply bre ath.
Bre athing in and out is the most fundame ntal way in which we are all
conne cte d to the world around us. Re spiration is an autonomic proce ss
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which fortunate ly doe sn’t re quire any conscious thought at all; controlle d
by the brain ste m, your diaphragm and inte rcostal muscle s te nse and
re le ase to e xpand and contract your lungs, e ach bre ath pulling in the
volume of a grape fruit containing trillions of air mole cule s, and within
the m trillions of trillions of oxyge n atoms. About half of that oxyge n
come s from plants, the re st from algae and cyanobacte ria in lake s and
oce ans. All your ce lls ne e d that oxyge n to drive the ce llular re spiration
proce ss, which cre ate s e ne rgy for biosynthe sis, move me nt and more .
The me chanics are straightforward, but bre ath has more dime nsions than
simple anatomy. Controlle d bre athing is the foundation of me ditation in
e ve ry one of the world’s spiritual discipline s. Possibly the most focuse d
practice is to be found in pranayama yoga, which comprise s a wide range
of bre athing te chnique s. The Sanskrit word pra?a me ans life force but
can also be translate d as bre ath, and this conne ction be twe e n bre ath and
life itse lf is found in many othe r traditions: the Chine se word qì or ch’i
has the same 2 me anings; pne uma in Ancie nt Gre e ce me ant bre ath, and
also soul; inde e d, the English world spirit de rive s from the Latin word
spiritus, which me ant bre ath.
More practically in the conte xt of our ne e ds in this discussion, the be tte r
you bre athe , the be tte r you will spe ak. Most pe ople bre athe ve ry lightly,
which fe e ls like using just the top of one ’s lungs. For many, whole days
can pass without taking a re ally de e p bre ath, or inde e d be ing conscious of
bre athing at all.
Most of us hardly scratch the surface of our pote ntial bre athing capacity,
which can be gre atly e xte nde d through dilige nt practice : inte rnational
Ashtanga yoga te ache r Kise n can inhale for one full minute and e xhale for
the ne xt. Try e mulating that! Fre e dive rs manage e ve n more amazing
fe ats. I kne w the y could hold the ir bre ath for ove r 10 minute s whilst
diving, but I was stagge re d to find that the world re cord for static apne a –
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holding bre ath unde rwate r without moving – is (at the time of writing) a
mind-blowing 24 minute s and 3 se conds, se t by fre e dive r, Ale x Se gura
Ve ndre ll in Fe bruary 2016. Pe ople like this train for ye ars and alte r the ir
biology to achie ve the se pote ntially dange rous re cords. The y also
probably start off with large r-than-ave rage lung capacity, as do many
Olympic athle te s, particularly in rowing (cre w) and swimming. But it
doe sn’t take ye ars to achie ve re markable improve me nts in lung capacity:
Tom Cruise and his Mission Impossible - Rogue Nation co-star Re be cca
Fe rguson traine d to be able to shoot long unde rwate r se que nce s with no
bre aks – up to 6 minute s long in Cruise ’s case .
We don’t ne e d to go that far of course , but le arning how to bre athe we ll is
a gre at contributor to we llbe ing as we ll as to the powe r of your voice .
We ’ll be e xploring some e xe rcise s to improve your bre athing whe n we
rummage through the Vocal Toolbox in Chapte r Five .
THE INSTRUMENT WE ALL PLAY
This is a phrase I ofte n use to de scribe the human voice , be cause it
re minds me of the incre dible capacity that we all posse ss and ye t so ofte n
take for grante d. Think of what can be done with this e xtraordinary
instrume nt, from the throat singing of Tibe tan Buddhist monks to the
soaring soprano of Maria Callas in he r prime ; from the visce ral, distorte d
wails of Robe rt Plant on LED Ze ppe lin’s Immigrant Song to the sublime
scat signing of Ella Fitzge rald; from the sumptuous sound of the supe rb
choriste rs at King’s Colle ge , Cambridge to the mind-blowing Qawwali
vocal gymnastics of Nusrat Fate h Ali Khan… and that’s just singing. In
spe aking, imagine the lithe and dange rous baritone of Se an Conne ry
saying “Bond, Jame s Bond”, or anothe r famous baritone , the passionate
and inspiring Dr. Martin Luthe r King intoning “I have a dre am…”, the
bass of Jame s Earl Jone s as Darth Vade r, or the husky tone s of Laure n
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Bacall te lling Humphre y Bogart: “You know how to whistle , don’t you,
Ste ve ? You just put your lips toge the r and blow.”
The human voice is the most e xpre ssive sound make r on Earth, and
probably the most powe rful sound too – it’s the only sound that can start
a war, or say “I love you.” It se e ms tragic to me that we do not te ach our
childre n how to maste r this comple x and supple gift. I’ve had pe ople in
my workshops whose ve rsion of a shout is almost inaudible , or who are
de afe ning in one -to-one conve rsation; othe rs whose voice is locke d in a
tight, re stricte d throat, who spe ak in a life le ss monotone , or who se e m
ne ve r to bre athe at all… I hope the y we nt home gre atly change d, but what
a waste of this almost limitle ss capacity for the ye ars be fore .
Your voice is probably capable of far more than you e ve r ask of it, in
range (from high to low), in powe r (from a whispe r to a shout or a roar),
in re sonance and de pth, in proje ction and in e xpre ssive ne ss. We will be
e xploring ways to unle ash all that pote ntial in Chapte r Five .
THE ELEMENTS OF SPEAKING
Powe rful spe aking combine s 2 e le me nts: conte nt and de live ry.
Both are crucial: a gre at spe e ch that’s de live re d in a shambling, dull
monotone will fall flat, while the most passionate de live ry can’t make
nonse nse me morable . Howe ve r, for most pe ople , the gre ate st value lie s in
working on de live ry be cause a pe rson with e xce lle nt de live ry is
imme diate ly impactful; most pe ople fall far short of the ir pote ntial simply
through having ne ve r worke d on the basics.
We ’ll be cove ring both conte nt (what you say) and de live ry (how you say
it), in re ve rse orde r for the above re ason, in Chapte rs Five and Six. But
first che ck the pane l to se e what Chris Ande rson, TED’s curator, se e s as
the e sse ntial e le me nts of e ffe ctive public spe aking. The pane l also
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contains instructions for acce ssing the comple te inte rvie w in audio and
transcript forms online .
What makes a great talk: Chris Anderson
This is an excerpt from the transcript of a conversation with Chris Anderson. For
the full transcript, and the audio recording, visit www. howtobeheardbook. com and
use the password consc1ous .
Afte r a long care e r in journalism and publishing, Chris Ande rson be came
the curator of the TED Confe re nce in 2002 and has de ve lope d it as a
platform for ide ntifying and disse minating ‘ide as worth spre ading’, and
as the gold standard for public spe aking. In June 2015, TED poste d its
2,000th talk online . The talks on www.te d.com are fre e to vie w, and the y
have be e n translate d into more than 100 language s with the he lp of
volunte e rs from around the world. Vie we rship has grown to
approximate ly one billion pe r ye ar.
Julian Tre asure : What are the e sse ntial e le me nts of a gre at talk Chris?
And I know you’re going to say, at the he art of it is that powe rful ide a… is
that e nough or is the re anything e lse ?
Chris Ande rson: The re are many diffe re nt type s of gre at talk. I think
one important pie ce of advice is not to take any single se t of guide line s as
de finitive , be cause that can be the re cipe for some thing formulaic, and
what matte rs is that you say what you want to say in your authe ntic way:
that re ally matte rs more than anything. But, I think mostly talks work
be st whe n the spe ake r come s with an attitude of ge ne rosity, not
se lfishne ss. If a spe ake r come s on stage and is basically pitching in some
way, whe the r it’s a busine ss, a cause , a book, whate ve r…
Julian Tre asure : …or just to be like d…
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Chris Ande rson: …ye ah, or just to be like d, it’s frustrating and
fundame ntally ine ffe ctive . The stance to come with is a be lie f that you
have some thing you’re re ally e xcite d about that is going to be valuable to
pe ople in the audie nce and your job is to offe r the m that gift and to try
and do some thing, which is kind of a miraculous thing to do, which is to
re cre ate in the ir minds the same ide a that is in yours. And, usually the
way to do that e ffe ctive ly, is to just be ve ry cle ar about what is the core
that you want to communicate , and anchor e ve rything in your talk to that
– to have a crystal cle ar through-line to the talk, which e ve ry e le me nt
conne cts to in some way.
Julian Tre asure : Achie ving that love ly Holy Grail – I know the re ’s be e n
re se arch showing that the brain wave s of audie nce s actually attune to the
brain wave s of the spe ake r if the y’re doing it re ally we ll. Okay, ne xt
que stion, the 3 most irritating things that pe ople do on the stage . Whe n
would you say, just don’t do that?
Chris Ande rson: The single most irritating to me is visible
manipulation of an audie nce , and that can take se ve ral forms. It may be
e motional manipulation – that’s te lling an e motional pe rsonal story in a
way that just doe sn’t fe e l authe ntic, it fe e ls formulaic in some way, or
fe e ls contrive d. Or, an atte mpt to grandstand. The re are a lot of pe ople
who are just se duce d by the ide a of “I want to be a charismatic pre se nce
on stage ” and the y come ove r as full of the mse lve s. Those are re ally the
things that irritate me . It’s whe n pe ople are in it for the ir own e go.
Julian Tre asure : Okay, so, how about some tips if some body’s about to
spe ak in public for the first time , what things would you sugge st the y
focus on?
Chris Ande rson: I think one of the ke y things is to basically de le te most
of what you want to say. You just don’t have time to say most of what you
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want to say and it’s the harde st thing to do, to ge t rid of the e xce ss and
inste ad pick the one thing that is most important but the n de ve lop it with
e nough de pth. It’s far, far be tte r to be narrow but de e p than broad and
shallow, by and large . And so, for a talk to be me aningful, pe ople ne e d to
know why it matte rs; the y ne e d to have the ir curiosity about it
stimulate d; the y ne e d to e ngage with you; probably storie s ne e d to be told
that conne ct to this thing; and the e xplanation ne e ds to go de e p e nough
to be inte re sting. Ofte n that me ans e xploring to some e xte nt de ad e nds,
and showing why the y’re de ad e nds, which he lps re inforce why the ide a
you’re trying to communicate is the right one . That’s the single bigge st
tip: focus the scope of the talk so that you can go de e p e nough to re ally le t
it land.
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Chapter 4:
How to l isten consciousl y
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“I l i ke to l i sten. I have l earned a great deal from l i steni ng
careful l y. Most peopl e never l i sten.”
- Ernest Hemingway
SEVEN LISTENING PRACTICES
“We are what we repeatedl y do. Excel l ence then, i s not an
act, but a habi t.”
- Aristotle
As we ’ve found, liste ning is a skill, not a natural capability like he aring.
Any skill can be improve d – and the first ste p in that proce ss is to be come
conscious that you’re doing it. If you know what you don’t know, you have
a chance to le arn it. If you don’t know what you don’t know, the re is
nothing you can do.
So, the first ste p he re is to admit this to yourse lf, using the adve rb that’s
most appropriate for you:
“ I am sometimes/often/generally unconscious in my
listening.”
In my TED talk on conscious liste ning I sugge ste d 5 practice s to improve
your conscious liste ning skills. In this Chapte r, we not only e xplore e ach
of those in de tail; we add 2 more , bringing the total to 7.
Conscious liste ning is re ally a subse t of conscious living – the practice of
be ing aware and mindful as we move through life . The main se cre t to
conscious liste ning (and inde e d to conscious living) lie s in intention .
Simply by re cognising that you have be e n unconscious in your liste ning
and se tting the inte ntion to be come fully conscious, you ope n the door to
a wonde rful ne w dime nsion of e xpe rie nce , adding to the richne ss of your
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re ality and e nhancing your we llbe ing, e ffe ctive ne ss and happine ss.
The se practice s will he lp you on that journe y.
1. SILEN C E
If you live in a city, as more than half of humanity doe s now, it’s rare to
e xpe rie nce sile nce , and pe rfe ctly possible to forge t that it e ve n e xists.
Le t’s take a mome nt to conside r sile nce .
Dame Eve lyn Gle nnie made a supe rb DVD calle d Touch the Sound , in
which she re fle cts on sile nce , liste ning and music and pe rforms he r art,
including a stunning solo snare drum pe rformance in Grand Ce ntral
Station’s magnifice nt hall. (I highly re comme nd watching this film if you
have any inte re st in sound.) At one point, she says: “Sile nce is a sound.” I
totally agre e with this, and have e xpe rie nce d diffe re nt qualitie s of sile nce
in my life . Four of the m spring to mind.
First, the glorious, e xpansive sile nce of a windle ss day far above the tre e -
line in mountains. If you can find a spot isolate d from human-ge ne rate d
noise , the re are ve ry fe w birds at that altitude , and with little or no air
move me nt you can e xpe rie nce le ngthy pe riods of comple te sile nce – a
sile nce that se e ms to go on fore ve r, like the vie w.
Se cond, the re ve re ntial sile nce in an e mpty place of worship. I re me mbe r
sitting in Worth Abbe y Church in Surre y, England whilst on a re tre at
the re . The vast upturne d dome of the church caps a mode rn, circular
building that’s partly subme rge d in the South Downs landscape .
De signe d by France Polle n and built-in 1974, it’s a huge space that se ats
1,400 pe ople ; at night, the re is a single spotlight on the altar in the ce ntre .
It was e ve ning, in be twe e n monastic office s, and I was the only pe rson in
the re . I e njoye d half an hour of sile nce , punctuate d (and paradoxically
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e mphasise d) by one intrusion as a monk e nte re d and le ft and the door
ope ning and closing e choe d through the huge room. This was a cloaking,
ve lve ty sile nce that fe lt pe ace ful and intimate .
Third, the intimidating sile nce in a de e p cave . I am slightly
claustrophobic, so caving is not high on my list of hobbie s. Many ye ars
ago, I visite d Ke nts Cave rn in De von, England, which was inhabite d by
Uppe r Palae olithic pe riod humans, possibly up to 40,000 ye ars ago. At
one point in the tour, the guide had us sit quie tly, and the n switche d off
the lights. The darkne ss was absolute , and the sile nce se e me d to pre ss in
and be come almost suffocating, the auditory consort to the absolute
darkne ss that e nve lope d us. As I sat, I re fle cte d on those e arly humans
and how the ir he aring must have be e n so important: the y probably
share d that e xte nsive cave rn syste m with cave be ars, lions and hye nas. In
the dark, inte nse liste ning would have be e n an e sse ntial, and ofte n life -
saving, skill for those ancie nt pe ople . It was a re lie f whe n the lights we nt
back on and we starte d to make sound ourse lve s, happy to be back in the
20th ce ntury afte r that brie f, primal e xpe rie nce .
Finally, the ste rile sile nce of the de se rt. With no fauna at all, the sile nce of
a windle ss day in the de se rt spe aks of the stillne ss of de ath, e mphasising
the hostile and inhospitable e nvironme nt and re minding one of the
ine vitable outcome of be ing in that place for too long without the
spe cialist skills and e quipme nt ne e de d to survive . I have e xpe rie nce d this
in Dubai, far from the slick inte nsity of the city. Intractable and
uncompromising, it fe lt as though the de se rt’s sile nce signalle d nothing
le ss than a haughty indiffe re nce to my e xiste nce .
Sile nce is not only a sound: it is the conte xt for all sound. Without the
gaps, words and musical note s would be a me aningle ss jumble . Losing
contact with this conte xt can re sult in e ve r-incre asing de se nsitisation,
e vincing itse lf as a te nde ncy to add inputs or e dge the volume up. I se e
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this more and more in younge r pe ople , and I worry for the future as
virtual re ality and e ndle ss innovations in de live ring e nte rtainme nt cre ate
an addictive re lationship to inte nsity.
Sile nce is your base line . Try to stay in conscious contact with it by
e mulating re cording e ngine e rs. The se are liste ning profe ssionals; the ir
e ars are the ir live lihood. The y know the y ne e d to take re gular bre aks,
moving away from the loudspe ake rs and re calibrating the ir e ars with
some sile nce , or at the ve ry le ast some quie tne ss.
In 2015, I was honoure d to take part in a brilliant fe ature film e ntitle d In
Pursuit of Silence, since de scribe d by Huffington Post as “a luminous and
vitally important movie ”. Dire cte d by Patrick She n, the film e xplore s our
re lationship with sile nce and noise , trave lling the world from a traditional
te a ce re mony in Kyoto, to the stre e ts of the loude st city on the plane t,
Mumbai. Afte r the film’s re le ase , I spoke with Patrick about many aspe cts
of sile nce ; che ck the pane l for an e xce rpt from the inte rvie w and
instructions on acce ssing the full inte rvie w in audio and writte n form
online .
Our ke y obje ctive in this first practice is to re calibrate . By re minding
yourse lf of the base line in the e xe rcise s be low, you can right-size your
liste ning and be come able once again to appre ciate quie t sounds – and to
be more se nsitive to loud, possibly unhe althy sounds. It’s a little like
e ating a sorbe t in the middle of a rich me al: your palate is cle anse d and
re fre she d and your se nsitivity is re ne we d. Sile nce is your aural sorbe t. It
pays to de ve lop a taste for it.
In Pursuit of Silence: Patrick Shen
This is an excerpt from the transcript of a conversation with Patrick Shen. For the
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full transcript, and the audio recording, visit www. howtobeheardbook. com and use
the password consc1ous .
Patrick She n is a write r and award-winning film make r and founde r of
Transce nde ntal Me dia, an inde pe nde nt motion picture production
company de dicate d to making films “to agitate the sle e p of mankind”. His
work include s Flight from Death , a se ve n-time Be st Docume ntary award-
winning docume ntary about de ath anxie ty, inspire d by the works and
writings of cultural anthropologist and social the orist Erne st Be cke r; The
Philosopher Kings , a docume ntary about the wisdom gaine d by janitorial
worke rs in pre stigious unive rsitie s, and in 2015 In Pursuit of Silence , a
me ditative film about our re lationship with sile nce and the impact of
noise on our live s. (You can find out more at www.pursuitofsile nce .com).
Patrick She n: Sile nce is scary, it ope ns us up to a lot of our inade quacie s, I
think. Things that we just happe n to be avoiding to think about. So I
think the re ’s a huge de ficit of this type of e xpe rie nce in our mode rn
world. But, I also think that pe ople are se nsing that some thing is amiss in
the busyne ss of our live s and this ve ry supe rficial e xiste nce and e ncounte r
that we have with the world around us. I think that sile nce can bring us
back to that and I think pe ople are starting to re alise that.
Julian Tre asure : I think one of the me ditations from the Island of San
Giuliano: “In the sile nce you me e t yourse lf.” Pe rhaps that’s what’s scaring
pe ople .
Patrick She n: I think so. I think absolute ly, it is. You know, we had the
privile ge of inte rvie wing Susan Cain not too long ago and she talks a lot
about how we value those who fill that sile nce . The loud spe ake rs, the
dominant spe ake rs. Scie nce has e ve n showe d that we find the se pe ople
e ve n more attractive and smarte r. We te nd to follow the ir ide as ove r
those who are n’t as e age r to fill that sile nce . I think that spe aks a lot into
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what that sile nce doe s for pe ople and the fe ar that pe ople associate with
that sile nce . A lot of our e xpe rie nce with sile nce has be e n ne gative , in this
culture . I think that’s one thing that we wante d to tackle in this film, and
kind of re shape our unde rstanding of sile nce .
Julian Tre asure : Whe n you say ne gative , in what way ne gative ? Is this
sile nce e quate d with de ath, for e xample ?
Patrick She n: Absolute ly. I think if you sit with sile nce long e nough, it
ultimate ly ope ns you up to, we ll, our impe rmane nce , right? Our
mortality. I think that’s ve ry scary for a lot of pe ople . It ultimate ly ope ns
us up to our frailtie s and the things that we simply are n’t good at de aling
with. De ath be ing one of the m. So, ye ah, I agre e with that, absolute ly.
Julian Tre asure : Now, I’ve had the honour of contributing some thing
to your film and I’m fascinate d to know, in the world of sile nce , what
have you le arne d, what have be e n the highlights and the most impre ssing
things that you’ve come across?
Patrick She n: Whe n I be gan the journe y, I e xpe cte d to be making a film
more about sound and how we re late to sound itse lf. Or the lack of, I
should say. But, I quickly le arne d that sile nce is much more than the
abse nce of sound. It’s be e n chase d afte r throughout the age s by culture s
all ove r the globe . All the se culture s have ve ry diffe re nt, unique ,
multidime nsional ways of looking at sile nce and inte racting in sile nce in
ways that I think can re ally spe ak into our humanity. It’s le d me to circle
back to this ancie nt sile nce that we ’ve be e n afte r since the be ginning of
time , it se e ms. This has le d me to re ad the works of a lot of the ologians
and Ze n Buddhists and a lot of the monastics that be gan the se traditions
of living in solitude and living a life of sile nce . He nri Nouwe n, the
the ologian, I think summe d it up pe rfe ctly. This is probably the most
pote nt thing that I’ve come across so far in my re se arch. He says, “Sile nce
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make s us pilgrims, sile nce guards the fire s within and sile nce te ache s us
to spe ak.” I think that sums up e xactly what sile nce can be and what it is
for anybody who wants to inte ract with it.
Julian Tre asure : We ll, that is fascinating. So, it’s the spiritual
dime nsion of sile nce that’s actually be come most e ngaging to you. As you
rightly say, I think the re ’s not a spiritual path on this plane t that doe sn’t
involve , on some le ve l, quie t conte mplation. Which in a se nse , is
liste ning, isn’t it?
Patrick She n: Ye ah, ve ry much so. I think it’s not just liste ning e xte rnally,
but it’s liste ning to what’s happe ning inte rnally, isn’t it? Which make s up
the core of a lot of spiritual se e king that pe ople have done throughout the
age s. I think what happe ns whe n you liste n inte rnally, sure , the re ’s a
spiritual compone nt, but I think it also be ne fits us on multiple le ve ls.
Whe re we are now be coming in touch, whe n we ’re in touch with sile nce ,
that is, inte racting with sile nce , we ’re now in touch with an authe ntic part
of who we are . Be cause the re isn’t that noise to block out the inne r
thoughts and the inne r chatte r and all the inade quacie s and the things
that we ’re avoiding having to think about. But, it’s making us ponde r who
it is that we bring to the conve rsation. Who it is that we bring to the
collaborative proce ss. Who we bring into the community that we ’re a part
of. I think that’s lacking in the world, I think that we are n’t e ve n asking
the que stion of who it is that we are , in community. Who is the authe ntic
se lf that we bring?
Exerci se: Si l ence
I offer you 2 exercises here.
The first is the simple practice that I recommended in my TED talk, which is to
experience a few minutes of silence every day. This takes discipline at first, but like all
beneficial practice it becomes a habit with daily repetition. If you can’t get absolute
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silence, the nearest, quietest equivalent will be just fine. When you do this is entirely
up to you. You might find it easiest and more beneficial first thing on awakening, or in
the middle of a busy day, or as a reflective exercise before retiring. Aim for at least 3
minutes a day, and ideally 2 such sessions.
The second is to enjoy a wonderful set of meditations on silence. Not far from Milan is
the beautiful alpine lake district of Italy. One of the smaller and less well-known lakes
is Lake Orta, in the middle of which is an island called San Giulio, which houses a
convent and a basilica. Around these buildings is a flagged path, which the sonically
enlightened Sisters of the Monastero Mater Ecclesiae built-in the 19th century. They
dubbed it ‘The Way of Silence’ and decorated it with signs containing meditations on
silence. You are requested to do the circular walk around the small island in silence;
every so often you encounter a meditation sign and you stop to absorb and reflect on
its message. The meditations are surprisingly eclectic, even secular.
We can’t all get to Lake Orta and physically do the walk (though I do recommend it),
but I reproduce the meditations here so that you can enjoy them at home. I suggest
you make a card for each one, sit quietly and reflect on one card at a time, taking as
long as you feel you can for each one. If you’re technically inclined, you could
alternatively create yourself a slide show with a timer on each slide (and a nice gentle
transition between them! ).
In the silence you accept and understand
Silence is the language of love
Silence is the peace of oneself
Silence is music and harmony
Silence is truth and prayer
In the silence you meet the Master
In the silence you breathe God
Walls are in the mind
The moment is present, here and now
Leave yourself and what is yours
In the silence you receive all
2. THE MIXER
In a re cording studio, the ce ntral de vice is the mixing de sk. This contains
multiple channe ls or tracks, so that you can re cord one instrume nt on
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e ach track and the n ble nd the m all toge the r (a proce ss calle d mixing) to
cre ate the final ste re o maste r.
In life , we are ofte n surrounde d by comple x soundscape s comprising
many individual sounds. I e xpe rie nce this ofte n whe n carrying out Sound
Audits of large comme rcial space s like shopping ce ntre s. The myriad of
individual sound source s may include many pe ople ; a range of
me chanical and e le ctrical machine ry such as e scalators or cate ring
e quipme nt like coffe e machine s and dishwashe rs; and music (all too
ofte n mindle ssly de ploye d and playe d through low quality sound
syste ms). The combination of all the se sounds, in what are usually large ,
re ve rbe rant space s, be come s some thing we call ‘mall mush’. It take s
conscious e ffort to dise ntangle the individual sound source s from the
mix.
If you liste n unconsciously, most of the world will be mush. Paying
atte ntion to the individual compone nts of the soundscape s around you is
a wonde rful way of e ngaging more with the world, and the re sult is that
you live more fully in the pre se nt mome nt. I re comme nd it.
Exerci se: The Mi xer
Whenever you are in a complex soundscape, be it a noisy café or restaurant, a room in
your home or a natural location like a garden or forest, try to identify the individual
sound sources that go-to make-up the ‘mush’.
If you like visualisations, imagine the mixing desk in front of you and bring up the
faders one at a time to focus on each individual sound. If you are primarily auditory,
then simply listen and ask yourself the question: how many sounds can I identify?
The main secret to conscious listening is simply intention.
As you get into the habit of analysing the sounds around you, you will naturally start
to recognise the constituent tracks that go-to make-up any soundscape. This practice
enhances the quality of your listening, as well as enabling you to deal with
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counterproductive sounds that might otherwise have remained hidden from you – for
example small hums and buzzes that are largely masked by other, more dense sounds.
3. SA V OU R IN G
The re are gre at be ne fits to tre ating your he aring like your se nse of taste
and sme ll, be coming disce rning about what you e xpe rie nce and se e king
out e njoyable se nsory e ncounte rs.
You instinctive ly re je ct bad taste s and sme lls, while you se e k out and buy
food, drink and sce nts that you take ple asure from; howe ve r, if your
liste ning has gone unconscious like most pe ople ’s, it is like ly that you are
assaile d by sounds that adve rse ly affe ct you without re alising it, and
e qually like ly that you miss out on re ally ple asing sounds.
The e xe rcise to combat this numbne ss and pote ntially dramatically
e nhance your we llbe ing, e ffe ctive ne ss and happine ss, is calle d savouring.
Exerci se: Savouri ng
Consciously ‘tasting’ sound allows you to be more discerning about how it’s affecting
you, and, over time, to change the typical soundscape around you, taking more control
over its components and replacing negative sounds with positive ones.
Start by exploring the sounds in your home. Sit quietly in each room and listen
carefully and consciously. You will discover many small sounds you may never have
noticed before. The more constant ones all combine to create a ‘noise floor’ in each
room, and any intermittent sound that happens in that room occurs on top of that
noise floor. Buzzes and hums may come from electrical or electronic equipment such
as fridges, heating, ventilating and air conditioning (HVAC), computer fans, coffee
machines, dishwashers, cookers, washing machines and tumble dryers. Hisses and
gurgles may come from boilers, water pipes or HVAC.
You may be surprised how many sounds there are that you never noticed before. Some
of them may be pleasant or reassuring for you; others are just noise and may be able
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to be silenced or tamed. If you’re buying new equipment, be sure to check the noise
output; for white goods, this is often on the information label these days. At The
Sound Agency we recommend a maximum of 40 dB at one metre for any piece of
equipment. I recommend the same for your home.
Don’t forget to notice interesting or pleasing sounds in your home too. In my TED talk
on conscious listening, I played the sound of a slightly faulty tumble dryer I used to
own; its rotating drum had a characteristic sound in waltz time. I used to find that
pleasing, and indeed, once when I appeared on a US radio show a small orchestra
played a piece of Mozart to accompany a recording of my tumble dryer, which made it
even more pleasing for me as a sound from then on. Sadly, that machine is no more.
In the TED talk I also played a beautiful recording of a kettle boiling, which is actually
a rich and fascinating sound.
There is great complexity to many sounds you experience, including the harmonics I
described in Chapter One, when I recounted the extraordinary experience of becoming
conscious of them even in a car engine. The point of this exercise is to change your
relationship with sound from passive and unconscious to active and conscious.
After working through your home, tackle all the other environments in which you
spend a lot of time: your work place, your car or transport, your hobby locations… in
some cases, you will have control and can improve them; in others, like public
transport, you have little control and have to adopt the MBA strategy we learned in
the AGENTS discussion of noise in Chapter Two. In all cases, be in an active enquiry by
asking: “How can I improve my experience here?”
4. LISTENING WITH
I had the ple asure of working with a Florida-base d te ache r name d
Cathryn Loke y on a curriculum for te aching liste ning skills to childre n.
(The curriculum we de ve lope d is available as a download from my
we bsite at juliantre asure .com.) She had cre ate d an e xce lle nt way of
se nsitising young childre n to the facts that liste ning take s work, that you
can focus on it and that focus he lps you do it be tte r. This was a little
mantra the kids would re pe at, which we nt:
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“ We listen with our ears, with our eyes, and with our
heart!”
Be coming conscious of what you are liste ning with is an e xce lle nt practice
and this mantra provide s a simple , me morable way to improve your
liste ning skills by doing e xactly that.
It’s te mpting to assume that we simply liste n with our e ars although, as
we discusse d at the start of Chapte r Thre e , the whole body is in fact
involve d. Ne ve rthe le ss, the e ars are the primary channe l for sound and
the first part of the mantra re minds us to focus our hearing on the
s ubject at hand .
The se cond re minds us to look at the pers on we are lis tening to .
This is also cove re d in my RASA practice (the last one in this list). If your
e ye s are busy with othe r tasks, your liste ning is de grade d be cause the
visual information is incongrue nt; it displace s atte ntion you would
othe rwise be giving to the spe ake r. Be ing se e n to pay atte ntion is just as
important as paying atte ntion itse lf. We all know the fe e ling of frustration
and e ve n de spair whe n we are trying to communicate and the othe r
pe rson is looking at a scre e n, the ir watch, or inde e d anywhe re but at us.
The dance of e ye contact in dyadic conve rsation varie s from culture to
culture and e ve n more from pe rson to pe rson and situation to situation: if
we like some one , we look more than if we don’t, while the conte xt of the
conve rsation is ke y – for e xample , it’s no surprise that confe ssionals
pre clude e ye contact be cause whe n we are admitting some thing with
shame or guilt, e ye contact is the last thing we want. It is important to be
culturally se nsitive : pe ople from some Hispanic, Asian, Middle Easte rn,
and Native Ame rican culture s may conside r e ye contact to be insulting.
On ave rage , we look more at the othe r pe rson whe n liste ning than whe n
spe aking: in his book Bodily Communication , e mine nt social
psychologist Michae l Argyle e stimate d that, on ave rage , liste ne rs gaze at
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the spe ake r 70 pe rce nt of the time , while spe ake rs gaze at the liste ne r
only 40 pe rce nt of the time , ofte n in small bursts at the e nd of
state me nts, and mainly to che ck that the othe r pe rson is liste ning.
Liste ning with our e ye s is important.
The third part of the mantra re minds us to empathis e . As you’ll discove r
in the page s imme diate ly following, the re are many place s you can liste n
from, and not all of the m involve liste ning with your he art. Compassion is
the basis of unde rstanding, which is why it’s a vital compone nt of
conscious liste ning. If your he art is hard and you stand in judge me nt and
conde mnation whilst liste ning (one of the 7 De adly Sins of course ), the n
the conve rsation is like ly to be ‘nasty, brutish and short’, to quote
Hobbe s.
Exerci se: Li steni ng wi th
This exercise trains you in listening with your ears, eyes and heart.
This is best done with a friend who’s up for a little communication training. Sit facing
one another and then whoever chooses to go first starts to speak about something
s/he cares deeply about – maybe their favourite holiday destination in the entire
world.
The listener starts by looking down, very neutral, consciously disengaged but listening
carefully with the ears. After a little while (you could set a timer for 30 seconds), the
listener looks up and establishes eye contact, taking in all the nonverbal
communication that’s being sent – but still emotionally cool. After a further 30
seconds or so, the listener engages the heart, feels the feelings and takes the shackles
off any nonverbal responses that might come naturally, such as facial expressions,
nods, posture adjustments and so on.
Stop and both share how that was. Swap and repeat.
If you can’t find someone to try this with you, simply focus on listening with ears, eyes
and heart for a day and see what you experience. If you like it, keep it up until it
becomes second nature to you.
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5. LISTENING FROM
Conside r this: the re are many liste ning positions – place s to liste n from .
This is e ntire ly me taphorical: I am not spe aking of physical positions or
place s. Pe rhaps an analogy will he lp to e xplain. Imagine you are standing
at the foot of a hill, on top of which the re is a house . If you don’t like the
way the house looks from he re , you can walk around the hill and se e if the
othe r side looks be tte r. That’s changing your vie wing position.
Now, re me mbe r that we all liste n through a se t of filte rs, which we liste d
and e xplore d in Chapte r Thre e . The se are :
• Culture
• Language
• Value s
• Attitude s
• Be lie fs / assumptions
• Inte ntions
• Expe ctations
• Emotions
Eve ry human be ing has the ir own individual liste ning, shape d by the ir
pe rsonal se t of filte rs. Ove r time that liste ning te nds to ossify into a
de fault liste ning position that’s like a concre te bunke r with a slit in the
front. Much of re ality bounce s off, and only a small amount ge ts through
the filte rs and is liste ne d to. We sit in that bunke r ye ar afte r ye ar,
be lie ving that the world is what we pe rce ive through our little window,
ne ve r re alising that the re is a door in the back – and it’s ope n! We can
le ave our bunke r and move to a comple te ly diffe re nt liste ning position
simply by be coming aware and making an act of will.
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In re ality, most pe ople have more than one window in the bunke r, using
diffe re nt one s de pe nding on the situation: for e xample , you probably
liste n rathe r diffe re ntly to your childre n than to your frie nds or work
colle ague s. But the e sse nce of the liste ning is ve ry similar, and for most
pe ople the fundame ntal position doe s not change .
The good ne ws is that the re are as many liste ning positions as you choose
to cre ate . You can move to the m by using your filte rs as control surface s –
be ing aware of the m and choosing to alte r the m consciously for this
conve rsation. The following e xe rcise will he lp you to start that proce ss;
afte rwards, I’ll ge t you starte d by listing a fe w liste ning positions that are
so common the y may re sonate with you. Re me mbe r, you can cre ate your
own pe rsonal se t of liste ning positions. The main point is to be aware that
you can move !
Exerci se: Know your fi l ters
Using a notebook or a computer, write each filter at the top
of a page:
Culture
Language
Values
Attitudes
Beliefs / assumptions
Intentions
Expectations
Emotions
Now write as much as you need to about how each of these filters affects your
listening. Aim to describe each filter, how it occurred or developed for you, and how it
helps or hinders you.
When you’re done, you have effectively identified your autopilot settings. Now you can
take control!
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LISTENING POSITIONS
Now le t’s look at a fe w common liste ning positions. I will offe r the m as 3
scale s: active to passive , critical to e mpathic, and re ductive to e xpansive .
None of the m are inte nde d to be pre se nte d as good, bad or for you; the
inte ntion he re is simply to ge t you thinking about positions you might
want to cre ate for yourse lf. Of course , if you se e some thing in the se
positions – e ithe r some thing you like , or some thing you want to move
away from – the n take whate ve r is he lpful from the m.
ACTIVE TO PASSIVE
Active listening
Active liste ning is use d wide ly in the rape utic profe ssions such as
counse lling or psychothe rapy as we ll as in e ducation and journalism, and
forms an important e le me nt in pare nting course s like Pare nt
Effe ctive ne ss Training and in re lationship programme s like Imago
The rapy (both programme s I he artily re comme nd). Active liste ning can
also be ve ry powe rful in se lling.
This position involve s inte ntion, focus, re fle ction and summarising. The
liste ne r must fully se t the inte ntion of liste ning with total atte ntion and
no inte rve ntions – those inte rve ntions we so ofte n make , whe re we
inte rje ct, inte rrupt, corre ct or atte mpt to clarify. The n the y focus on what
is said, and re fle ct it back e xactly as it was said, or as ne ar as possible to
that. This might sound some thing like : “What I he ard you say is…” and
the n “Is that right?” to che ck the re fle ction was accurate . At the e nd of the
conve rsation, or e ve ry so ofte n if it’s a ve ry long talk, the liste ne r
summarise s what has be e n said to e nsure that e ve rything has be e n safe ly
and accurate ly re ce ive d. The inte ntion is to le ave the spe ake r fe e ling fully
he ard.
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It take s practice to do this without sounding robotic, but it can be
imme nse ly powe rful in de fusing upse t, whe the r de aling with custome r
complaints or an angry te e nage r. We ’ve all done this whe n be ing give n
driving dire ctions – the alte rnative be ing anothe r brilliant de finition from
Adams and Lloyd’s The Meaning of LIFF :
Dinne r vb : To nod thoughtfully while some one give s you a long and
comple x se t of dire ctions which you know you’re ne ve r going to
re me mbe r.
Passive listening
This position te nds to be applie d to things rathe r than pe ople , as it
involve s no inte raction and minimal inte rpre tation: it is simply be ing
aware of the sound and savouring it. We might use this liste ning position
whe n e njoying music, or the sound of a be autiful place – or in our daily
practice of 3 minute s of sile nce , pe rhaps. I always think of this as a se re ne
Ze n maste r sitting by a stre am, simply liste ning to the sound of the
moving wate r. The re is room for a little passive liste ning in e ve n the
busie st life .
CRITICAL TO EMPATHIC
Critical listening
You may re cognise this one , be cause so many pe ople have variations of it
as the ir primary liste ning position. In busine ss, in e ducation and in any
de bate or argume nt it is the natural place to go, and it’s ve ry powe rful. It
involve s critical asse ssme nt of the othe r pe rson’s me ssage , ofte n
involving the little noise in your he ad giving a running comme ntary. You
know that little voice – the one that just said: “What little voice ?” as you
re ad this. If you have a particularly active inne r critic, this will be a strong
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voice for you (and if it habitually criticise s you, I hope you got a lot from
the se ction on inne r liste ning e arlie r in this book).
Of course , it’s valuable to asse ss and to be disce rning in what you take on
board so, in many conve rsations, this liste ning position is indispe nsable .
In busine ss, we quickly ge t use d to liste ning for what we de e m use ful and
discarding the re st; it’s not unlike panning for gold. We be come quick to
give our opinion, and we have a rating syste m constantly at work in our
he ads. Howe ve r, e ve n at work the re are time s whe n this is not de sirable . I
have se e n many e fforts at brainstorming founde r be cause pe ople could
not switch off the ir critical he ads and acce pt rule one of a brainstorm:
“Eve ry ide a is acce ptable .” It be come s ve ry hard to switch off the critical
filte rs.
If critical liste ning be come s your de fault position and you ge t stuck the re ,
it will cause proble ms for you, e spe cially at home , be cause it doe s not
facilitate intimacy. Whe n some one share s the ir pain or the ir fe ars with
you, it can be ve ry de structive to re spond with a critique or a se t of
instructions, e ve n if your inte ntions are of the be st. That kind of
manage rial inte raction, which works so we ll for practical matte rs, can be
ve ry proble matic whe n applie d to e motional communication.
I suspe ct this is one major way in which the always-on nature of mode rn
busine ss is so thre ate ning to our e motional we llbe ing. Not only doe s it
blur the line s and rob us of family time and focus, but it also force s us
into critical liste ning at home . If you are re ading work e mails in be d, you
are much le ss like ly to be able to flip positions and re spond te nde rly to
your partne r’s fe ar about a challe nge he or she is facing tomorrow: it’s far
e asie r to stay in critical liste ning and give some practical advice or e ve n
dismiss the fe ar as irrational with a “Don’t be silly…” comme nt. Whe n I
take se minars with large groups from companie s, I ask for a show of
hands for who doe s e mail in be d. The proportion is now typically more
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than half. I do urge you to avoid this practice . If you must do it, be
pre pare d to consciously jump out of critical liste ning at any mome nt or
your re lationship is like ly to suffe r.
Pe ople who ge t stuck in critical liste ning te nd to find it hard to give
unconditional affirmation. This is particularly sad for pare nts, be cause it
robs the m of he art conne ction with the ir childre n, not to me ntion
cre ating young pe ople with major se lf-worth issue s. If nothing short of
pe rfe ction is good e nough or warrants any praise , the re sult will almost
ce rtainly be a child who is be nt out of shape in some way, e ithe r suffe ring
low se lf-confide nce or grimly obse sse d with pe rfe ction, and in e ithe r case
probably e motionally re pre sse d afte r be ing knocke d back so many time s.
The worst kind of critical liste ning move s into the othe r de finition of the
word – a te nde ncy to find fault. That’s a doorway straight into
conde mning, the se cond of the 7 De adly Sins, as discusse d e arlie r.
Empathic listening
The opposite e nd of this scale is e mpathic liste ning. This me ans fe e ling
the othe r pe rson’s fe e lings. It’s like going onto the ir island and
e xpe rie ncing the ir re ality, rathe r than staying on your home turf and
filte ring what the y say through your own re ality.
It’s said that we se e k 3 things in a re lationship: to be he ard, to be
unde rstood and to be value d. Empathic liste ning achie ve s 2 of the se and
indicate s the third. If you liste n e mpathically, to he ar, you unde rstand
and, by taking the time and making the e ffort, you indicate how much you
value the othe r pe rson. It’s a ve ry powe rful liste ning position, and one
that’s usually appropriate whe n liste ning to strong e motions like pain or
grie f, or inde e d joy or love .
Profe ssor Marisue Picke ring of the Unive rsity of Maine , a le ading
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re se arche r on inte rpe rsonal communication, liste d 4 characte ristics of
e mpathic liste ne rs, and 10 skills that he lp achie ve this liste ning position.
The 4 characte ristics are all conscious inte ntions, be cause we ne e d to be
conscious of our liste ning filte rs in orde r to change the m and move our
liste ning position.
l. De sire to be othe r-dire cte d, rathe r than to proje ct one ’s own fe e lings
and ide as onto the othe r.
2. De sire to be non-de fe nsive , rathe r than to prote ct the se lf. Whe n the
se lf is be ing prote cte d, it is difficult to focus on anothe r pe rson.
3. De sire to imagine the role s, pe rspe ctive s, or e xpe rie nce s of the othe r,
rathe r than assuming the y are the same as one ’s own.
4. De sire to liste n as a re ce ive r, not as a critic, and de sire to unde rstand
the othe r pe rson rathe r than to achie ve e ithe r agre e me nt from or change
in that pe rson.
One or more of the se may imme diate ly occur to you as challe nge s, which
could re ve al some thing about your own filte rs and de fault liste ning!
The 10 skills she ide ntifie s will sound quite familiar, as the y are all
cove re d in one way or anothe r is our own work he re , but this che cklist for
e mpathic liste ning is so use ful I want to pass it on to you, with gre at
thanks to Profe ssor Picke ring.
1. Attending, acknowledging : providing ve rbal or nonve rbal aware ne ss
of the othe r, i. e. e ye contact.
2. Restating, paraphrasing : re sponding to pe rson’s basic ve rbal
me ssage .
3. Reflecting : re fle cting fe e lings, e xpe rie nce s, or conte nt that has be e n
he ard or pe rce ive d through cue s.
4. Interpreting : offe ring a te ntative inte rpre tation about the othe r’s
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fe e lings, de sire s, or me anings.
5. Summarising, synthesising : bringing toge the r in some way fe e lings
and e xpe rie nce s; providing a focus.
6. Probing : que stioning in a supportive way that re que sts more
information or that atte mpts to cle ar up confusions.
7. Giving feedback : sharing pe rce ptions of the othe r’s ide as or fe e lings;
disclosing re le vant pe rsonal information.
8. Supporting : showing warmth and caring in one ’s own individual way.
9. Checking perceptions : finding out if inte rpre tations and pe rce ptions
are valid and accurate .
10. Being quiet : giving the othe r time to think as we ll as to talk.
Empathic liste ning builds intimacy, trust and loyalty, but it also doe s
involve some risk and vulne rability on both side s. It’s ve ry powe rful, but
as with all the liste ning positions, the trick is to judge whe n to use it and
not to ge t stuck in it.
REDUCTIVE TO EXPANSIVE
He re we ge t into the se nsitive are a of ge nde r. I offe r you this scale of
liste ning positions with the cave at that it is some thing of a ge nde r
ste re otype . The following is ce rtainly not true of all male s and all fe male s
– re me mbe r, e ve ryone has a unique liste ning – but, afte r inte racting with
thousands of pe ople on this distinction, I be lie ve the re is some value in it,
and for many pe ople it has be e n powe rfully re ve aling. One ge ntle man
came up to me afte r a workshop in Philade lphia and proclaime d: “That
was the be st marital advice I’ve e ve r e ncounte re d!”, while at anothe r a
doctor, with te ars in his e ye s, share d that he had just re alise d that on
arriving home e ach e ve ning afte r a hard day at the hospital, his wife trie d
to share he r day and he was simply unable to liste n to he r – and now he
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kne w how to do that. So, with a he alth warning about ge nde r
ste re otyping, le t’s conside r 2 ge nde r-base d liste ning positions.
Reductive listening
Me n (not all me n, not all the time ) tend to liste n from a position I call
re ductive . Re ductive liste ning se e ks a point, a solution, a de stination for
the conve rsation. It can appe ar as impatie nt, or e ve n rude : if a re ductive
liste ne r se e s (or be lie ve s he se e s) the point, he may inte rrupt in orde r to
short-circuit the conve rsation and arrive at the de stination with le ss time
waste d. I have se e n male frie nds and acquaintance s of mine have rathe r
dysfunctional conve rsations whe n e ach participant has de cide d the
conve rsation has a diffe re nt de stination! Re ductive liste ning love s solving
proble ms, gathe ring facts and ge ne rating opinions, and this is what a lot
of male conve rsation comprise s – stating proble ms, swapping
information and offe ring solutions or opinions. The arche typical male
conve rsations about driving route s, sport and cars are gre at e xample s of
re ductive communication. It’s ve ry e ffe ctive whe n the re is a proble m to
solve or a practical challe nge to face , or whe n time is tight.
Expansive listening
Wome n (not all wome n, not all the time ) te nd to liste n in a way I call
e xpansive . As I always joke onstage : “In e xpansive liste ning the re is no
point!”… by which I me an, of course , that e xpansive liste ning is not
se e king a re solution or a de stination. It focuse s on the journe y itse lf,
be ing with the othe r pe rson, sharing and validating fe e lings, sme lling the
rose s, with little or no conce rn for whe re the road e ve ntually le ads.
Expansive liste ning is inquisitive , curious, pre pare d to be surprise d and
de lighte d. It notice s the small de tails, and it change s dire ction on a dime
whe n it spots some thing worth paying atte ntion to. It dallie s and it flits.
Most of all, it is inte re ste d, not be cause it has an age nda, but be cause it
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care s. Expansive liste ning is use ful in busine ss too: brainstorming
founde rs without it, and I be lie ve it’s the we llspring for flow and
cre ativity. Without it, the re is only fixing things.
In re lationship, the se positions can cre ate disconne ction and conflict. She
come s home afte r a tough day, collapse s into a chair and share s: “Darling
I had such a bad day… this happe ne d, the n this, the n this…”. He looks up
from the football game and says: “Have a bath baby; you’ll fe e l much
be tte r. You always do.” In the male world, it’s proble m solve d and back to
the game . In the fe male world, that was not at all what she was looking
for! The e xpansive re sponse would have be e n more like : “Oh, I’m so sorry
darling, that must have be e n awful! Le t me fix you a drink and you can
te ll me all about it.” It works the othe r way too: posing any issue as a
proble m to be solve d is a gre at way of e ngaging a re ductive liste ne r and
ge tting the m to he lp. “How are we going to ge t the trash out on time
e ve ry we e k?”
Le arning to move from your natural liste ning position to the othe r side
can be ve ry fruitful: it can e ve n re conne ct re lationships that have suffe re d
from communication that’s be e n constantly missing, like 2 ships in the
night. Try consciously taking the he lm and you just might me e t!
Exerci se: Li steni ng from
Take some time to think and then write about your own default or favoured listening
positions. Think about all the situations or contexts in which you listen to people, and
how your filters affect you. You may find one default position that recurs or underlies
all these situations; or there may be a small set of them. The listening positions may
include some of the examples I have given here, or they may be unique to you: there
are as many potential listening positions as you care to imagine.
Now you have the situations and positions identified, ask in each case: is this the most
effective listening position for this situation? If not, describe a better one and then
practice consciously moving to that position each time you are in that situation.
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This is best done one context at a time or it can become overwhelming and
demotivating: it’s not easy to change the habits of a lifetime, so it will take
perseverance.
6. LISTENING FOR
This practice is ve ry close to the critical liste ning position, but much more
active and variable . Inste ad of simply allowing your inne r critic to run the
show, this is conscious. It’s like mining: you have a goal in mind and you
are active ly se e king it. You might liste n for affirmation or
e ncourage me nt; information that’s vital for the task at hand; similaritie s
rathe r than diffe re nce s; inspiration; conne ction; ways to he lp; solutions;
confirmation of your worst fe ars; the e nding in a story; the truth in an
inte rrogation – or anything you choose . The list is probably e ndle ss, and
the choice is up to you.
You probably ofte n do this unconsciously, focusing your liste ning on a
spe cific goal and discarding anything that doe sn’t move you close r to it.
Bringing this to the re alm of consciousne ss make s you more alive and
builds your skill as a liste ne r.
Exerci se: Li steni ng for
Tale a week to do this one. Ask yourself in every conversation: “What am I listening
for?” After a while, the consciousness becomes natural and you qualify as a
professional miner, choosing the most appropriate and effective thing to be listening
for in each conversation.
7. R A SA
Rasa is the Sanskrit word for juice , but in this conte xt it’s anothe r
acronym, this time one that works whe n you’re in conve rsation.
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R is for receive . Re me mbe r the quote from Scott Pe ck in Chapte r
Thre e … true liste ning involve s your full atte ntion and cannot take place if
you are doing some thing e lse . Effe ctive liste ning me ans be ing in full
re ce ive mode : looking at the spe ake r (alias liste ning with your e ye s);
using atte ntive body language (usually, le aning forward rathe r than back,
facing the spe ake r square ly, and not making any irre le vant or distracte d-
looking ge sture s or move me nts).
A is for appreciate . This me ans giving little visual and auditory cue s
that you are fully e ngage d. The se may include small affirmatory facial
e xpre ssions like e ye s wide ning, e ye brows lifting, smiling, nodding and so
on – you know how to do all this naturally!), as we ll as those little noise s
that oil conve rsation: aah, ohh, mmm or whate ve r fits your pe rsonal
style . I te nd to forge t the se on the phone and pe ople say: “Are you still
the re ?” I am, and liste ning inte ntly, but of course without the visual cue s
the y have no fe e dback at all. Positive fe e dback cre ate s a frie ndly,
re ce ptive liste ning for the othe r pe rson to spe ak into, and conve rsations
thrive on that.
S is for s ummaris e . This usually involve s a powe rful and important
little word: ‘so’. I some time s fe e l like forming a socie ty for the prote ction
of this vital little conjunction. It implie s a logical se que nce from what has
just be e n said, ofte n involving cause and e ffe ct. For some re ason, it has
be e n pre ss-gange d into starting almost e ve ry se nte nce among the hipste r
and e ntre pre ne urial classe s, as in:
“What doe s your company do?”
“So, we have an app that…”
This unfortunate habit has e ve n found its way into many TED talks,
whe re the spe ake r walks on stage and starts with the word “So…”.
I would love for this word’s vital work, whe n use d as inte nde d, to be
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re cognise d. Whe n you re spond to a fe w minute s of some one spe aking
with “So, what you’re saying is…”, you affirm and the y can che ck you’ve
re ce ive d what the y we re trying to se nd. This is particularly vital in
me e tings – those place s whe re we can take minute s and waste hours!
Without a ‘so’ pe rson, a me e ting can go round and round for a ve ry long
time . It’s invaluable to have some one in the group who will say: “So, we
can all agre e on this , and now le t’s move on to that .”
A is for as k . If you ask re le vant and appropriate que stions throughout,
and e spe cially at the e nd, you again assure the spe ake r that you are the re
with the m on the journe y, alive , inte re ste d, e ngage d and, most of all,
liste ning!
Exerci se: RASA
Memorise the 4 steps of RASA and then use it in conversations for a week. Note down
any changes you notice in the way people talk or relate to you in your RASA week. You
may choose to continue indefinitely!
HARAH
He re ’s anothe r use ful acronym that offe rs a diffe re nt window onto
e ffe ctive , conscious liste ning. I offe r all the se pe rspe ctive s so that you can
try the m on and choose the one that works be st for you.
H is for humility . Liste ning come s be st from humility, not se lf-
importance . With a mode st or at le ast right-size d se lf-image , we are able
to admit much more e asily to the possibility of le arning, of re ce iving gifts,
of be ing surprise d and de lighte d by what some one is saying, rathe r than
having to know e ve rything or be right.
A is for awarenes s . Conscious liste ning is active , which me ans you ne e d
to be aware that you are doing some thing if you are to do it e ffe ctive ly. In
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my e xpe rie nce , the vast majority of pe ople liste n unconsciously, in the ir
de fault liste ning position, unaware that the y are filte ring and making
me anings. If you can stay conscious, active ly part of the proce ss, aware
that you are de ploying a skill, the n you can dramatically change your
outcome s in life .
R is for res pect . We ’ll se e in Chapte r Six that wishing pe ople we ll is a
crucial e le me nt of powe rful spe aking. Re spe ct is the corollary for
liste ning. I have le arne d ove r the ye ars that judging books by the ir cove rs
is a ve ry ine ffe ctive way to go through life . Many time s I have be e n
astonishe d at the wisdom, the se aring hone sty, the imagination, the
cre ativity, the compassion or the profundity that has come out of pe ople I
arrogantly thought would not be worth liste ning to.
A is for attention . It’s no accide nt that this one arise s time afte r time .
Liste ning with full atte ntion is one of the most wonde rful gifts you can
give to anyone .
H is for humour . In my e xpe rie nce , it’s a grave mistake to take one se lf
too se riously. Re taining a se nse of humour whe n liste ning, e spe cially to
things we disagre e with, is a gre at antidote to purse d-lippe d disapproval
and supe rciliousne ss.
THE 4 CS
Conscious liste ning take s e ffort. It’s also he lpe d by choosing some
compatible state s. He re are 4 Cs that will move you a long way in the
right dire ction.
Commitment . You’ve liste ne d in a ce rtain way all your life . Habits that
e stablishe d will not change ove rnight, so commitme nt is e sse ntial on 2
le ve ls. First, the e xe rcise s and practice s in this book re quire it: the y won’t
change you instantly, and most of the m will take some time and
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re pe tition to work the ir magic. Se cond, in e ve ry liste ning situation you
can commit yourse lf to liste n consciously.
Cons cious nes s . As we ’ve discove re d, for most pe ople natural liste ning
is unconscious, which me ans the y are not aware of how the y are shaping
the ir re ality. Go conscious and you take the controls, dise ngage the
autopilot and choose your own de stination!
Compas s ion . You can substitute ‘care ’ if compassion is too we ighty, but
I do urge you to try it on. This may be a fe e ling of loving-kindne ss, we ll-
wishing, e mpathy or simply ide ntification. If you liste n from any of the se
positions you will e xtract more juice from almost e ve ry conve rsation. If
you don’t care , you are probably not going to liste n at all.
Curios ity . Ge ne rating a state of curiosity is a marve llous way of spicing
up your liste ning. You could do this by liste ning for “what might I le arn
he re ?”, or practicing be ing what one traine r I worke d with use d to call
‘fe rociously curious’.
SPECIAL LISTENINGS
Some liste ning conte xts de se rve spe cial me ntion be cause the y are so
important. Le t’s touch on a fe w of the m now.
LOVING LISTENING
Not liste ning love , be cause that’s probably one of the fe w time s whe n in
we do afford some one our comple te , undivide d atte ntion. Loving
liste ning can be unive rsal, as with agape love in Christianity or loving-
kindne ss in Buddhism: in our language , this could be liste ning for the
gold in othe r pe ople , in the comple te confide nce that it is the re , e ve n if
some time s de e ply burie d!
Loving liste ning can also be ve ry spe cific, and in a long-te rm loving
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re lationship it be come s fundame ntal and crucial. You may we ll have
come across Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages, whe re he
cate gorise s 5 ways that love can be e xpre sse d and sugge sts that e ach of us
has our own pre fe re nce s for the one (s) that re ally ge t through to us – so if
you are se nding the wrong one , it’s like spe aking a diffe re nt language to
your partne r: the y just don’t ge t it. The ‘language s’ that he lists are : words
of affirmation; acts of se rvice ; re ce iving gifts; quality time ; and physical
touch. The se may re sonate with you, or you may e ve n have some thing of
your own that me ans the world to you – and the same for your partne r. If
you’ve ne ve r done this, liste n to your partne r to unde rstand the ir
pre fe rre d love language and you may bre ak through to ne w le ve ls of
conne ction. If confuse d, just ask!
Anothe r wonde rful practice in re lationship, particularly long-te rm
re lationship, is to se t yourse lf a liste ning position for an hour, a day, or
e ve n for good, of liste ning as if for the first time . This me ans consciously
casting aside all the “Oh, the re you go again…” thoughts, stopping all the
me ntal (or e ve n ve rbal) se nte nce -comple ting, and absolute ly be ing
de te rmine d that you do not know what is coming ne xt out of your
partne r’s mouth. Your aim is to ge t to a place of innoce nce , naive ty, not-
knowing and allow yourse lf to re discove r what de lighte d you about your
partne r whe n you first me t.
LISTENING TO CHILDREN
The re was a Victorian pare nting adage in England that ‘childre n should
be se e n but not he ard’. What a tragic way to te ach the opposite of
confide nt se lf-e xpre ssion! Banning childre n from spe aking is de finite ly
not a good way to e ncourage spe aking and liste ning skills. Eve ry time we
shush a small child, we chip away at the ir natural, e xube rant se lf-
confide nce .
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But doe s that me an we tole rate unconstraine d vocal e xpre ssion at all
time s? Ce rtainly not. The answe r lie s in care ful, appropriate liste ning.
Childre n ofte n ge t short shrift whe n it come s to our atte ntion. We have
important things to do, pe ople to communicate with, tasks or chore s to
carry out… e spe cially in this time -poor, always-on world whe re I se e
many pare nts paying more atte ntion to the ir phone s than to the ir
childre n.
What a diffe re nt world it might be if e ve ry child re gularly had the gift of
prope r liste ning, with the ir pare nt giving the m e ye contact, se tting aside
for a mome nt any othe r activity or distraction, taking the m se riously,
possibly be ing in e mpathic or active liste ning position. Childre n who are
re ally liste ne d to de ve lop confide nce , and le arn that the y don’t have to
shout, scre am or throw tantrums: the y can talk.
I am not saying that liste ning is a sine cure for all bad be haviour, or that it
will work e ve ry time . But I do be lie ve that childre n de se rve to be liste ne d
to as much as e ve ryone e lse , and that liste ning consciously and fully to
childre n is one of the most loving things a pare nt can do.
LISTENING TO MUSIC
I have love d music since my mothe r made a practice of buying me re cords
like Carnival of the Animals by Saint-Saë ns, Prokofie v’s Peter and the
Wolf , and Britte n’s The Young Person’s Guide to the Orchestra to play on
the family’s pre cious Roge rs ste re ogram, which still had an option for 78
rpm (ye s, I am that old!). I re me mbe r my fathe r bringing home a copy of
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band in 1967 and saying it was
suppose d to be the gre ate st pop LP e ve r (true e ve n today, in many
pe ople ’s opinions). The first 45 I bought was Ride a White Swan by T Re x
in 1970; the first LP Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and
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Garfunke l in the same ye ar. I use d to save up my pocke t mone y for my
we e kly pilgrimage to the tiny local re cord store , whe re I would browse
through the late st re le ase s and choose the one I could afford to buy. I we ll
re me mbe r the e xcite me nt of walking home , impatie nt to play the
pre cious 45. I change d my school piano le ssons to drum le ssons (without
te lling my pare nts!) and inve ste d e ve ry pe nny in ge tting my own ste re o
and late r, at age 15, a drum kit. I have playe d music e ve r since , and have
be e n lucky e nough to have had some wonde rful e xpe rie nce s re cording,
playing live and be ing broadcast on radio and TV through the ye ars in
nume rous bands.
If you’re ge tting the impre ssion that music matte rs a lot to me , you’re
right! Playing in a band, group or orche stra de ve lops a pe rson’s liste ning,
much like the Mixe r e xe rcise we e xplore d e arlie r in this chapte r, be cause
you cannot be a good musician without liste ning to multiple stre ams of
sound simultane ously and be ing conscious of e ach of the m to spot cue s,
pick up-te mpo and rhythm, and fe e l the way the e nse mble is changing the
fe e l and volume . That re sponsive ne ss, brought to its pe ak in jazz music,
brings music alive ; it is the re in any group pe rformance , e ve n a highly
re he arse d one whe re all the playe rs have the ‘dots’ in front of the m and
e ve ry note is fixe d. Pe rhaps this is why re se arch shows that musicians
have slightly large r brains than non-musicians!
It was my musician-liste ning that got me into my care e r in audio
branding. I ofte n liste ne d to the world like a live pe rformance , and whe n I
sold my publishing busine ss in 2003 I re ally focuse d on my long-standing
obse rvation that the world sounds pre tty unple asant, at le ast in citie s. I
wonde re d: doe s this matte r? Months of re se arch late r, I was convince d
that I had discove re d a hidde n opportunity to transform soundscape s
that we re impacting with major ne gative conse que nce s on millions of
pe ople in shops, office s, hospitals, schools, airports and the like , and so
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The Sound Age ncy was born.
Music has be e n he re as long as humans have , and it’s e ve rywhe re humans
are . The re is no culture on e arth without it. It combine s all the aspe cts of
sound – me lody, harmony, rhythm and te mpo, ofte n e nhance d by the
human voice and words. As a re sult, afte r the human voice , I rate music
as the most powe rful sound of all.
You know what the y say… with gre at powe r come s gre at re sponsibility.
Particularly since music has one major aspe ct that make s it a fickle
se rvant: association. I could play Robbie Williams’s Angels to 2 pe ople
with ide ntical de mographic and psychographic profile s. One could fe e l a
million dollars be cause the y fe ll in love to it and it was the ir song at the
we dding. The othe r could le ave the store be cause the y just got dumpe d by
the pe rson who se duce d the m to it.
If you are going to liste n to music, I e ncourage you to liste n with care and
atte ntion and at high-quality whe ne ve r possible . Ye s, we can all e njoy
portable music or background music whe n we ’re doing some thing boring
like commuting or ironing. But the re is a joy to fully de coding the skill,
passion and imagination of the pe ople who make good re corde d or live
music: taking the se things for grante d is a rathe r sad and, to me , impolite
way of consuming some thing that can e xpre ss some of the be st aspe cts of
humanity.
I e ncourage you to watch the world-famous conductor Be njamin Zande r’s
te rrific TED talk about active ly liste ning to classical music. I was in the
room for that one , and whe n he had us all stand-up and be llow the chorus
from the fourth move me nt of Be e thove n’s Ninth, the communal joy was
palpable .
I spoke with Be n Zande r about many aspe cts of liste ning to music, and
you can he ar and re ad the full inte rvie w on this book’s we bsite at
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www.howtobe he ard.com, using password consc1ous to acce ss your
spe cial book-owne r’s are a.
Music can also he al, and I suspe ct we are just scratching the surface of its
capabilitie s in the mode rn world. I have no doubt that, for many
thousands of ye ars of pre history, music was use d in many more social
and the rape utic ways than today, whe re it has be come comme rcialise d
and rathe r stuck as a form of e nte rtainme nt. The re is a growing body of
re se arch about music’s positive e ffe cts of many illne sse s and conditions.
Just some of the m are : addiction, Alzhe ime r’s, asthma, autism,
be havioural difficultie s, communication disorde rs, de pre ssion, disability,
dysle xia, e ating disorde rs, e pile psy, HIV/AIDS, le arning disabilitie s,
me ntal he alth, pain re lie f, stre ss manage me nt, stroke re cove ry, and vision
loss.
Music de se rve s our re spe ct and offe rs much we are not curre ntly
re ce iving. I re comme nd that you take up an instrume nt if you don’t
alre ady play. Eve n if that’s not for you, I urge you to e xplore the powe rful
be ne fits available from music, and do it active ly and consciously.
Listening to music: Benjamin Zander
This is an excerpt from the transcript of a conversation with Ben Zander. For the
full transcript and the audio recording, visit www. howtobeheardbook. com and use
the password consc1ous .
Be njamin Zande r is the conductor of The Boston Philharmonic Orche stra
and the Boston Philharmonic Youth Orche stra and a gue st conductor
around the world. His re cordings with London’s fame d Philharmonia
Orche stra of Mahle r symphonie s have be e n re ce ive d with e xtraordinary
critical acclaim (including Grammy nominations) both for the
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pe rformance and Be n’s famous full-le ngth disc e xplaining the music for
the lay liste ne r.
Be n is one of the most sought-afte r spe ake rs in the world. He has give n
both the ope ning and the closing ke ynote addre ss at the World Economic
Forum in Davos, whe re on anothe r occasion he re ce ive d the Crystal
Award for “outstanding contributions in the Arts and inte rnational
re lations”. In 2002 he was awarde d the Caring Citize n of the Humanitie s
Award by the Inte rnational Council for Caring Communitie s at the Unite d
Nations. In honour of his 70th birthday, and of his 45 ye ars of te aching,
he was awarde d an Honorary Doctorate by the Ne w England
Conse rvatory. With Rosamund Zande r he wrote a be stse lling book, The
Art of Possibility , which has be e n translate d into 15 language s. His TED
talk on liste ning to music is le ge ndary and highly re comme nde d.
Be n Zande r: I think my life about e nrolme nt. It’s about giving the pe ople
the opportunity to se e some thing that the y othe rwise wouldn’t se e . I
spe nt a gre at de al of my life with a woman whose fathe r was a
profe ssional garde ne r. She be came a wonde rful garde ne r, and I didn’t
pay any atte ntion at all to what was going on. Now, I have the most
e xquisite garde n, and I love e ve ry single flowe r. But it took be ing around
it. It took pe ople caring about it, e nrolling me in it, and that’s what I fe e l
te ache rs do. The y e nrol pe ople in the ir passion, and liste ning is one of the
gre at human arts, the gre at human capacitie s. Part of the job of a te ache r
is to e nrol pe ople , train pe ople , le ad pe ople towards gre ate r, and gre ate r
liste ning…
It’s an unbe lie vable capacity. My fathe r was blind, and I re me mbe r saying
to him “Which of the se nse s would you pre fe r to lose ?” And he said, “Oh,
the re ’s no que stion about it. The e ye s are unimportant. The e ars are
e sse ntial.” So, it’s one of the gre at human capacitie s, maybe the gre ate st.
Our job as le ade rs of any kind is to train pe ople to liste n. Whe n the y don’t
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liste n we ll, and we ’re in the midst of a morass of bad liste ning in the
political world, it’s te rrifying.
Julian Tre asure : We can improve our liste ning, and music must be a
gre at way of doing that, sure ly.
Be n Zande r: It’s a fantastic way of doing it… For 50 ye ars almost, I’ve run
the se youth orche stras, taking the m on tour and playing the se
e xtraordinary pe rformance s. The re ’s no doubt in my mind, although I
can’t prove it, that the ir live s are imme asurably e nhance d and improve d
by the fact that the y’re liste ning to e ach othe r, the y’re liste ning to
the mse lve s, the y’re liste ning to the music as a whole : the y’re liste ning to
clarine ts imme rse d in trumpe ts, and violas, and it’s just a world, which is
kind of a mode l for life .
If you just bash through a pie ce from be ginning to e nd, and it’s as loud
and raucous as you can make it, you le arn nothing, ne ithe r about music,
nor about life . But if you pull it apart and te ll the m what to liste n for, and
give the m the me aning, and share with the m what you think the
compose r is trying to say, and the n the y play ove r a long pe riod of time ,
and the n the y take it on tour, and the y play it in conce rt… You can’t te ll
me that this is not going to profoundly affe ct the way the y le ad the re st of
the ir live s, and I have countle ss le tte rs from pe ople in the ir 40’s and 50’s
who say that this e xpe rie nce is what shape d the m as le ade rs in othe r
fie lds – as doctors, and lawye rs, and political pe ople .
So, to me , it’s one of the e sse ntial life force s. I’m just working on my
discussion for the Be e thove n Ninth, and I’m ve ry cle ar that Be e thove n
was one of the gre at te ache rs that humanity has e ve r had. I love Eleanor
Rigby , but to sugge st that Eleanor Rigby is an e qual to the Be e thove n
Ninth is grote sque to me . It’s on a le ve l of such subtle ty, and
sophistication, and de pth, and profundity, and ope n he arte dne ss in
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me aning and philosophy – and on a scale that is be yond compre he nsion.
Julian Tre asure : We ll not to me ntion joy, Be n. I re me mbe r ve ry we ll
be ing in the room whe n you gave that TED talk, and you had the e ntire
TED audie nce be lting out the fourth move me nt of Be e thove n’s Ninth.
Be n Zande r: I know! Isn’t that amazing?
Julian Tre asure : It was ve ry joyful, which is what it’s suppose d to be ,
isn’t it?
Be n Zande r: And you know what’s inte re sting about that, Julian, is that
it’s irre sistible joy. It doe sn’t matte r how de pre sse d, or se lf-absorbe d, or
frighte ne d you are . You liste n to that music, and whate ve r state you’re in,
it take s you away. It take s you with it, and that’s a ve ry powe rful aspe ct of
music. Me nde lssohn said that music is much more powe rful than words –
he actually said some thing more important: it’s much more pre cise than
words, which is e xtraordinary. It se e ms like a comple te paradox…Our job,
all of us, e ve ry single one of us is to make sure that the pe ople around us,
whoe ve r the y are , know what’s going on in the things that we love the
most. We love music, and we know the powe r that music has, to
transform pe ople ’s whole live s. So, it’s our job to ke e p training pe ople .
LISTENING TO NATURE
Anothe r the rape utic and richly be autiful sound is what my frie nd, le ading
sound re cordist and TED spe ake r Be rnie Krause , calls biophony : the
sound of nature . I inte rvie we d Be rnie about liste ning to nature and more ,
and you can he ar and re ad the full inte rvie w on this book’s we bsite at
www.howtobe he ardbook.com, using the password consc1ous to acce ss
the spe cial are a for book-owne rs.
Many pe ople walk into a room and fe e l the y ne e d to switch on some
sound, which I think may ofte n be a form of pining for the nature sounds
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that surrounde d human be ings until we inve nte d citie s. I class the m as
WWB: wind, wate r and birds. All 3 have be e n on this plane t far longe r
than we have , and the ge ntle r, more be autiful ve rsions of the m are , I
be lie ve , unive rsally he alth-giving and also gre at for promoting e ne rgy and
conce ntration or re st and sle e p, de pe nding on how the y are de ploye d.
Wind has a huge range , like all the WWB sounds. Howling gale s in the
Antarctic are not ge ne rally the kinds of sounds I want to surround myse lf
with! Howe ve r, ge ntle bre e ze in le ave s or grass is one of my favourite s,
and can work ve ry we ll as a background sound on a hot, airle ss day or on
he adphone s as a masking sound whe n I’m trying to work and pe ople are
spe aking ne arby.
Wate r can work its magic too. If you e ve r have proble ms sle e ping, the
sound of ge ntle surf may we ll be the answe r. Its typical fre que ncy is ve ry
similar to the bre athing patte rn of a sle e ping pe rson, so the re ’s a strong
physiological association. Emotionally, we te nd to associate it with be ing
re laxe d, stre ss-fre e , on a be ach some whe re – all e xce lle nt ove rtone s to
have re sonating within you as you se ttle down to sle e p. Ge ntle rainfall is
anothe r soothing sound, though not so soporific, as is the love ly tinkling
of a bubbling brook or stre am. Pick your favourite sounds consciously: I
do not sugge st trying to work or re st to pounding storm wave s or a large
wate rfall. As we ll as be ing ve ry inte nse and e ve ntually fatiguing, the latte r
make s communication ve ry difficult, be cause it e ffe ctive ly masks the
important sibilant consonants (s and t). We unde rstand language large ly
by he aring consonants, which is why it’s hard to unde rstand some one on
the othe r side of a good wall: you may be able to he ar the vowe l sounds,
which te nd to be lowe r fre que ncie s and thus transmit through anything
but highly e ffe ctive atte nuating mate rials, but those aahs and oohs are
almost impossible to de code without the consonants.
Finally, I’ve me ntione d birdsong be fore in this book, and make no
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apology for again e xtolling its virtue s as a sound that promote s me ntal
ale rtne ss (it’s time to be awake whe n the birds are singing) and e motional
se curity (whe n birds are happily singing, we fe e l safe ). The re are apps and
re cordings available that allow you to play birdsong from your mobile
de vice or compute r. Choose the type that you like be st, be cause the re is
gre at richne ss and varie ty in birdsong; I wouldn’t re comme nd the sound
of crows or parake e ts, for e xample ! For ide as and to e xplore this topic
more , I re comme nd the love ly book Why Birds Sing: A Journey into the
Mystery of Bird Song by David Rothe nbe rg.
To have fun with nature sound, and to e ngage your kids in the same
pursuit, I highly re comme nd ge tting a copy of Be rnie Krause ’s book The
Great Animal Orchestra , plus the e xtraordinary symphony that e volve d
out of it – a collaboration be twe e n Be rnie and the compose r Richard
Blackford, fe aturing imaginative and e ntrancing match-ups be twe e n the
instrume nts of a full orche stra and many of the astounding re cordings
from Be rnie ’s archive . Be rnie ’s conte ntion that nature sound is like an
orche stra, whe re e ve ry animal knows both the right place (high or low
fre que ncy and its own spe cific timbre ) and the right time for its sound, is
borne out by the amazing due ts and conve rsations be twe e n sample d
animal sounds and instrume nts. Highly re comme nde d.
Listening to nature: Bernie Krause
This is an excerpt from the transcript of a conversation with Bernie Krause. For the
full transcript and the audio recording, visit www. howtobeheardbook. com and use
the password consc1ous .
Dr. Be rnie Krause is a musician, a naturalist and the world’s le ading
nature sound re cordist. During the 1950s and ‘60s, he de vote d himse lf to
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music, re placing Pe te Se e ge r as the guitarist for the We ave rs and the n, in
Be ave r and Krause , playing a ke y role in de ve loping the tools and
me thods of e le ctronic music, working with The Byrds, The Doors, Pe te r
Gabrie l, Ste vie Wonde r, Ge orge Harrison and Van Morrison, among
othe rs. For more than 40 ye ars since the n, Be rnie has trave le d the world,
re cording and archiving the sounds of cre ature s and natural
e nvironme nts. He has re corde d more than 5,000 hours of wild
soundscape s, ove r half of which no longe r e xist in nature due to
e ncroaching noise and human activity; the se include the sounds of ove r
15,000 spe cie s. He gave a TED talk in 2013 on the voice of the natural
world. He has made countle ss albums, writte n nume rous pape rs and
books, and re ce ntly collaborate d with UK compose r Richard Blackford to
cre ate The Great Animal Orchestra Symphony for Orchestra and Wild
Soundscapes . Be rnie and his wife , Kat, live in Sonoma, CA.
Julian Tre asure : Be rnie , you’ve talke d to me in the past about
biophony. Could you te ll us what you me an by that word?
Be rnie Krause : We ll, biophony is one compone nt of what we conside r
the soundscape , what Murray Schafe r re fe rre d to as the soundscape . I’ve
re duce d it to 3 basic source s. The first source is the ge ophony, or the non-
biological sound that occurs in a wild e nvironme nt, wind in the tre e s,
wate r in a stre am, wave s at the oce an shore , that sort of thing. It’s non-
biological, natural sound. The se cond is the biophony, and this is the
most important, be cause it’s the colle ctive voice made up of all vocal
organisms in a give n habitat. The ope rative te rm he re is colle ctive ,
be cause e ach habitat e xpre sse s itse lf ve ry much like we distinguish one
human voice from anothe r. It has its own signature . The signature is
made up of all of the organisms that vocalise at a give n time , in a give n
habitat. It actually de fine s the habitat, by the way.
Julian Tre asure : What’s the third e le me nt of the e ntire soundscape ?
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Be rnie Krause : We ll, the third e le me nt is the sounds that we humans
make . I call it anthropophony. Anthropophony is made of 2 classe s of
sound. The first class is controlle d sound, like spe e ch, music, the atre . The
se cond is sound that’s more chaotic, incohe re nt. That’s what we call
noise , be cause it’s not conve ying any particular kind of information. It’s
just sort of random sound in a give n mome nt and in a give n place ,
whe re ve r we are , like automobile s going by, or le af blowe rs, or lawn
mowe rs, that kind of thing, je t plane s flying ove rhe ad.
Julian Tre asure : Just raise s the que stion in my mind, do animals make
noise as we ll, or is e ve rything, all the sound that the y cre ate , use ful? Is
noise , to some e xte nt, the garbage of sound?
Be rnie Krause : I be lie ve so, but animals, of course , do make noise as the
shuffle through le ave s, or walk through a fore st, and ste p on twigs, the y
crack, and so on. Ye s, the y make noise , but the ir noise is re lative ly little
compare d to what we humans produce .
Julian Tre asure : The plane t has change d a huge amount in the last fe w
hundre d ye ars, with anthropophony starting to dominate more , and
more , and more . I re me mbe r re ading some thing from you, and in fact, I
quote d it in my book, some time ago, about the time it now take s to
re cord a fe w minute s of nature sound unpollute d by anthropophony.
What is your e xpe rie nce with that now, Be rnie ?
Be rnie Krause : I actually make the point in my re ce nt book, The Great
Animal Orchestra , that whe n I first be gan to re cord, I could re cord for 10
hours and capture one hour of usable mate rial. That was in 1968. Now, it
take s me almost 2000 hours to capture the same thing in many habitats.
Julian Tre asure : My goodne ss.
Be rnie Krause : Ye ah, ye ah.
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Julian Tre asure : That is shocking. Pre sumably, the kind of intrusive
noise s, e ve n if you we re out in the wild some whe re , would be a distant
le af blowe r, or an ae roplane ove rflying the are a.
Be rnie Krause : Ye s. That’s anothe r proble m. The re ’s almost no place on
Earth now that doe sn’t have some human signature that intrude s on the
sile nce and solitude of a place .
Julian Tre asure : Can you think of anywhe re that still is truly natural,
and the re ’s no anthropophony going on?
Be rnie Krause : I’ve found a couple of place s, actually. You have to
think about this in te rms of time s of quie t inte rvals. One of the m is not
ve ry far from whe re I live , about 20 minute s from our home in Gle n
Elle n, California. We can drive to this spot, and ve ry ofte n, in the
mornings, just be fore and until just afte r sunrise , we can re cord in that
spot and maybe he ar one plane flying ove r in an hour. The re are place s in
the panhandle of Ne w Me xico, in the Unite d State s, a state that borde rs
on the Me xican borde r, whe re we re corde d for 2 we e ks and he ard one
ae roplane in a 2 we e k pe riod. In Alaska, whe re the re are only 500,000
pe ople in a state that’s a third the size of the lowe r 48 in the Unite d
State s, and I’ve re corde d the re in the Arctic National Wildlife Re fuge , and
we ’ve re corde d for 10 days without he aring anothe r intrusion of human
noise , just ourse lve s.
Julian Tre asure : I re me mbe r you talking about Alaska. I think you’ve
said that’s your favourite place in the world. Is it still?
Be rnie Krause : Ye s, be cause the re are so fe w pe ople . You can ge t to place s
whe re the re are no trails. You can walk for a we e k in any dire ction and
not come upon a fe nce , or a road, or anothe r human habitation. What’s
nice , also, about Alaska, is the re ’s signage . The re are no e age r range rs
de scribing to you the life cycle of an e lk or a wolf. Be st of all, of course ,
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the re ’s nothing to buy.
Julian Tre asure : Although, I imagine , your life is on the line . If you’re
that far from civilisation, you slip and bre ak an ankle , and you’re in big
trouble , are n’t you?
Be rnie Krause : We ll, I’ll take my chance s in Alaska anytime ove r
Hollywood!
LISTENING IN SALES
Ask any top-pe rforming sale spe rson what the most important part of the
sale s conve rsation is, and the y will probably say: “Liste ning.” Empathic
se lling builds long-te rm re lationships be cause it cre ate s conne ction and
e mpathy by liste ning to the custome r’s ne e ds, unlike high-pre ssure
se lling whe re the custome r hardly ge ts a word in and fe e ls bullie d rathe r
than unde rstood.
The active liste ning position, whe n de ploye d by a maste r, can be an
incre dible busine ss ge ne rator. In my magazine publishing busine ss in the
e arly 1990s, our first adve rtising sale s e xe cutive was the opposite of the
ste re otypical sale s e xe cutive . John was so quie t that you could hardly
he ar his side of the phone conve rsation. He ne ve r got e xcite d, or pumpe d
himse lf up, or did a countdown at the start of the day, or slappe d himse lf
in the face be fore a call: his was a ge ntle , quie t and polite nature . Whe n
he liste ne d, custome rs re ally fe lt he ard – so de spite the lack of e ne rgy and
buzz going down the phone line , pe ople just se e me d to love buying from
him. His figure s we re amazing. He we nt on to launch a division, buy it
out from us, and se ll it for a large sum – all, I am sure , at impe rce ptible
volume le ve ls.
Sale s liste ning can also e mploy the ‘liste ning for’ te chnique s we re vie we d
a fe w page s ago. In any sale s conve rsation, it’s important to liste n for 2
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things: conte xt and cue s. The conte xt may include the othe r pe rson’s
liste ning for you and your busine ss (including any opinions, past
e xpe rie nce s and so on – he re , a gre at que stion to ask is: “What do you
know about us?”). It may also include the ir high-le ve l goals and curre nt
situation, which are again gre at things to ask about, be cause pe ople
ge ne rally love spe aking about the mse lve s. If you unde rstand some one ’s
hope s, fe ars, dre ams, aspirations and proble ms the n you can map that
onto your own product or se rvice and accurate ly fit your solution to the ir
proble m. Also, if you can spot the ir liste ning style , you can re spond
appropriate ly. Some pe ople want the big picture , and fast; othe rs like
data and proof or te chnical de tails; still othe rs re late e motionally and love
a chat. It’s only possible to build rapport by matching style s if you are
active ly liste ning for the ir style from the ve ry be ginning.
Cue s are little conve rsational hooks to hang your be ne fits on –
opportunitie s to match your solution to the ir proble m in some way. The y
include what sale s traine rs call ‘buying signs’, whe re the othe r pe rson
e xpre sse s late nt inte ntion by asking for more information or de tails.
We ’ll come back to se lling whe n we discuss conscious, powe rful spe aking.
LISTENING LEADERS
In e ffe ct this me ans liste ning while you are talking, which may sound
impossible , like bre athing in while you are bre athing out, but in fact it is a
huge ly powe rful busine ss te chnique . Sadly, it is rare ly taught in
manage me nt training course s.
It se e ms obvious to obse rve that good le ade rs are situationally ve ry
aware . Like a squirre l, a good le ade r combine s stre ngth, spe e d and agility
with aware ne ss. And like a squirre l, a good le ade r ne e ds to be liste ning all
the time – for dange r, and for opportunity.
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Sadly, many of those who achie ve le ade rship positions do so be cause of
the ir dynamic, powe rful, e xtrove rt pe rsonalitie s, which are much more
e xpre sse d in spe aking than in liste ning. I re me mbe r ve ry e arly in my
care e r, with my first promotion to manage a small te am, be ing taught 4
mode s of le ade rship: te ll, se ll, consult, join. Thre e of the se 4 re quire good
liste ning. From time to time , te ll-mode is the most e ffe ctive place to be ,
but manage rs who de ploy the Nike slogan ‘just do it’ as a matte r of course
can only be succe ssful in the long-te rm if the y have e xtraordinary ge nius
and an intuitive fe e l for the ir marke t. Those pe ople do e xist – Ste ve Jobs
is the most obvious e xample – but the y are ve ry rare , and for e ve ry one
ble sse d with the tale nt to be right most of the time whe n orde ring pe ople
to ‘just do it’, the re are many habitual te ll-manage rs who manage a
re se ntful, re pre sse d and ine ffe ctive te am.
A gre at manage r will be able to move mode to suit the situation, and will
always be aware of all the factors that may affe ct succe ss. That me ans
knowing the pe ople in the te am: the ir skills, knowle dge , attitude s,
motivators, curre nt state and any issue s the y are de aling with. The only
way of knowing pe ople like that is to liste n to the m.
I have worke d for manage rs who inspire the ir whole te am to give of the ir
be st; pe ople for whom the te am would walk across hot coals if ne e d be . I
have also worke d unde r manage rs who have inspire d only fe ar or
conte mpt. The most significant diffe re nce has always be e n liste ning skill.
Liste ning is a way of showing re spe ct, of valuing anothe r human be ing.
Eve n the most charismatic le ade rs will have trouble binding a te am with
passion, care and commitme nt in the long-te rm if the y fail to liste n to
the ir pe ople .
The be st le ade rs I have e ncounte re d use both informal and formal
me thods: an ope n-door policy for pe ople to ask for he lp or advice ; a no-
blame atmosphe re whe re it’s okay to make mistake s as long as the
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inte ntion was right and the y don’t ge t re pe ate d; a culture of re spe cting
and valuing diffe re nce s; a se nse of humour at all time s; a structure that
e nsure s two-way communication and appraisal, from informal che ckins
at the coffe e machine to formal 360-de gre e appraisals. The y move to the
most appropriate liste ning position, avoiding ge tting stuck in critical
liste ning, which is one of the most common busine ss mistake s – and of
course a massive issue in many re lationships whe n that stuck liste ning
position come s home ! The y avoid the 7 Sins, e spe cially dogmatism
(which produce s inte rrupting), gossip and ne gativity. The y are not
conce rne d with pe rsonally looking good, but inste ad are focuse d on
bringing the be st out of e ve ry me mbe r of the ir te am. The y have humility,
knowing the ir limitations and trusting the pe ople to whom the y de le gate
tasks without inte rfe ring or obse ssive che cking.
All of this is made so much e asie r whe n a le ade r liste ns – to the point
whe re I be lie ve that if you look at any succe ssful te am, its le ade r will
probably be a good liste ne r. De spots, tyrants and dictators may have the ir
days, but if the y don’t liste n the y will e ve ntually fail, probably through the
burde n of the ir own e go and hubris, or the re se ntme nt of those the y rule .
I be lie ve liste ning is a fundame ntal skill for a good le ade r.
I was lucky e nough to inte rvie w Franklin Cove y co-founde r and
be stse lling author Hyrum Smith about le ade rship liste ning and spe aking.
Che ck the pane l for an e xce rpt from the inte rvie w and instructions on
acce ssing the full inte rvie w in audio and writte n form online .
Hyrum Smith
This is an excerpt from the transcript of a conversation with Hyrum Smith. For the
full transcript and the audio recording, visit www. howtobeheardbook. com and use
the password consc1ous .
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Hyrum W. Smith is a distinguishe d author, spe ake r, and busine ssman. In
1983 he co-founde d the Franklin Que st Company to produce the Franklin
Day Planne r and train individuals and organisations in the time
manage me nt principle s on which the planne r was base d. In 1997 it
be came the Franklin Cove y Company. As the co-founde r of the se
companie s, he was dire ctly re sponsible for training ove r 6 million pe ople
ove r the course of his care e r in time manage me nt skills and incre ase d
pe rsonal productivity: he was the time manage me nt guru, or more
accurate ly put, the life manage me nt spe cialist. He “re tire d” from Franklin
in 2004 to pursue othe r inte re sts. For 4 de cade s, he has be e n
e mpowe ring pe ople to e ffe ctive ly gove rn the ir pe rsonal and profe ssional
live s, combining wit and e nthusiasm with a gift for communicating
compe lling principle s that incite lasting pe rsonal change . Hyrum is the
author of se ve ral nationally-acclaime d books, including The 10 Natural
Laws of Successful Time and Life Management What Matters Most , , and
The Power of Perception: 6 Steps To Behavior Change .
Julian Tre asure : Do you think liste ning is re ally important as a skill for
a le ade r?
Hyrum Smith: You know, I’m not sure the re ’s a more important skill for a
le ade r than liste ning. In fact, if I had to list the skills and rank the skills
that a le ade r ought to have , I would put liste ning at the ve ry top of my
list. It’s a skill that not many le ade rs have , and it costs the m a gre at de al
of mone y, it costs the m a gre at de al of productivity. In my opinion,
liste ning is at the ve ry top of the line .
Julian Tre asure : Why is that, why is it so important to liste n if you’re a
le ade r, Hyrum?
Hyrum Smith: We ll, if you don’t know what your pe ople are thinking and
what the ir ide as are , the n you’re going to have to come up with all the
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ide as to run your company. I me an, I starte d the Franklin Planne r
Company back in 1983, and I discove re d ve ry quickly that I did not have
all the skills ne ce ssary to take it from my garage to what it be came , which
is a billion dollar company on the Ne w York Stock Exchange . I discove re d
ve ry quickly that I had some re ally bright pe ople around me , and we
attracte d bright pe ople , and I don’t say this in a bragging way, but I think
one of the re asons we we re able to attract bright pe ople is that we not
only liste ne d to pe ople , but we actually imple me nte d the ir ide as.
The re ’s so much going on that a le ade r can ne ve r se e , and if he or she is
not willing to liste n to the pe ople that are working with and for the m,
the n it is ve ry costly. Just the e conomic cost of not liste ning. You’ve got a
guy down on the line who cre ate d our binde rs who came up with an ide a
for a ne w binde r. Had we not be e n willing to liste n to him, we ’d miss
about a 30 million dollar opportunity, which it turne d out to be .
Julian Tre asure : And what are the spe aking skills that you think would
be he lpful for a le ade r?
Hyrum Smith: The ability to re ach into some one so that the y fe e l what
you’re saying is a ve ry spe cial skill. The re ’s a diffe re nce , for e xample ,
be twe e n te lling and te aching.
Julian Tre asure : Mm-hmm.
Hyrum Smith: The gre at spe ake rs are teaching . The y’re not te lling,
the y’re te aching. In my opinion, the gre ate st sale s pe ople in the world are
te ache rs. The y’re se lling the ir stude nts on an ide a and e xpe rime nting
with the ide a. A le ade r has to be the quinte sse ntial te ache r in my opinion.
What the le ade r ne e ds to do is to make the pre se ntation in such a way
that it goe s in through the ir che st first and the n up to the brain. Most
pe ople go in through the inte lle ct. The y have 47 slide s that the y’re going
to show, and all this stuff, and it’s all ve ry inte lle ctual, but the y don’t grab
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the pe ople ’s he arts. If pe ople walk away from a pre se ntation by the ir
le ade r, the ir manage r, that hasn’t grabbe d the m in the ir he art, the ir
che st, I don’t care how much data the y had, how on line the spe e ch was,
the y’ve got to le arn to ge t into the ir he art.
Gre at te ache rs instinctive ly te ach with parable s. The mode rn day word
for parable is an appe rce ption. That me ans that you te ach an ide a and
the n you share a story that solidifie s the ide a. That’s like Christ, I hope
you don’t mind me using that e xample .
Julian Tre asure : No, it’s fine .
Hyrum Smith: Christ taught with parable s. The re ason he was such a
fabulous te ache r is be cause he use d storie s that the pe ople re late d to. The
pe ople the re unde rstood she e p, and the y unde rstood that whole thing.
Gre at spe ake rs, in my opinion, are gre at story te lle rs.
Julian Tre asure : We ll, I think you’ve raise d a fascinating point the re ,
Hyrum, which is to fe e l it, the n think it, the n say it, not just think it.
Hyrum Smith: Right. Absolute ly.
Julian Tre asure : It kind of we lls up from the he art to the he ad, and
the n out of the mouth, which is a tre me ndous physiological me taphor
re ally for giving a gre at spe e ch, and ce rtainly, I know many pe ople have
inte lle ctualise d spe aking, and it be come s a kind of robotic, me chanical
proce ss. If you can touch, move , and inspire pe ople , and the y fe e l it, the n
that conne ction is invaluable , I think, isn’t it?
Hyrum Smith: Absolute ly. The fact is, pe ople may forge t what the y’ve
he ard, forge t what the y’ve se e n, but the y ne ve r forge t what the y fe e l.
THE LISTENING ORGANISATION
The danger of not listening
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I have first-hand e xpe rie nce of the proble ms that can arise in an
organisation that has the opposite of a liste ning culture . I sold my
magazine publishing company to a US-owne d marke ting se rvice s group
whose pre mie r London adve rtising age ncy was large , long-e stablishe d
and we ll-re garde d. Unfortunate ly, its CEO was a man with a fe rocious
re putation for not taking bad ne ws at all we ll. Pe ople we re te rrifie d of
him, so the habit had de ve lope d of e diting out the bad ne ws, and of
e mbroide ring ave rage ne ws to make it good, and good ne ws to make it
gre at. (Re me mbe r, e xagge ration is one of the 7 De adly Sins). The re sult
was that the age ncy had be e n ove r-re porting its succe ss, claiming that it
had won busine ss that was only promise d, and that clie nt billings we re
large r than the y re ally we re . Its accounts we re e ffe ctive ly fabrication. This
was obviously unsupportable in the long-te rm, but nobody had the
courage to te ll the e mpe ror that he was without clothe s. Eve ntually, an
audit re ve ale d the e xte nt of the proble m. The London age ncy had to
re issue ye ars of financial accounts, which re sulte d in the whole global
group having to do the same . Falsifying accounts is not take n we ll by
financial marke ts, and the group’s share price on the Ne w York Stock
Exchange tumble d to le ss than a quarte r of its pre vious value . I fe lt the
e ffe ct of this anti-liste ning culture ke e nly, be cause we had acce pte d
share s in our purchase price and had to watch, unable by law to se ll the
share s, as the y tumble d to a fraction of the ir value at the time of the de al.
Just one re ason that I passionate ly be lie ve in the importance of a
liste ning culture !
The benefits of a listening organisation
All the innovation gurus I have e ve r e ncounte re d stre ss the importance of
acce pting mistake s if your organisation is to be truly innovative . Many
companie s give an award for the ye ar’s bigge st mistake ! If we don’t try
ne w things or ne w ways of doing things, we ge t stuck in historical
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attitude s and be haviours, and the re sult can be de vastating, as Kodak and
many othe rs have discove re d to the ir cost.
Ope nne ss to mistake s and a ‘le t’s try it’ e nvironme nt absolute ly re quire a
liste ning culture . Whe n some one is re porting a major failure , an
innovative manage r will be liste ning for the positive s: the courage to try
some thing ne w; the imagination in isolating the proble m to be solve s; the
inge nuity involve d in e ngine e ring a ne w solution… this is ve ry much
liste ning for the gold, in orde r to e ncourage the positive aspe cts, coach on
what we nt wrong and e ve n asse ss whe the r the failure is a failure afte r all;
some time s just the crite ria for succe ss ne e d to be change d. Always
re me mbe r: Post-It note s we re a faile d e ffort to inve nt a strong pape r glue .
Othe r liste ning be ne fits include be ing able to spot proble ms e arlie r and
thus de al with the m be fore the y be come major; improving skills and
pe rformance e ve rywhe re with 360 de gre e re vie ws that contain hone st,
fe arle ss and accurate fe e dback from all dire ctions; producing be tte r
manage rs who re ally unde rstand the ir te ams’ challe nge s and can be aske d
for he lp without fe ar of loss of face ; and of course the massive be ne fits
that come from liste ning to custome rs and unde rstanding the ir ne e ds and
e xpe rie nce s.
Creating a listening culture
It’s ne ve r e asy to change an organisation’s culture . Making a
manage me nt de cision and e mailing e ve ryone that ‘our culture is now…’
ce rtainly doe sn’t work! To cre ate a ge nuine liste ning culture take s
planning, communication, involve me nt, commitme nt, pe rsiste nce ,
continual training and accountability. Re cruitme nt has to conside r
pe ople ’s re lationship with liste ning (it’s always be tte r to re cruit the right
type of pe ople and train the re quire d skills than to re cruit the right skills
and try to change the pe ople ). The re gular pe rformance re vie w proce ss
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e qually ne e ds to include liste ning e xplicitly. Most of all, liste ning has too
come from the top and be consiste ntly practice d and e ncourage d.
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Chapter 5:
How to achieve perfect content
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n 1939, Jimmy Lunce ford and Ella Fitzge rald re corde d the song T’aint
What You Do (It’s The Way That You Do It) , which be came a global
I
hit many ye ars late r for Fun Boy Thre e and Bananarama. We ll, in
powe rful spe aking, it what you say is and the way that you say it. Both are
vital: a brilliantly-de live re d spe e ch with trivial or me aningle ss conte nt
will be quickly forgotte n, while e ve n the most brilliant conte nt will fail to
land if the spe ake r is te dious, flat and uninte re sting. We ’ll de al with both
the se aspe cts of spe aking, starting in this chapte r with the foundations of
powe rful spe aking and the n answe ring the que stion I am most ofte n
aske d: how can I make my ide as concise , e ffe ctive and powe rful?
HAIL: THE FOUNDATIONS OF POWERFUL
SPEAKING
Throughout my care e r at The Sound Age ncy, my profe ssional conce rn has
be e n the sound of organisations, brands and the ir space s, such as malls,
airports, shops, office s, hospitals and place s of e ducation. I cre ate d a
scie ntific mode l that de scribe s how sound affe cts pe ople , and we he lpe d
to move many organisations towards conscious de sign of sound inste ad
of unconscious cre ation of noise .
As time passe d, I starte d to re alise that it’s not just organisations that
make important sound. Human be ings do too: your body can’t make
light, but it can, and doe s, make sounds, of which the most important is
spe e ch. As I e xplore d this aspe ct of sound, my TED talks starte d to focus
more on pe rsonal sound, and on inte rpe rsonal communication,
culminating in the fifth talk e ntitle d ‘How to spe ak so that pe ople want to
liste n’. At the time of writing, that talk is in the top 10 most-vie we d of all
time – with, inte re stingly, some thing like 9 time s as many vie ws as my
talk on conscious liste ning. This says some thing about the value we place
on se nding as oppose d to re ce iving! Epicte tus’s adage about 2 e ars and
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one mouth (quote d in Chapte r 3) se e ms to have be e n tosse d aside … it
appe ars that, in the mode rn world, most pe ople are much more
conce rne d about the e ffe ctive ne ss of the ir spe aking than that of the ir
liste ning. I do hope you have re ce ive d the ce ntral me ssage of this book –
that in fact a balance be twe e n the 2 skills is e sse ntial, be cause the y are so
inte rre late d. In orde r to be good spe ake r, I be lie ve you must also be a
good liste ne r.
Ne ve rthe le ss, we now come to focus on powe rful spe aking. Whe n I came
to asse mble my thoughts and e xpe rie nce s into the conte nt for that fifth
spe e ch, I aske d myse lf what we re the foundations for spe aking with
authority, powe r and e ffe ct. I re vie we d my own e xpe rie nce s, both in
hundre ds of talks on stage around the world and in pe rsonal
communication; I also re vie we d some of the gre at spe ake rs I’d had the
ple asure to watch live , and some of the most powe rful spe ake rs in history.
The re sult was HAIL: an acronym of the 4 corne rstone s of powe rful
spe aking. The H stands for hone sty; the A is authe nticity; the I is inte grity
and the L is love . Le t’s e xplore the m in more de tail.
HON ESTY
Honesty i s the fi rst chapter i n the book of wi sdom.
- Thomas Jefferson
Hone sty is the abse nce of false hood. This sounds simple e nough, but is in
fact e xtraordinarily challe nging, be cause lying is part of human nature . In
he r e xce lle nt book Liespotting: Proven Techniques to Detect Deception
and the fine TED talk that arose from it, Pame la Me ye r re counts re se arch
showing that on any give n day we are lie d to be twe e n 10 and 200 time s,
and that strange rs lie 3 time s within 10 minute s of me e ting e ach othe r.
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We are all liars, e ve n if most of the m are re lative ly harmle ss white lie s,
the kind that re duce friction and ke e p home and work from ne e dle ss
upse t and conflict: “I was just about to call you!”, “Of course you don’t
look fat in that!” or “So sorry, my spam filte rs got that e mail for some
re ason.”
The scale of lying, and public tole rance for it, have de finite ly incre ase d in
the past fe w de cade s. I re me mbe r a time whe n we he ld our politicians
(and inde e d all profe ssionals such as doctors, lawye rs, te ache rs and
accountants) to the highe st standard; whe n be ing caught in a lie was
sufficie nt cause for re signation or dismissal. Now we live in the post-truth
world, whe re inconve nie nt storie s are dismisse d as ‘fake ne ws’ and we
have the inte re sting e uphe mism “I misspoke ” to re place , and dilute to an
appare ntly acce ptable le ve l, the admission of lying.
Lying is so pre vale nt that it will he lp in our pursuit of hone sty to
unde rstand it – and to have compassion for some e xpre ssions of it.
Pame la Me ye r distinguishe s 9 motive s for lying, 4 of which are ‘offe nsive ’
(de signe d to advance our position) and 5 ‘de fe nsive ’ (de signe d to avoid
some sort of damage ).
Offensive reasons for lying
• To obtain a re ward that’s not othe rwise e asily attainable .
• To gain advantage ove r anothe r pe rson or situation.
• To cre ate a positive impre ssion and win the admiration of othe rs.
• To e xe rcise powe rs ove r othe rs by controlling information.
Defensive reasons for lying
• To avoid be ing punishe d or to avoid e mbarrassme nt.
• To prote ct anothe r pe rson from be ing punishe d.
• To prote ct yourse lf from the thre at of physical or e motional harm.
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• To ge t out of an awkward social situation.
• To maintain privacy.
You probably re cognise many of the se , as I do, and you may be able to
think of e xample s from your life whe re , with the be st of inte ntions (or
some time s not!) you have inte ntionally ‘misspoke n’. I wonde r if the re has
e ve r be e n a comple te ly hone st human be ing. The truth can hurt, and I am
ce rtainly not advocating brutal hone sty at all time s: “You look te rrible
today!” is ne ithe r kind, nor ne ce ssary.
De spite the pre vale nce of lying, we value hone sty highly, and many
pe ople say it’s the most important value the y se e k in the ir ke y
re lationships. I want to e mphasise 2 face ts of hone sty that I be lie ve are
critical if your spe aking is to land with powe r.
Be clear
Many a book has be e n writte n on plain spe aking, and for good re ason. In
busine ss, gove rnme nt, the le gal profe ssions and acade mia, a combination
of pomposity and hubris (in particular, the de sire to appe ar cle ve r,
e xpre sse d by using long, complicate d and obscure words) have give n rise
to millions of docume nts, spe e che s and conve rsations that have le ft the
re cipie nts more confuse d at the e nd than the y we re at the be ginning. I
re me mbe r be ing turne d off the e ntire subje ct of sociology during my
e conomics de gre e at Cambridge whe n the first le cture include d words
such as ‘syste mativity’ and ‘pe rformative conce ption’.
In the ir e nte rtaining book Made to Stick , which inve stigate s why some
ide as stick and othe rs e vaporate , Chip and Dan He ath re fle ct that, had he
be e n a CEO, Pre side nt John F Ke nne dy might we ll have said in 1961:
“Our mission is to be come the inte rnational le ade r in the space industry
through maximum te am-ce ntre d innovation and strate gically targe te d
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ae rospace initiative s.” Inste ad he said: “I be lie ve that this nation should
commit itse lf to achie ving the goal, be fore this de cade is out, of landing a
man on the moon and re turning him safe ly to the Earth.” That le ve l of
clarity was inspiring e nough (and pre cise e nough) that the almost
impossible goal was achie ve d 8 ye ars late r. Gove rnme nts se e m to be
le arning this le sson: on Octobe r 13, 2010 Pre side nt Obama signe d a Plain
Writing Act re quiring that fe de ral age ncie s use “cle ar gove rnme nt
communication that the public can unde rstand and use .” In the UK, the
Plain English Campaign has its inte rnational Crystal Mark, which
re wards we ll-writte n docume nts, as we ll as an annual Foot in Mouth
Award for baffling spoke n language , such as the 1994 winne r by the n
Shadow Chance llor Gordon Brown, who gave a spe e ch about “the growth
of post ne o-classical e ndoge nous growth the ory.” My own bugbe ars are
the classic corporate words provide , utilise and facilitate (what’s wrong
with give , use and he lp?).
Of course , writte n language is e ve n worse than spoke n in most instance s,
and, although it’s not the subje ct of this book, the Plain English
Campaign’s Golde n Bull awards offe r a salutary pool of e xample s of how
not to write . One insurance surve y aske d the re cipie nt:
“Whe n you change d your re tire me nt date , did you inte nd to align your
life style switching strate gy to your re vise d re tire me nt date ?”
The y didn’t e xplain what on e arth a ‘life style switching strate gy’ is.
Lawye rs, of course , rule the roost whe n it come s to incompre he nsible
writte n language . Most pe ople who have had to de al with le gal
agre e me nts have struggle d with passage s like this single se nte nce from
the winne r of the 2016 Golde n Bull award:
I do he re by for myse lf, my he irs, e xe cutors, administrators and assigns
guarante e to you and your he irs, e xe cutors, administrators and assigns
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and the owne r of the pre mise s for the time be ing the punctual payme nt of
said re nt now payable by the Te nant or as same may be varie d or
pe rmitte d to be varie d by law and for me sne rate s that may accrue due
until full cle ar and le gal posse ssion shall be de live re d up to you and I
agre e for myse lf, my he irs, e xe cutors, administrators and assigns to
inde mnify you and your he irs, e xe cutors administrators and assigns and
the owne r of the pre mise s for the time be ing from all loss or damage done
to the said pre mise s by the Te nant or through his ne glige nce or by re ason
of non-fulfillme nt of any of the stipulations and conditions on the part of
the Te nant containe d in above agre e me nt and for all costs of any
proce e dings for the re cove ry of the re nt or posse ssion of said pre mise s
and should Notice to Quit be se rve d by the Landlord or Te nant, or
e je ctme nt summons issue d or e viction de cre e obtaine d in re spe ct of said
pre mise s and afte rwards withdrawn or waive d by e ithe r party with or
without my knowle dge .
Unne ce ssary comple xity, vague ne ss and indire ctne ss te nd to be
confusing. Ke e p se nte nce s short whe re ve r possible , avoiding too many
subordinate clause s. Try to avoid the passive te nse unle ss it adds stre ngth
or clarity; it usually doe s ne ithe r – for e xample , “We will achie ve this by
the e nd of the ye ar” is much more powe rful than “This will be achie ve d by
the e nd of the ye ar.” Always che ck for that little se lf-aggrandising imp
that lurks in us all: ask yourse lf if the re ’s a simple r word you can use , a
plaine r way of putting this. If you se t goals for anyone (or for yourse lf),
make the m SMART, as Pre side nt Ke nne dy did: spe cific, me asurable ,
achie vable , re alistic and time d. Re me mbe r, the obje ctive is to be
unde rstood, not to be impre ssive : this is about ge tting the ball ove r the
ne t and ke e ping the rally going, not hitting a crowd-ple asing winne r.
In sum, make your spe e ch simple , e asy to unde rstand, logical, plain,
dire ct, comple te and spe cific, and you will ge ne rally find it e ffe ctive ly
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re ce ive d.
Be straight
Politicians have always be e n the maste rs of de fle ction and obfuscation (a
love ly old word me aning the practice of making things uncle ar). Ofte n
this is be cause the y can’t, or don’t want to, answe r a que stion in an
inte rvie w. In the ir de fe nce , the y are now facing journalists who have
be come more and more aggre ssive , due partly to politicians’ de viousne ss,
and partly the public obse ssion with blaming and shaming – se e the
discussion of be ing right in Chapte r 2. As a re sult, the 2 groups are locke d
in a grim dance that doe sn’t re ally se rve anyone . We he ar inte rruptions,
soundbite s, unfounde d accusations, straw man fallacie s, and ofte n
comple te avoidance s, ofte n pre ce de d by “I’m glad you aske d me that
que stion…” (be cause I’m now going to answe r a comple te ly diffe re nt
one ).
Be ing straight in your spe aking me ans be ing frank – in othe r words,
saying what you me an. Many re lationships at home and at work are
blighte d by twin-track communication, whe re the frank conve rsation is
unspoke n and what’s said is at be st allusive (using sugge stion rathe r than
e xplicit me ntion), at worst comple te ly diffe re nt from what is me ant. The
famous sce ne from Woody Alle n’s 1977 movie Annie Hall whe re the 2
le ad characte rs have an e ntire discussion without saying what the y’re
thinking, with subtitle s so that the audie nce can se e the re al conve rsation,
is so painfully funny be cause we all re cognise that proce ss.
Of course , some time s it’s kinde r or safe r not to say what we ’re thinking,
and I am not advocating re moving the e ditor that works be twe e n your
mind and your mouth: not all our thoughts are worthy of be ing spoke n
and we ’ve all had the e xpe rie nce of saying some thing we late r re gre tte d.
Howe ve r, I am sugge sting that falling into the habit of indire ct, allusive
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spe aking is some thing to be avoide d. It re quire s mind-re ading on the part
of the othe r pe rson, which is hard work for the m and will ofte n be
inaccurate . Also, it te nds to go hand in hand with a habit of me aning-
making be cause we assume that othe r pe ople are the same and don’t say
what the y me an e ithe r, so the ir spe e ch re quire s de coding just like ours
doe s. The se things give rise to misunde rstanding and conflict be cause
the y involve so much unconscious filte ring and gue sswork, ofte n re sting
on the assumption that othe rs are just like us (which is not true ) and
arising from a fe ar of be ing known or a ne e d to be right that translate s
into making othe rs wrong. Re me mbe r, be ing judgme ntal or e ve n
conde mnatory in your me aning-making is De adly Sin numbe r 2!
Many pe ople ’s fe e lings of not be ing unde rstood arise s he re . The fe ar of
be ing poorly re ce ive d can itse lf produce indire ct spe aking that’s harde r to
unde rstand, producing a se lf-fulfilling prophe cy. Equally, the ne e d to be
right and justifie d can cre ate spe aking that de mands mind-re ading,
producing the de sire d fe e ling of righte ous indignation whe n the othe r
pe rson’s mind-re ading is off the mark, as it ofte n will be . If you re cognise
any of this oblique ne ss in your own spe aking, or you have re lationships
whe re mind-re ading is re gularly ne ce ssary on e ithe r part, try the
e xe rcise s be low.
If you want to be powe rful in your spe aking and fully unde rstood, be
straight: say what you me an and me an what you say. Be ste ady, re liable
and unambiguous in your spe e ch and pe ople will le arn that whe n you
spe ak, it’s worth paying atte ntion.
Exerci se: Be cl ear and strai ght
Be cle ar Your writing will have many similarities to your speaking, so the easiest way to
check your clarity is to examine your written communication. Take a look at your
recent emails, letters and even texts, and check for the following.
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Unnecessary complexity, for example utilising using lengthy long verbalisations words
where more concise shorter conceptualisations ones will serve more than adequately
do just fine.
Habitual use of the passive tense where active is clearer or more direct; this is to be
avoided try to avoid this.
Redundant words, e.g. absolutely unique or carefully scrutinise.
Multiple or nested subordinate clauses, which, while tempting, as things often are,
can, if overused, become, to the casual listener, who may not give you more than
partial attention, very confusing!
Long sentences – no need to give an example here, you know what I mean.
Jargon – any words or expressions whose meaning is understood by a restricted group
when used outside that group or when used unnecessarily, including acronyms and
initialisms. There is now an acronym EUUN, meaning excessive use of unnecessary
acronyms! A good example of jargon-laden incomprehensibility is this sentence from
a UK National Health Service Trust letter to a patient: “The criteria are embedded
within an indication of needs matrix, encompassing the continuum of care needs. ” Eh?
Clichés, which in business might include “Going forward”, “To your point”, “Touch
base”, “Take this offline”, “On the same page”. You can probably think of many you
encounter; do you use them yourself?
Euphemisms, which abound in society and bear deep thought as they can disguise
unpleasantness and are often woolly and imprecise or even downright misleading (for
example “Ministry of Defence”, “correctional facility” or “collateral damage”) We all
tend to use them where the right word seems too blunt, for example ‘passed on’
instead of died or ‘restroom’ instead of toilet, and I’m not suggesting losing that polite
habit; however they can be disingenuous and it’s worth reviewing your relationship
with them. I remember a software giant where people weren’t sacked, they were
‘uninstalled’.
Some of these habits may translate into your speaking. If you have people in your life
whom you trust to give you honest feedback, ask them if you are ever unclear, and
even use the above as a checklist. Another approach is to record yourself on phone
calls and listen back to your end of the conversation.
Bestraight
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In your notebook, list all your important relationships and speaking situations and
mark yourself out of 10 in each case for how straight you are. Do you say what you
mean and mean what you say, or do you soften, disguise or even withhold your real
message? Is mind-reading involved, in either direction?
Where you have a score less than 7, think carefully about the reasons. I am not
advising you to abandon practices that may be keeping you safe in difficult
relationships; if you have genuine cause to fear the consequences of straightness,
please seek professional help. However, where the habit is all yours or you judge that
the fear is disproportionate or inappropriate, take one relationship or situation at a
time and set yourself a goal of straight talking. In some cases, you may even be able
to share that this is what you’re doing and inspire the other person or people to help
you in your project.
A great starting point for increasing your clarity is to practice making clean requests.
Instead of hinting, intimating, suggesting or simple wishing the other person would
guess what you want, ask. The request might go something like this: “When you [do
or don’t do something], the effect on me is [I feel something or I have to do
something]. My request is that you [do something different] in future. What do you
say?”
A U THEN TIC ITY
It is possible to tre at all spe aking as a pe rformance , e ithe r consciously or
unconsciously. The de sire to fit in, to be like d, or to be re spe cte d is a
strong one in many pe ople , and it can drive a chame le on-like approach to
spe aking whe re diffe re nt pe rsonas come to the fore de pe nding on the
audie nce . I re me mbe r that my mothe r’s acce nt and pronunciation varie d
significantly from the family ve rsion of he r to the public ve rsion: we got
the ge nuine , natural de live ry, while strange rs got a more re fine d,
impre ssive ve rsion.
Howe ve r, pe ople can ofte n fe e l the artifice of an assume d pe rsona, and it
can take a lot of e ffort to switch, particularly if the re are se ve ral to move
be twe e n. In my younge r days I se parate d my contacts, pre se nting
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diffe re nt ve rsions of me to work colle ague s, band me mbe rs, frie nds, my
family and so on. My ne w workmate s se cre tly we nt through my addre ss
book and organise d a surprise 30th birthday, inviting e ve ryone . Whe n
the lights we nt up on what I thought was an e mpty office , the fe e ling of
ove rwhe lm was so inte nse I fe ll to my kne e s as I looke d around and saw
inte rmingle d all the se pe ople I had conscie ntiously be e n ke e ping
se parate . Of course , I was touche d and astonishe d, but the re was also a
se nse of fe ar be cause my se cre t walls had all come down. Who was I to
be ?
The party was wonde rful, and I le arne d a big le sson that night, late r
e ncapsulate d by a phrase spoke n to me by a wise frie nd: stand in your
own truth .
To be authe ntic is to be yourse lf. That sounds simple , but it may not be .
You may, like the young me , have se ve ral se lve s to choose from. Which is
the re al one ? Eve n if that’s not the case for you, the task doe s raise an
important que stion, and one that not many pe ople ponde r: who am I?
The e xe rcise be low will he lp you to answe r this que stion, making it e asie r
for you to spe ak with authe nticity. In my e xpe rie nce , authe nticity rings
true with liste ne rs; fake ry te nds to be de te ctable unle ss a spe ake r is
highly skille d at pre te nce (like gre at actors), or the adoption of a pe rsona
is de libe rate and come s from a de sire to se rve othe rs or to make a point,
and not from se lf-re gard.
I am not sugge sting that you wash your dirty line n in public. If you have
an argume nt with your spouse just be fore making a busine ss
pre se ntation, it will not se rve the liste ne rs to he ar about or se e the re sults
of your upse t. With the ir be st inte re sts at he art, you will have to ge ne rate
a diffe re nt, more positive you if you are to make your spe e ch e ffe ctive .
Your privacy is your de cision: Ste ve Jobs gave many spe e che s in public
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without me ntioning his fatal dise ase . This was not inauthe ntic; he was a
ve ry private pe rson. Intimacy is be ing fully known, and fe w pe ople de cide
to ope n the mse lve s up for all the world. You can de cide your own
pe rsonal boundarie s whilst re taining authe nticity; the re is a big
diffe re nce be twe e n le ve ls of an authe ntic se lf and assume d pe rsonas.
One gre at be ne fit of clarifying who you are is be ing able to introduce
yourse lf cle arly and succinctly. The e xe rcise be low also he lps you to
de ve lop a powe rful pe rsonal introduction, so that ne xt time some one
asks: “What do you do?” you can answe r powe rfully and confide ntly
without the common fumbling (“Oh goodne ss, whe re do I start?” Or
“We ll, at the mome nt I’m…”).
Exerci se 1: Who are you?
We tend to take for granted that we are who we are, but without definition that
concept can be rather woolly, and it changes over time as our experiences shape our
personality. Here are some questions for you to ask yourself. When you settle on clear
answers, you will have a much firmer concept of who you really are.
What are your v alue s? Use single, simple nouns here, and try not to go past 4 or 5 or it
gets too hard to remember. As an example, mine are faith, love, acceptance and
gratitude.
What are your skills/knowle dge ? You may surprise yourself here. List everything you’re
good at, even if it’s not anything to do with work. What are you known for? What are
you se e n as?
Think what your friends or colleagues would say. I wonder if the public perception of
you matches your own.
What is your v isual image ? Do you have a style? Do you change it for different
situations?
What is your commitme nt? In other words, what, if anything, do you stand for in life?
What diffe re nce will you make ? To whom? Do you have a mission in life, and if so whom
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will it affect and how?
Exerci se 2: Your el evator i ntroducti on
The aim is to write a 30-second personal introduction that you learn and can recite
instantly when the need arises. You may create more than one if you really do have a
hybrid life. In most cases, this will be about what you do for work, so let’s focus on
that.
By way of example, mine is: I’m a sound consultant, international speaker and author.
I have helped hundreds of brands and organisations to make effective, healthy sound,
and millions of people to speak and listen better. My passion is to make the world
sound beautiful.
You can sculpt your own powerful personal introduction by answering 3 questions.
What? What are you? Your title, or a short description. Make it as simple and pared
down as possible. If your job title is long and involved, summarise it. If you have 2 or 3
significant roles, that’s fine. Check TED. com to see how speakers are described for
some inspiration.
Who? Who gains (or have gained) from your work and what do they gain (or have they
gained)? Be as specific as possible about this, whilst keeping it as simple and short as
possible.
Why? What’s your driving force? Your motivation? Your passion? The difference you
want to make in the world?
Write the answers, then speak them. Edit, refine and rework until they are like
diamonds, brilliant, clear and compressed. Try the whole thing out to the mirror, then
to friends who know you well and will give you honest feedback. (They may gain from
this too by deciding to do their own! ) When you are happy, learn it by rote and
practice so that it rolls out naturally whenever needed. It must never sound forced,
laboured or scripted, which becomes easy when you really inhabit it and remember
that this is you, and your genuine passion.
IN TEGR ITY
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My de finition of inte grity is this: be your word. If you say it and it
happe ns, your words have we ight. I re me mbe r once visiting the
abandone d city of Fate hpur Sikri, the one -time capital of the Mogul
e mpe rors. At one point in the tour, you ge t the chance to sit in the se at
once occupie d by the all-powe rful rule r. It’s a strange se nsation to re fle ct
that, a fe w hundre d ye ars ago, the pe rson in that se at had absolute
authority: what he said is what always transpire d, whe the r that was a
boon or a horrible de ath.
A re lative ly small numbe r of pe ople have had such authority in the
world’s history, and I am not in any way advocating autocratic le ade rship
for you or me ! Ne ve rthe le ss, within our own live s we do have domain
ove r one important thing: our own actions. If your actions back up your
words, pe ople will liste n to you with re spe ct and se riousne ss. If, on the
othe r hand, your words, once spoke n, e vaporate like puddle s in the
sunshine and the action fails to happe n, the n pe ople will le arn to discount
your spe aking and pay your promise s scant atte ntion.
If you bre ak your inte grity, re me mbe r the tip from the 7 De adly Sins
about e xcuse s: simply apologise and e xplain what you are putting in place
to make sure that ne ve r happe ns again. Your inte grity will be re paire d
and maintaine d if you adopt this practice in all your affairs.
Exerci se: Consci ous agreements
I have come to believe that integrity is closely bound with a practice of making
conscious agreements in relationships.
You can make agreements at work, for example defining etiquette for meetings (being
on time, not using mobile devices while someone is speaking and so on) or for the
open-plan office (for example, not shouting across people’s desks or not having loud
conversations behind people when they are working). You can make agreements at
home, for example dividing up chores (I’ll do the clothes washing and drying if you put
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them all away) or the give and take of social life (I’ll go-to your work dinners if you
come to my club socials). Agreements can be proactive, defining boundaries and
responsibilities in advance, or they can be reactive, solving problems as they arise,
whether short-term or long-term.
It’s a powerful, effective and healing thing to align with someone and agree on a
solution to something that has become a problem for one or both of you. If the debate
has become heated, it may take a time-out to get to the negotiating table at all… so
the first agreement might be to have a code for time-outs that both people agree to
respect, whatever happens.
Unless both people have exceptional memories, I also suggest that you record
agreements in a book or an app of some kind, and review them weekly to keep them
fresh and ensure that one or both parties don’t simply forget them. Try to keep the
list of agreements short so that it doesn’t turn into a piece of legislation, pedantically
defining every small piece of behaviour. With luck, the next section on the L of HAIL
will help you to avoid having to write agreements for things that are best left to
happen naturally, like being kind or thoughtful. Try also to avoid becoming litigious
and punctilious: it’s not a recipe for success for one party to become a frequent judge,
jury and executioner, which is of course being right and making the other party wrong.
This practice will take time to work, as people will tend to forget at first. With time
and diligent review, and with goodwill on both sides, conscious agreements can make
even the most fractious relationship work by injecting integrity.
LOV E
Pe ople are ofte n surprise d by the L of HAIL. What, the y ask me , has love
to do with e ffe ctive communication?
First le t’s clarify the kind of love we are discussing he re . It’s not romantic
love (“I love you”), the love of frie nds or family, or se lf-ide ntifying love (“I
love golf”). Rathe r I am sugge sting you focus on what Buddhists call
loving-kindne ss, and Christians call agape : a non-spe cific, non-
posse ssive fe e ling that I think is be st summe d up thus: wis h them well .
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If your spe aking come s from we ll-wishing love , the n hone sty, authe nticity
and inte grity flow much more naturally. At the same time , love can shape
the othe r 3 corne rstone s, for e xample te mpe ring the te nde ncy to be
brutally hone st whe n that is not in the othe r pe rson’s be st inte re st. If you
are ge nuine ly wishing some one we ll, your spe aking (and your liste ning)
will te nd to be in tune , building rapport and cre ating conne ction – ve ry
diffe re nt from spe aking out of se lf-inte re st or de sire to manipulate ,
dominate or e ve n harm, in which circumstance hone sty will be
compromise d, authe nticity abse nt and inte grity challe nge d or de stroye d.
Whe ne ve r you are on a stage or platform, or spe aking to a group,
re me mbe r: it’s not about you . I can ge ne rally spot a spe ake r who is
se lf-absorbe d and in the busine ss of se e king approval or affirmation, and
I think most othe r pe ople can too: the spe aking fe e ls some how contrive d,
artificial, thin, pe rforme d. You are the re to give some thing to your
liste ne rs or your audie nce : it might be the growth you can provoke or
promote ; the joy, inspiration or de light you can inspire ; or the ne w
information or pe rspe ctive you can transmit. If you focus on the gift you
are giving to pe ople you ge nuine ly fe e l kindly toward, the y will liste n with
much more natural atte ntion and warmth.
Exerci se: Bl ess you
I was taught this exercise many years ago by a wise old friend named Charlie. I was
bemoaning someone being in my way and Charlie put his hand on my arm. “You
know, resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, ” he
said. “If you go through life silently blaming, judging and condemning other people,
your insides will be a mess. Why don’t you try this instead: think ‘Bless you’ towards
everyone you meet. ”
I tried it, and the results were remarkable. Consciously wishing people well in my head
changed my posture, my demeanour and my experience of life. Instead of skulking
around full of negative emotion, I felt taller, lighter and happier: it was like walking on
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air. Instead of avoiding eye contact because I’d been thinking something bad about
them and feared they would see it, I was happy to meet people’s gaze – and mutual
smiles sometimes even broke out!
I commend the exercise to you. You can choose whatever phrase works for you and
your convictions: ‘Bless you’ is very simple; ‘I wish you well’ is equally clear and
genuine. The important things are to do this in your head, not out loud; to do it to
everyone you meet; and to mean it from your heart – this is not to be confused with a
polite but rather empty social nicety such as ‘Have a nice day’.
With practice this can become a habit and I believe you will find it one of the best
you’ve ever developed. In my experience, loving and judging are mutually exclusive.
Practicing this exercise can exorcise the habit of being judgmental, which can lift a
great weight.
SPEAKING INTO
In Chapte r 3, we distinguishe d the conce pt of a cre ate d liste ning, and
note d that e ach one is partly fashione d by our own actions, and partly by
the filte rs of the liste ne r(s).
It is possible to spot the liste ning and thus adapt your spe aking to make
sure that you hit the targe t e ve ry time .
I re alise d this many ye ars ago, whe n I was re gularly pitching for ne w
busine ss for my magazine publishing company. I gradually be came aware
that I could ve ry quickly spot who was positive ly dispose d, and who was
not, in a group of strange rs around a me e ting room table , e ve n be fore
the y had spoke n.
I puzzle d ove r how this was possible , and re ad books on body language
and nonve rbal communication. The re are countle ss small ‘te lls’ in how
pe ople sit, whe re the y look, fle e ting facial e xpre ssions, ge sture s and he ad
move me nts, vocal timbre , physical tics, pupil dilation and e ve n bre athing
patte rns. Today, I be lie ve that you do not have to re ad up on all this in
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orde r to re ad the signs: I think most human be ings can unde rstand the
compound me ssage of all the se small, subtle signs simply by having the
intention to do so – in othe r words, by consciously paying atte ntion.
The le sson from this is: you always s peak into a lis tening . It may be
an individual liste ning in a one -to-one conve rsation, or it may be a more
comple x group liste ning as you chat in a small social group, pre se nt to a
te am or a prospe ctive clie nt group, or e ve n give a TED talk to 1,500 titans
from le ading e dge busine sse s. If you re fle ct, you will find that you kne w
this intuitive ly be fore re ading it he re : you probably wouldn’t spe ak the
same way to your grandfathe r as to your be st frie nd, be cause you
instinctive ly know that the liste ning for you is diffe re nt. Ne ve rthe le ss, the
powe r of consciously se e king the liste ning, and the n consciously spe aking
into it is e normous.
I re me mbe r giving a talk once in the wonde rful Musiikkitalo conce rt hall
in He lsinki – a be autiful building with supe rb acoustics, thanks to the
brilliant acoustician, Yasuhisa Toyota. Now, Finns are some what
re straine d, to put it mildly. At the e nd of my talk, the re was a quie t ripple
of polite applause . “The y didn’t much like that,” I thought – until se ve ral
pe ople came up to me afte rwards and (ve ry quie tly) said that it was the
be st talk the y’d he ard for a long time . I now unde rstand the unde rstate d
liste ning in Finland and adapt whe n I’m spe aking the re .
You also have the powe r to affe ct the liste ning you are spe aking into. Your
actions and words in the past may have cre ate d a liste ning for you in the
pe ople you are about to spe ak to. If this has de ve lope d and solidifie d ove r
ye ars, it will be hard to change . If the y have ne ve r me t you, your
re putation may affe ct the ir e xpe ctations and inte ntions. If you are giving
a talk, the re may have be e n promotion or publicity be fore hand. The way
you appe ar from the ve ry be ginning, the way you spe ak, what you say,
how you stand and move … all the se will dynamically be affe cting pe ople ’s
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liste ning for you as you talk. We ’ll e xplore the se cre ts of the vocal toolbox
and stage craft in the ne xt 2 chapte rs.
Exerci se: Spotti ng the l i steni ng
If you have ever had the experience of feeling mortified after making an inappropriate
comment, or increasingly desperate as you seem unable to get through, it was
probably because you were speaking into the wrong listening.
This is a simple but immensely powerful exercise. In every conversation, presentation
or speech, simply ask yourself: what’s the listening? This works as well at home and in
your family as it does on a platform or at work. People’s listenings are not fixed, as we
saw when we discussed the filters. Things like intentions, expectations and emotions
vary from moment to moment, so even with someone you know very well this is a
valuable exercise. As you practice asking yourself this question, it will become an
unconscious habit and you will become more and more sensitive and able to listen to
the listenings for you and around you.
By all means, read up on nonverbal communication, but I believe that most people are
automatically equipped to decode the complex signals very well without knowing the
theory and the intricacies; in some cases, all that knowledge can make things more
difficult and get in the way of the natural skills we are born with. The trick is to make
the effort consciously. In our tech-crazy world where sending into the ether (personal
broadcasting) is so common, I think many people are losing this sensitivity. Nourish
yours by starting this practice today.
SPEAKING FROM
You may be starting to fe e l that spe aking is rathe r more comple x than you
use d to think! The re are many dynamics involve d in that circular
re lationship with liste ning that we laid out right at the start of this book,
and the re are many ways to dire ct and shape your spe aking. He re ’s
anothe r one : spe aking from . Rathe r than simply be ing your natural se lf,
you may de cide that you want to stand in or for some thing spe cific, and
spe ak from that place , conce pt or fe e ling.
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This is particularly powe rful if you are aiming to transform pe ople ’s
attitude s or pe rspe ctive s, or move the m to action, by e ngaging the ir
e motions. In my profe ssional life , I ofte n e ncourage brands to be cle ar
about the ir e motional me ssage and de live r it congrue ntly through all the
se nse s, be cause re se arch shows that we buy brands, products and
se rvice s mainly e motionally, the n we post-rationalise our purchase s.
So, for e xample , spe aking from a passion for justice can make a talk
compe lling and unforge ttable . I was lucky e nough to be in the room for
Bryan Ste ve nson’s e xtraordinary TED talk about the imbalance s in the
Ame rican justice syste m, which re ce ive d the longe st standing ovation I’ve
e ve r se e n at TED. His passion was infe ctious; he change d our liste ning
and charge d the room with fe rvour by spe aking so re solute ly and
passionate ly from this one place .
In the same way, spe aking from compassion or pity can make a charitable
appe al much more powe rful; spe aking from affe ction can make a
we dding spe e ch charming, touching and de lightful; and spe aking from
kindne ss and compassion is what make s the Dalai Lama so quotable .
Sadly, this works for the ne gative e motions too: spe aking from hate ,
righte ous ange r or fe ar can be ve ry powe rful and infe ctious, as so many
tragic victims of mob viole nce have found throughout history, and as we
are still finding today in the radicalisation of young pe ople by e xtre mists.
Spe aking from is powe rful. Use it wise ly and we ll.
PERFECT CONTENT
Standing in HAIL or spe aking from a strong place are powe rful
constructs, but I can he ar you wonde ring: “OK, but how do I de cide what
to say spe cifically?” Le t’s move on now to the practical side of de ciding on
your conte nt.
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Impact ste ms from de live ring gre at conte nt we ll, in the right place at the
right time . He re ’s the e quation:
Conte nt + De live ry + Conte xt = Impact
It’s e asy to forge t conte xt, but as we le arne d right at the be ginning of this
book, conte xt can make or bre ak ve rbal communication. We ’ll be
unlocking the se cre ts of de live ry in the ne xt chapte r; he re we unpack the
way to plan and structure gre at conte nt.
I like the mode l of le arning that move s through 4 le ve ls. It starts at
unconscious incompe te nce : we don’t know what we don’t know, like a
two-ye ar-old who has no ide a she doe sn’t know how to drive . Late r, the
lack be come s known and the inte ntion grows to le arn; this is the le ve l of
conscious incompe te nce , whe re we do know what we don’t know. The
le ssons are take n and the te st is passe d, so the ne w drive r ve nture s out,
gripping the whe e l tightly with he art pounding, grimly de te rmine d to
re me mbe r all those instructions. This is le ve l 3: conscious compe te nce ,
whe re we can do it but only with re al e ffort. Ye ars go by and driving
be come s instinctive , with comple x ve ctors and multiple sce narios be ing
proce sse d in the brain at lightning spe e d while the drive r is chatting,
liste ning to the radio or planning lunch. This is the fourth le ve l:
unconscious compe te nce .
Whe n it come s to spe aking and liste ning, I be lie ve that most pe ople are
stuck at le ve l one . If that’s whe re you starte d, I hope you are now at le ve l
2 and moving to le ve l 3 as you practice the e xe rcise s in this book. Most
pe ople spe ak intuitive ly and informally, for which you can substitute in
most instance s unconsciously incompe te ntly. If your e xpe rie nce is that
pe ople don’t liste n to you as you would like the m to, I urge you to apply
consciousne ss to your conte nt planning, at le ast for a time . Start by
be coming consciously compe te nt and the e ase will follow in time .
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So, he re are the tools for pre paring e xce lle nt conte nt, whe the r your
challe nge is asking some one to marry you, closing a big sale , re que sting a
pay rise , pre se nting to 500 pe ople , or be coming socially charismatic.
IN TEN TION S
It’s impossible to plan a route if you don’t know the de stination. If you
want to cre ate e ffe ctive conte nt, the first ste p is to be cle ar on 3 se ts of
inte ntions.
Your intentions for you
What do you want to achie ve ? What will succe ss look like , sound like , fe e l
like ? Be cle ar, spe cific and de scriptive as you visualise it. If possible , write
it down, in the pre se nt te nse , including as much de tail and se nsory
information as possible , like this: “It’s 4:15 pm and we ’ve just finishe d the
big me e ting. I pre se nte d re ally we ll and the clie nts agre e d to all the
proposals. The y’ve signe d the contract and le ft, happy and e xcite d. My
boss is still shaking my hand, the te am have all congratulate d me and I
fe e l proud of myse lf and e xhilarate d as I e njoy a glass of cold champagne ,
with the bubble s tickling my nose .”
Your intentions for them
Equally important, and ofte n forgotte n, what do you want to give ? How
will your audie nce fe e l, think, and be afte r you have spoke n? You may
want to touch, move and inspire the m, or to e ducate , e nlighte n, or
e nte rtain the m. Be cle ar and you will be much more e ffe ctive .
Their intentions
Finally, try to put yourse lf in the shoe s of the liste ne rs and ask yourse lf:
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what are the ir inte ntions coming in? This will he lp you to be se nsitive to
the liste ning and to pre dict any conce rns, doubts, fe ars or othe r obstacle s
that you may have to de al with.
THE BIG IDEA
The slogan of TED, the Holy Grail of spe aking, is ‘Ide as worth spre ading’,
and for good re ason. Ide as have be e n ce ntral to all human progre ss,
whe the r giving rise to actions (making fire , farming, going to the Moon),
to discove rie s (gravity, e le ctricity, re lativity) or to conce pts that work
be cause we all agre e to be lie ve in the m (pape r mone y, de mocracy, laws).
Most e ffe ctive move me nts, political partie s and organisations work
be cause the y are cle ar about the ir ce ntral pre mise , othe rwise known as
the Big Ide a (use d in a strictly non-ironic way). BMW’s is in the ir
adve rtising tagline : “The ultimate driving machine .” Apple ’s ce ntre s on
simplicity, state d in an inspiring way: “We make te chnology so simple
that e ve ryone can be part of the future .” Disne y’s is e qually aspirational:
“Whe re familie s share the magic.”
Sadly, the information ove rload that’s swamping you and me in the
Inte rne t age is pote ntially thre ate ning the e xiste nce and propagation of
ne w, rich ide as, be cause pe ople , me dia and organisations are starting to
value knowing things more than thinking about things. In the past,
information was use ful be cause it allowe d us to cre ate wisdom,
knowle dge and ide as. Now it se e ms to have be come an e nd in itse lf, to be
share d in e ndle ss me rry-go-rounds of gossip and opinion on social
me dia. Fe w profound ide as can be fully e xpre sse d in 140 characte rs.
Be fore you plan a spe e ch, talk or conve rsation, I e ncourage you to ask
yourse lf:
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What’s the Big Idea?
What, in a nutshe ll, am I trying ge t across? Aim to sum it up it in around
10 words, or e ve n le ss if you can: crystallise the e sse nce of what you are
trying to say to e nsure that your conte nt has a cle ar, simple focus. Whe n
you have answe re d that que stion, ask the se cond:
So what?
This is the que stion old ne wspape r e ditors use d to ask traine e journalists
ove r and ove r again. Why should the audie nce care ? I have cringe d at
spe e che s whe re the e ntire subje ct matte r was e ffe ctive ly “I am a
wonde rful human be ing”, fe aturing constant use of the word ‘I’, fre que nt
e xhortations to the audie nce to applaud ye t anothe r gre at achie ve me nt by
the spe ake r, and absolute ly ze ro value or re le vance to the audie nce . You
must give a gift! This se cond que stion is the ke y that will unlock that gift
and e nsure that your spe aking has value to the liste ne rs. Use it ofte n.
4MA T
We now look at 2 conte nt de sign syste ms that I think have value . Some
pe ople like one , some the othe r, and some ne ithe r. Ple ase make -up your
own mind and take from the se page s anything you fe e l is use ful to you.
In 1979, Dr. Be rnice McCarthy synthe sise d 25 ye ars of classroom
te aching e xpe rie nce into a mode l of the way kids le arn. She calle d it
4MAT and its mode rn, e xpande d ve rsion offe rs a powe rful way to think
about structuring conte nt for all audie nce s.
4MAT sugge sts that the re are 4 type s of le arne r. Each has a favourite
que stion.
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1 (WHY)
Imaginative le arne rs. The y like fe e ling and watching and making
conne ctions; the y se e k pe rsonal associations, me aning and involve me nt.
2 (WHAT)
Analytic le arne rs. The y like liste ning to and thinking about information
and formulating ide as; the y se e k facts, think through ide as, like to know
what the e xpe rts say,
3 (HOW)
Common-se nse le arne rs, the y like thinking and doing and applying ide as;
the y e xpe rime nt, tinke r, build and te st.
4 (WHAT IF)
Dynamic le arne rs, the y like doing and fe e ling and cre ating original
adaptations; the y se e k hidde n possibilitie s, e xplore , and use trial and
e rror.
Of course , most pe ople are hybrids, but the re se arch indicate s that one
type will te nd to dominate . By making sure that you answe r all 4
que stions in your conte nt, e ithe r e xplicitly or implicitly, you can incre ase
your chance s of e ngaging e ve ryone in your talk.
THIN K-FEEL-KN OW
In his 2013 book Connect: Through Think-Feel-Know , Clive Hyland
argue s that human be ings proce ss information in 3 le ve ls, associate d with
the 3 main are as of the brain. A ve ry simplifie d summary is be low, again
giving some se nse of the diffe re nt language and e mphasis you might like
to build into your spe aking to make sure that you e ngage all sorts of
pe ople e qually we ll.
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Think
The ce re bral corte x is the ce ntre of thinking. Pe ople who ope rate
primarily at this le ve l are rational, and like to have de tails and numbe rs.
Your we athe r fore cast for a ‘think’ pe rson might go along the se line s: the
chance of rain tomorrow is 55% and the pre dicte d maximum te mpe rature
is 14 de gre e s Ce ntigrade , with gusts of 25 mph.
Feel
The limbic syste m in the ce ntre of the brain is the e ngine of e motions and
se nsory information proce ssing. Pe ople who ope rate primarily at this
le ve l are cre ative , e motive , and focus on re lationships and se nsations.
Your we athe r fore cast for a ‘fe e l’ pe rson might be : it’ll fe e l a bit chilly
tomorrow in the wind, and you may ge t we t.
Know
The basal re gion of the brain is the olde st part, some time s calle d the
re ptilian brain, and it de al with instinct and gut re actions. Pe ople who
ope rate primarily at this le ve l are intuitive , no-nonse nse and action-
orie nte d. Your we athe r fore cast for a ‘know’ pe rson would be : take an
umbre lla, swe ate r and jacke t tomorrow.
BR A IN STOR MIN G
I doubt this is a ne w conce pt to you, but you may ne ve r have applie d it to
what you say. It works particularly we ll whe n you are going to de live r a
long or comple x spe e ch, or you have multiple conce pts to communicate .
You may be a mind mapping aficionado, in which case that tool will be
your pre fe rre d option. Start with the Big Ide a and mind map all the node s
until you are happy you have a structure that works and cove rs
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e ve rything.
The othe r option is to buy se ve ral pads of Post-It note s and find a large
wall and start writing on the note s. Just write . Any conce pt, ide a, word,
issue , obje ction… absolute ly anything that might be part of your talk.
Stick the m all on the wall as you write the m. Whe n the writing stops, ge t
a cup of coffe e , stand back and take in the wall. Little by little , start to
cluste r the note s: you will spot ke y conce pts or groups of note s that re late
to e ach othe r. The proce ss will gradually gathe r ste am until you e nd up
with a group of cluste rs. The se are your core ide as. Photograph the m for
safe ty, the n move the m into the orde r that se e ms right to you, going from
le ft to right across the wall. I usually favour going from the ge ne ral to the
spe cific, but the re are no rule s about this. You now have the horizontal
(time line ) flow of your talk.
C HU N KIN G
I al ways wanted to be somebody, but now I real i se that I
shoul d have been more speci fi c
- Lily Tomlin
The body of work known as ne uro-linguistic programming (NLP) has
many passionate advocate s and probably an e qual numbe r of de tractors.
As some one who love s language and communication, I studie d it, and I
found it containe d some use ful conce pts. One of the be st is chunking.
Chunking de scribe s shifting focus upwards, downwards or side ways as
you spe ak. Chunking up puts some thing in conte xt, moving toward the
bigge r picture : landing ge ar is part of a plane ; a plane is a me thod of
transport and so on. Chunking down is ge tting more spe cific: the plane is
a midrange type , spe cifically a Boe ing 737. Chunking across is adding
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e xample s of the same type : flowe rs include daisie s, rose s and irise s.
In planning your conte nt, this conce pt may he lp you to conside r the
ve rtical dime nsion as we ll as the horizontal (time line ). Whilst moving
through your talk from start to finish, try to make sure that you chunk up
and down e nough to e ngage the pe ople who like the big picture (chunk
up) and the little de tails (chunk down). The re may also be time s whe n
you want to chunk across to add de pth, for e xample in listing the be ne fits
of your proposition or the e xample s that prove your point.
Conscious chunking on the fly can be a life save r if, for e xample , you spot
that your audie nce ’s liste ning is large ly ‘know’ or ‘fe e l’ and your
pre se ntation is full of facts. I have had conve rsations whe re I was
inte rrupte d 30 se cond into an e le gant sale s spie l that starte d with
e mpathising and de fining the clie nt’s proble m with an impatie nt: “Just
te ll me what you’re offe ring and how much!”
SAY, SAY, SAY
The re ’s an old e ssayist’s trick that is worth re me mbe ring whe n you’re
planning your conte nt: say what you’re going to say, say it, the n say what
you said. I use d e xactly that structure in my fourth TED talk which was
calle d ‘Why archite cts ne e d to use the ir e ars’. If you watch that talk, you’ll
se e that I start by saying “It’s time to start de signing for the e ars”. I the n
e xplain why this is true , and finally close the talk by re pe ating the phrase
I starte d with. Say, say, say. This can also he lp you to e nsure that you e nd
with a powe rful summary of your whole talk, which is ofte n a ve ry pote nt
and me morable close .
CLEAN LANGUAGE
I am a fan of cle an language . This is not the practice of avoiding
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e xple tive s (though I try to do that too) but anothe r pie ce of NLP-re late d
thinking that I think has se rious value . It’s a syste m of que stioning
de ve lope d by Ne w Ze aland-born psychologist David Grove in the 1980s.
Inte nde d for counse lling se ssions but pote ntially applicable just about
anywhe re with gre at be ne fits, cle an language aims to e liminate as far as
possible the que stione r’s me taphors, assumptions, paradigms and
se nsations (MAPS) to le ave ne utral que stions that don’t ste e r or influe nce
the que stione e .
Most of us unconsciously pad our language with our own stuff, imposing
our world vie w, atte mpting to ste e r or control the othe r pe rson’s answe rs,
or atte mpting mind-re ading, for e xample : “Did you have the e ggs and
bacon for bre akfast, or the fruit?”
The cle an ve rsion of that que stion would be simply: “What did you have
for bre akfast?”
I think the re is gre at mile age in be ing atte ntive to our language , stripping
out the unconscious or conscious manipulations we so ofte n de ploy by
re phrasing what some one said, asking le ading que stions, e mbe dding
assumptions or ge ne ralisations or invalidating the othe r’s point of vie w.
To me , cle an language involve s saying e xactly what I me an, and asking
without le ading.
Exerci se: speak cl eanl y
Here is a fascinating game to play with yourself: set your sights on 100 percent clean
language: say exactly what you mean without injecting assumptions, generalisations,
invalidations of the other or any form of manipulation or attempt at controlling the
answer to any question.
Spot the number of times you fall short each hour. Don’t get annoyed when you do:
there will be many! Nevertheless, the intention is the main thing and if you continue
the practice you will find the fail rate drops off as you get more sensitive to the
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technique.
Beware: when you get good at this, it becomes very easy to set yourself up in
judgement of others. Remember, they are not playing the game!
R EQU ESTS
Along with conscious agre e me nts, I be lie ve that conscious re que sts are
important e le me nts of any re lationship, whe the r at home or at work.
The re are 2 e le me nts to a conscious re que st: the re que st itse lf, and the
re sponse , which may take any one of 3 forms. It is critical that the
requester is prepared to accept all 3 responses, or the request ceases to
be a request and becomes a demand. That way lie s a world of pain.
The re que st must be made in a calm, me asure d fashion, focusing on the
change that’s wante d and the positive outcome that will arise from it. So,
for e xample : “My re que st is that you put your dirty clothe s in the laundry
baske t and not on the floor, so that I don’t have to pick the m up myse lf.”
Or: “I re que st that you turn down the music you play at your de sk so that
I can conce ntrate on my work.”
The 3 possible re sponse s are : “I agre e ,” “I re fuse ,” and “I’ll think about
it,” or words to those e ffe cts.
In the e ve nt of the se cond re sponse , the re may be a counte r-offe r from
the pe rson re ce iving the re que st (in the se cond e xample , this might be
“OK I’ll turn it down in the mornings but I ne e d it in the afte rnoons to be
cre ative .”) or a ne gotiation (“I’ll turn the music down if you’ll stop le tting
your pape rs e xpand onto my de sk.”) Ne ve rthe le ss, it is important that the
re que ste r is pre pare d to acce pt a ne gative answe r or the re que st will not
be a cle an one .
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In the e ve nt of the third re sponse , a time limit for the thinking must be
agre e d to by both partie s so that it doe sn’t be come a de facto re fusal.
Cle arly such a syste m ne e ds an agre e me nt be twe e n all partie s if it is to
work we ll, so you might want to re -re ad the se ction on inte grity e arlie r in
this chapte r. Agre e me nts and re que sts go hand in hand and form the
backbone of a conscious re lationship. One aspe ct of the agre e me nt
be twe e n partie s that se ts up the re que st syste m may be that, if
ne gotiation fails afte r a ne gative answe r to a re que st, the n both partie s
unde rtake to acce pt arbitration of some kind from a pre -de fine d third
party.
This may all sound a little le galistic, but agre e ing to make and re ce ive
cle an re que sts is a wonde rful way to make sure that communication is
cle ar and e xplicit in any re lationship, and that ne e ds are e xpre sse d and
me t, not suppre sse d.
STOR Y TELLIN G
Sir Ke n Robinson’s wonde rful 2006 TED talk is the most watche d of all
time for good re ason. Not only doe s it e ncapsulate an insightful Big Ide a
that change s the vie we r’s pe rspe ctive instantly; it also contains one gre at
story afte r anothe r, all told with Sir Ke n’s irre sistible charm and wit. He re
is the transcript from the TED we bsite of my favourite of his storie s,
which is ve ry short and ve ry funny:
I heard a great story recently — I love telling it — of a little girl who was in a
drawing lesson. She was 6, and she was at the back, drawing, and the teacher said
this girl hardly ever paid attention, and in this drawing lesson, she did. The teacher
was fascinated. She went over to her, and she said, “What are you drawing?” And
the girl said, “I’m drawing a picture of God. ” And the teacher said, “But nobody
knows what God looks like. ” And the girl said, “They will in a minute. ”
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This story, which take s about 20 se conds to te ll, de live rs an important
part of Sir Ke n’s me ssage – that childre n are born with ple nty of naive ,
se lf-confide nt cre ativity but that our e ducation syste m crushe s it out of
the m. Humourous storie s like this one can be an e xce lle nt way to
illustrate or communicate important points, so long as the humour is
natural, not force d, and you are comfortable with be ing funny.
Human storie s, particularly one s from your own e xpe rie nce , can act as
powe rful me taphors or concre te e xample s of your points, making your
argume nts or ide as e asie r for pe ople to unde rstand than if the y we re
simply e xpre sse d as abstracts. I had the ple asure of collaborating with the
inte rnationally acclaime d author and storyte lle r Jon Ronson on his 2012
TED talk ‘Strange answe rs to the psychopath te st’. I commissione d and
the n playe d all the musical sample s and sound e ffe cts during this talk,
while my frie nd Evan Grant did the same with some powe rful visual
animations. It was a ne w and captivating form of fire side tale , whe re
sound and vision e nhance d Jon’s storyte lling to spe llbinding e ffe ct. It was
made all the more powe rful by the fact that e ve ry word was true and had
re ally happe ne d.
Jon is an e xpe rt storyte lle r, so I inte rvie we d him to discove r what he
be lie ve s the se cre ts of e ffe ctive storyte lling are . Che ck the pane l for an
e xce rpt from the inte rvie w and instructions on acce ssing the full
inte rvie w in audio and writte n form online .
Storie s don’t have to come from your own life , as Sir Ke n’s e xample above
shows. You can appropriate the m from frie nds, books or myths and
le ge nds, or you can make the m up from scratch.
The re are ce rtain storyline s that cle arly re sonate with all human be ings.
Re se arche rs from the Unive rsity of Ve rmont and the Unive rsity of
Ade laide use d sophisticate d software to ge ne rate ‘e motional arcs’ for
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1,737 works of fiction. The compute r was looking for the fre que ncy of
words ranke d as happy (the top 10 we re laughte r, happine ss, love , happy,
laughe d, laugh, laughing, e xce lle nt, laughs, and joy) and unhappy (top 10:
te rrorist, suicide , rape , te rrorism, murde r, de ath, cance r, kille d, kill, and
die ). Whe n the y analyse d the data, the y found the y could classify 6
arche typical story arcs:
1. Rags to Riche s (rise )
2. Riche s to Rags (fall)
3. Man in a Hole (fall the n rise )
4. Icarus (rise the n fall)
5. Cinde re lla (rise the n fall the n rise )
6. Oe dipus (fall the n rise the n fall)
‘Rags to Riche s’ accounte d for one fifth of all the books, but the most
popular with re ade rs (as me asure d by downloads from Proje ct
Gute nbe rg) we re ‘Oe dipus’, ‘Man in a Hole ’ and ‘Cinde re lla’.
Many books ne st se ve ral of the se arche type s toge the r to cre ate more
comple x arcs, but if you’re se e king a storyte lling frame work to hang your
own storie s on, the simple arche type s form a use ful starting point.
Inspirational storie s ne e d to e nd with a rise ; cautionary tale s may e nd
with a fall.
In sum, if you want to se ize and hold pe ople ’s atte ntion, be come a good
storyte lle r.
Tip: You can use a story to prove a point or as an illustrative metaphor. Where
possible, use stories from your own life: it feels authentic and gives your listeners
an extra connection with you. Stories don’t have to be long or complicated. The
story I told on the TED stage about my mother, illustrating one of the 7 Deadly
Sins, was true, took only a few seconds to relate and illustrated the point very
powerfully.
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Storytelling: Jon Ronson
This is an excerpt from the transcript of a conversation with Jon Ronson. For the
full transcript, and the audio recording, visit www. howtobeheardbook. com and use
the password consc1ous .
Jon Ronson is an award-winning write r and docume ntary make r. He is
the author of many be stse lling books, including Frank: The True Story
that Inspired the Movie Lost at Sea The Jon Ronson Mysteries, The , :
Psychopath Test, The Men Who Stare at Goats and Them: Adventures
with Extremists . His first fictional scre e nplay, Frank , co-writte n with
Pe te r Straughan, starre d Michae l Fassbe nde r. He live s in London and
Ne w York City. In the US, he is a contributor to National Public Radio’s
All Things Considered and This American Life .
Julian Tre asure : What make s a gre at story?
Jon Ronson: Ira Glass who doe s This American Life always talks about
his ane cdote s as be ing gre at storie s. You know, I got out of be d, and I
ope ne d the door, and I walke d down the corridor. You can hook pe ople
that way, just in a kind of unfolding ane cdote , you know it’s going to le ad
some whe re and e ve n if it doe sn’t, you still kind of fe e l inte nse .
Julian Tre asure : Be cause you want to know what’s coming ne xt, I
gue ss.
Jon Ronson: Some time s it’s just as simple as that. I’m sort of thinking
about the proce ss of writing and for me the proce ss of writing is not e asy.
Nothing come s e asy. I will ne ve r agre e to do some thing whe re I have to
de live r a pie ce of writing within like a day or a couple of days. It take s me
a long, long time to ge t a story right. So what am I doing during that long
pe riod of time ? I suppose the main thing I’m doing is structuring a story
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so that the narrative come s first but the n the nuance s and the me aning
and e ve rything e lse just sort of drifts ge ntly out of the narrative .
Julian Tre asure : So ultimate ly the re ’s a point to make , the re ’s a kind of
arc of the whole story, which goe s to a point, like a me taphor or
some thing like that?
Jon Ronson: Ye ah but it doe sn’t ne ce ssarily come in that orde r.
Some time s it just starts with me wanting to solve a myste ry. You know
what? Actually Julian, I would say pre tty much all the time that’s how it
starts. The re ’s some thing about the world that I don’t unde rstand and it’s
myste rious to me and I want to try and solve that myste ry. I think e ve ry
story I do starts with that. The re ’s othe r write rs, like you for instance
Julian, I would say is some body who has the ir kind of topic that the y’re
e xpe rt in and the y find diffe re nt ways of e xploring that same topic ove r
and ove r again. You did that with sound, right?
Julian Tre asure : Ye s.
Jon Ronson: The n you know, the write r Be n Goldacre who’s a doctor,
he ’ll do it with me dicine and pse udo-scie nce . He ’ll take the same topic
ove r and ove r again. I can’t do that for some re ason, I think the re ason is
that whe n I e mbark on a journe y, I ne e d to have to answe r a que stion that
I don’t know the answe r to, that’s like the wind be hind my sails.
Julian Tre asure : That’s a gre at tip for anybody starting a story, isn’t it?
To pose a que stion that’s going to e ngage pe ople , and the n to discove r the
answe r. I gue ss discove ry, a proce ss of finding out what’s ne xt and what’s
the answe r and what’s true , that’s all part of the e ngage me nt of the story.
Jon Ronson: Ye ah and it’s got to be authe ntic. I can’t pose a pre te nd
que stion to myse lf, which I kind of se cre tly do know the answe r to. The
answe r will show through and the re ade r will se e that I’m trying to che at
the m. So it has to be a re al myste ry. I gue ss, you know, once in a while , it
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hasn’t happe ne d that ofte n but it’s happe ne d a couple of time s in my life
that I’ve thought if I go on this journe y, I have no ide a what’s going to
happe n, but I know it’s going to be inte re sting, it’s going to be strange
and myste rious and e xciting and it will te ll us some thing about the way
the world works… I think the most important thing is to te ll a story about
some thing that you’re passionate about, whe the r that me ans some thing
from your own life or whe the r it’s, like with me , a myste ry that you re ally
passionate ly want to solve . I think e nthusiasm and passion is the most
important thing by far.
Julian Tre asure : You’ve brought up 3 words in my mind that re ally
combine to cre ate gre at story, which are re spe ct for the subje ct matte r
and for the audie nce , curiosity, which you always have and passion. It
sounds to me , if you can mould those 3 things into a story, you’re onto a
winne r.
SPEAKING AIDS
In formal spe aking, whe the r it’s on a stage , a platform or in a confe re nce
room, you will almost ce rtainly want to pre pare what you say. Ve ry fe w
pe ople have the skill to stand-up and de live r a brilliant spe e ch off the
cuff; most of us ne e d to know what we ’re going to say, which me ans
planning and structure . But having a cle ar ‘right’ ve rsion of a spe e ch
imme diate ly raise s the spe ctre of doing it ‘wrong’, which is whe re most
pe ople ’s fe ar of public spe aking come s from – in particular, the fe ar that
one will forge t one ’s line s.
Some pe ople can de live r a gre at spe e ch from me mory, and we will re vie w
te chnique s for doing this at the e nd of this se ction. Howe ve r, this is a
high-risk strate gy be cause the re is no backup plan: if the me mory fails, or
a link in the chain is broke n, the worst case sce nario imme diate ly e nsue s.
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By way of re assurance , I have se e n this happe n to too many pe ople ove r
the ye ars, and it’s ne ve r as bad as the fe ar would have you be lie ve . Eve n
on the TED stage , pe ople dry up and ge t stuck some time s. You ne ve r se e
it on the we bsite be cause the kind TED e ditors simply cut out those parts
and make the spe e ch look as se amle ss and polishe d as possible . What
happe ns live is always the same thing. The spe ake r stops, be come s
fluste re d, shows physical signs of stre ss and e mbarrassme nt, and the n
stutte rs an apology. The audie nce , far from be ing the fe are d ste rn-face d
bank of judge s, ine vitably bre aks out into a sympathe tic and e ncouraging
round of applause while the spe ake r re gathe rs and finds the ne xt link in
the ir chain. It’s rare that you will be in front of a ge nuine ly hostile
audie nce , unle ss you practice stand-up come dy or ge t involve d in politics.
Pe ople are ge ne rally kind and the y usually want to he ar what you have to
say.
Ne ve rthe le ss, drying on stage is not a ple asant e xpe rie nce , so le t’s
e xamine some aids that may he lp you to stay in contact with your
mate rial, or to amplify your me ssage with congrue nt visuals.
SC R IPT
In his TED talk on te xting, John McWhorte r make s a ve ry illuminating
distinction be twe e n spoke n and writte n language and the actual practice s
of spe aking and writing.
Obviously, we can spe ak spoke n language and re ad writte n language . It
be come s more inte re sting whe n we conside r the cross-fe rtilisation of the
language and the de live ry me thods. It is now possible to write spe aking:
this is what te xting is, and why it has fe w rule s. It is also possible to spe ak
writing, as pe ople use d to do in the days be fore vide o, Twitte r and
soundbite s, and to some e xte nt still do today. Spe e che s we re care fully
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writte n and the n re ad out ve rbatim, and pe ople would patie ntly sit for
hours and liste n as the spe ake r re ad out the writing. Whe n done we ll, this
can be ve ry powe rful. I saw Bono give his TED talk about world pove rty in
Long Be ach in 2013. I was sitting ve ry ne ar the stage , and he was
standing on a spur out into the audie nce , so I had to turn around and
look at his back. What I could se e , but most of the audie nce could not,
was the big scre e n right at the back of the hall that was showing his
spe e ch on a te le prompte r, word for word. His skill as a spe ake r was such
that you would ne ve r know he was re ading e ve ry word of the spe e ch.
Watch it on vide o and you will se e how this can be done by an e xpe rt.
Contrast this with a spe e ch at the same TED confe re nce that re ally
disappointe d me . I love Jare d Diamond’s book Guns, Germs and Steel ,
and was e age rly anticipating his talk. But a le cte rn was brought out (ve ry
rare at TED) and he stood be hind it and re ad the talk from pie ce s of
pape r. As a re sult, it fe lt life le ss, static, fixe d and far from e ngaging or
inspiring.
For most pe ople , re ading writing usually sounds ve ry diffe re nt from
spe aking: writing has grammar, syntax, capital le tte rs and punctuation –
none of which we re ally think about whe n we ’re spe aking, typically in
succe ssions of disjointe d, uncomple te d se nte nce s with little or no formal
structure . We have all sat and suffe re d as some one stiffly and awkwardly
re ads e ve ry word of a scripte d spe e ch, gripping a le cte rn and looking
down almost the whole time . With no le cte rn, holding she e ts of pape r has
a furthe r disadvantage in that the pape r amplifie s any ne rvous tre mors in
your hands, making the shake s plain for all to se e .
In ge ne ral, the n, I advise against re ading a scripte d pie ce of writing
unle ss you re ally are an e xpe rt and you can use a profe ssional autocue
with a cle ar pane l in front of you or a scre e n be hind the audie nce , so that
you can look at the pe ople you are spe aking to, rathe r than down at your
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mate rial.
CUE CARDS
Hand-he ld cue cards can give you all the se curity of a script and ye t allow
you to spe ak naturally and maintain e ye contact with audie nce almost all
the time . The y contain bulle t points so that you know whe re you are and
what’s coming ne xt, but whe n you start spe aking, the words flow and
se e m authe ntic be cause you are ge ne rating the m in the mome nt. For that
re ason, the y are fre que ntly use d by profe ssionals in many e nvironme nts:
you will ofte n se e the m use d by TV compè re s or inte rvie we rs, or MCs at
major ce re monie s. A gre at e xample from TED is Alain de Botton’s
brilliant 2009 talk on succe ss and failure , for which he use d just a fe w
small cue cards.
Typically cue cards are simply standard inde x cards, though if you have a
size able budge t you can ge t the m printe d with a logo on the back for the
audie nce to se e . Use one side only. Write one he ading on e ach card in
large le tte rs. If your handwriting is not crystal cle ar, it’s be st to use
capitals; it’s risky to assume the lighting will be pe rfe ct whe n you spe ak.
Add any ke y bulle t points that will he lp you re me mbe r all the points
unde r this topic.
Cue cards can contain a lot more than the outline of your talk in bulle t
form. You can use colour code s, write yourse lf little stage dire ctions and
cue s so that you re me mbe r any the atrics, e mphasis the important things,
and give yourse lf re minde rs to counte r your stylistic we akne sse s.
In the e xample shown, the spe ake r te nds to look ve ry se rious and gabble
at pace , so e ve ry cue card has the instructions to slow down and smile . On
this particular card, the re is a significant mome nt that re quire s pausing
for e ffe ct and the n punching the air, so the stage dire ctions are the re .
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If you pre fe r te chnology to old-fashione d pe ns and cards, you can find
apps that will turn your phone or table t into a cue card de ck.
SLID ES
This is my pre fe rre d aid. I’ve spoke n with slide s e ve r since the days of
ace tate s and ove rhe ad proje ctors, and I e mbrace d Microsoft Powe rPoint
and the n Apple Ke ynote as the y arrive d to make more and more possible .
Now the re are nume rous alte rnative s, from fre e package s that do a basic
job, ofte n pe rfe ctly we ll, to sophisticate d tools like Pre zi, whe re you cre ate
a large canvas and zoom about.
Whate ve r you choose , I can offe r you some guide line s for using slide s.
First, don’t start with the m. Use the te chnique s de scribe d e arlie r in this
chapte r to cre ate your conte nt, and de sign the slide s whe n you know what
you want to say. You can the n think of the m as e nhance rs, not the me at of
the talk. The main course is you spe aking, not what’s on the scre e n.
Ple ase avoid cre ating slide s with bulle t points or, e ve n worse , all the
words you are about to say. This is a ve ry old-fashione d te chnique and it
has gone out of fashion for 2 ve ry good re asons. First, the mome nt you
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show such a slide , pe ople re ad ahe ad much faste r than you can talk so
that by the time you ge t to the bottom, the y are face d with the spe ctacle of
some one re ading out what the y alre ady know. The spe ake r is re dundant
for much of the talk if this is the proce ss! Se cond, this syste m te mpts the
spe ake r to turn around and start re ading off the scre e n, pre se nting his or
he r back to the audie nce and almost be coming an audie nce me mbe r in
the proce ss. In my opinion, turning your back on the audie nce is simply
rude .
I be lie ve in using powe rful image s to amplify what I’m saying, or to cre ate
harmonics that give adde d richne ss to the words. I might add one word
pe r slide , and the n I use pre se nte r note s to re mind me if the re ’s
some thing significant I re ally want to re me mbe r to say on that topic. I ge t
all my image s from iStock (by Ge tty Image s) or Shutte rstock, paying for
appropriate lice nce s in e ach case , and cre diting the m e ithe r on e ach slide
or at the start or finish. The se arch e ngine s in both the se massive
colle ctions of millions of image s are e xce lle nt, and it’s fun to se e what
e ngaging or e ve n startling image s you can find to illustrate your point.
Simple , powe rful image s ge ne rally work be st.
For inspiration in cre ating your own be autiful, powe rful slide s, I strongly
re comme nd Garr Re ynolds’s te rrific book Presentation Zen ; the re is also
a we bsite of the same name that contains many e xample s of powe rful
slide -base d pre se ntations. Re ynolds make s a ve ry important distinction
be twe e n slide s, which are de signe d to illustrate a talk, and a le ad-be hind,
which may contain the whole pre se ntation in writte n form with ple nty of
de tail and re fe re nce s. The atte mpt to me rge the 2 is what he dubs a
‘slide ume nt’ – a nasty hybrid that doe s ne ithe r one thing nor the othe r. I
use d to ge t fre que nt re que sts to se nd my slide s be fore spe aking so that
the organise r could produce a le ave -be hind. I always de cline d, e xplaining
that my slide s we re simply picture s, maybe with one word on e ach, so the
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slide s only made se nse with my e mbe dde d sounds playing and me
talking. I’m glad to say that those re que sts have ce ase d, so maybe we can
draw a ve il ove r the age of the bulle t slide .
Aim to give your slide s an ide ntity – some styling that’s consiste nt. I do
this by using a single font family, Be rthold Akzide nz Grote sk, mainly in
Supe r we ight. You might choose to use a consiste nt style of picture or
illustration, or colour pale tte , or colour or te xture of background.
Try not to ge t too word-he avy on the scre e n. The words ne e d to come
from your mouth, not your slide s. Ide ally the slide s will support, e xpre ss,
amplify and e xte nd what you say, adding impact and me morable
mome nts. Avoid the flashie r transitions; choose one or 2 that suit you
and use the m consiste ntly. I te nd to use a cube transition for a ne w topic,
and a subtle dissolve transition whe n inside that topic.
The re will be more to say about te chnology in Chapte r 7, whe re we
e xplore the arcane world of stage craft.
FLIP CHARTS
I still se e the se in me e ting rooms, so le t me give you some brie f tips for
using the m e ffe ctive ly.
Always use large block capitals. Practice , so that you can write cle arly –
and horizontally. It’s strange but true that almost e ve ryone who is
unpractice d in using flip charts cre ate s line s of te xt that tail down as the y
go from le ft to right on the she e t, which is not a good look.
You can use colours to indicate diffe re nt type s of conte nt, such as ke y
points to re me mbe r, actions, quote s from the audie nce , or graphic
illustrations.
Don’t talk while you write , again be cause that would me an spe aking with
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your back to the audie nce . Talk, the n turn and write in sile nce , the n turn
and talk, and so on.
A ve ry good use of flip charts on longe r se ssions like major trainings
lasting one or more days is to post the charts around the walls at the e nd
of e ach se ssion or day, and the n have pe ople re vie w the m as the y come in
for the ne xt. It’s good use of the e arly part of the 1111 te chnique for
improving re call: re vie w the mate rial afte r one hour, one -day, one we e k
and one month and you will make the ne ural pathways much more solid,
improving your re call dramatically.
MEMOR Y
I would ne ve r dare to e mbark on a long talk using just my me mory,
be cause I know all too we ll how fallible it can be . Howe ve r, the re are
pe ople who can do that brilliantly. Most of the m use pe rmane nt hooks
onto which the y hang the structure of the talk and any ke y facts. The se
hooks may be a se t of le arne d words, or the y may take the form of a
de vice calle d a me mory palace – an imaginary building that you construct
and visualise vividly and re pe ate dly until it’s fixe d in your mind, with all
its rooms and a route you always take through the m. The trick is the n to
associate the topics and facts you want to re me mbe r with the rooms or
with ite ms in the rooms. For e xample , if you wante d to spe ak this se ction
of this book, you might visualise the front door as a script, the n the tile s
of the hallway as cue cards, the n the TV in the living room showing slide s,
and so on.
The re are many books on using your me mory like this. I would simply
caution that you must be sure and practice d be fore taking this course .
Actors de ve lop the ability to me morise line s for plays, and it may be that
this tool is the natural one for you. But ple ase use a foolproof syste m like
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a me mory palace be cause if you try to me morise a long chain of conte nt
and you lose a link, you will be cast adrift and find yourse lf flounde ring in
public.
By way of re assurance , I have se e n this happe n se ve ral time s, and the
re sponse is always the same : the audie nce starts clapping in an
e ncouraging way, and the pe rson e ve ntually ge ts back on track. We ’ll
discuss having backup plans in the final chapte r of this book. Using
me mory is an ide al candidate for having a backup, just in case .
PR A C TIC E
If you have to spe ak to a group or on a stage , e spe cially if this is going to
happe n more than once , my numbe r one pie ce of advice is to practice the
skill of public spe aking. I’m not surprise d that so many pe ople fe ar the
microphone and the stage . I would be e xtre me ly ne rvous if aske d to
bunge e jump or ski a diamond run, simply be cause I have ne ve r done it
and I lack the e xpe rie nce , the knowle dge , and the tricks of the trade to
make sure it will go we ll. The ide a of it not going we ll is scary inde e d in
both the se case s!
I’ve always like d the famous comme nt attribute d to the e xtraordinary
golfe r Gary Playe r, a man of iron will and titanic discipline who was still
doing 1,300 sit ups a day at the age of 80. He hole d a shot out of a
bunke r, and a spe ctator said: “That was lucky!” Playe r re joine d: “The
more I practice , the luckie r I ge t!”
Just as with any skill, the more you spe ak in public, the be tte r you will be
at it, and the more confide nt you will fe e l. If this is some thing you ne e d to
do in your life , take it se riously and de vote some time and e ne rgy to
practicing.
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The re are many opportunitie s to do this: Toastmaste rs, for one . This is a
global organisation whose sole purpose is to he lp pe ople de ve lop
spe aking skills; it has a proce ss, and me ntors to take you through the
various stage s in the ir syste m. In any major city, you will probably fine
multiple groups you can try. Toastmaste rs is a supe rb re source , and a
gre at way of me e ting inte re sting, like -minde d pe ople while you de ve lop
your public spe aking skills. My only slight quibble with the organisation
is that I find the ir finishe d product just a little too close to a pe rformance ,
whe re virtuosity displace s authe nticity. Ne ve rthe le ss, the re is nothing
wrong with le arning to be a virtuoso, be cause you can the n give a talk
that’s brilliantly-de live re d as we ll as authe ntic and from the he art.
If Toastmaste rs isn’t for you, the n you could try local ‘me e t up’ groups,
re adily findable with a quick we b se arch on ‘public spe aking me e t up’. In
many citie s, the re will be such groups of pe ople who are ke e n to practice
public spe aking among the mse lve s – le ss structure d than Toastmaste rs
but probably just as committe d. Or you could rally some frie nds who also
want to le arn public spe aking, and cre ate your own group, coaching one
anothe r and forming a re ady-made audie nce for re gular se ssions.
Practice may not make pe rfe ct, but it will absolute ly cre ate radical
improve me nt and bring those ne rve s unde r control, e ve n to the point
whe re you can start to e njoy the whole e xpe rie nce . This is all e ve n more
valid whe n you have a coach, which is our last topic in this chapte r on
gre at conte nt.
C OA C HIN G
Eve ry world champion has a coach. The re is one simple re ason for this:
you cannot se e you own game . The se pe ople be come champions be cause
of the ir de dication to the principle that improve me nt is the point: the re is
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no de stination for the m, just an e ndle ss pursuit of that e xtra one pe rce nt.
The y achie ve continuous improve me nt with the he lp of coache s – pe ople
who can se e what might be possible to improve , and who can de vise
programme s and e xe rcise s to de live r it.
If you are se rious about public spe aking, you might conside r se e king out a
profe ssional coach, whe the r a spe cialist in platform skills or a drama or
singing coach to work with your voice – a subje ct we ’ll be turning to in
the ne xt fe w page s. But you can also ge t gre at re sults by making an
agre e me nt to coach in a pair. You can give e ach othe r sandwich fe e dback,
which involve s praise , criticism and praise . The praise is the bre ad; the
criticism the me at in the sandwich. So, the first e le me nt will pick out
some thing that was we ll done ; the se cond might be positive ly e xpre sse d
as: “What you could work on is…”, or “Your stre tch might be …”; the final
e le me nt is a positive summary, e mphasising anothe r good aspe ct.
If you can’t find anyone to coach you, don’t de spair: you can coach
yourse lf up to a point by using a re cording. Make a little analogue of a
stage or the atre in your home : maybe the couch is the audie nce and the
TV be hind you your scre e n. Se t up a vide o came ra and re cord yourse lf
spe aking. As you watch back, you will be able to se e any little issue s you
might want to fix and ge t a re ally good ‘third party’ pe rspe ctive on your
conte nt and de live ry. Take note s and work on one thing at a time .
Compare your conte nt, structure and de live ry to maste r spe ake rs, from
TED and e lse whe re . Be brutally hone st with yourse lf and you will
improve .
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Chapter 6:
Your vocal tool box
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The medi um i s the message
- Marshall McLuhan
Pe ople ofte n ask me which is more important – gre at conte nt, or gre at
de live ry? Some scriptwrite rs and spe aking coache s place conte nt ahe ad of
de live ry, asse rting that brilliant mate rial will survive poor de live ry, while
e ve n the be st de live ry will not ke e p pe ople e ngage d in poor conte nt.
Othe rs say the e xact opposite !
If I we re force d to choose be twe e n the 2, I agre e with TED curator Chris
Ande rson who says in my inte rvie w with him: “The only rule that we ’re
absolute ly insiste nt on is that some one has some thing worth saying.
Without that you can have all the pe rformance in the world and it’s not
only worthle ss; it’s de e ply annoying.”
Ne ve rthe le ss, it’s be tte r to have both! I be lie ve that conte nt and de live ry
are 2 of the 3 le gs on which powe rful communication re sts: any
me morable spe e ch must have both. The third, e qually important le g is
you – your authe ntic pe rsonality, your hone sty, inte grity and love all
combining to make you a ge ne rator of gre at conte nt and gre at de live ry.
In the last chapte r, we inve stigate d what to say in de tail, so I hope you
now have ple nty of tools to plan and structure supe rb conte nt. Now, le t’s
conside r the way that you say it – not just in public spe aking but in
e ve rything you say, all the time . We ’re going to do that by ope ning your
vocal toolbox, some thing that most pe ople don’t know the y have .
The human voice is an amazing, comple x instrume nt – the one
instrume nt that we all play. Sadly, not many pe ople take le ssons or
practice the skill of spe aking: the re are re lative ly fe w virtuosi of the voice .
This has sure ly be e n e xace rbate d by the culture of ce le brity. We se t
singe rs and actors on pe de stals, convince ourse lve s that the y are spe cial,
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and be lie ve that we could ne ve r be like the m. Have you e ve r said (or
he ard said) “I can’t sing”? If you said that in any tribal socie ty, today or
throughout human history, pe ople would look at you ve ry strange ly and
say: “But e ve ryone sings!” Only re ce ntly have we de le gate d singing to
spe cialists and re signe d from it e n masse , se nte ncing our voice s to
e xpre ss only a fraction of the ir true powe r.
This is not a book about singing, but I do re comme nd that you try taking
some singing le ssons or join a vocal or choral group. Not only will you
be come more conscious of your voice and its pote ntial, but also you might
surprise yourse lf and love it. My brothe r, comple te ly musically untutore d,
joine d a community choir he re in Orkne y some ye ars ago and now sings
gre at choral pie ce s like Hande l’s Messiah in impre ssive ve nue s with
world-re nowne d orche stras and conductors. Singing has be come a gre at
source of joy and passion for him; maybe it will for you, too. And don’t
forge t the re se arch showing that human be ings gain many he alth and
e motional be ne fits from making music – possibly including growing fre sh
ne urons, give n the re ce nt re se arch on musical training and brain
de ve lopme nt.
Whe the r you sing or not, it is possible to de ve lop your spe aking voice and
be come a maste r of this wonde rful instrume nt. That is the subje ct of this
chapte r.
Exerci se: Your vocal i nventory
Before we start rummaging in your vocal toolbox, I suggest that you take a step back
and review your current vocal assets and liabilities by taking a dispassionate inventory.
What are the strengths of your voice? And what are the weaknesses? In order to get
clear and complete in this exercise, try recording yourself speaking in various ways.
You may have different ways of speaking for specific situations (for example, my
mother had a very well-defined telephone voice which she would never use in face-
to-face conversation) and the sound of your voice will be greatly affected by your
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emotional state.
You can record yourself at fair quality on most smartphones with built-in voice memo
apps; or, for better quality and more features like transcribing to text or sharing with
other apps, you can get a specialist app like Just Press Record (iOS) or RecForge
(Android); or if you have an interest in recording high-quality audio you can get a
digital audio recorder like a Zoom – I still use an old Zoom H2 for its great
combination of quality and simplicity.
Once you have a range of recordings of yourself speaking, listen back on good
headphones, taking notes in the 2 columns (one for your vocal assets, one for
liabilities). You can also ask friends or family members to help you by giving you their
feedback in those 2 columns. This will help you to identify what it is that you want to
work on to move your voice up to where you would like it to be.
POSTURE, STANCE AND GESTURES
Posture
Your voice starts with your posture , e spe cially the angle of your ne ck,
be cause your vocal cords are physically alte re d whe n you move your he ad
forward, backward or side to side . In orde r to unde rstand the profound
way your voice change s with ne ck angle , try this simple e xpe rime nt: sit or
stand-up straight and say your name . Now e xte nd your chin forward as
far as you can, stre tching your ne ck out like a tortoise and say your name
again. Can you he ar the strain as you stre tch your vocal cords? Now,
without looking down, move your he ad back so your chin is tucke d in and
you are pre ssing the back of your he ad as far back as you can, and say
your name again. Do you he ar the compre ssion as you squash your vocal
cords?
The se posture s are but e xtre me ve rsions of things most pe ople do e ve ry
day. Sitting at a de sk and stre tching the ne ck forward while spe aking on
the phone is a milde r ve rsion of that first posture you just assume d. And
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we spe nd so much time looking down at scre e ns and mobile de vice s that
‘te xt ne ck’ (a milde r ve rsion of the se cond posture ) is be coming an
e pide mic. With re pe tition, the se posture s be come habitual and the n
physically e mbe dde d, and the natural voice be come s straine d or
compre sse d.
If your he ad is ve rtically above your shoulde rs, your vocal cords are
re laxe d and fully functional and your voice can give of its be st. The first
e xe rcise be low will he lp you to achie ve this ide al ne ck posture .
Now le t’s conside r the re st of your posture . Body language is ve ry
articulate , and yours will affe ct the way you are re ce ive d whe n you spe ak.
Your stance or sitting position spe ak volume s about how you are be ing in
a conve rsation; in front of a group or on a stage , it communicate s your
state and attitude to the audie nce , and can also be distracting if it’s
unusual or be se t by unne ce ssary move me nt. In ge ne ral (and this is ve ry
ge ne ral), le aning forward and maintaining e ye contact (inte rmitte ntly
whe n spe aking, more constantly whe n liste ning) indicate e ngage me nt;
le aning back and avoiding e ye contact indicate dise ngage me nt, or e ve n
bore dom, ange r or disdain. At the same time , posture s that make your
body smalle r (such as crossing your arms or le gs, hunching, stooping or
drawing limbs in) indicate lack of powe r or ce rtainty; posture s that make
you large r, colloquially known as powe r pose s (such as raising both arms
in triumphant pose ), spe ak of stre ngth and confide nce .
Body language is important not only for what it communicate s to othe rs:
it also affe cts how you fe e l and spe ak. It is a rare individual inde e d who
can de live ry powe rfully whe n supine , or slumpe d in a low-powe r posture .
Following Amy Cuddy’s TED talk, re se arch by doze ns of labs has
confirme d that powe r pose s do make pe ople fe e l stronge r and more
confide nt.
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Stance
If you ne e d to spe ak in front of an audie nce , I sugge st that you de ve lop a
ne utral stance that can act as your home base . This is your castle , the
place from which you can sally forth gloriously with e xpansive move me nt
or ge sture s, and to which you safe ly re turn e ve ry time ; a solid, impre ssive
foundation that looks and fe e ls powe rful and e stablishe d. Many time s
afte r spe aking, I have be e n told: “You look so grounde d!” That is all due
to my ne utral stance . It took time for me to de ve lop and e stablish it; the
e xe rcise be low te lls you e xactly how to ge ne rate one of your own.
Gestures
I love spe aking on stage , partly be cause it he ighte ns my own
consciousne ss. I te ll the de le gate s at all my se minars what I’m going to
te ll you now: be cons cious of everything, all the time . Actually, the
whole of this conve rsation about de ve loping conscious liste ning and
powe rful spe aking skills is roote d in a bigge r challe nge : that of be ing a
conscious human be ing. Whe the r you pre fe r to think of it as mindfulne ss,
aware ne ss or consciousne ss, this state is not e asy to maintain in the
mode rn world, whe re so much se ts out to distract or anae sthe tise us,
from TV, mobile music and social me dia to sugar, carbohydrate s and
alcohol – all gre at in mode ration but pote ntially se ductive consciousne ss-
de stroye rs whe n take n in e xce ss.
One significant aspe ct of de ve loping consciousne ss in your spe aking (and,
to a le sse r de gre e , in your liste ning) is to make your ge sture s inte ntional,
bringing the m from the re alm of unconscious or habitual into the domain
of your aware ne ss. The re are 2 good re asons for doing this. First, you can
make sure that your ge sture s are congrue nt, which me ans the y affirm
what you are saying, e xpre ssing the same thing in a se cond way rathe r
than giving a conflicting me ssage .
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Ge sture s are powe rful. Gre at actors le arn to e xpre ss the ir characte r
through iconic, characte ristic ge sture s, as we ll as the voice and facial
e xpre ssions. The se ge sture s are not accide ntal. The actor Michae l
Che khov (ne phe w of the gre at playwright) de ve lope d a syste m that is
use d today by many le ading actors on stage and scre e n, from Anthony
Hopkins to Johnny De pp. It contains 5 arche typal ge sture s: pushing,
pulling, lifting, throwing, and te aring, e ach of which can be pe rforme d in
6 dire ctions (up, down, le ft, right, forwards, backwards) and with infinite
variations in quality, e xpre sse d as adve rbs. The se e xpre ss the 6
‘state me nts of action’ or basic motivations that are at the he art of e ve ry
characte r: I Want - I Re je ct; I Give - I Take ; I Hold My Ground - I Yie ld.
You can imagine how the y work: if a characte r wants powe r, the ir typical
ge sture s might involve pushing down (on e ve ryone e lse , me taphorically).
Now, I don’t sugge st that you start acting in re al life (re me mbe r HAIL),
but this te chnical clarity can be ve ry he lpful if you’re planning how to put
across a point of vie w or a whole talk as powe rfully as possible . We can
fall into the habit of using a ge sture , or a small se t of ge sture s, all the
time , re gardle ss of the se nse of what we are saying. Ofte n, a habitual
ge sture like this can unde rmine our de live ry by communicating the e xact
opposite !
Tip: The only way to check your own gesturing habits is to video yourself giving a
talk. Make it a long session, so pick a subject you really know, like your life history
or your favourite hobby. Set up the camera to record you full length, press record
and off you go. As you watch the video, ask yourself these questions: are the
gestures congruent? Do I use gesture enough, or too much? Are the gestures too
small, or too large? Are there any habitual gestures that work against what I’m
saying?
Many ge sture s are re gional or e ve n local, and the re pe rtoire change s ove r
time . The classic Italian hand ge sture of finge rtips toge the r with thumb
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and hand wave d up and down (me aning “what???”) is use le ss in Be rlin or
Singapore . Stre e t gangs have the ir own hand ge sture s as signs of
me mbe rship. Shake spe are ’s audie nce s kne w that whe n Abraham
e nquire d: “Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?” of Sampson in Rome o and
Julie t, he was spe aking of a grossly offe nsive ge sture ; today nobody
would turn a hair if you walke d down the stre e t biting your thumb.
Howe ve r, some ge sture s are globally re cognise d. One or both arms in the
air for triumph; he ad in hands for de spair; blowing a kiss; a cle nche d fist;
the now-ubiquitous fist-bump… the se are many more that are wide ly
known and use d.
The re nowne d family the rapist and author Virginia Satir sugge ste d that
humans have a se t of coping stance s whe n the balance be twe e n se lf, othe r
and conte xt is lost. The se te nd to be accompanie d by iconic, unive rsally
re cognisable ge sture s:
• blaming - ofte n indicate d by pointing or stabbing finge rs;
• placating - both hands ope n, palms upwards, as if to be g, or to re assure
that one is carrying no thre at;
• computing - one hand stroke s the chin, possibly with the othe r arm
crosse d unde rne ath;
• distracting - wild or irre le vant ge sture s that change the subje ct or
distract atte ntion (magicians and pickpocke ts are ve ry good at this!);
• loving/hating - thumping an invisible table , big ope n ge sture s.
Ti p: Be careful if any of these iconic gestures become habits. I have seen entire talks
given with the placator gesture constantly being used. This is a weak gesture unless
you really are appealing for help, and when used incongruently, it severely
undermines content. If you tend to wave your hands in front of you while speaking
(there is nothing wrong with that per se; it can help illustrate cadence and
emphasis), then make sure your hands are vertical, not horizontal with palms up.
You will see many politicians speaking in exactly this way, with 2 hands in front,
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moving to emphasise each point, but always vertical, never open-handed.
To be authe ntic, your ge sturing must re fle ct your characte r. You may be
wildly e xpre ssive , or ve ry controlle d and unde rstate d. Eithe r way, make
sure that your ge sture s are congrue nt and authe ntic, and most of all make
the m conscious and inte ntional, and you will dramatically incre ase the
powe r of your communication.
Exerci se: Posture and stance
1. Ne ck posture
Stand with your back to a wall and see if the back of your head touches the wall. If it
doesn’t, you have forward neck posture and your neck muscles have probably
weakened.
Here’s how to adjust, in a one-minute exercise that you can do many times a day.
Stand with your back to the wall and touch the back of your head to the wall. Do not
achieve this by tilting your head back and increasing the curve of your neck: visualise a
string attached to the top of your head and then pull it from above to lengthen your
neck. As the back of your neck gets longer, you chin tucks in and down somewhat
toward the back of your neck, while the back of your head makes contact with the
wall. This is correct neck and head posture. Stand like this for one-minute. It may be
quite hard at first if your neck muscles have become weak. Repeat often, and you will
strengthen those muscles and correct your neck posture.
While we’re at it, let me give you some neck and shoulder stretches that will help to
adjust and strengthen those muscles, whilst also relieving tension. These come from
my fiancée, multiple world champion martial artist, yoga teacher and wellbeing expert
Jane Majendie.
Front to back
Stand-up straight. Breathing deeply, in through the nose and out through the mouth,
slowly move your head to its fullest extension forward on your neck, leading with the
chin, and hold for a count of 10. Now move your head back to its fullest compression,
with your chin tucked in and hold for a count of 10. Repeat 3 times.
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Side to side
Stand-up straight. Breathing deeply, in through the nose and out through the mouth,
slowly tilt your head as you aim to bring an ear toward a shoulder. Be careful not to
raise the shoulder: only the head moves. When you reach your limit, hold for 10,
feeling the stretch on the other side. Move slowly back and then repeat on the other
side. Repeat the sequence 3 times.
2. Stance
This is to help you cultivate your neutral stance, whether on stage or in conversation.
Stand facing a full-length mirror with your hands loose at your sides and examine
your posture. First notice: are there any asymmetries in the vertical plane – in other
words, is your left side the perfect mirror image of the right? Note any differences.
Now look at the lines of your eyes, shoulders, hips and hands. Are those lines parallel
to the floor or tilted? Again, take a note. Now turn sideways and check your vertical
alignment. Is everything stacked vertically (shoulders, elbows, hips, knees), or are
there curves? (You may find it easier and more accurate to get a friend to take some
pictures of you from the front and the side and then review them at your leisure. )
Here is how I build my neutral stance.
Stand with your feet about shoulder-width apart for males, slightly narrower than
that for females. Check that your feet are parallel and pointing straight forward. It
looks timid to have your toes angled inwards, and inelegant or even brash to have
them angled outwards.
Now stack everything vertically. Your knees are firm but not locked (unless you have
problems with nervous tremors in one or both legs). Feel that you are just slightly
flexed, ready to spring. Your hips are above your knees and square on. Now look up
and draw your spine up to its full height. Imagine a string attached to the top of your
head, and feel as if you are dangling from it. Let your shoulders fall downwards and
backwards, and feel your neck extend. Feel the relaxation in your arms and hands,
which are hanging comfortably by your sides, with thumbs to the front. Feel the
strength in the core muscles of your abdomen, and then gently tense the powerful
gluteus maximums muscles in your backside. That feeling of a strong core is where
you need to be. Finally, whilst still maintaining the feeling of dangling from that string
attached to your head, visualise roots going down from your feet deep into the
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ground. That is the feeling of groundedness that so many people spot when I’m
speaking. Explore the tension between the feeling of lightness from the string, and
solidity from the roots. You can maintain both with practice. Without shifting your
feet at all, move around a little: this is not a waxwork posture but a place to be
comfortable, relaxed and ready to move.
If you have long been standing out of alignment, it may feel like hard work to get into
the ideal neutral stance (which, incidentally, is also just good, healthy posture that will
slow down the ageing process by not putting unnatural load onto parts of your body).
Just as it takes time to grow a six-pack or lose weight, it takes time to develop perfect
posture. Be patient and do a little every day and you will move in the right direction.
Practice standing and adopting this posture over and over and it will become natural
and easy.
BREATH
Bre ath is life , and our voice is nothing but bre ath: it’s no surprise that
e xe rcise and we llbe ing syste ms like yoga re st e ntire ly on bre athing. Not
for nothing do singe rs and actors practice so inte ntly on bre athing we ll:
as we discove re d in Chapte r 3, your voice is simply bre ath, and bre athing
we ll is fundame ntal to spe aking we ll. Bre ath is the fue l for your voice .
More fue l give s more powe r.
Most pe ople bre athe like birds, taking little , light bre aths to the top of
the ir lungs. I wonde r whe n you last took a big, de e p bre ath and re ally
e xpande d your rib cage . Unle ss you have a bre athing practice from yoga
(se nte nce unfinishe d)
Exerci se: Breathi ng
You probably haven’t taken a really deep breath all day today, so start now with a
good, deep breath through your nose, counting to 10 as you inhale. Didn’t get to 10?
You will if you keep at it! Now add an equally long exhale through your mouth in a
whistling position. Do this 3 times.
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Next, put your hands lightly on your stomach and change the exhale to a hiss for
another 3 breaths, still aiming for 10 on your in-breath through your nose. See how
long you can make your hissing out breath… aim to get to 10, then more, as you feel
the control from your diaphragm. Feel your hands lifting as your stomach expands on
the in-breath, then falling as it contracts on the out breath. This starts to get you into
the habit of breathing into your diaphragm, not just to the top of your lungs. It may
help you to visualise a long tube from your mouth down to your tailbone. As you
breathe in, feel the breath going right down to the bottom of the tube as your
stomach extends, and then force it out from the bottom upwards as your stomach
contracts again.
Finally, again with your hands on your stomach, do a set of 3 deep in breaths, again
through the nose, with the out breaths puffed in staccato bursts, as if you were
blowing out a set of candles. Feel the puffs originating in your stomach muscles. (This
is also a good exercise if you want to strengthen your abs. )
Do these exercises, particularly the second one, on rising and then as often as you
reasonably can during the day, and you will retrain your breathing. Your voice will
benefit greatly.
REGISTER
Human voice s have 4 re giste rs, or parts of the ove rall range . The se are a
little like ge ars on a bike or a car, and it take s se rious training to be able
to move se amle ssly from one to anothe r. For maximum powe r in
spe aking, it he lps to unde rstand the re giste rs so that you can consciously
choose the most e ffe ctive one for the re ce ive r and conte xt at hand.
Whistle
The whistle (or flute ) re giste r is unlike ly to be of much use to you be cause
it occupie s the ve ry highe st note s a human voice can produce , roughly
spanning an octave upwards from C6 (2 octave s above middle C). The se
high, pie rcing sounds are produce d by re sonating the back of the vocal
cords, and are in ge ne ral possible only for fe male singe rs. Singe rs like
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Mariah Care y use this re giste r in pe rformance ; a good re corde d e xample
is the 1975 hit Lovin’ You by Minnie Rippe rton. For you and me , this
re giste r is of acade mic inte re st only.
Falsetto
The ne xt re giste r down is more re cognisable : many succe ssful male
singe rs have use d false tto with gre at succe ss, from Frankie Valli in the
Four Se asons in the 1960s, to the Be e Ge e s in the 1970s, to Coldplay’s
Chris Martin today. False tto te nds to be a pure r sound than the natural
voice , as it has le ss ove rtone s; for that re ason, it’s also le ss characte ristic
of an individual. For male s in spe e ch, false tto is a ge ar change up into an
unnatural, slightly comical spe aking range : think of the Monty Python
te am pre te nding to be wome n. Howe ve r, for many fe male s, particularly
the olde r ge ne ration, it be come s a soft, unthre ate ning place to spe ak
from, we ll out of the harshe r traffic lane s of most spe e ch. In Japan,
spe aking in a high false tto has long be e n a fe male cultural impe rative in
orde r not to challe nge male authority, though this is at last changing in
line with social attitude s.
You will move naturally into false tto from time to time , for e xample to
e xpre ss astonishme nt (“Whaaaaaaat?” starting high and going highe r is
probably in your false tto re giste r), approbation (“Woo-hoo” will ofte n be
be lte d out in false tto) or some othe r strong e motion, diffe re ntiating this
communication from your re gular voice in orde r to make it stand out.
But, as far as our mission to achie ve powe rful spe aking is conce rne d,
false tto is ge ne rally to be avoide d – so, once again, we move on.
Modal
The modal re giste r is whe re most pe ople spe ak from. It’s the natural
spe aking voice , whe re the vocal cords are at maximum e fficie ncy. Whe re
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your vocal re giste r be gins and e nds is an important de fining factor of
your voice : whe n we de scribe some one as a soprano or a baritone , we ’re
saying that the ir modal re giste r is highe r or lowe r.
I would like to distinguish 4 se parate spe aking voice s within this re giste r.
That’s 2 more than the common distinctions from singing coache s. You
may have come across the te rms ‘he ad voice ’ and ‘che st voice ’, e spe cially
if you’ve e ve r take n any singing le ssons. I am going to add ‘nasal voice ’
and ‘throat voice ’.
In fact, your voice is always produce d by your larynx, which is in your
throat, but you can change your tone and timbre significantly by alte ring
many e le me nts of the comple x proce ss that produce s your characte ristic
sound. Following the work of Profe ssor David Abe rcrombie at Edinburgh
Unive rsity, acade mics distinguish ‘vocal se ttings’, which are re gional
style s of spe aking that ove rlay some one ’s acce nt and sugge st whe re the y
are from. The se include things like pace , e mphasis and intonation, as we ll
as the timbre or quality of the voice itse lf, and the y ne e d to be alte re d if
one wishe s to spe ak a fore ign language like a local.
My distinctions of 4 voice s combine the quality aspe ct of vocal se ttings
with my own e xpe rie nce of voice s from around the world to produce a
practical classification of the modal re giste r that’s acce ssible to you and
me through the ide a of spe aking from a spe cific place – nose , he ad, throat
or che st. This is pure ly a practical tool, not an atte mpt at a scie ntific
classification. The re is de bate , for e xample , about whe the r you physically
can re sonate your voice in your che st (logically, this would involve
se nding air downwards from your larynx whe n you spe ak, which is
impossible ), but I know in practice that I can change the de pth and
quality of my voice by focusing on re sonating in my che st. The se 4 voice s
may in part be me taphors, but the y work!
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So, le t’s ste p ove r all the scie ntific and pe dagogical de bate s about this
comple x are a and simply de al with the practical que stion of taking
control of your voice . We ’ll conside r the 4 voice s in turn; me anwhile , you
can conside r which is your own home turf. You will probably use all 4 to
gre ate r or le sse r de gre e , but for most pe ople one will be dominant at any
time . Le aving aside me dical conditions, spe aking primarily in one of
the se voice s is partly ge ne tic or cultural, and partly down to individual
choice or upbringing; also, situations may dictate moving from one to
anothe r – for e xample , ne rvousne ss te nds to move pe ople up from che st
to he ad.
The important thing is that, in my e xpe rie nce , it is possible to train most
pe ople to move consciously from one to anothe r. We ’ll work on that in the
e xe rcise that follows.
Nasal voice: For e ve ryone , the nose re sonate s to ge ne rate 3 sounds (ng,
m and n, as in the word ‘morning’). The nasal voice se nds many more
sounds to re sonate in the noise , giving it a high, bright, thin and slightly
harsh fe e l. It is wide ly use d in Latin countrie s, and, famously, in Ne w
York City, as we ll as othe r locations. To che ck if you are using nasal voice ,
touch a finge r ve ry lightly to the side of your noise and say “Morning”.
You will fe e l slight vibration in your nose . Now say “He love s food.” If you
fe lt any vibration at all, you are using a nasal voice .
Head voice: This is the spe aking voice most pe ople use most of the time .
It re quire s re lative ly little e ffort, re sonating e fficie ntly in the cavitie s of
the pharynx, mouth and nose . It is light and bright in tone and ple asing
in the main, and it’s whe re singe rs (apart from basse s) ge ne rate the ir
voice s from.
Throat voice: Common among male s from the Indian subcontine nt, this
can sound hoarse and bre athy, though in singing it can soar into
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magnifice nce , as with the astounding Qawwali singing of Nusrat Fate h Ali
Khan.
Chest voice: This is the de e pe st and riche st of the 4 voice s, most naturally
(but far from e xclusive ly) found in those of sub-Saharan African de sce nt:
think of Jame s Earl Jone s or Morgan Fre e man. Actors train to spe ak
from he re , and the re are many e xample s of wide ly-admire d che st voice s
in that profe ssion, from Se an Conne ry and Sir Ian McKe lle n to Orson
We lle s and Vin Die se l.
So, whe re do you typically spe ak from? If you want to de live r powe rfully,
be come conscious of the place you fe e l your voice is coming from, and
practice moving it as appropriate . In most case s, the maximum powe r
and authority come from the che st voice , so that one is de finite ly worth
le arning.
Vocal fry
The re is one last re giste r we ne e d to conside r. Vocal fry is a lazy, croaky
sound from the throat, made by re laxing the vocal cords and le tting air
pop through the m. It is particularly pre vale nt among young Ame rican
fe male s, and re se arch sugge sts that it is incre asing in popularity, possibly
due to popular TV programme s that fe ature it. I advise against using it for
2 re asons. First, studie s indicate that it is ne gative ly re ce ive d, be ing
associate d with be ing le ss trustworthy, le ss compe te nt, le ss attractive and
le ss e ducate d – so not he lpful in a job inte rvie w, for e xample . Se cond, it is
a sad waste of the wonde rful instrume nt we have all be e n give n. Our
voice s have e normous compass, and it se e ms tragic to choose not to
de ploy the richne ss, tonality and harmonics that are available to us all.
Ple ase try not to use this re giste r if you want to be he ard.
Exerci se: Movi ng voi ce
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If you have any trouble with these exercises, there may be some physiological or other
reason affecting your voice, in which case please seek professional advice, either from
your doctor or from a qualified voice coach.
In all these cases, it will pay to record yourself doing the exercise and listen back
afterwards.
If your home base is in the falsetto register, take a deep breath and sing a comfortable
note, then move it down like an elevator smoothly descending until your feel a break
in your voice. Below that is your modal register. Explore it. Sing some notes there,
each time taking a deep breath. Now read some text and listen to the difference in
your voice. This is where your power lies. Practice, and you can stay here.
If your natural home base is in the modal register (nasal, head, throat or chest voice),
then your task is to practice moving from one voice to another. It takes practice to do
this without sounding comical – in my workshops, people exploring chest voice for
the first time tend to sound very unnatural and they always end up laughing! Be
persistent in your practice and you will develop proficiency and consciousness.
The method is simple: start speaking, either repeating something meaningless like the
‘one-two’ used by live sound engineers, or reading some text. Now visualise your voice
coming from your nose, then your head, then your throat, and finally your chest. Feel
the resonance and vibration in each location, and listen to the difference as you move
your voice from one place to the next. In particular, when you move down to chest
voice, feel your whole chest resonating and experience the greater depth and lower
tone that result. This exercise will develop your ability to place your voice
appropriately for every occasion, and especially to deploy the chest voice when you
want to speak powerfully.
You can also play with delivering different emotions, from surprise to joy to sadness to
anger, and explore which voice (or even register) you naturally use. Then try different
content and intentions, for example humour, authority, inspiration or affection, and
again be conscious of where you naturally deliver these from. This practice will raise
your consciousness of your range of voices, helping you to be more aware of where
you speak from and modulate as required.
If your home base is the vocal fry register, you need to move to modal if you want to
be well received (unless you happen to be in a social circle where vocal fry is the norm
and it would be socially alienating to speak normally). Use the breathing exercises
earlier in this book, because vocal fry tends to result from using very little breath
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when speaking. Take a deep breath before each sentence and focus on hearing your
full, rich voice, with no pops or croaks. Also concentrate on making the last word of
your sentences as strong as the first, because vocal fry tends to be strongest at that
point.
PACE
Pace , spe e ch rate , is simply about how many words a minute you output.
Some pe ople spe ak fe we r than 100 words a minute , which fe e ls ve ry slow.
Auctione e rs and racing comme ntators may re ach up to bre akne ck spe e ds
of up to 400 words a minute . Although natural pace varie s from language
to language , most conve rsation will be be twe e n 100 and 200 words pe r
minute ; spoke n English is mainly in the uppe r part of that range .
You will have a natural pace to your spe aking, and it’s important to
be come conscious of that par pace . If it’s too slow, your liste ne r or
audie nce will struggle to stay e ngage d. If it’s too fast, you will risk losing
pe ople as the y can’t ke e p up. Many pe ople who are not use d to spe aking
on a stage le t ne rve s drive the ir pace up and the e ffe ct is gabble . Eve n the
shorte st talk can be nice ly pace d: for proof, look at some of the shorte st
TED talks.
This is one aspe ct of spe aking whe re it’s important to be aware of the
liste ning you are spe aking into. Many time s, I have spoke n on stage s to
non-English spe aking audie nce s. Eithe r pe ople will be liste ning and
translating in the ir he ads, or the y have a he adse t on and hard-working
translators at the back of the hall are simultane ously translating my
words. Eithe r way, it is ine ffe ctive , if not downright rude , to spe ak too
fast. I mode rate my natural spe e d, making sure to e nunciate cle arly and
give e ve ryone time to proce ss and unde rstand.
It’s also ve ry powe rful to vary your pace while you spe ak. A burst of fast
pace indicate s e xcite me nt; one of slow pace , e mphasis and significance .
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Spe e ch de live re d at constant pace te nd to lack light and shade , and can be
le ss e ngaging as a re sult.
Exerci se: Pace vari ati on
Start with the simple concept that your voice has 3 gears: fast, medium and slow.
Pick a passage to read - it can be anything from a magazine or newspaper to a novel.
Read it a few times so you know it quite well. Read it naturally. Now mark sections
that you can read fast (for excitement) or slowly (for emphasis) and read it again.
Repeat this exercise as often as you like to get the feeling of varying your pace, and
see if you want to add a couple of extra gears to give yourself even more variability.
PITCH
Pitch re fe rs to how high or low your spe e ch is.
In simple physical te rms, the proce ss of our voice starts whe n air is
dire cte d through our larynx, which contains the ligame nts of our vocal
cords or folds. Me n’s cords are 17-25 mm long, while wome n’s are 12.5-
17.5 mm, which is why me n’s voice s are de e pe r and wome n’s highe r. As
we force air past the se cords the y vibrate , and we modulate this vibration
with attache d muscle s. This cre ate s a fundame ntal tone of around 100 Hz
on ave rage for me n and 200 Hz for wome n.
Within your modal re giste r, you have possibly a range of up to 2 octave s
to play with. You will naturally modulate your voice within this range
de pe nding on your le ve l of e xcite me nt or agitation. Try saying “Whe re did
you le ave my ke ys?” in your re gular voice . Now raise the pitch, ke e ping
the pace e xactly the same . And again, raising the pitch e ve n highe r. You
se e how pitch alone can indicate e xcite me nt?
The main re ason for moving your voice down into che st re giste r is to
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lowe r the pitch, be cause pe ople associate de e p voice s with authority.
Re se arch shows that we vote for politicians with de e pe r voice s (othe r
things be ing e qual). The association is probably base d on the fact that
large r things are pote ntially more important or dange rous than small,
and that large r animals make de e pe r sounds: lions have much de e pe r
voice s than cats, which in turn are de e pe r than mice . As a re sult, highe r
voice s te nd to sound more timid and le ss authoritative .
To optimise your pitch be fore you unde rtake any significant spe aking, I
strongly sugge st you do the warm-up e xe rcise s in Chapte r 7 – or at le ast
the last vocal warm-up, calle d the Sire n.
Now le t’s look at the comple x variation in pitch calle d intonation, or
prosody.
PROSODY
Prosody is the major way we communicate se nse , e mphasis and e motion,
and thus huge ly important in powe rful spe aking. It include s intonation
(the sing-song variation in pitch that we e mploy while spe aking), as we ll
as rhythm, e mphasis and to some de gre e pace and timbre too. Lack of
prosody re sults in a spe aking voice that sounds lite rally monotonous
(monotone be ing one note ).
Prosody is probably olde r than language itse lf. It may have starte d with
‘mothe re se ’ – infant-dire cte d spe e ch which is typically infle cte d in an
e xagge rate d way. We te nd to spe ak in this way to babie s and dogs, and
e ve n to old pe ople or fore igne rs if we think we are not be ing unde rstood.
As with so many aspe cts of spe aking, prosody varie s from culture to
culture , and it’s important to be se nsitive to this whe n spotting the
liste ning you are spe aking into, and spe aking in a way that pe ople will
re ce ive . Scandinavians te nd to e mploy a re straine d prosody that sounds
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almost bore d to othe r culture s, while Latins (e spe cially Italians) spe ak
with unre straine d prosody, ofte n all at once ! Whe n I visit Gre e ce , I ofte n
mistake conve rsations be twe e n pe ople for argume nts be cause of the
diffe re nt local prosody.
Re pe titive or force d prosodie s te nd to lose pote ncy in spe aking. A good
e xample of this is up-talk, or high rising te rminal (HRT), whe re the
spe ake r raise s his or he r pitch on the last syllable of a state me nt, as if it
we re a que stion? (I’m sure you can imagine this habit now.) We st-Coast
USA and the Antipode s are typically accuse d of starting this tre nd in the
last fe w de cade s, although the re are long-e stablishe d diale cts (such as
Northe rn Irish or the Scottish northe rn isle s diale ct I he ar spoke n at my
home in Orkne y) whe re this way of spe aking is typical. Whe n it’s not part
of a re gional diale ct, HRT carrie s the same issue s as vocal fry. It’s use d
much more ofte n by fe male s than by male s, and it is associate d with
unce rtainty, be cause it e ffe ctive ly e mbe ds a che cking que stion – the
unspoke n “Is that ok with you?” It also robs the spe ake r of the richne ss
and variation of unre stricte d prosody, which ine vitably re sults in le ss
powe r in spe aking.
Exerci se: Prosody
To assess and then improve your prosody, record yourself reading some pages from a
novel or some stories from a news source.
Start by neutralising prosody to see what happens without it. Read the passage in a
flat monotone, with no stresses or pace variations. Listen back. It sounds robotic and
completely uninteresting, doesn’t it?
Now read the passage in your normal voice. As you listen back this time, score yourself
out of 10 for your natural prosody: to what degree are your intonation, rhythm and
stresses making the content more powerful and interesting?
If you detect that your prosody is on the restrained side, scoring yourself at less than
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5, re-read the passage, exaggerating your prosody to 10, as if you were reading it to a
small child. Practice this until you feel you have extended your range and can naturally
turn yourself up to a natural 6 or 7.
A fun exercise that we do in my workshops is to express emotions or communicate
concepts to someone with no words at all, much as the prehistoric proto-hum
postulated by Steven Mithen might have sounded. You can do this on your own or
have fun swapping these with a friend.
Making sounds, but with no words, express the following:
- sadness
- joy
- anger
- surprise
Now some more complex tasks:
- ask to be given something that you can see
- say sorry
- say you feel ill.
To work on stress, try saying the sentences below, while stressing the words in bold
and seeing the difference it makes to the sense.
- I’m going to run to work today.
- I’m going to run to work today.
- I’m going to run to work today.
- I’m going to run to work today.
- I’m going to run to work today.
Simple stress can dramatically alter meaning.
TIMBRE
Timbre is the fe e l of a voice , e xpre sse d in words that de scribe tactile
conce pts. Most pe ople te nd to pre fe r voice s that could be de scribe d just
as you would a de licious cup of hot chocolate : rich, warm, swe e t and
smooth. If that’s not you, don’t de spair: you may be able to ame nd some
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simple life style change s and improve , and if that doe sn’t work you can
transform your timbre with profe ssional he lp.
Lifestyle
To work e ffe ctive ly, your vocal cords ne e d cle an air and lubrication, not to
me ntion a he althy body around the m.
Smoke damage s your voice , so avoid it; if you’re the one smoking, ple ase
stop. That’s a whole othe r book, I know – the one I re comme nd from
pe rsonal e xpe rie nce 20 ye ars ago is Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop
Smoking .
Drinking e nough wate r is important to maintain that lubrication. Make
sure you’re drinking the re comme nde d amount for your we ight and size
e ve ry day. Be fore any important talk or spe aking e ngage me nt it’s a good
ide a to sip luke warm wate r or he rbal te a, possibly with some hone y
me lte d into it. Alcohol and caffe inate d drinks are probably not good for
timbre (more re se arch is re quire d) – but can be fine in mode ration as
long as you’re drinking e nough wate r, and as long as you don’t
ove rindulge be fore spe aking: a he avy night be fore an important talk is a
bad ide a for many re asons, not le ast that it will dry out your vocal cords
the morning afte r.
Milk and dairy products te nd to thicke n mucous, cre ating a phle gmatic
se nsation at the back of the throat for some pe ople . If that’s you, try low
fat ve rsions or cut down your intake , e spe cially be fore spe aking.
Finally, salty foods also te nd to dry out the vocal cords, so many singe rs
try to avoid the m in e xce ss. This rings true intuitive ly; would you re ally
want to e at a bag of salty snacks just be fore an important spe e ch?
A balance d, he althy die t will also be nothing but be ne ficial to your voice ,
as will some e xe rcise , particularly if it be ne fits your posture (re me mbe r
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the se ction e arlie r in this chapte r).
Professional help
If none of the above he lps, se arch for local voice or singing coache s on the
Inte rne t, choose a fe w that fe e l good to you and book a try-out se ssion
with e ach of the m. Choose the one you fe e l the be st che mistry with, and
work with that pe rson for at le ast 6 se ssions. The y will transform your
unde rstanding of your voice and he lp you to re shape your timbre .
If you can’t afford le ssons or you live in a re mote place , the re ’s always the
Inte rne t. YouTube fe ature s many vocal coache s offe ring fre e advice and
le ssons.
V OLU ME
The re ’s a ne w word that has be e n coine d to de scribe pe ople who are not
care ful with the ir volume : sodcasting. This is inflicting your sound on
othe r pe ople , for whom it is simply irritating noise . The word was
inve nte d to de scribe young pe ople playing loud, distorte d music on
mobile phone loudspe ake rs on buse s or trains, but it e qually de scribe s
vocal be haviour I have se e n many time s. One of the be st e xample s was in
a quie t airport lounge , full of pe ople working. One man was pacing up
and down, having a conve rsation on his phone , using e ar bud
he adphone s. He se e me d to be lie ve that the phone ’s microphone wouldn’t
do a good e nough job, be cause he was spe aking at some thing just be low a
be llow. It was amazing that he was oblivious of the rolling e ye s and
furious glare s that followe d him as he pace d the le ngth of the lounge . This
was white collar sodcasting!
I have e ncounte re d uncontrolle d volume in many place s, but e spe cially in
large citie s like Ne w York, whe re I have many time s be e n unable to focus
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on what some one walking ne xt to me on a side walk is saying, be cause of
the intrusive noise of a guy walking se ve ral pace s be hind, spe aking with
the volume turne d up to 11.
Be ing conscious of volume is anothe r vital aspe ct of spe aking. Just as you
have a range of tone s available in your normal voice , you also have a
range of volume you typically ope rate in. This can vary wide ly from one
pe rson to anothe r: for e ve ry pe rson like that Ne w York sodcaste r, the re is
some one who spe aks in a tiny voice that is bare ly audible . I have traine d
pe ople in workshops whose natural le ve l is so quie t the y are lite rally
incapable of public spe aking. Eve n whe n focuse d on the issue , the y start
loud e nough to he ar and the n de cre sce ndo gradually as the y spe ak,
re tre ating into the dark.
Unle ss the re ’s me dical issue , e ve ry pe rson is e quippe d to cre ate vocal
sounds that go from a tiny whispe r to a massive shout. The loude st shout
in the Guinness Book of Records at the time of writing is a stagge ring
121.7 dB by Northe rn Ire land te ache r Annalisa Wray; this is around one
trillion time s as powe rful as the quie te st whispe r you could he ar! Your
shout may ne ve r be quite that powe rful, but it is important to de ve lop the
uppe r e nd of your range for good re asons. You may have to spe ak in a
noisy place , or to many pe ople in a large room with no sound
re inforce me nt syste m; also, it give s you gre at powe r to be able to vary
your volume at will throughout a talk, cre ating ye t more light and shade
to ke e p pe ople e ngage d. A shout can stare a sle e py audie nce , while a
whispe r can paradoxically cre ate gre at e mphasis as pe ople instinctive ly
le an forward to liste n care fully.
The e xe rcise be low is gre at fun in my workshops. Try it and work on
cre ating more and more he adroom in the range of your vocal volume .
Exerci se: Vol ume
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When we do this in my seminars I conduct the group. You will be both performer and
conductor now. I suggest you do this in a quiet place away from other as it may
disturb people!
Stand-up. Place your arm out in from of you, horizontal to the floor. This is your
speaking volume – call it 5 out of 10. You can move your arm down to point at the
floor, which is your quietest whisper (1 out of 10), or up to point at the ceiling, which
is your loudest shout. At the top you can aim for 11 out of 10!
Start saying the word rhubarb repeatedly. (This is the word extras used to say in films
to create impression of background conversation. ) Move your arm down and up and
adjust your volume accordingly; practice smooth changes and try to extend the top
end of your range every time you get up there.
SPACE
Not the final frontie r, but our old frie nd sile nce . Most pe ople fe ar sile nce
whe n spe aking; many find it uncomfortable e ve n in small groups. Make it
your frie nd. I have witne sse d that your audie nce will stay with you for
much longe r than you might think if you pause and say nothing: you can
e xte nd a sile nce for many se conds without the audie nce be coming
frustrate d. If you le arn to use sile nce we ll, you will have an advantage
ove r many spe ake rs who gabble or fill space with ‘…um…’, ‘…e r…’ or ‘…
ah…’. Be ing at one with sile nce take s away the ne e d to make those noise s,
le aving you with a more poise d and gre ate r authority as a re sult.
Doing the sile nce practice from Chapte r 4 will he lp you to be frie nd
sile nce . It can some time s say as much as many words.
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Chapter 7:
Stagecraft
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The human brai n starts worki ng the moment you are born
and never stops unti l you stand-up to speak i n publ i c.
- George Jessel
This book has be e n about the art (and the scie nce ) of spe aking and
liste ning in e ve ry situation, from social and family to busine ss and
profe ssional. Howe ve r, most of the pe ople who’ve traine d with me ove r
the ye ars have come be cause the y are face d with the task of spe aking in
public – some thing that many pe ople find intimidating or e ve n scary. The
old adage that pe ople fe ar public spe aking more than de ath is an urban
myth (I spe nt some time looking it up a fe w ye ars ago), but the re is no
doubt that standing in front of a microphone and a large group of
e xpe ctant pe ople cre ate s some fe ar in most pe ople , and in some that fe ar
is e xtre me .
That’s why I am de voting the whole of this last chapte r to the skills of
platform spe aking, re ve aling all the se cre ts of that dark art that I have
le arne d ove r many ye ars of giving talks in many diffe re nt locations all
ove r the world, from office s, classrooms and le cture halls to huge
auditoria and the stage of TED; I’ve also watche d thousands of talks by
othe rs, ranging from life -changing e xpe rie nce s I will ne ve r forge t to
comple te disaste rs. I have le arne d many le ssons along the way about how
to make public spe aking as succe ssful as possible , and it is the se I want to
share with you now. I call it stage craft.
We ’ll follow the whole journe y from the mome nt you know you have a
spe e ch to give , right through to your re sponse to appre ciation whe n you
finish. Eve ry ste p of the way, the re are mistake s that many pe ople make
and little nugge ts of knowle dge that can he lp you avoid the m. Stage craft
is be coming a maste r of the art of public spe aking, accumulating all the se
little nugge ts and practicing the m until the y be come se cond nature to
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you.
Whe n you le arn stage craft, e xce ssive ne rve s will be a thing of the past. So
many of the de mons that plague the imaginations of infre que nt public
spe ake rs (and fre que nt spe ake rs who have ne ve r bothe re d to le arn
stage craft) are avoidable with care and wisdom.
Whe n I fly home to Orkne y I am always re assure d as I se e the pilot doing
the visual pre -flight inspe ction, walking around the plane and care fully
che cking all the e le me nts that can be visually asse sse d. The y almost ne ve r
find anything – but the important word the re is almost. The y don’t skimp
on the job or do the inspe ction half asle e p be cause the conse que nce s of
one e rror could be catastrophic.
Stage craft is like that. Much of it will be routine and une xciting, but if it
isn’t done , the re sult can be ve ry me ssy inde e d. Do it automatically and
you will make maximum impact with talks that go smoothly and we ll.
So, le t’s le arn some stage craft.
V EN U E
Some time s you ge t to choose your ve nue ; some time s it is chose n for you.
We ’ll conside r both case s.
Your choice
Whe n you are choosing your own ve nue , the re are many factors to
conside r. Be low is a compre he nsive che cklist for you. To answe r all the
que stions and e nsure succe ss, you will absolute ly ne e d to visit the ve nue
and che ck the m all in pe rson be fore you commit to it.
Is the location conve nie nt to re ach for the pe ople you are inviting?
If pe ople will be using public transport, is the journe y from the ne are st
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stop(s) e asy and safe in all we athe rs?
If pe ople will be driving, is the re ample e asy, fre e parking?
If you’re re nting a room in a hote l or othe r facility, is the brand
appropriate for you to be associate d with? Is the ir quote compre he nsive ,
including all e xtras, and within your budge t?
How e asy, and how long, is the journe y from the front door to your room?
Is it we ll signposte d? (If not, make sure you bring your own signage .)
Are the re any issue s for pe ople with spe cial ne e ds?
If you are offe ring re fre shme nts, what’s the quality of the cate ring at this
ve nue ?
Are hote l rooms the right standard? If you are doing a multi-day e ve nt,
you will like ly be using a hote l and block-booking rooms, in which case
ask to se e some typical rooms to make sure that your de le gate s are going
to have a good e xpe rie nce . The y will hold you re sponsible for e ve rything!
What audie nce layouts can the ve nue offe r? You may want to choose any
one of the following, e ach of which has its own advantage s and
disadvantage s.
Theatre/auditorium style . The atre s, cine mas and large , custom-built
corporate pre se ntation space s are ge ne rally e xce lle nt for large audie nce s:
e ve ryone can se e due to the rake of the se ats, and the rooms are custom
de signe d for spe e ch inte lligibility. Although similar in layout, acade mic
le cture halls are ofte n far le ss satisfactory, combining uncomfortable
se ating for the audie nce with poor acoustics and infle xible e quipme nt.
The latte r springs from the old-fashione d, e ntre nche d acade mic
paradigm of le cturing from a fixe d le cte rn. All the e le ctrical and
e le ctronic conne ctions are in that one place and ve ry ofte n the y cannot be
e xte nde d to allow a pre se nte r to move out from be hind the battle me nts of
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the le cte rn and conne ct ope nly with the audie nce .
Classroom style . This me ans rows of de sks, e ach typically se ating 2
pe ople . It’s a fairly de nse way of se ating pe ople , so it works we ll if space is
limite d and if you want pe ople to be able to write while you spe ak.
U-shape . You spe ak at the ope n e nd of a U of se ats or de sks. This allows
you to conne ct face -to-face with e ve ryone , and stops pe ople from hiding
or disconne cting (which is ve ry possible in the back rows whe n a room is
laid out classroom style ). You can walk down the ce ntre of the U for
dramatic impact, and all the de le gate s can se e one anothe r, which is ve ry
use ful if your se ssion is inte ractive or participative .
Boardroom style . Typical in busine ss pre se ntations, this works fine as
long as you don’t have a full table with the top se ats facing away from
you! The se rooms ofte n have a plasma, LCD or LED scre e n on the wall for
slide s or graphics, but the associate d sound syste m can be ve ry variable in
quality. The re is ofte n a Cre stron or AMX control syste m; if the inte rface
has not be e n we ll de signe d, you may have trouble ge tting the re sult you
want be cause the se syste ms are ofte n close d, with only the most basic
controls made available to use rs. Many time s, I have wante d to alte r the
mix be twe e n a microphone and the sound from my Mac, to be told that
all the le ve ls are fixe d. Equally ofte n, I e ncounte r unde rpowe re d
amplifie rs outputting puny volume le ve ls through small ce iling spe ake rs.
This won’t bothe r you if you don’t use sound but, in my e xpe rie nce , it still
is worth ge tting acce ss to boardrooms or corporate me e ting rooms in
ple nty of time to make sure you can inte rface with any te ch that you
might ne e d to use , e ve n if it’s just the lights or HVAC.
Cabaret style . This is a ve ry good layout if you have e xe rcise s that involve
bre aking the group into smalle r te ams. Table s se ating 12 are ide al, with 4
se ats le ft vacant (the one s that would have the ir backs to you) so you can
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have 8 pe ople on e ach table . That’s ve ry fle xible - you can have the m work
in pairs, or in fours, or as a table of 8.
Circle . This re ally only works we ll for ve ry inte ractive workshops, whe re
you are not so much pre se nting as facilitating group work. It’s hard to
communicate e qually and maintain contact in the round, whe the r you
stand in the ce ntre and have to ke e p turning, or sit in the circle and have
pe ople imme diate ly to your le ft and right, which is why this re ally only
works for a softe r, more de mocratic style of work.
Ove r and above the se crite ria, what I look for is the right attitude in the
pe ople I me e t whe n I am choosing a ve nue . The critical factor is care . This
must e manate from e ve ryone you me e t, from the e ve nt booking pe rson to
the re ce ptionist, the che f and the support staff around the me e ting room.
I would ne ve r use a facility whe re the pe ople don’t care e nough, e ve n if it
save d a lot of mone y.
Someone else’s venue
You may ge t aske d to spe ak as part of some one e lse ’s e ve nt, in which case
you have no say in the ve nue and you are probably not re sponsible for
asking pe ople to atte nd – which me ans that most of the que stions above
are unne ce ssary. Howe ve r, you can do 2 crucial things.
First, state your re quire me nts ve ry cle arly to the organise r, ask que stions
about the layout and facilitie s as far as the y impact on what you plan to
do, and/or re se arch the se things online : many ve nue s post picture s which
will give you a gre at fe e ling for what to e xpe ct. You may ne e d a dre ssing
room with a mirror and good light, or a se at in the front row for the re st
of the e ve nt if the conte nt inte re sts you, or have spe cific die tary
re quire me nts. Bands state all this as ‘tour ride rs’ in the ir contracts with
ve nue s, some of which have be come le ge nd for the ir diva-ishne ss. My
favourite is Iggy Pop’s re quire me nt to have a Bob Hope impe rsonator at
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e ve ry gig. I doubt you’ll ne e d anything quite so e sote ric, but whate ve r you
do re ally ne e d, make sure you spe cify it and agre e on it with the organise r
in advance .
Each time I take on a spe aking assignme nt, we e mail the organise r a cle ar
list of te chnical re quire me nts and ide ally communicate dire ctly with the
Audio/Vide o (AV) te am le ade r to make sure all is unde rstood. For me ,
this involve s having my Mac on stage in front of me so that I can se e
Pre se nte r Vie w; having a good sound syste m; and vide o proje ction be ing
able to handle 16:9 aspe ct ratio. Most importantly, we stipulate a sound
and vision che ck to an e mpty room as long be fore as is practical. Usually
the AV pe ople are the re the night be fore , se tting e ve rything up, so that’s a
pe rfe ct time to do a sound and vision che ck. Once you know e ve rything
can and doe s work, the pre ssure is off and you can do final se tup in a
coffe e bre ak with confide nce – though, e ve n having done all that, I have
had e xpe rie nce s whe re the gre mlins have fun trashing the pe rfe ct proce ss
of the night be fore for no known re ason!
I can te stify from bitte r e xpe rie nce that, de spite be ing so spe cific and
cle ar, it some time s happe ns that the re quire me nts don’t ge t through to
the pe ople who actually ne e d to know. Many time s, I have arrive d at a
ve nue and had to e xplain to the cle arly un-brie fe d AV te am that I want to
use my own Mac, producing a le ngthy ne gotiation be cause the me ssage
from my te chnical re quire me nts e mail ne ve r got through to the m and the
ne ce ssary cable s have not be e n laid. That’s whe re the se cond crucial thing
that you can do come s in. This is to ge t to the ve nue e arly (I ge ne rally
pre fe r the day be fore ) and re connoitre the facilitie s for yourse lf. I have
se e n pe ople turn up just minute s be fore the y are due to spe ak only to
discove r that some critical facility is missing. It’s unwise to make
assumptions, much safe r to che ck the re ality in good time .
I have spoke n in hundre ds of ve nue s and e ncounte re d many and varie d
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proble ms. Some are simple , but othe rs take time to fix, which me ans that
agre e ing to se t up in the coffe e bre ak just be fore you spe ak is a ve ry high-
risk strate gy. Ge ne rally, the more comple x the ve nue , the more important
it is to do all this as e arly as possible . I spoke a fe w ye ars ago at the
futuristic BMW We lt in Munich, and was only allowe d to acce ss the room
an hour be fore the spe e ch. The ir le ading e dge , highly comple x vide o
proje ction syste m took against my Mac, producing a judde ring image that
imme diate ly induce d a fe e ling of motion sickne ss. The te chnical pe ople
diagnose d that a filte r of some kind was ne e de d, and had to se nd out for
it. It finally arrive d about 30 se conds be fore I stood up to spe ak. That
kind of stre ss is be st avoide d!
In a multi-spe ake r e ve nt, the re are some othe r vital que stions to ask.
Is the re a dre ss code ? The world is pre tty informal now, but from time to
time you may spe ak at e ve nts that re quire some thing othe r than the
norm, which te nds to be ‘smart casual’ or ‘busine ss casual’. It may be a
the me d e ve nt, or a black-tie dinne r, for e xample . On the othe r hand, you
may have your own style as part of your ide ntity and be unwilling to
de part from it. Re me mbe r the e xe rcise s on your ide ntity we did in the
se ction on authe nticity? You can add clothing and othe r style choice s to
that ide ntity if you want to e stablish yourse lf as a brand or an iconic
figure , or if you simply want to be true to who you re ally fe e l you are . My
fathe r wore a tie e ve n at we e ke nds: it was part of his ide ntity. Some
pre se nte rs rock up in a t-shirt and je ans, re gardle ss of what e ve ryone in
the audie nce is we aring. Ne ve rthe le ss, I do advise asking this que stion of
the organise r, so that you know the lie of the land and are making a
conscious de cision.
Will some one introduce you? If the answe r is ye s, make sure to me e t the
pe rson and che ck what the y’re going to say, as the ir information may be
incomple te , out of date or e ve n incorre ct. Re me mbe r the ir name so you
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can shake hands as you walk-on and the y walk off, and say: “Thanks
Jim!” as you pre pare to start; it make s e ve rything fe e l se amle ss and
frie ndly to the audie nce .
Will the re be any walk-on audio or vide o? In which case , how long is it?
It’s ve ry e ggy (as the acting profe ssion say) to stride onstage and the n
have to wait 30 se conds while a vide o or a pie ce of music finishe s.
Whe re do you come onstage from and whe re do you go off to? The re are
fe w things more awkward that some one e nding a spe e ch and the n looking
unce rtainly around, cle arly not-knowing which way to le ave .
Whe re on the stage is lit we ll, and whe re not? Whe re is it ok for you to
move to? This is particularly important if the e ve nt is be ing filme d. If the y
have a le cte rn on stage , do you have to use it? I pre fe r not to stand be hind
anything, so I ofte n ge t the m to rotate the le cte rn so that I can se e my
Mac on it as I stand at the ce ntre of the stage .
Will the re be Q&A? If so, who will choose the que stione rs – you or an
MC? Will the re be mic runne rs, which will me an waiting for a mic to
arrive be fore taking a que stion.
Is the re simultane ous translation? In which case , go and introduce
yourse lf to the translators and run through any jargon or unusual words
you may use so the y are pre pare d. The y will re ally appre ciate that, and
work harde r for you. I always try to go back and thank the m afte rwards,
be cause the y do an amazing job.
Using the Internet
Some time s it’s not possible to be the re in pe rson. It may be too e xpe nsive
in time and mone y to trave l a long-distance , or you may want to
broadcast a talk simultane ously to many pe ople in diffe re nt locations. I’ve
done both of the se many time s, using Skype , Skype for Busine ss and
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we bcasting se rvice s like GoToMe e ting and Zoom. He re are the le ssons
I’ve le arne d.
Ge t to know the tool. It is asking for trouble to agre e to spe ak via a tool
you’ve ne ve r use d be fore without prope r pre paration. The y are all
diffe re nt. Some have se rious quality limitations, e ithe r for audio or for
vide o, which you will ne e d to take into account in pre paring your
mate rial. Some allow you to share a scre e n and spe ak simultane ously,
possibly with ‘picture in picture ’ so the audie nce can se e you as we ll as
your slide s. Ve ry fe w allow you to se nd compute r audio at the same time
as spe aking; the only one I’m aware of that doe s this at the mome nt is
Zoom.us. If scre e n sharing is clunky or laggy, you might de cide not to use
slide s at all, or at le ast not to broadcast the m while you use the m simply
to he lp guide you through the conte nt; the audie nce would se e only your
face as you spe ak.
Make sure you have a good pair of Blue tooth he adphone s and if possible
use a high-quality e xte rnal mic. Using your laptop spe ake rs and mic will
probably not give a good re sult for pe ople at the othe r e nd. I use
Se nnhe ise r MM 450-X he adphone s, which are small, light, unobtrusive
and ve ry good quality. You could use some thing e ve n smalle r, like Apple
AirPods. A Zoom audio re corde r like the H2 I re comme nde d in Chapte r 6
will double as a high-quality USB microphone , and with a small stand can
sit just out of short on a de sk in front of you and produce a much be tte r
sound than your laptop would.
Think care fully about the room you’re going to use . Avoid a room with
ve ry live acoustics; the se will make it hard for pe ople to unde rstand you,
e ve n if you do use an e xte rnal mic; go for a room that sounds as
acoustically de ad as possible , which me ans it ne e ds ple nty of soft surface s
to absorb sound and stop those re fle ctions from confusing the signal.
Also think about the background. Most of the confe re ncing apps will
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allow you to pre vie w what your own came ra is se e ing, which give s you a
chance to make sure that e ve rything be hind you is appropriate and not
distracting, and to frame the shot nice ly to include your he ad and
shoulde rs square ly in the ce ntre of the shot.
Practice as ne ar to the re al thing as possible with frie nds or colle ague s
until you are confide nt that what’s be ing re ce ive d at the othe r e nd is as
good as it can be . As you do this, you can tailor your mate rial to the
limitations of the tool you’re using. I have done boardroom pre se ntations
to roomfulls of pe ople on othe r contine nts whe re the audio was coming
from a small PC loudspe ake r on the table . Knowing that, I chose not to
de ploy my usual high-quality audio: it would have sounde d thin,
distorte d and probably distracting. Clarity is e ve rything: your task is to
ge t the ball ove r the ne t with whate ve r e quipme nt you are give n. Don’t
atte mpt to sque e ze the full glory of your pre se ntation through a me dium
that won’t do it justice . Be humble and adaptable and re me mbe r it’s not
about you, and you will achie ve a good re sult e ve n with some of the more
basic tools that are commonly use d.
Those are some hard-won tips that I hope will se e you in good ste ad
whe the r you book your own ve nue , spe ak at some one e lse ’s or give a
virtual talk.
TIME
Scheduling an event
If you are sche duling your own e ve nt, it’s ge ne rally a good ide a to avoid
pe ak holiday time s (in most countrie s that’s August, whe n, for e xample ,
the whole of France goe s on vacation), public holidays and rush hours.
If your e ve nt is in the pe rsonal de ve lopme nt are a, we e ke nds usually work
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be st: choose Saturday for a one -day e ve nt; Friday and Saturday for a two-
day e ve nt (so that pe ople can de compre ss and absorb on the Sunday
be fore going back to work); or Friday, Saturday and Sunday for a thre e -
day e ve nt.
If you’re aiming at the busine ss marke t, the n Friday from 10 am to 4 pm
works ve ry we ll: pe ople love ge tting home for an e arly we e ke nd. In orde r,
the ne xt be st days are We dne sday, Thursday and Tue sday. Monday is a
bad choice be cause pe ople ge t back to work afte r the we e ke nd and
be come ve ry conscious of the ir task list; if you choose Monday you are
like ly to ge t many last-minute cance llations. Bre akfasts can also work
ve ry we ll for shorte r busine ss-orie nte d e ve nts.
Timing your content
If you are the e ve nt organise r, you have some fle xibility he re . Whe the r
you are spe aking for 20 minute s or 8 hours, what’s vital is to agre e to the
timing with the audie nce , making a contract with the m. In my se minars
and workshops, I lay out the sche dule and ask all the participants if the y
agre e to be pre se nt for the whole thing – and if anyone has to le ave
punctually at the e nd for transport or othe r re asons, just in case anything
de lays the proce e dings and we have to ove rrun.
If you are not the organise r, it is critical to be cle ar be fore hand about
timings, and to stick to the m.
For busine ss pre se ntations, I always agre e to me e ting start AND finish
time s. It is amazing how many pe ople think that me e tings ne e d only a
start time ! Having agre e d to the start and le ngth, I can the n ask at the
be ginning if e ve ryone is ok for the whole me e ting. Some time s pe ople
must le ave e arly, in which case you know in time to e dit your conte nt
accordingly. For e xample , if a ke y de cision-make r can stay for only 15
minute s, you can agre e with e ve ryone at the start that you’ll do a short
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summary of the whole thing in 10 minute s and le ave 5 minute s for
discussion, the n go into the de tails afte r the pe rson has le ft the me e ting.
Be ing accurate in your timing re quire s that you know how long your
mate rial take s to de live r, and that you have a structure with waypoints
against which you can che ck your progre ss. The first of the se re quire s
re he arsal, of which more in a little while . Not-knowing your talk’s le ngth
be cause you have n’t bothe re d to practice is a major e rror; in my opinion,
it is also downright rude . This is a pitfall that can come from pride , or at
le ast ove rconfide nce . I re me mbe r once at TED se e ing a CEO who was a
highly practice d public spe ake r be rathe r humiliate d. He had be e n give n a
six-minute slot and rathe r arrogantly chose to busk it. He e ithe r faile d to
look at the clock or assume d that TED would turn a blind e ye if he
ove rran (which the y almost ne ve r do!) so by the e nd of his 6 minute s he
had bare ly starte d to de live r his point. At that point, he was aske d to
summarise the re st of his talk in one -minute and move off so the ne xt
pe rson could spe ak. He was quite fluste re d; it was a little like se e ing a
balloon de flate . I have lost count of the numbe r of time s I have se e n
pe ople at multi-spe ake r e ve nts play fast and loose with the ir sche dule d
time , and sadly many organise rs are not as tight as TED about it. The
re cord for late running in my e xpe rie nce was a marke ting confe re nce in
Istanbul, which was an hour be hind sche dule afte r just 2 spe ake rs! You
can’t control the organise rs or the othe r spe ake rs, so your job is simply to
be on time yourse lf whe ne ve r it finally ge ts to be your turn.
Structure and waypoints can be manage d in 2 ways. For most talks, you
can use a countdown clock. I have one on my Mac in ke ynote ’s Pre se nte r
Vie w; Powe rPoint offe rs the same function, as do most pre se ntation
package s. TED has long use d a countdown clock at the spe ake r’s fe e t,
ticking down from the talk’s agre e d le ngth to ze ro. Many organise rs now
e mulate this practice with a scre e n on stage that counts down, or
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some thing similar (at one ve nue I re me mbe r the re was some one in the
front row holding an iPad with a countdown clock on it!). You can work
pe rfe ctly we ll off a clock long as you have a rough ide a of your ke y
waypoints: by minute 6 I must have comple te d this much, and so on.
More comple x tracking for longe r conte nt like a se minar re quire s
some thing I call a syntax , de fine d as ‘a conne cte d or orde rly syste m: a
harmonious arrange me nt of parts or e le me nts’. This bre aks long conte nt
into bite -size d chunks, e ach time d and practice d, so that you can plan
accurate ly. To cre ate a syntax, I use a simple spre adshe e t with 5 columns.
The first de scribe s the chunk of conte nt; the se cond the duration of that
chunk in minute s; the third the start time (copy the e nd time of the
pre vious chunk); the fourth the e nd time (using a formula to add the
duration to the start time ); the fifth any note s re quire d, for e xample
de scribing props or e xe rcise s. My one -day se minars bre ak down into 4
90-minute units with bre aks in be twe e n, so e ach unit has its own syntax
spre adshe e t whe re the total duration must be 90 minute s. De signing
conte nt at this le ve l of rigour and de tail is tre me ndous for e nsuring that
you de live r comple te ly and e fficie ntly. You can ke e p a printe d copy of the
syntax in front of you as you spe ak; or you can build the cumulative
timings into your slide package or your inde x cards; or you can have
some one work with you to signal how you are tracking against the
sche dule (more on this in the se ction on Te am that’s coming ne xt).
TEA M
For anything more than a small pre se ntation, the re is usually a ne e d for a
te am. If you’re spe aking at some one e lse ’s e ve nt, this will be organise d for
you, and your job is simply to be ple asant, cle ar, profe ssional and
appre ciative . You ne ve r know whe n you will me e t pe ople again, so it’s not
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only good manne rs but also good busine ss to le ave the m fe e ling positive
about the ir e xpe rie nce of working with you.
I always make a spe cial point of saying he llo to the AV pe rson or cre w,
be cause the y can make or bre ak my talks, give n the amount of sound that
I use . I chat the m through any issue s or possible hiccups so that the y are
fully brie fe d and happy to he lp: for e xample , if I am starting with a black
slide it’s vital to te ll the m – without knowing that, the y would switch to
my pre se ntation and probably panic whe n the y se e nothing on scre e n.
For large e ve nts, the re is usually a produce r or stage manage r; the re may
be a host or MC; the re may e ve n be make -up and hair (the latte r be ing
not so vital in my case !). Tre at the m all we ll, and the y will usually re turn
the favour by giving you the ir be st e ffort.
If you are running your own e ve nt, you will de cide on your te am. You may
ne e d one or more me e te r/gre e te rs, particularly if you are asking pe ople to
fill in any pape rwork whe n the y arrive , or giving the m name badge s. You
may want to have a ‘room captain’ – some one who ove rse e s the ‘Ze n’ of
the room, making sure that e ve rything is just so, and is re se t comple te ly
in e ve ry bre ak.
That same pe rson may be able to be your se cond, sitting at the back of the
room and thus able to signal to you private ly ove r the he ads of the
participants. The se signals might be cards he ld up with the numbe r of
minute s re maining (a manual ve rsion of the countdown clock), a hurry-
up sign if you’re running be hind, or just an e ncouraging thumbs-up whe n
you do some thing particularly we ll. Your se cond may also bring note s up
to you whe n re quire d, for e xample whe n some one ’s car ne e ds to be
move d or the ve nue announce s that the re will be a fire alarm te st.
The composition of the te am is up to you. Large e ve nts ne e d large te ams
and lots of planning, which ide ally me ans a te am le ade r with good
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e xpe rie nce of e ve ry aspe ct of your e ve nt; this might be a profe ssional
from an e ve nt manage me nt organisation, who can asse mble the whole
te am for you. Your te am may include one or more AV pe ople , who will
usually come with the ve nue ’s house AV syste m, or from an AV hire
company that you e ngage yourse lf. If you’re doing the latte r, do make
sure you ge t dire ct te stimonials from forme r clie nts about the quality of
the kit and the se rvice , ide ally by spe aking to the m yourse lf. If you can
draw from a community of pe ople who be lie ve in what you’re saying, it
may be possible to ge t most of your support te am by e nrolling volunte e rs;
this is typically what happe ns at political, charitable or se lf-improve me nt
e ve nts.
For e ve nts with size able support te ams, you will probably want to cre ate
te am t-shirts or badge s so that the te am me mbe rs are e ast to ide ntify.
De pe nding on local laws, you may also ne e d formal risk asse ssme nt
docume ntation, he alth and safe ty guide line s, approval from re gulatory
authoritie s and so on.
THE ROOM
We ’ve de alt with how to se le ct a ve nue , so now le t’s chunk down and
conside r what you ne e d in the room itse lf.
Whiche ve r of the layouts discusse d in the ve nue se ction you choose to go
with, you also ne e d to conside r the following.
Do you ne e d a podium or stage ? Ge ne rally, this is unne ce ssary for small
groups, but once you go above about 30 it is de finite ly worth conside ring.
It e nsure s that e ve ryone can se e you, and you the m. It adds a little
authority and gravitas to the e ve nt, as it’s cle arly more formal than
standing on the floor.
Do you want a le cte rn? As I’ve alre ady said, that’s not my style , though
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the re are ple nty of ve ry good spe ake rs in history who have use d le cte rns
and be e n highly e ffe ctive . This was possibly more re le vant in the age of
oratory, whe n pe ople would sit patie ntly and liste n while some one re ad
writing for an hour or more . As we ’ve alre ady cove re d, it take s a lot of
skill to make re ading writing inte re sting. Also, a le cte rn cove rs up much
of your body, forming a barrie r be twe e n you and the audie nce and
re stricting your nonve rbal communication. I think many pe ople also
associate le cte rns with le cture s. If your mate rial is acade mic or
proclamatory, the n this may be the be st style of de live ry for you. If you
and the mate rial are e qually important e le me nts of the talk, the n I advise
not having a le cte rn.
In your room, how fle xible is the lighting? (This is particularly important
if you’re using a proje ctor and scre e n; I have ofte n be e n in rooms whe re
it’s impossible to switch off powe rful lights that flood the scre e n and wash
out the proje ction, without switching off all the lights in the room!)
Is the room we ll ve ntilate d, and can you control the te mpe rature ? Pe ople
ge t ve ry sle e py if the re ’s not e nough oxyge n in the air, or if a room is too
warm. I like to have the te mpe rature at no more than 20 de gre e s
Ce ntigrade (68 de gre e s Fahre nhe it), and always advise pe ople to bring
laye rs of clothing. Of course , if pe ople fe e l too cold I will turn up the he at
a little , but in my e xpe rie nce , anything ove r 22C (72F) is liable to make
pe ople drowsy, re gardle ss of how fascinating the spe ake r may be .
Doe s the room have the te ch you ne e d? We ’ll be de aling with te chnology
in more de tail ne xt; for now, you must e nsure that, if you ne e d a scre e n or
proje ctor, or sound, or flip charts, or any othe r facility, it will be the re and
will work without proble ms. I advise te sting this in advance of booking;
che ck out the room and conne ct up whate ve r you ne e d to make sure that
you won’t e ncounte r some major unfore se e n issue on the day whe n you
arrive to se t up. Simple things, like che cking the re are e nough powe r
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socke ts for you and your de le gate s and, if ne ce ssary, orde ring gang plugs
or e xte nsion cable s, can save a lot of stre ss and trouble whe n done in
advance .
Do you want a se t? You might want to dre ss the stage , or the front of the
room whe re you will be standing. If you have any products of your own or
of othe rs with re le vance to your conte nt, such as books or discs (slightly
old-fashione d now, admitte dly), the n you might want a table displaying
the m. Flowe rs always look fre sh and attractive , too. Will you ne e d a se at
or stool? What about a table for your compute r if you’re using one ?
How will you dre ss the de le gate se ating? If you use table s, most hote ls
will cove r the m in black cloth, which looks gre at. You will almost
ce rtainly want to have wate r on e ve ry table , and probably also pe ns and
pape r, which is usually part of the package whe n you re nt a room from a
profe ssional confe re nce facility, or may e ve n be your own brande d stock.
What about some swe e ts? You can make a state me nt with cool brands of
mint or othe r fun swe e ts on e ve ry table . Whate ve r you put out, your te am
or the support staff from the ve nue will ne e d to re ple nish and re se t it all
in e ve ry bre ak so that the room looks pe rfe ct e ve ry time pe ople come back
in – no use d cups or glasse s, no scraps of pape r, no half-e mpty wate r
bottle s. It’s amazing how pe ople ’s e ne rgy falls away whe n the room starts
to look live d in and me ssy.
TEC H
Of course , te chnology is not e sse ntial for a good talk or pre se ntation.
Some of my favourite TED talks have use d the minimum amount of te ch
(just a microphone ) for e xample Alain de Botton’s brilliant 2009 talk
about succe ss or Bryan Ste ve nson’s barnstorming 2012 talk about
injustice . If you are spe aking to a small group, you won’t e ve n ne e d a mic
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and you can pass on to the ne xt se ction.
Howe ve r, many talks and pre se ntations the se days do use te chnology so
he re are some tips from my long e xpe rie nce . I starte d using te ch to add
visual impact be fore laptops we re inve nte d (ye s, I am that old!). The te ch
at that time was an ove rhe ad proje ctor, or OHP, which proje cte d image s
from ace tate she e ts onto a scre e n or white wall. I use d to lug this
unwie ldy pie ce of kit around for ne w busine ss pre se ntations for the
magazine I worke d for at the time . It was worth it be cause I put gre at
e ffort into making the ace tate s be autiful and e ffe ctive ; simply be cause
the y we re diffe re nt, the y we re more me morable than the printe d
pre se ntation books that the opposition we re using.
As soon as pre se ntation software came out, I use d it. In the e arly days,
Powe rPoint with bulle t points rule d, but as we discove re d in Chapte r Five
in the se ction on slide s, this is no longe r the norm, and for good re ason.
We ’ve discove re d how to use dramatic picture s and graphics to back up
the spe ake r, amplifying the me ssage and making the talk more
me morable as a re sult. Doubling up by having the same thing on scre e n
that’s coming out of the spe ake r’s mouth is actually distracting! Whe n I
se e some one still using that te chnique , I re me mbe r Pythagoras and his
conviction that the e ye s can de tract from what the e ars are re ce iving,
he nce the scre e n he e re cte d to stop first-ye ar stude nts from be ing
distracte d by se e ing the te ache r.
For many ye ars now, I’ve use d Apple Ke ynote . I still have and pre fe r the
iWork09 ve rsion, the one be fore Apple ine xplicably dumbe d the program
down in ve rsion 6. I’m sure Powe rPoint can achie ve the same re sults, but
as a Mac use r ke ynote is natural and ove r the ye ars I’ve de ve lope d some
skill with it. Whe n you stay with one tool and maste r it, it’s amazing what
you can achie ve with it. Take a look at Larry Le ssig’s 2013 TED talk about
US politics for a good e xample of how dive rse and impactful ke ynote can
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look.
Most pre se ntation apps allow you to activate pre se nte r vie w. This is
indispe nsable , be cause it shows you the slide that’s on the scre e n be hind
you now, alongside the one that’s coming ne xt, so you stay one ste p ahe ad
and ne ve r ge t lost. You can also show your own countdown clock and
your pre se nte r note s, which can be ve ry valuable if the re are many de tails
or spe cifics re lating to a topic and if your me mory is not flawle ss.
Most large ve nue s will have a ‘comfort monitor’ on the front of the stage ,
se t up to show what’s on the scre e n be hind you so that you don’t have to
turn around and pre se nt your back to the audie nce . That’s a good thing,
though you do have to re me mbe r not to point at it whe n you want to
indicate some thing on a slide , be cause the audie nce won’t be able to se e
what you’re pointing at!
In my e xpe rie nce , the comfort monitor can show pre se nte r vie w only if
you se nd your pre se ntation to the organise r and the y run it on one of
the ir own compute rs – and e ve n the n, it ofte n is not possible . If you do
adopt this course , ple ase che ck the y have the same ve rsion of the
software , and all the re quire d fonts, or things can ge t ve ry me ssy. I like to
ke e p things simple by using my own compute r onstage , fe e ding HDMI or
VGA (I always carry a Mac/VGA adapte r) to the main scre e n, and audio
se parate ly from the he adphone jack to the sound syste m – the latte r
be cause I like to ride audio from my re mote control; this is impossible if
it goe s through HDMI, be cause that fixe s the output le ve l. This se tup
me ans I se e pre se nte r vie w on my own scre e n, which ide ally is on a low
table in front of me .
I always use 16:9 aspe ct ratio, which is be coming standard now; an
e xce lle nt app calle d SwitchRe sX give s me gre at control ove r output
re solutions and aspe ct ratios. Many time s, I have found that ve nue vide o
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syste ms initially stre tch or squash my slide s, and it can take some time
and fiddling, with the he lp of the AV cre w, to ge t e ve rything looking as
inte nde d. More re asons to ge t the re e arly!
If you’re going to use slide s, you will ne e d a re mote control or you will be
stuck be hind your laptop, ope rating the slide s from the ke yboard. I use a
Ke yspan Pr-Pro3 re mote from Tripp Lite . It’s plug and play, like most of
the se de vice s, re quiring only that you plug a USB dongle into your laptop.
Crucially for me , it manage s audio volume as we ll as slide forward and
back; it also has a lase r pointe r and a mini-mouse , along with a ve ry
use ful 100-foot range . The re are many e xce lle nt re mote s on the marke t,
so take some time and find the one that be st fits your ne e ds.
If you have re nte d the ve nue yourse lf, you will want to che ck the proje ctor
alignme nt and focus whe n you arrive if you want your slide s to fill the
scre e n and be pe rfe ctly sharp. Ofte n this me ans clambe ring onto a chair
or table as the se de vice s are usually suspe nde d from the ce iling. If you’re
lucky the re will be a re mote control or, be tte r still, a house te chnician
who can do this for you.
The othe r pie ce of te ch you are like ly to e ncounte r if you spe ak to
anything othe r than small groups is a microphone . If you ge t a say, always
re que st wire le ss. The re are 3 common varie tie s: lavalie r, he adse t and
hand-he ld.
The ‘lav’, or tie -clip, is the one you se e on te le vision chat shows. It has a
small capsule and a spring-loade d clip that can faste n it to a lape l or shirt.
It can be fitte d pointing downwards to avoid plosive s – the unple asant
popping sound that happe ns whe n you say a hard t, p or b sound and the
mic ge ts hit by the re sulting sudde n blast of air. Around ste rnum le ve l is
ge ne rally the be st place me nt, but be ar in mind that this re quire s the right
sort of clothing, with an e dge that the clip can faste n onto. The cable will
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ide ally go inside your clothing, so ge tting mic’d and de -mic’d can be a
little awkward. The main issue with lavs is that he ad move me nt
dramatically affe cts the sound, whe the r side to side (taking you e ffe ctive ly
off-mic) or up and down, whe n you can sudde nly boom as your mouth
ge ts much close r to the mic; also, the y can suffe r badly from clothing
rubbing the m if the y are not care fully mounte d.
With a he adse t mic, the small capsule is he ld in a light he adse t, which is
normally fle sh-coloure d to be as unobtrusive as possible . The cable will
be tape d be hind your ne ck for se curity, the n run down the back of your
jacke t, shirt or blouse . The advantage ove r lavs is that the sound is much
more consiste nt, re gardle ss of he ad move me nt. Howe ve r, the re can be 2
noise issue s with he adse t mics: be ard or bristle s rubbing on the mic if it’s
too close to the face ; or e arrings rattling or banging on the boom arm.
The first can be fixe d with corre ct se tup. The se cond can’t, which me ans
that if you are going to use a he adse t mic and you we ar e arrings, you must
avoid long, dangling one s.
For e ithe r of the se mics, the cable runs down to a small radio pack that
typically clips on the back of a be lt, or goe s in a pocke t, and transmits the
signal to the re ce ive r at the sound mixing de sk. It is important to conside r
what you’re going to we ar if you’re going to be mic’d in this way: it’s not
ve ry e le gant if the radio pack has to be tape d to your back be cause the re ’s
nowhe re to hide it.
Make sure the sound e ngine e r has mute d your mic once you are rigge d.
We don’t want any Naked Gun bathroom mome nts! You may also be able
to switch off your radio pack to be e xtra safe .
The third alte rnative is a hand-he ld mic. The se ge ne rally produce the be st
quality, be cause the y have the large st capsule (though an e xpe nsive
he adse t or lav will probably sound be tte r than a che ap hand-he ld). The
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cost is that it take s a hand to hold one . If you like to ge sticulate a lot, that
may be a crucial drawback. On the othe r hand, if you fe e l awkward and
don’t know what to do with your hands, this can be a ble ssing in disguise .
It ce rtainly hasn’t bothe re d some of the world’s gre ate st, most e xpre ssive
singe rs.
If you are going to use a hand-he ld, you will ne e d to know some mic
te chnique . I have se e n many pe ople fail badly by not unde rstanding the
basics. He re the y are :
Hold the mic so that the capsule is just in front of your chin (not unde r
it), with the mic pointing dire ctly at your mouth; this will typically me an
the mic is angle d up. For spe aking, a good distance from the capsule to
your mouth is around the width of 4 finge rs, which is e asy to te st by using
your fre e hand. He re ’s a picture of me spe aking at a confe re nce in Brazil
that give s a good indication of ide al mic position.
Don’t move off-mic. If you move your he ad, follow it with the mic, or your
words will fade and be lost.
Don’t ge sticulate with your mic hand! Be always conscious of that gap
from mic to mouth and ke e p it consiste nt. By the same toke n, don’t go
unconscious and le t your hand drop.
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If you want to ge t sophisticate d, you can e xplore the proximity e ffe ct: the
close r you are , the more warmth and bass the re will be in your voice , and
the more intimate (and ye t loude r) the sound will be . That can be fun for
a ‘se cre t’ aside , or just to change the timbre of your de live ry for a
mome nt, though you have to be care ful not to ‘pop’ the mic with plosive s
from that close , and the sound can fe e l rathe r ove rbe aring, so it’s not
some thing to do consiste ntly. The inve rse works too: ge t furthe r away
from the capsule , and your voice will se e m more distant and high-
pitche d. If you’re going to shout for any re ason, it’s kind to move the mic
away so you don’t shock pe ople . If you watch e xpe rt singe rs care fully,
you’ll se e the m moving the mic away at some mome nts, close r at othe rs.
Play with mic distance and its e ffe cts, and you’ll discove r if the ne ar or far
positions might be use ful to you in your pe rformance .
A final tip on hand-he lds: I always che ck the batte ry le ve l myse lf.
Profe ssional sound pe ople will almost ce rtainly have inse rte d fre sh
batte rie s that will last many hours, but once or twice the re has be e n an
e rror and I have had to ask for fre sh one s. Holding a dying mic is not fun
whe n you’re in front of an audie nce .
If you do a lot of spe aking, you may want to buy your own mic or mics.
The world le ade r is Shure , who will be known to any musician for the ir
iconic SM58, still the go-to vocal mic for most singe rs. The y make gre at
lavs, he adse ts and radio hand-he lds (including the 2 radio ve rsions of the
gre at SM58). I have also had e xce lle nt re sults from Audio-Te chnica
he adse ts and hand-he lds. This is all ve ry much down to pe rsonal taste , so
you might also wish to che ck out othe r le ading name s like Se nnhe ise r,
Be hringe r and Sony.
C HEC K
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Whate ve r te ch you choose to use , ple ase make sure you agre e or se t a
time to do a full te ch che ck as we ’ve alre ady discusse d, ide ally in the
e mpty room with the full AV te am (if the re is one ) pre se nt, in ple nty of
time to manage any proble ms that may arise .
This is critical. Without it you will be at risk of an e pic fail.
BA C KU P
If you’ve re ad Danie l Kahne man’s e xce lle nt book Thinking Fast and
Slow , you’ll know that human be ings are ve ry poor whe n it come s to risk
asse ssme nt, or inde e d e valuating the conse que nce s of any choice s. We
te nd to focus on any ce rtain costs, while ignoring unlike ly one s e ve n if
the y might be disastrous, and this re sults in be haviour that ofte n ve rge s
on brinkmanship. If the re is a doomsday sce nario, e ve n a highly unlike ly
one , it pays to take pre cautions against it, be cause the cost of not
pre paring may be catastrophic, while the cost of pre paring is probably
ve ry small. It’s the old umbre lla argume nt: the cost of carrying one and
not ne e ding it is quite small, while the cost of not carrying one and
ne e ding it can be a soaking – and ye t so ofte n we choose to le ave it at
home .
For spe aking, what this me ans is conside ring the high-cost possibilitie s
and having a backup plan whe re ve r possible . Le t’s e xplore some
sce narios.
If you’re using your own compute r, what if it die s on you? If the re will be
othe r compatible machine s at the ve nue , the n you may be able to survive
this by carrying a copy of your pre se ntation (and anything e lse that’s
critical, like re quire d fonts) on a USB stick. I always do this as a matte r of
course . If the re are no othe r compute rs to use , what can you de live r
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without the slide s? What would that look like , and what mate rials could
you pre pare that would allow you to carry on, at le ast in part? Pe rhaps a
printe d copy of your slide s or your syntax would give you e nough
waypoints to be able to busk most, if not all, of your talk. If so, bring one
along.
If the whole ve nue goe s de ad, what the n? This happe ns e ve n to the be st-
organise d confe re nce s. At TEDGlobal in Oxford in 2010, the powe r grid
of the ve ne rable Oxford Playhouse collapse d unde r the we ight of the
massive AV and stage lighting rig: fuse s ble w and the whole the atre we nt
dark and sile nt. Just as in 2008, whe n Robin Williams me morably save d
the day at Monte rre y, the re was salvation at hand in the tale nte d
audie nce . Ope ra singe r and e ntre pre ne ur Ge ne vie ve Thie rs gave a solo
pe rformance , with no sound syste m re quire d, that brought the house
down; come dian Max Jobrani followe d up with a gre at informal se t
(“Whoa. For a minute , we didn’t have any te chnology he re . We we re just
… ED.”). Finally, TED Fe llow and poe t Ivie Okoawo pe rforme d a poe m.
Re de e me rs of catastrophic failure are ofte n more me morable than the
original e ve nt itse lf. In the UK, millions of pe ople still re me mbe r the
occasion whe n Wimble don was raine d off in 1996 and Sir Cliff Richard
e nte rtaine d the crowd for 20 minute s with a cappella songs, starting with
Singin’ In The Rain . I doubt the y re me mbe r who won the tourname nt
that ye ar.
Could you be the one who puts your hand up and save s the day if the re ’s a
show-stopping disaste r? You could be , if you pre pare some thing.
At a more mundane le ve l, it’s not too hard to make sure you have backups
for the things that ofte n le t you down. Carry spare batte rie s for
e ve rything. If you trave l, carry 2 inte rnational powe r adapte rs, not just
one . Carry e xte nsion le ads for anything you may ne e d to e xte nd. You
might e ve n carry a gang-plug if you have se ve ral ite ms to powe r and you
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are not sure how many socke ts the re will be .
In summary, re vie w all your e quipme nt. If anything is mission-critical,
carry 2 of it, or if that’s impossible or too e xpe nsive , have a plan to
manage it failing. Work through all the sce narios you can and whe re ve r
possible plan for the m. You just might be the one to save the day.
PR OPS
Props can be highly impactful. Take a look at Jill Bolte Taylor’s famous
2008 TED talk if you want proof of this: she brings on stage a re al human
brain, which ce rtainly made pe ople sit up and pay atte ntion! A rathe r
simple r prop, and ye t e qually e ffe ctive in de e pe ning the impact of the
talk, was the bag full of books that Susan Cain brought on stage in he r
powe rful 2012 talk about the import role of introve rts.
Howe ve r, props can also be clunky, distracting and e ve n annoying if
badly de ploye d. He re are some guide line s for prop use .
Be sure that the prop is re le vant. Just as with slide s, the obje ctive is to
amplify what you’re talking about, not distract or confuse . The brain that
Jill Bolte Taylor use d was comple te ly re le vant, be cause he r whole talk
was about what happe ne d to he r brain on the day of he r stroke .
Practice so that you are e xpe rt in using the prop. Clunky, fumbling prop
manage me nt or de sign will re sult in your e ffort falling flat, le aving pe ople
fe e ling that you trie d to be too cle ve r, and faile d. I still chuckle whe ne ve r
I think of the sce ne from the brilliant ‘rockume ntary’ come dy film Spinal
Tap whe re the bass playe r De re k Smalls is trappe d in a plastic chrysalis
that fails to ope n. Don’t le t that happe n to you!
Be sparing unle ss your whole style is prop-ce ntre d. In ge ne ral, le ss is
more : too many props can e asily be come distracting.
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Have backup plans in case props bre ak or fail, or are unavailable for any
re ason, like simply forge tting to bring the m.
R EHEA R SE
“Gi ve me 6 hours to chop down a tree and I wi l l spend the
fi rst 4 sharpeni ng the axe.”
- Ab raham Lincoln
We ’re 9 se ctions into this chapte r on stage craft and we are nowhe re ne ar
the stage ye t! If you’re starting to se nse that most of the se cre ts of
succe ssful platform spe aking are in pre paration, you’re quite right. Just
as with almost e ve ry skille d human activity, pre paration is the critical
are a to focus on. Sports stars have starte d summarising this ve ry we ll:
whe n congratulate d on bre aking a world re cord or winning a major
tourname nt, or aske d if the y we re ne rvous, the y ofte n say some thing like
this: “We pre pare d re ally we ll, so all I had to do was e xe cute .”
Possibly the most important part of your pre paration is to re he arse .
Earlie r in the book we discusse d practice , which is more ge ne ral. It’s
gre at to practice the skill of public spe aking so that you be come more
comfortable and e xpe rt at the activity in ge ne ral. Re he arsal is more
spe cific: it happe ns whe n you have a spe cific talk to give . You’ve cre ate d
your conte nt, the date is se t, your aids and logistics are in train – so what
you ne e d now is to re he arse to the max.
What I me an by that is both quantitative and qualitative : put simply, it’s
giving your talk in re al time , full size , e nough time s to be come comple te ly
proficie nt.
I have coache d many pe ople out of a habit of re he arsing small, which
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involve s skipping through the conte nt, or sitting, mumbling the words
and giving tiny ve rsions of ge sture s. Eve ry time you re he arse some thing,
you stre ngthe n synaptic pathways that re inforce whate ve r you are
re pe ating and make it e asie r to re produce it; the same applie s to muscle
me mory.
If you are going to de live r standing, re he arse standing. If you are going to
use slide s, re he arse with your TV as the main scre e n be hind you. If you
plan to use a big, e xpansive ge sture , re he arse e xactly that ge sture e ve ry
time , not a wate re d-down ve rsion of it.
Eve n afte r ye ars of spe aking in public, my first talk at TED on the 4
e ffe cts of sound was an intimidating prospe ct. This is not your ave rage
audie nce : as you look out from the TED stage , you se e pe ople like Je ff
Be zos, Larry Page and Pe te r Gabrie l looking back at you. I re he arse d, and
how. My daughte r Alice kne w the talk backwards by the time I le ft to
de live r, be cause she had be e n my audie nce throughout the re he arsals.
The re sult was that whe n I walke d on stage , I had no conce rn about
forge tting the mate rial or the basics of de live ry: I could e njoy the
e xpe rie nce and be cre ative , a little like playing jazz whe n you know the
tune re ally we ll.
Re he arsal also make s sure that you know your timings. The se days I am
ve ry accurate at e stimating my timings in slide s pe r minute , but that only
come s with ye ars of familiarity and will be e ntire ly individual. For a ne w
talk, re he arsing for re al is the only way to be de finitive about how long
you will take .
WA R M-U P
At last the big day has dawne d. You’re fully pre pare d; you’ve done your
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te ch che ck and all is we ll, and now it’s the final run-up to de live ry.
The re ’s just one more thing to do be fore you walk-on stage : warm-up.
Just as an e ngine ne e ds a little warming be fore be ing ope ne d up to full
throttle , so do you. For this you will ne e d a quie t space , ide ally away from
pe ople (but that e ntire ly de pe nds on how se lf-conscious you are !). I have
done my warm ups in hote l corridors, re mote backstage corne rs,
bathrooms, dre ssing rooms, and e ve n outside in a quie t stre e t. Anywhe re
will do, just as long as you fe e l comfortable .
First, your body. If you have a ge ntle stre tching routine , do it now. Make
sure you fe e l as limbe r and re laxe d as possible . At the ve ry le ast, shake off
your arms and le gs and maybe do some forward and backward shoulde r
rotations to dissipate te nsion. Make sure your ne ck is loose and you are
ne ithe r stre tching nor compre ssing your vocal cords.
Now you can take a le af out of Profe ssor Amy Cuddy’s book (or rathe r he r
TED talk, which at the time of writing is the se cond-most-vie we d of all
time ) and do a powe r pose to warm-up your body che mistry. Cuddy and
othe r re se arche rs have e stablishe d that striking powe r pose s cre ate s a
fe e ling of incre ase d stre ngth and capability, probably by causing a re le ase
of te stoste rone . For a confide nce boost, an e asy and imme diate ly e ffe ctive
powe r pose is to raise both your arms triumphantly and dramatically
above your he ad as if you had just won an Olympic gold me dal, and hold
for se ve ral se conds. You may want to find a quie t place to do this!
Finally, you can warm-up your voice . Be low are my re comme nde d vocal
warm-up e xe rcise s, which take ve ry little time to do and ge t you re ady to
spe ak at your be st. You can also find the m in a short audio file on this
book’s we bsite .
Ches t Raise your arms above you he ad whilst taking a de e p in-bre ath,
and the n sigh the bre ath out as you low your arms. Re pe at until you fe e l
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your ribs have move d and your lungs are awake .
Lips First, do what you did as a small child whe n cold: a nice , e xpre ssive
b-r-r-r-r-r-r, le tting the lips move fre e ly. Se cond, re pe at se ve ral time s the
sound BO (say it like the word bop, without the final p), e xagge rating the
way your lips move . You may now find your lips fe e l much more alive and
vital.
Tongue Again we have 2 e xe rcise s. First, re pe at se ve ral time s the sound
LA, e xagge rating the way your tongue move s, flicking it right from the
back of your pale tte to the front of your mouth. Se cond, roll an R for as
long as you can. It took me we e ks to le arn how to do this, and I’m glad I
pe rsiste d be cause this one is like champagne for the tongue . I hope by
now your whole mouth is fe e ling fully ale rt and re ady for spe aking!
Voice If I can do only one e xe rcise for some re ason, this is the one I will
always go-to. It’s calle d the Sire n, and it re ally ge ts your voice re ady to
give of its be st. It’s like a sine wave , moving from the highe st your voice
will go-to the lowe st, with the sound WEEE at the top and AWWW at the
bottom. As your WEEE-AWWW-WEEE-AWWW sound swoops from
high to low, be conscious of any discontinuitie s. The y will smooth out and
disappe ar as you continue with the e xe rcise . Afte r this, you may find your
voice has lowe re d in pitch a tone or 2, and you will have acce ss to your
full range at a mome nt’s notice .
Doing all of this warm-up take s no more than 2 or 3 minute s, so the re is
no e xcuse for missing it. Re ally, it’s worth doing this be fore any
important spe aking, not just a talk on a stage . Whe the r you’re planning to
propose marriage , ask for a raise , or run a me e ting for your te am, you
own it to yourse lf to make sure your voice is fully re ady.
BESS
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At last you are walking on stage , fully pre pare d and warme d up. Be fore
you de live r your first word, I sugge st a little routine that will cre ate just
the right conne ction with your audie nce . It’s calle d BESS – anothe r use ful
little acronym.
Breathe
We cove re d the importance of the bre ath in Chapte r 6. Taking a big, de e p
bre ath as you walk-on counte rs any ne rve s you might be fe e ling, and
give s you all the fue l you ne e d for a rich, confide nt first word.
Expand
This re fe rs not to your voice , but to your vision. Some pe ople will te ll you
to focus on one pe rson at a time in the audie nce and have individual
conve rsations with e ach of the m. I disagre e . Ye s, it is e sse ntial to
maintain e ye contact with your audie nce , but, for me , the conve rsation is
not with one pe rson at a time , but with all of the m at once .
You can do this by e xpanding your aware ne ss, which me ans moving from
fove al vision to pe riphe ral. Fove al vision is a ve ry narrow fie ld of vie w
whe re you pe rce ive de tail and colour most cle arly; it’s what you’re using
right now as you re ad the se words. Most pe ople unconsciously start to
frown a little whe n conce ntrating in fove al vision; the e ye brows te nd to
draw toge the r a little , the fore he ad te nse s and the e ye s squint slightly.
By contrast, pe riphe ral vision is e ve rything outside the narrow fove al
corridor. It be come s le ss cle ar and de taile d as you move to the e dge s of
your fie ld of vie w, which for most pe ople are we ll past 90 de gre e s on e ach
side . Pe riphe ral vision’s job is to give you an impre ssion of the whole
situation, which is e xactly what we ne e d whe n spe aking to a large group
or an audie nce . By be ing in pe riphe ral vision, I can se nse the liste ning in
the e ntire audie nce ; I can se e the whole room, e ve n if it contains
thousands of pe ople ; I can se nse ce ntre s of positive (or ne gative )
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re sponse as I am spe aking. One othe r advantage , for me at le ast, is that
moving into pe riphe ral vision te nds to uncompre ss the facial muscle s,
smoothing away a frown and ope ning up the face . The e ye brows move
apart; the e ye s wide n; the fore he ad re laxe s; you might e ve n find yourse lf
smiling!
Try it now. Hold up your hands, finge rs pointing upwards and palms
forward, to e ithe r side of your face . Start wiggling your finge rs ge ntly and
slowly move your hands back until you can’t se e the wiggling anymore ;
whe n you re ach that point, re ve rse until the wiggling finge rs are just
visible on both side s. Now pick a spot on the wall in front of you and
focus on it in fove al vision. Gradually transfe r the focus of all your
aware ne ss away from the spot on the wall and onto your wiggling finge rs
at the e dge s of your visual fie ld. Did you fe e l your face re lax? Can you now
se e the whole room at once ? Practice this transition into pe riphe ral vision
until it be come s natural to you. Maste ring this transition will be ve ry
use ful; it’s the E of BESS. As you walk to your spot and bre athe in,
simultane ously e xpand into pe riphe ral vision and be come aware of the
liste ning in the room.
Stance
We de alt with stance in de tail in Chapte r 6. If you’ve done those e xe rcise s,
you will know how to adopt a strong, grounde d, upright, re laxe d and
powe rful stance the mome nt you re ach your mark.
Smile
It’s amazing what a smile will do. As you take a mome nt to look around at
the audie nce , smiling shows that you’re happy to be the re , as we ll as
making a conne ction. It doe sn’t have to be a big, che e sy grin and it
ce rtainly starts to look slightly odd if you hold it for too long. Whate ve r’s
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in characte r and authe ntically you, lasting a se cond or 2, will do the trick
nice ly. Of course , this is not appropriate for e ve ry talk: if your subje ct
matte r is painful or ve ry se rious, a more sombre e xpre ssion will be
re quire d. But if your mate rial is anywhe re from ne utral to uplifting, e njoy
the gift you’re about to give , and conne ct happily with your audie nce for a
mome nt. The y’ll e njoy it.
The whole BESS proce ss ide ally flows as you walk-on, with all 4 things
pre tty much happe ning at the same time , taking just a fe w se conds from
start to finish. With re pe tition, it will be come automatic and se amle ss for
you to do this. As with most aspe cts of spe aking and liste ning, practice
and consciousne ss are the ke ys. Ple ase work with a coach or a vide o
came ra until you are fluid, natural and can inje ct your own pe rsonality
into this proce ss.
STAGE ANCHORING
You may want to use your stage or se t for diffe re nt me ssage s, or to
re pre se nt a proce ss or a time line . If you do this, it’s important not to
confuse your audie nce by be ing inconsiste nt. I’ll borrow a third conce pt
from NLP (alongside the chunking and cle an language ide as we have
alre ady discusse d) to e xplain how you can do this with clarity. The
conce pt is anchoring . In my work with The Sound Age ncy I ofte n talk
about the powe r of music, which, like much of sound, affe cts our
e motions large ly through association, as we discusse d way back in
Chapte r 1. Anchoring is in e ffe ct simply manage d association, whe re you
give are as of the stage or props some me aning.
Le t’s conside r the 2 dime nsions of the stage ; front-back and le ft-right. On
the front-back axis, most of the time you will want to be roughly ce ntral,
or slight forward of ce ntral. It would be rathe r intimidating to de live r an
e ntire talk from the ve ry front of the stage – though, if you want to ge t
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more intimate , for e xample in giving a ‘se cre t’ aside , the n you might move
furthe r forward to do that. If the stage is profe ssionally lit, I sugge st you
ask the lighting pe ople or the dire ctor whe re it is be st-lit and what your
range of move me nt is. This also applie s if you’re be ing filme d, e ithe r for
re cording or for large scre e ns live . I think it’s part of be ing profe ssional to
be aware of the came ra(s) and the ir limitations. I have ofte n se e n pe ople
moving so fast, or so unpre dictably, that the y spe nd much of the ir talk at
le ast partly off-came ra as the poor ope rators frantically try to catch up
with the m.
On the le ft-right axis, the same crite ria apply about light and came ras,
but the re is more to conside r: the dime nsions of time (past to future ) and
transformation (proble m to solution, good to bad, old to ne w). Think
about time for a mome nt. If I ask you to visualise time as a line in your
mind’s e ye , whe re would you put the past? And the future ? Most pe ople
in the We st have time running from le ft to right. Did you? This is
probably to do with our way of re ading and writing, whe re the flow is
from le ft to right. By contrast, Arabs and He bre w spe ake rs te nd to have
the past on the right, while Mandarin spe ake rs have the past high up and
the future low down on a ve rtical time line . Unde rstanding your
audie nce ’s time line visualisation can be ve ry important if you want to be
cle ar and e asy to unde rstand.
If, like me , you will be spe aking almost e xclusive ly in English to pe ople
who re ad from le ft to right, ple ase be ar in mind that you and the audie nce
are facing in opposite dire ctions. This me ans that, as the y look at the
stage , the ir time line goe s from past on your right to future on your left .
You will make pe ople rathe r uncomfortable if you re tain your natural
time line and talk about the future with a ge sture to your right (which will
be the ir le ft). I am so use d to this now that I’ve e sse ntially re ve rse d my
own time line , and instinctive ly indicate to the right whe n I talk about
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past and the le ft whe n I talk about future .
The same applie s for good-bad, proble m-solution, broke n-fixe d or any
othe r e motionally we ighte d continuum. I sugge st that you anchor the m
all the same way for yourse lf so that you don’t confuse pe ople . To your
right will be past, bad, proble m, old, broke n, illne ss, darkne ss, difficulty
and so on. To your le ft will be future , good, solution, ne w, fixe d, he alth,
light, e ase and so on. I find that this consiste ncy he lps: it fe e ls rathe r
strange to the audie nce if you talk about a proble m with a le ft-hand
ge sture whe n you have just indicate d the future with the same hand,
though of course the spe cifics of what you anchor, whe re , are e ntire ly up
to you.
This anchoring isn’t confine d to ge sture s: you can move gradually from
one side of the stage (your right) to the othe r (your le ft) if you’re
de live ring a spe e ch that starts with a proble m and e nds with the solution,
or if you are pre se nting some thing you want pe ople to buy. You can
anchor props or particular place s on stage , too. For e xample , we cove re d
the importance of storyte lling in Chapte r 5: if you te ll a lot of storie s, you
might do what I do in my longe r se minars, and have a storyte lling stool.
Afte r a while , pe ople forge the association be twe e n the chair and the
storie s, so the mome nt I sit in the stool I can se nse pe ople le aning
forward slightly and me taphorically curling up in anticipation of anothe r
tale .
The most important thing is to be consiste nt in your anchoring. Pe ople
will make associations, and it’s part of your job to make sure that the y are
cle ar, accurate and congrue nt with what you’re trying to communicate ,
and not confusing, me ssy or distracting.
COMMON ERRORS
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Le t’s e nd with a fe w of the mistake s I have se e n pe ople make most ofte n. I
hope this short list he lps you to ste p ove r the pitfalls and de live r
brilliantly.
Speaking to the screen
As we ’ve note d, this be come s te mpting if you use bulle ts, and e spe cially if
you don’t have a comfort monitor. The answe r? If you’re going to use
slide s, always have a comfort monitor or Pre se nte r Vie w in front of you.
If you ne e d to ge sture to the scre e n, do it without turning around; at
worst, half-turn so you can point with one hand whilst ke e ping e ye
contact with the audie nce . Turning you back on your audie nce is simply
rude .
Not looking at the audience
This is incre dibly common. Some pe ople habitually stare ove r the he ads
of the audie nce as the y spe ak; some like to re ad writing from a le cte rn
and simply forge t to look up; othe rs can’t ge t the ir e ye s off the floor. All 3
habits are ve ry disconce rting for the audie nce , who start wonde ring if
the y’ve done some thing to offe nd the spe ake r! Ple ase use vide o to che ck
your e ye contact. It is dramatically e masculating for a spe ake r to fail to
look at the pe ople he or she is spe aking to. If you have any one of the se
habits, it is critical to train yourse lf out of it by using vide o, frie nds and if
ne e d be a profe ssional coach.
Lack of variation
It’s all too e asy to ge t into a rhythm whe n spe aking. This be come s a form
of se lf-hypnosis, whe re one goe s into one ’s comfort zone and lose s full
consciousne ss. The cade nce s start to re pe at; the volume le ve l ge ts fixe d
within narrow margins; the pace be come s e asy and uniform, like a long-
distance run. That may be comfortable for the spe ake r, but it will se nd
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the audie nce into a trance -like state not far from sle e p (and possibly re al
sle e p in some case s!). A talk de live re d without variation is like a billiard
ball: uniform, fe ature le ss and e ntire ly unme morable . We ne e d valle ys to
cre ate mountains and darkne ss to have light; a good talk will have
te nsions in it, contours and colours that make it me morable . Make sure
you stay conscious e ve ry se cond. Inte ntionally vary your pace , volume ,
prosody, pitch and body language . Use sile nce to gre at e ffe ct. Pre pare
the se change s if ne e d be , and make note s to re mind yourse lf of de live ry
variation, not to go-to sle e p and le t the talk be come automatic.
Tics
Many pe ople have characte ristic habits whe n spe aking. On stage or in
front of a group, the se may be come acce ntuate d or obvious, in which case
the y qualify as a spe aking tic. This can be ve rbal or physical. Common
ve rbal tics include “You know what I me an?”, “Um”, “Ah”, “Er”, and any
oft-re pe ate d word. The latte r is hard to bre ak: some time s words lodge in
our brains and be come what the audio branding community call
‘e arworms’ – things that rattle round in our he ads like an annoying pie ce
of music, and spill out unconsciously, ofte n much to our own annoyance .
The word ‘just’ can be like that for me : ofte n, afte r training pe ople on the
importance of avoiding it I find it tripping out of my mouth e ve ry othe r
se nte nce . It some time s se e ms to have a mind of its own! Many time s in
my life , hype rbole has infe cte d my spe e ch – e ve rything sudde nly be come s
‘fantastic’ for a fe w days, for e xample , or I find myse lf indicating approval
with a mindle ss phrase like “Good good!” Slightly annoying in normal
life , the se things can be de vastating on stage as the audie nce starts
counting your usage .
Physical tics can be e ve n more distracting. The y may include swaying
from side to side , alte rnating le aning on one hip the n the othe r, little
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continuous walks around and around, or re gularly walking from one
place to anothe r for no particular re ason. The y all share the same
ne gative prope rty: the y distract from what you are saying.
Che ckin re gularly using vide o or frie nds’ e ye s to make sure you have n’t
de ve lope d any annoying or distracting tics. Re me mbe r the joy of be ing
comple te ly conscious whe n you’re spe aking (and liste ning). Tics are a
gre at indication that you’ve going to sle e p again.
Overtime
We discusse d this at le ngth e arlie r in this chapte r, but I make no apology
for me ntioning it again. If this is some one e lse ’s e ve nt, going ove r is
simply rude , not only to your host but also to the pe rson due to spe ak
afte r you. Use your Pre se nte r vie w clock if the ve nue doe sn’t give you one .
If it’s your e ve nt, make sure you have fe e dback from a clock or supporte r.
If you are going to go ove rtime for some unavoidable re ason, stop and ask
pe rmission the mome nt you re alise it. You may find pe ople are fine with a
fe w more minute s, but it’s arrogant to make that assumption without
asking.
Rushing off
The most common thing I adjust whe n I’m training pe ople is the ir
te nde ncy to dive off stage the mome nt the ir last word is de live re d. If the
audie nce is going to applaud, stand and take it! Many of us fe e l
uncomfortable be ing affirme d like this, e spe cially if we don’t e ncounte r
an audie nce ve ry ofte n. It is rude to rush off whe n pe ople are trying to say
thank you. It’s polite to honour the ir affirmation, without of course going
ove r the top and looking arrogant or milking the approbation. Simply
stand and look happy; nod if you like ; some time s I have clappe d the
audie nce back if the y’ve be e n particularly re sponsive . Don’t ove rstay your
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we lcome : usually a fe w se conds of nodding and smiling is e nough, and
the applause will fade as you disappe ar from vie w, job done .
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In cl osing
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C ON SC IOU SN ESS
As we re ach the e nd of this journe y through spe aking and liste ning, you
won’t be surprise d to find this word again; it’s croppe d up many time s
throughout this book.
Powe rful spe aking and liste ning both re quire you to be fully conscious.
We do pe ople a disse rvice whe n we liste n without comple te atte ntion; just
in the same way, most of the bad talks I’ve se e n in my life have be e n
de live re d by pe ople who we nt unconscious about what the y we re doing,
or faile d to pre pare consciously.
Whe the r you’re standing in front of one pe rson, a room of 8 pe ople or an
auditorium of 8 hundre d, you own it to the m (and to yourse lf) to be fully
conscious. That include s how you stand, whe re you look, the e xpre ssions
on your face , your ge sture s, your words and your use of all the tools in
your vocal toolbox.
It’s a wonde rful practice to e le vate your le ve l of aware ne ss, be coming
comple te ly mindful of what you are doing. We spe nd so much of our time
half asle e p, be ing se duce d and anae sthe tise d by scre e ns and othe r
distractions, that opportunitie s to bre ak those shackle s and be fully
conscious, far from be ing things to fe ar and dre ad, are in fact pre cious
doorways that allow us to e xpe rie nce living at a ne w le ve l.
I strongly re comme nd that you practice the art of public spe aking for this
re ason if no othe r, be cause it’s in the crucible of that activity that you will
fe e l most scrutinise d and judge d, which will push you to make e xtra e ffort
to be conscious. I since re ly hope that the e xe rcise s throughout the book,
and your practice of public spe aking, will e le vate your natural le ve l of
mindfulne ss in both spe aking and liste ning.
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I be lie ve that spe aking and liste ning consciously and we ll will transform
your outcome s in life – and it is also the only way we can achie ve gre ate r
unde rstanding in the world. Both of the se are prize s worth striving for. I
wish you we ll in achie ving the m.
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Pandafinish